Disclaimer: Completely new disclaimer for a completely new chapter. But not completely new content. We don't own anything. So if you don't mind, please hold your pitchforks and flaming torches to the end of the tour. BEEP! Thank you. big cheesy smiles
A.N. Hellooo, helloooo, helloooooo! Welcome to the Mad House, situated in Crazy Town! (Yes, we saw A Series of Unfortunate Events! It rox!!!) Your guides today will be Sweetdeath04, Thorney and our mystery guest, who, for a one off, will be assisting us in the writing of this chapter! Try and guess who it is! We'll tell you later. (And yes we have over run the deadline so YELL AT US!!!!! Later……)
A Different Kind of Abduction
Han sat up to stop himself choking on his own pillow. With a jolt of realisation, he noticed that the ship was no longer moving.
He sprang out of bed to find out what was happening. Running to the cockpit he stopped at the door to find no one there. He spun around a few times, still finding no-one. He was completely confused. What was going on? He didn't like this eerie feeling of being alone. Not everyone could just vanish into thin air. What was that kid teaching them? He whimpered, thinking no-one could see or hear him.
"Aw, is poor wittle Han getting scared?" Luke had suddenly appeared from nowhere and was standing in the doorway grinning.
Han tried to act cool. "What have you guys done to my ship?"
"Uh, we landed it, in case you haven't noticed."
"That it is a her."
"Wow, I didn't know you could tell the difference between boy ships and girl ships. I didn't even know there were girl ships and boy ships." He looked around thoughtfully. "Why do they need genders? It's not like they can breed or anything."
"All ships are girls." Han rolled his eyes as if this was the most obvious thing in the galaxy, which to him it was. He stroked the side of the Falcon's control panel lovingly.
Luke somehow managed to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Lando jogged up the ramp, looking as sexy as ever. (A.N. This is Sweetdeath04. Thorney and our special mystery guest, hint, hint, had nothing to do with it!)
"It was you, wasn't it? I should have known."
"What? Didn't you like my parking job?"
"Man, Lando, you can't keep your hands off my wife and now you're starting on my ship! Why, oh why do you torment me so?"
"Because I'm your best friend, it's my job!"
"When did this come about?"
"Just now!"
Han sighed. "Fine, fine," He really couldn't be bothered arguing with Lando now. Well, not this early in the morning anyway. What time was it anyway?
Han voiced his query, and the only reply he got was, "Late". Grumbling about unhelpful friends and difficult relatives, he made his way to the cockpit. When he got there he stared out at Commenor. Even though he'd been there too many times to count, it never ceased to stun him how much Commenor reminded him of Mos Eisley. It had the same shapes of buildings and everything seemed to be made out of mud and straw. It had bars that looked as if the drinks would either evaporate, go mouldy or burn holes in your stomach lining.
Well, it wasn't perfect but it was sure better than returning home to Corellia. He had unpleasant memories of that place.
Lando, who had followed Han into the cockpit, put a voice to Han's opinion. "This place is the pits!"
"Exactly," Han turned around in his seat. "Which is why no-one is allowed to leave the ship unless they're on business for me."
Lando looked at him and said cautiously, "By no-one you mean Leia, don't you?"
Han said nothing, just scowled and left.
…..
"I'm an adult Han! I can do what I want!" Leia protested fiercely.
Han sighed and said slowly, as though talking to as small child, "But I'm your husband. Besides," he added foolishly, "everyone knows that males are the dominant gender."
Leia was too angry to speak. Instead she glared daggers at him, with enough venom to kill a gundark. Sensing that she wasn't going to listen to his command Han quickly invented a story, "Um……I…I've programmed……Threepio……to……Um….kill anyone who…. uh….decides to……disobey my wishes?" It sounded more like a question than a statement.
"Please explain to your ignorant wife, how Threepio is going to kill someone?" Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.
"Um…." Han paused to think. "Bore the offenders to death?"
"No I mean…..he isn't with us anymore!"
"Ahhhh, but he'll always be with us in spirit!" said Lando in a slightly morbid voice, as he came round a corner
"Are you following me everywhere today?" Han asked.
'Not anymore,' groaned Chewie as he came into view, 'We're going shopping now.'
Han almost shivered, "Ok, be as quick as you can, and send Chewie back when you find stuff."
"Alright, I know some people round here," Lando headed for the ramp, "Shouldn't be too long. Be a good girl Leia!" he didn't see her blush, because he and Chewie had already strolled down the ramp and away into the mass of the city.
Han turned back to Leia and pointed the finger or authority at her. "Don't leave the ship under any circumstances, otherwise we might fly off without you!" He was only half joking.
With that he turned and sped away in the direction of nowhere. Leia felt her 'gentle' spirit being crushed. The thing she wanted to do was get off this blasted ship! She herself started off in the direction of nowhere. Then, suddenly, her wrist was grabbed from behind and a hand flew over her mouth.
She didn't even try to scream when she found herself face to face with one Wedge Antilles. He gently lifted his hand off her mouth and let her speak.
"Why aren't you with the other fixing the ship?"
Wedge shrugged lightly and in reply to her question said, "They said that they didn't trust me. And they also said some thing about, 'holding up the rescue operation more than I already have'. Can't imagine why though."
"Right…."said Leia pretending to sympathise, "What do you want? And was with the 'pulling me into the shadows' gig?
Wedge grinned, "I've just always wanted to do that…especially to a princess." Leia was strongly reminded of Han.
"What do you want?" she repeated.
Wedge grinned even more widely, leaned close and whispered something in her ear. When he stepped back he had a devious smirk on his face. Leia didn't know whether to be shocked, appalled, just plain scared or whether to warm to the idea.
A dazed look came over her face as she imagined a little angel appear on her left shoulder, and to her amazement, it looked very similar to Luke. It sounded like him too, well, Luke crossed with Threepio.
'No! You mustn't! That would be disloyal to your Mast- I mean, husband!' The angel had an almost scandalous look on its face.
But almost immediately after the Luke looking angel had appeared, a devil appeared on her right shoulder. This one looked like Darth Vader and sounded like him, complete with breathing. But was that a hint of Han?
'Whhhhhoooooo Ppppppaaaaaaaaa. Don't listen to him! Whhhhoooooo Pppppppaaaaaaa. He doesn't know anything! How could he? He's wearing a dress and fairy wings!!!'
'At least I can breathe on my own!' retorted the angel. 'I have enough intelligence to do that! Remember Leia, disobedience is of the Dark Side!'
The devil replied to that comment with verbal violence. 'And if she listened to your advise all the time she'd be sitting at home serving her husband and his friends tea and cakes and wearing a flowery apron that says something like "The Dog, The Woman and the Chestnut tree. The harder you beat them the better they be"!'
The angel shook his head sadly. 'Not all fun has good consequences. You're husband had fun and he gambled away your children! You don't want to turn out like that, do you dearie?'
'There are no more kids to gamble away!' exclaimed the Vader/Han devil.
'Well, there is Anakin. But no one really cares about him!'
It was the angels comment about Anakin that made up her mind for her. Damn Luke's angel side. She was going to listen to her personal devil!
Shaking her head and coming back to the real world she noticed Wedge was giving her a funny look.
"Well?" he said.
Leia nodded vigorously while thinking, 'This certainly is a different kind of abduction!'
Wedge took her hand and slowly led her down the ramp.
A.N. Okay, we've over run our deadline, yell at us. So, did you enjoy your tour of the Mad House? Again, this and the next chapter were originally going to be one, but this got too long. How many times had that happened now? Three million?
Anyway, did you guess who our Mystery Guest was? Well, (drum roll please) it was MistyRiver!!!! Please check out her account (which you can't find on Search) if you like her work, eg.' "Man, Lando, you can't keep your hands off my wife and now you're starting on my ship! Why, oh why do you torment me so?"'
So, our new deadline is Easter. Wish us luck and we're sorry it took so long to update but Thorney had been away all Christmas.
Sweetdeath04 glares evilly at Thorney.
Thorney and Sweetdeath04
