Disclaimer: We don't own Star Wars or anything related to it, OK? Don't sue.

Spaltering Jedi

"Leia!" Han called; he had been running round the Falcon looking for his wife and had been unsuccessful, "Leia! Leia!"

"Wedge! Wed- AHH!"

SMACK! Luke ran suddenly around a corner, headlong into Han. Both of them cried out and fell backwards.

Han got up quickly, but Luke remained flat on his back on the floor.

"You know," he said thoughtfully, "I think I've fallen down more times on this 'trip' than I have in the rest of my life."

Han gave him a gentle kick, then pulled him to his feet asking, "Why were you running?"

"I wasn't running, Han. I was spaltering!"

"Splatter…What?"

"Spaltering! You know…"

Luke took a few steps back then started running, half doubled over, arms propelling him through the air, legs flying out behind him. Han thought he looked as if he was going to fall flat on his face but was doing his best to prevent it.

Han raised an eyebrow, his arms across his chest.

"Hey! Jedi don't need to be up tight all the time."

"Right…" Han was aware that more of Luke's 'Farmboyishness' had come out on this journey than it had in a long time, "So why were you 'spaltering' then?"

"I was looking for Wedge," Luke said brightly, "I haven't seen him in a while and we know what kind of trouble he can get into without adult supervision!"

Han smiled, "Well I was looking for Leia. I haven't seen her in a while eith…er…"

He looked up at Luke, "You've searched the entire ship for Wedge, have you?"

Luke was starting to look worried, "Well, yeah but I didn't see Leia either as a matter of fact……"

Both were staring at each other with looks of now complete horror on their faces.

"You go that way! I go this way!"

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was apparent, even after only five minutes of searching that the Falcon had not under gone a good spring clean in quite a few decades. They found half eaten and decomposing meals in the strangest places, travel brochures for Ylesia and Endor and even a Minok skeleton in one of the upper rooms. They also found hidden compartments that Han didn't even remember having.

"What other secret compartments do you have?" Luke yelled to Han, who was in another room.

Han turned to the wall that Luke was on the other side of and screamed in a high pitched voice, "I DON'T KNOW!" as he waved his hands wildly.

Eventually, the two men met up in one of the rooms in the Falcon that was completely jammed full of junk. They were so desperate to find even the slightest hint of where the two runaways had gone, that they were looking in the most absurd places, like inside the fridge.

Han began to dig inside an enormous chest while Luke searched another.

He pulled the top off so he could look inside. On the very top was a picture of a girl with red hair. He didn't notice the name scribbled on the back, Bria Tharen.

Without looking he brandished it over shoulder at Han, "Who's this?"

Han snatched the picture away and stuffed it in his own box, "Don't want to talk about it."

Luke found several other pictures of himself, Leia, Lando, Chewie, the children and even one of deceased arch nemesis, Boba Fett. He then found one huge one of them at Endor. Luke remembered it being taken by Wedge after the Death Star had been destroyed and the Emperor had been defeated.

He found items which told the long and familiar story of the time he had known Han;

He found a stormtrooper belt, that Luke realized was the one that Han had been wearing when they had rescued Leia from the first Death Star.

The medal that he had won at the Battle of Yavin. Luke was surprised that Han hadn't sold it in a desperate attempt to make money.

A wampa tooth that hung from a chain, and a metal leg that said Probe droid: Imperial Standard. Luke was sure it was the one that Han had 'blown up' while on Hoth.

Luke noticed there was nothing from Cloud City, but he supposed that Lando was Han's biggest souvenir.

And then…..

"HAN! Why did you keep this?"

Han turned around to see, Luke holding up the slave suit that Leia had been forced to wear while she was made to be a dancer for Jabba. A dreamy expression came over Han's face.

"Oh I dunno why I kept that," his eyes glazed over as if he was thinking about something else.

Luke threw the costume at Han who caught it, folded it as if it was a precious artifact, and put it in the other chest.

Luke returned to his rummaging. He pulled out another item of clothing, a blue cape that clearly belonged to a general of the rebel alliance. Luke grinned, Lando had once owned a cape just like that…

His suspicions that the cape was stolen were confirmed when he spotted the name tag that read, LANDO CALRISSIAN. He doubted if it would ever return to its rightful owner.

Luke almost stabbed himself with the broken end of an Ewok spear which was half embedded in a stormtrooper helmet.

He extracted a broken gun with a gold chain encrusted with dazzling jewels. Luke was positive he had seen this exact chain on the Hapen Prince Isolder a few years ago. It looked extremely expensive and Luke was sure that Han hadn't bought it from the prince and that it hadn't been one of the many wedding presents they had received.

By this point Han had left the room to double check and re-double-check every room, but Luke was captivated by the last few items in the 'memories trunk'.

An Imperial uniform with the insignias ripped off it. Luke was almost nervous as he lifted it out of the trunk. On the collar was written, Property of Privet Solo and the whole thing looked well lived in.

"I did not see this, I did not see this…" Luke was not aware that he had been holding his breath while he examined the uniform. He gulped and dropped it into the trunk as if it was a poisonous snake.

Something fluttered out of one of the selves. Luke frowned and picked up the three photographs.

The first was of Han, complete with uniform, looking smart and almost professional with the Imperial crest on his chest.

The second photo seemed to have a much more relaxed atmosphere. It showed Han in the centre with about ten other people, all of them in Imperial uniform standing around him. They were all grinning and, Luke noticed, they were all young. Han looked about twenty and he was one of the oldest.

The third and last picture caught Luke's interest more than the others.

It showed Han and a slightly older man, who Luke had seen in the second photo. They were in their uniforms and were both grinning mischievously.

Luke flipped it over and on the back was written Me (Mako Spince) and The Kid (Han Solo). It was in a hand that definitely wasn't Han's

Luke turned it over again. The two men looked like best friends, but the Force told him that was long ago forgotten and buried in a past Han rarely mentioned.

Suddenly, Luke heard footsteps coming back to ward the room. He hastily threw the pictures back into the chest and slammed it shut. And then he saw it. The small pouch on the lid of the trunk. His curiosity overtook him and he ripped it open. Without even looking and what he was taking he grabbed the contents and pocketed it.

Han came into the room. He was smiling triumphantly and holding up a leaflet which showed a local bar.

All Han said was, "Got him," it was all he needed to say.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"I found it in Wedge's room, "Han said as the pair rushed toward the ramp of the Falcon, "I mean, think about it. Bored Pilot finds out about a bar and goes out to have a good time with MY WIFE!"

"And," Luke continued, taking the leaflet from Han, "It says here that if you bring a lady with you, you get in half price!"

"That……Ugh!" Han growled.

Luke strolled down the ramp as soon as Han opened it, but Han himself paused. He knew it wasn't the moment, time or place, but he HAD to try it.

Doubling himself up he spread out his arms and propelled himself forward down the ramp, his legs flaying out behind him. In a bad but a definite spalter he quietly caught up with his brother-in-law, being careful that Luke didn't see him.

Han straightened up and came level with Luke. He didn't need to see what Han had just done. Luke's Jedi senses told him everything.

"See!" he said cheerfully. "It's not that difficult, is it!"

A.N. This chapter is dedicated to the Young Farmers Club which Sweetdeath04 attends. In their Arts Festival there was a guy wearing a kilt who spaltered on stage. Sweetdeath04 has just shown Thorney how to spalter. Thorney, what do you have to say?

Thorney: Spaltering is SO MUCH FUN! You HAVE to try it dudes!

And that's her opinion.

We're still aiming for Easter as our deadline but it looks as if we're not going to get this finished by then. The other thing is that we are aiming for one hundred reviews for this story, so tell your friends about us and a review for every chapter would be greatly appreciated.

We were going to write this in America but we didn't have time. If you wanna know the precise details read Diaries of a Dark Lord and check out the A.N. at the end of chapter two.

Updates may be few and far between each as we have 'important' exams coming up in less than two weeks. But stay loyal folks!

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far and don't hesitate to do so again!

By the way, the picture Luke found in the chest of them all on Endor is the last shot at the end of RotJ. The reason Wedge took the picture was because Thorney wouldn't stop nagging about how she thought Wedge should be in it too so we gave him the excuse of being behind the camera at the time!

Til next time!

Sweetdeath04 and Thorney