Violence warning for this one – demons eating and all…
Sanemi wasn't stupid. Driven? Yes. Hard-working? Sure. Angry? Well, who wouldn't be after living his life? Impulsive? Eh… sometimes. Maybe. But he was not stupid.
He felt stupid now though. Not that he'd admit that aloud. Ever. But that gnawing pain in his stomach that relentlessly drove him to want to consume everyone around him…
How was that kid still sane?
How was any demon still sane?
He paused for just a moment at that and realized what he'd thought. Scratch that. He'd known demons were driven by hunger. He hadn't realized (couldn't have realized) the depths of the madness that hunger could drive demons to, but the actions of all demons made a lot more sense now. More than he would have liked to ever understand.
And this wasn't even as bad as it could be. He could remember how he had felt when he'd initially been transformed, as blurry as those memories were, his recollection of the hunger remained. Nothing had mattered above finding something to eat. Well, except not angering Kamado… for reasons he really didn't want to think about right now. Or ever. Because Sanemi wasn't subservient. To anyone. He'd served Oyakata-sama out of respect and choice, and could leave that commitment at any time. He'd known that… and it honestly made all the difference.
Because now, he couldn't…
Nope. Think of something else.
A pang shooting through his stomach had him grimacing, but he pushed on, continuing to lead the trek towards the Water Cultivator's home. The darkness of near midnight did nothing to diminish his eyesight so it made sense for him to lead. He pushed the knowledge that either Kamado sibling knew the way far better than he ever would and one of them had just as good of eyesight aside.
The truth was, however, if he stayed ahead of them, he couldn't smell them as much and his mouth wouldn't water. He wouldn't have to interact with anyone and they wouldn't see his weakness. He was barely holding himself back from attacking them.
And he wasn't sure he could hold himself back if they came across a demon. Was his hunger getting stronger again? He swallowed, and the sense of his strangely-shaped tongue just reinforced the entire situation…
He hated it.
No, he loathed it.
And… he'd also begun to feel very differently towards every demon he'd ever killed… up to and including his mother. Because this was no way to live. Killing them truly had been a mercy. It was yet another thing he'd known but not truly understood.
He sensed someone coming up behind him and stiffened. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now… or ever again, really. He'd always preferred to work alone on missions and now that he was… Well, the change hadn't exactly helped that.
He took a deep breath and willed his mind away from the hunger. It was either that or run. (And since he had nowhere to run to….)
It didn't work very well, but it would have to do for now.
"So," came the quiet drawl of his fellow Pillar. Ah, Iguro. He was not looking forward to this conversation.
"Get lost."
A snort. "I see becoming a demon hasn't changed your personality much."
Sanemi grit his teeth. Part of him wanted to turn around and yell at the younger man – it was what he would have done as a human, after all. However, such aggressive action would have different consequences now and he knew any rash actions may very well start a fight he didn't think any of them could truly afford at the moment, so he bit his tongue.
Literally.
Which was a bad idea because tasting even his own demon blood only seemed to make his hunger worse, despite tasting as terrible as blood ever did as a human.
So he walked on.
Iguro must have realized that wasn't what he would normally do, because he commented… almost thoughtfully. "Huh. Maybe you did change some."
Oh, more than some. And he absolutely despised his fellow Pillar for bringing that up. It was like he wanted to take Sanemi's (horrendous) situation and dance on it. With spiked geta. And salt.
"What do you want?" he growled (literally at one point… ugh).
Iguro seemed to think about that for a moment before he finally spoke. "Shinobu wasn't sure you could control yourself. Can you?"
Heh. Straight to the point. He could appreciate that. He also recognized that Iguro was scoping out the threat level. Despite the situation, Sanemi approved. Which was why he answered truthfully.
"For now."
He could practically hear a frown in the other's voice as he spoke. "How long does that 'for now' last?"
Sanemi snorted. "Like I know."
A huff of exasperation. "Are we talking days? Weeks? Months? Minutes?"
The Wind Pillar frowned. "Not minutes." He felt his lips tighten in… worry? Anger? Frustration? … Fear? Some unholy combination thereof? "Could be days or weeks. I don't know."
They walked in relative silence for several seconds before the newer Pillar spoke again. "Is it really that bad?"
Sanemi actually laughed that time, albeit mirthlessly. "Oh, it's worse."
"The hunger or the demonic instincts?"
The Wind Pillar felt his nails dig into the palms of his hands… which just made the air scent with blood which did not help him right now. Thankfully, it was the scent of his own blood which didn't smell appealing in the slightest, so there was that at least.
Focus on that.
"Both."
More silence.
Then Sanemi heard himself talking again… unsure as to why.
"There's no way to describe it," he muttered quietly. Then he ran his new tongue (already healed) over his pointed teeth. "I know hunger. With how I grew up, how could I not? Sometimes we went without food for days. It was rare, but it happened."
Had he always sounded this… bitter? Yeah, probably. When he wasn't angry, in any case. But anger had been his default for so long because it was easy. And a good motivator. But he couldn't rely on it now because it would be too easy to lose control. There were times where if he so much as swore, it would just send everything crashing down… he could tell.
He probably hated that most of all.
It felt like being a demon had taken an integral part of who he was away from him.
"But no matter how hungry I got, it never came close to this."
He looked over at the Serpent Pillar, his new eyesight making it easy to read the other man's expression in the dark.
"Demons are all mad because this hunger drives them there." He snorted and looked back at the path ahead of them. "That and they have Muzan in their head." At least he didn't have that. No matter how many problems he had with Kamado, even he couldn't deny he had it infinitely better than most other demons. And right now, he'd take what he could get.
Another long stretch of silence fell between them, broken only by the soft, up-beat chatter of the people – the children – behind them.
"Do you want me to kill you?" Iguro asked.
Sanemi almost gasped and wasn't sure why he'd had that reaction because it certainly wasn't out of shock. He looked over to Iguro, realizing the man had been utterly serious.
And he considered it; seriously considered it. Because he wasn't sure how long he could fight this hunger and the madness it wanted to drive him to, whether he gave in or not. He wasn't sure when he would break… when he wouldn't be able to stand it anymore. And he wasn't stupid enough to think he wouldn't break. He still didn't know how Kamado could do it for as long as he had. It was… mind-blowing.
Once again seeing the seriousness in the other Pillar's eyes, he also felt a wave of gratitude knowing that someone else was there, watching him. Someone else who could stop him if he went too far. Someone else who had likely offered out of concern for him just as much as he'd had concern for everyone else.
It was a load off of his mind and he suddenly felt lighter for it.
Which was why he let out one, single chuckle and smiled. Well… kind of. Shinazugawa Sanemi didn't smile… not nicely. He'd always seen it as a weakness. But he was sure Iguro would understand the half-smirk that appeared on his face.
"Not yet," he answered. "I'm still of use to the Corps, right now." Detrimental to his own brother and… well, basically everyone else, but if he could somehow help bring down Muzan and his ilk like this, well… maybe it would be worth it. Barely.
Maybe.
Iguro nodded. "Let me know if you change your mind."
Sanemi nodded back. "I will."
The silence that followed felt far more companionable than any he'd experienced in… a long time. Maybe ever.
The forest around them fell silent as they approached, then picked up after they moved on, the creatures likely sensing the demons somehow. The crescent moon gave very little light, and thus the stars were out in full force, with the exception of some clouds here and there blocking a couple of constellations.
Sanemi rarely paid attention to the stars. It was kind of a pity.
"Do you trust the kid?" Iguro asked suddenly.
Sanemi blinked at him, unsure as to how to answer that. He had so many conflicting opinions about Kamado he wasn't sure he could answer it… but Iguro sounded like he needed an insider's view point.
The worst part was, Sanemi wasn't sure what he wanted Iguro's decision to be. Not anymore.
Well, if the other man just got more confused along the way, it was his own fault for asking Sanemi at all.
"He prioritized me," the Wind Pillar practically whispered, eyes ahead again, lost in the memory of the flames around him and knowing he was dead and then being carried away as he struggled to stay alive… "My life was more important to him than taking out the Number One Demon – Muzan's right-hand. After everything he must have gone through, he still chose me.
"And he didn't even like me." He paused and then snorted softly. "The feeling was mutual – still is in a lot of ways – and I'd…"
He actually stopped as he realized something.
Kamado hadn't just been resisting eating everyone around him, but he'd been able to resist attacking Sanemi as a human… who'd had merechi blood… who had been openly and constantly bleeding… for hours. Sanemi wasn't sure he'd last a single second.
He swore; quietly, but he put in just about every word he knew that would be remotely offensive for good measure.
He was glad now wasn't one of those times he had to keep a perfect reign on his anger in case he triggered his demonic instincts.
"What was that about?" Iguro asked once Sanemi had quieted again.
The demon took a deep breath and finally continued walking on, thankful that no one behind them had mentioned anything. He and the Serpent Pillar weren't that far ahead… but apparently it had been enough.
"On the way to the Final Selection area, I made sure I was constantly bleeding, in small ways, of course. Nothing too big. But I was convinced I'd wear him down and he'd attack me."
He could practically sense Iguro's eyebrow raising. "He didn't, I assume."
"No," Sanemi growled. He'd never met someone with a will like that before. The more he learned about Kamado, the more terrifying he became.
"I'm guessing you'd attack a merechi?" Iguro asked.
Sanemi snorted self-deprecatingly. "I'm not sure I'd even remember anything after smelling regular human blood."
"Hmm," Iguro said, once again thoughtful, if maybe a little troubled. Sanemi glanced over at him only to see him looking over his shoulder at the group behind them.
He'd asked.
"I don't like the kid," Sanemi said. "He doesn't like me. Not really. No matter how he acts. He's a self-righteous, hypocritical brat that has a hard time seeing more than two feet in front of his face."
"But…" Iguro pressed.
The Wind Pillar deflated a little. "But… I trust him." It felt like he'd had to pry the words out of his mouth. They tasted disgusting on his tongue. "I hate that I do – he's a demon." Well, so was Sanemi, but the point still stood. "Thing is… he saved me. I hate what he did to me, but I get why he did it, and it wasn't to hurt me or anyone else."
"You respect him," Iguro muttered, surprised.
Sanemi winced and then let out a sigh. "Yeah. I do."
The white-haired demon shook his head, laughing wryly. "I'm not even sure Kamado's still sane." He glanced over his shoulder at the brat, who was laughing at something his sister had said. "He's just… not mad in the normal way demons are."
"Hmm," Iguro said again. Then he nodded. "Thank you for speaking with me."
Sanemi sighed and waved his hand through the air. "Yeah, whatever."
The Serpent Pillar snorted.
They didn't say anything else for the rest of the night.
xXx
Obanai hadn't been expecting Kamado to approach him, especially not with an extremely serious, determined expression on his face.
"Kamado," he said slowly, warily.
"Sanemi's getting hungry," the boy started grimly. "He hasn't had nearly enough time to sleep for his body to get used to…" he paused and glanced over at the white-haired demon, "this." He turned his gaze back on the Serpent Pillar. "It's already pushing him and I'm not sure how long we have until he snaps and attacks the nearest human or demon. I have two suggestions. One: We get him to sleep. One of us carries him more or less the rest of the way and then we put him into a room and let him sleep until he wakes up naturally.
"Two: We go hunting for demons for him to eat."
Obanai had jumped a little at the word 'hunting' and it took him a moment to remember that Kamado and "his demons" could eat Muzan's demons for food. What a strange and extremely disturbing ability.
The Serpent Pillar's eyes narrowed as a question rose in his mind. "Why are you talking to me about it and not Shinazugawa-san?"
"Because I want to know that you're okay with accompanying us if he decides on the latter."
Right, because he'd have to accompany them as per his orders. The idea did not appeal. And yet, it was better than the alternative.
So he nodded, albeit hesitantly. "Whatever he decides, I'll deal with."
Kamado seemed relieved as he nodded. "Thank you, Iguro-san. We should probably speak with him as soon as we can."
Obanai shrugged. "How about now?"
The boy smiled, his large, sharp teeth glinting in the moonlight. Obanai managed to suppress a shudder then followed the Sun Pillar as he turned and approached the white-haired demon.
"What do you want?" Shinazugawa practically growled, looking more like a caged animal than a human for a moment. It was eye-opening. Obanai hadn't known the Wind Pillar well before, but those times he'd had to interact, the man hadn't been nearly this… aggressive? No. He'd definitely been this aggressive but in a more controlled – almost nonchalant – way. So, perhaps feral? Yes. That fit. He hadn't been this feral.
"Kamado here says you're going to snap soon." It was… disconcerting because when he'd spoken to the Wind Pillar the previous night, he'd seemed far more stable. Seeing him degenerate so rapidly concerned him.
"Yeah, what of it?" Shinazugawa didn't quite yell, but he certainly didn't hide the threat in his words either.
"You can either sleep or eat," Obanai said with a shrug. In his ear, Kaburamaru hissed in warning as the demon they were confronting drew in on himself, not in defense, but in preparation to attack.
Kamado had pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered something under his breath before stepping in between the two Pillars. Then he addressed Shinazugawa, leaving his back completely open to Obanai. The show of trust (or arrogance? He didn't think so…) surprised him.
"If you want to sleep, that's fine. One of us can carry you the whole way. That's how I carried my sister when she became a demon. We can find a box for you to sleep in if you'd like. The biggest problem, though…" he paused and glanced back at Obanai, and then past him at the three other children who were speaking in their own huddle as they set up camp for the night. "The first time my sister slept, it was for two years straight. To be fair, we couldn't wake her up. And she slept constantly after that too. The first time I slept straight through, it was for three years, and I was on a normal sleep schedule after that. Thing is, the way everything is escalating, Muzan will likely attack the Corps within the year."
No one spoke at that. One didn't have to be a genius to put the implications together.
After several seconds, Kamado continued. "The other alternative… well… you have to eat something, or your body will force you to. It's better if you do it on your terms or you will have no control over who you attack."
Shinazugawa's anger had melted off of his face into a cool stoicism that didn't really seem like him at all. But Obanai heard of how the Wind Pillar got when pushed too far though… He tended to get very quiet before he exploded, like the eye of a storm, or the calm before a storm.
It felt like an eternity before the white-haired demon finally spoke, his voice shaking but restrained.
"It's happened to you."
Kamado winced and looked down in shame. "Yes. Too often." Obanai studied the younger demon. He looked genuinely pained because of that admission – ashamed of his past. Not that the Serpent Pillar could blame him.
Shinazugawa, who had also been studying Kamado, deflated and looked away, gritting his teeth as he spoke. "Where can we find a demon."
Obanai felt for the man… er, demon. He hadn't really had a choice, all things considered.
For his part, Kamado didn't draw attention to that fact. Instead, he simply moved on, apparently having been prepared for both options. "I asked Ubuyashiki-sama if there were any reports near here. He answered that wherever we go, we simply have to tell him and report back."
"You told him?!" Shinazugawa hissed, baring his teeth.
Kamado didn't so much as flinch. "I just said that some of the group was getting restless. Nothing else."
The Wind Pillar looked surprised at that, then relieved as he backed down. "Oh. Good."
"If we want to get there before dawn so we have an actual chance of finding the demon, we need to get going. The towns we can visit…"
He continued to explain to the two other Pillars which assignments they had been offered and which one he thought would be the best. Once they'd decided on a mission, Kamado took out his ink stone and paper, beginning to compose a note on a nearby rock. Demon eyesight must really be amazing if he could write in this light.
"Okay, something you have to know is that the demon cannot see me, and if he does, I cannot be recognizable. I'm going to tie my hair up under cloth and will have to tie a blindfold over my eyes, but even then, it probably won't take Muzan long to recognize me. If the demon doesn't see Shinazugawa, all the better as he's obviously a demon. And demons attacking demons – especially on a hunt – will draw attention." He paused as he finished writing the missive and then whistled for his crow, handing the folded paper over.
The crow took off, leaving them behind.
"Also, we have to wait to cut off their head," Kamado finished, turning to face them.
"Wait for what?" Obanai asked, frowning.
"Demons dissolve if you take their head. But sometimes, any parts of their body that have been cut off won't disintegrate until they touch sunlight, which is why Shinobu-san can study demon cells and has a supply of demon blood."
"So we gotta cut off his arms and legs before we cut off his head?" Shinazugawa asked, looking a little sick… and more than a little hungry. He… really was on the verge of snapping.
Kamado nodded. "I'll go tell Nezuko, Zenitsu and Inosuke. They can sleep here for the night and morning and we'll meet up with them farther ahead."
With that and a firm nod, he turned and stalked off towards the younger trio. The other two watched him go.
"He… really took charge there," Obanai commented.
Shinazugawa snorted but didn't say anything.
"Are we really going along with this?" the Serpent Pillar asked.
The Wind Pillar didn't answer for several seconds. When he did, it was quiet and pained. "Do I have a choice?"
Obanai decided not to respond and the two of them waited in silence for Kamado to finish.
Five minutes later, the three Pillars were racing through the treetops towards the village they'd chosen, hoping they'd get there in time to find the potential local demon.
xXx
The mission was a stretch of road where travelers had been disappearing lately. It could be bandits, but people's items that bandits would have been after had been found, and the disappearances all seemed to happen after sunset. There were just too many coincidences for the Demon Slayer Corps to not investigate.
Sanemi was pretty sure they would run into a demon just from the description alone. He found himself licking his lips at the prospect of being able to eat again… and hated himself for it.
Once they reached the path, though, they all convened for a last-minute strategy meeting. They decided that Kamado and Sanemi would hide in the trees and tree tops while Iguro would run along the road as bait. Once the demon showed themselves, they'd surround it. Sanemi and Kamado would then attack from the back.
"We should intend to pin them," Kamado said. "Any one of us could likely kill them, but we're here for—"
"Yeah, we know," Sanemi growled. He was doing that a lot lately, and couldn't really control it.
He hated that too.
"You gonna try to cure them?" he asked after taking a deep breath and focusing on anything that wasn't his stomach.
Kamado wilted. "You saw what happened when I tried without Shinobu-san's poisons." He shook his head. "I won't torture them to death, even if it makes them human again. And I'm not ready for…" he faded off, then shook his head harshly. "Not now."
Sanemi and Iguro both nodded, although the Serpent Pillar looked a little surprised. Had he not been informed? Or had he been informed and just didn't think he'd ever have to deal with it personally? Either way, Sanemi decided not to bring attention to it.
They initiated their plan, with Obanai running along the path. It was a fairly well traveled road that led to a fork. One side would go up to a pass, one would follow the base of the mountain and eventually branch off to a series of towns and cities. The disappearances tended to happen around the fork. Once they reached said fork, they decided they would head for the cities before backtracking if they didn't run into anyone. But one person running alone at night should be good bait.
And thankfully, it paid off.
Sanemi smelled the demon before he saw it. His mouth began to water and it took every ounce of will to hold back from attacking immediately. Instead, he focused on moving around behind the demon who had appeared in front of Obanai, blocking his path.
"Well, what has you in such a hurry?" a middle-aged man asked Iguro with a smile. He looked very well fed. Was that a demon thing? Or had he gotten that way before becoming a demon? And how good would that make him tast—
Sanemi wrenched his thoughts away from that line of thought very quickly.
The demon took a second look at Iguro, who had already withdrawn his sword and taken a stance.
"Oh, it's a demon slayer?! How wonderful! If I can kill you, Muzan-sama might make me a Kizuki!"
Iguro rolled his eyes.
That ticked the demon off even more, and in an instant, his facade fell away, revealing… tentacles? It looked like the bottom half of an octopus had grown out of his back. It… was both terrifying and exciting because there were more limbs to slice off.
He really hated himself right now.
And Kamado.
And Muzan.
And the demon.
Because this was what he'd been reduced to.
Before the demon could attack, though, Kamado shot forward. Instead of going to pin the man down as planned (which would have been ridiculous as he had arms growing out of his back), he sliced off as many appendages as he could reach.
The demon screamed. The scent of blood filled the air, and any hold on Sanemi self control vanished.
He didn't even remember the rest of the fight. He only remembered attacking and finally, finally sating that ever-growing hunger inside of him.
He woke up crouched on the ground with blood on his hands and the aftertaste of something very satisfying in his mouth while the sun rose behind Kamado and Iguro, who both stood together on the other side of the road watching him warily.
He blinked, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath, standing up as fluidly as he could, pretending the blood wasn't flaking off of him as the light hit it.
"The demon?" he asked.
"Dead," Iguro stated.
The Wind Pillar nodded, then went to open his mouth when he realized he honestly didn't want to know anything else. Not right now. He'd likely have questions later, but not yet. So he closed his mouth with a clop and looked away.
The hunger was still there, but not the overwhelming force it had become. He'd take it if it meant he wouldn't attack his fellow demon slayers.
That didn't mean he had to like it.
"That tongue of yours could be a very useful weapon," the Serpent Pillar pointed out.
That was the last thing the Wind Pillar wanted to hear at the moment. Even Sanemi had more tact than that, and judging from Kamado's incredulous look at Iguro, he agreed. But Sanemi just felt so… tired right now. Tired of everything, but especially the hunger. So instead of instigating a fight or a shouting match, he simply shot a poisonous glare at the other two, turned around and began to walk back down the road the way they'd come, hating himself more with every step.
He always had hated monsters.
xXx
AN: Thanks again to TimeLordTim, Found, Kaylessa and Quathis for their help on this! Love you guys so much!
Almost at 700 follows, so this story is doing pretty well and I'm pumped. So happy you all are enjoying this!
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