THYME FOR CHAPTER 3! Oh yay, what fun! This didn't take too long (lie!), and I had fun writing it (lie!). Actually, I'm just playing with you (truth!). Well, enjoy because we are on the long, long path of freakin 30 chapters (if not more)! Well, just to warn y'all, this is a freaking long chapter, so watch out! Ehrm… yes… Bon appetite!

EPISODE 3: Good Preacher

OPENING

CONTE: Guess who's going to make a guest appearance today? (he is wearing GUESS JEANS)

CHER: This guy is too coordinated.

(Once again, in the DARK ALLEYWAY (of DOOM))

(DARCIA appears on a pole, carrying CHEZA bridal style. Alas, he slips and falls on his ass, but quickly regains his dignity… and CHEZA)

HIGE: Too smooth.

DARCIA: (gasp) Waffles…

KIBA: (gasp) How did he know!?

DARCIA: (begins to MOLEST CHEZA)

CHEZA: SQUEEE!!! (CHEZA lets out a HIGH-PITCHED scream that is IMMENSLY ANNOYING)

(flash to TSUME'S PIMP HOUSE)

TOBOE: Eek! My sensitive ears they burn! (he stands and RUNS AROUND IN CIRCLES. He is so BLINDED BY FEAR that he runs INTO THE WALL.)

TSUME: Good, now I don't have to tell him to shut up, cause dude, my throat is like so, like so!

(back to the ALLEY)

DARCIA: (stops MOLESTING CHEZA)

HIGE: Damn! I was gonna do that! Damn.

DARCIA: (EXAMINES the wolves) Party at my place. See you there… waffles. (maniacal laughter) (disappears in an ANIME LIKE WAY TYPE THING TYPE)

(The POWER GOES BACK ON)

KIBA: That was intense.

(In a HOTEL ROOM)

BLUE: I see a flying star! Kukuku! It smells like purty flowers. Sqwee!

(In TSUME'S STEAMY LOVE MANSION)

TSUME: (singing) Toooooboooe… open your eeeeeyeeees….

TOBOE: I'm trying to block out the image of you singing.

TSUME: That wasn't me, it was the sound of some dying machine… or the little voices in your head.

TOBOE: Yeah right, fuckwit.

(in a HOTEL ROOM)

QUENT: I saw a few wolves the other day.

HUBB: Yea… sure…

QUENT: I really did!

HUBB: (inspects EMPTY bottles) Do you have a drinking problem?

QUENT: I was raised off of apple juice, it's not my fault!

HUBB: …?

QUENT: But I really did see wolves. Blue did too!

BLUE: I don't know you! You can't see me! The acid from all that apple juice must be getting to you! I'm just an invisible spirit! No one can see me-

QUENT: Shut up while I'm talking to you! You saw wolves the other day, didn't you?

BLUE: No. No I did not.

HUBB: Quent, who are you talking to?

QUENT: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

(In the SEWERS)

KIBA: Dammit, why does this entire city smell like evil poo?

HIGE: Shut up! Don't diss dinner!

(LATER)

KIBA: I can't believe I had evil mouse poo for dinner.

HIGE: It affects the brain. I should know.

KIBA: Darcia probably ate too much of it. He was totally wack!

HIGE: Wiggidy wack?

KIBA: Even worse!

HIGE: That's pretty bad.

KIBA: I know… he said a lot of stuff.

HIGE: I know…

KIBA: A lot of stuff…

HIGE: I KNOW.

KIBA: A lot of stuff…

HIGE: I KNOW!!

KIBA: Do you?

HIGE: Wait- what?!

KIBA: I don't know…

AUDIENCE: That was freakin weird!

(SOMEWHERE CONTROL)

MYSTERIOUS ENTITY: I said bring me the… what the fuck?

VOICE: Erak iyu ghen jel koj…

MYSTERIOUS ENTITY: What the hell?

VOICE: Ran iou hegr mel noj?

MYSETERIOUS ENTITY: Uh…

VOICE: Can you hear me now?

MYSTERIOUS ENTITY: Yes…

VOICE: Good!

MYSTERIOUS ENTITY: As I was saying… I would like to order a small white flower with four, possibly five steaks on the side, and 3 chicken tenders.

VOICE: Would you like fries with that?

MYSTERIOUS ENTITY: I'm down.

(In TSUME'S PIMPIN HOTEL)

TOBOE: I'm going to visit Leara!

TSUME: You dumb?

RANDOM NEZE VOICE: So it would seem…

AUDIENCE: Damn, she needs to stop saying that!

(silence)

TOBOE: Can't you be honest with yourself? It's you who is dumb!

TSUME: (begins to TWITCH)

TOBOE: I mean, come one! You have no common sense, and can't even tell if you're female or not!

TSUME: How DARE you question my gender! Especially when most people think you're a girl, until told otherwise!

TOBOE: (gasp) Is this true?

AUDIENCE: Yes… (nod nod)

TOBOE: No wonder I'm offered sex by only men! NOOO! (he runs away, CRYING)

TSUME: I'm envious.

(in the HOSPITAL)

HUBB: Cher…

CHER: Hubb…

HUBB: Cher…

CHER: What is it Hubb?

HUBB: Cher, you have a huge mutha zit on yo face.

CHER: Is it red?

HUBB: Just like the moon!

CHER: (gasp) The red moon?

HUBB: Yes, the red moon.

CHER: (gasp) The red moon…

HUBB: Dammit, stop mocking me!

CHER: (gasp) The red dammit…

HUBB: Cher… You need to rest… Take this… (he hands CHER an UGLY SCARF)

CHER: What? It's NOT red?!

(SOMEWHERE A)

TSUME: Hum dee dum… walking innocently along…

SED/TO: KILL HIM!

POLICE MEN: ARRR! (they SUDDENLY STOP)

POLICE MAN PERSON THING: (cough cough hack wheeze fart sneeze sneeze fart)

POLICE MEN: ARRRR! (they RESUME THE CHASE)

TSUME: Ar? (he TURNS, and uses his MATRIX SKILLZ to knock the POLICE MEN down. He APPEARS in front of SED/TO) Why did you betray me!? And I thought we had something! (he CRIES)

SED/TO: (IS SO NERVOUS, he forgets what to SAY) Gehl is still dead because of you.

(silence)

TSUME: Uh. Yes. Yes he is.

SED/TO: Actually, just kidding! I saw him get up and brush the dirt off his shoulder. He ran away, and is currently a pimp daddy in the open city to the northwest.

(The answer is: yes, my friends. This story takes place at a time when people are to god damn lazy to name a freakin city! You would've thought it would be something catchy and jammin' like: Kookzvillxenia, or something like that, with a deranged form of spelling to confuse people! Mmyes. Well, hey. Look on the bright side. I bet a few people thought "The Domed City" sounded pretty cool. I mean, yeah. It sounds exciting to people who live in other cities, maybe. 'Cause, Cool title tourists. Ya gotta have the tourists!)

ALL: (ALL is CONFUSED by the sudden OUTBURST about naming cities by the FREAKISH AUTHORESS)

TSUME: ANYway… why are you here?

SED/TO: On of those damn train bouncers didn't let us in, and we need your freakish coolness to help us get in.

TSUME: As if! No way am I like, going to ruin MY reputation to get a few ugly dudes like you into a pimpin' train. I am sooo better than that!

SED/TO: No, Tsume! You must help us! You are the king- I mean queen of all the pimped items in this city! I didn't mean to defy you Tsume please, I'll do whatever you want I'll even sleep with yo-

TSUME: DAMN HUMANS! (snarl growl huff fume glare twitch)

SED/TO: The fuck?

TSUME: (FLEES with his MAD MATRIX SKILLZ)

SED/TO: I've seen him do the matrix so many times, and for the first time I am in awe.

(At the MARKET)

LEARA: Funny how my Daddy buys all this food and isn't obese. (blush giggle wink wink)

AUDIENCE: This girl is so random.

LEARAS DAD: Actually, she's just crazy!

LEARA: Nooo!!! (She runs away)

QUENT: That's sooo mysterious! Family problems always have something to do with wolvies! (he FOLLOWS in a MYSTERIOUS WAY)

(SOMEWHERE B)

TOBOE: What does Tsume know!? I can totally get a makeover and prove myself male-looking worthy!

HIGE: Oh no… daylight. We must be lost!

KIBA: I'm never trusting your eyes again.

HIGE: Who said I used my eyes?

TOBOE: You guys are like me?!

KIBA: Yup. Lost, hopeless, abused by humans and bad fashion sense.

TOBOE: We must be soul mates!

LEARA: What about me?

TOBOE: Where the fuck did you come from… Erm, I mean. No, Leara you're too hot and too female to be one of us.

LEARA: I'm so hurt! DADDY! Some wolves just totally discarded me from their posse!

LEARA'S DAD: (gasp) Now who da fuck did dat?

QUENT: Wolvies! Yay!

BLUE: I… must escape! (she DOES)

HIGE: Let's run! (they DO)

(SOMEWHERE C)

LEARA: Toboe, I will keep on stalking you until you let me into your freakin posse!

TOBOE: Why Leara? Can't you understand that your not cool enough to be one of us?

LEARA: No! That's so like totally not normal!

TOBOE: (he PUSHES LEARA) I'm so sorry!

LEARA: (is knocked down by THE FEM PUSH OF DOOM) Waah! My ass! The pain!

TOBOE: Then why the fuck are you holding your head!?

HIGE: Dude, get your fat ass in gear and move it!

TOBOE: Jesus Christ Hige! I'm actually surprised you can fit through that goddamn tube thing!

LEARA: I'm sooo much very in soooo pain much like!

HIGE: Someone needs speech therapy. (the WOLVIES DISSAPEAR)

LEARA'S DAD: Leara, are you okay??!!

LEARA: Waah!! My ass hurts! (is STILL HOLDING her HEAD)

QUENT: Someone needs anatomy lessons!

(PLACE)

BLUE: Arr! I spot thee! I spot thee!

TSUME: You have mad skillz, but could you match mine in cross-dressing? (TSUME RANDOMLY falls off of PLACE)

BLUE: I follow thee! I follow thee! (she DOES)

TSUME: Too bad, sucka! I faked you out, yo! Nyahahaha! (he RUNS AWAY)

ARMY MAN: This generation is sooo troubled.

(ANOTHER PLACE)

HUBB: Now, y'all are probably wondering… what the fuck does bird feathers fallin' from the sky have to do with anything!? Well, I'll tell you! I'm goddamn allergic to them! And they most certainly have nutin' to do wit dem noble ass sucka's… S'all about me!

(PLACE)

QUENT: Why do you keep faking death Blue? You're starting to frighten me!

BLUE: Despite the fact that I'm breathing and I just opened my eye, I'm still dead!

QUENT: (sniffle tears) Do you really hate me that much?

BLUE: Yes.

QUENT: (gasp) Blue, there is hair on you!

BLUE: (gasp) Could it be mine?

QUENT: Ha! Of course not! (inspects MYSTERIOUS HAIR C) There's blood too.

BLOOD: I play SUCH an important role. I mean, come on! I'm wolf's blood! I mean, seriously dude! The next DVD volume is in fact, called Blood and Flowers! Like, the first one is totally me! I mean, I made Cheza wake up in the first place, and if it wasn't for me, there would be no Wolf's Rain! And there would be no 700 and some fanfics on the internet as of today if it wasn't for me! So ha! Y'all are suckas! Nyahaha kiss my red ass! Ha! Ahaha! Mwahahahaha!! BWAHAHAH- (is STEPPED ON by ARMY MAN)

(in the SEWERS)

TOBOE: nyai'mtoboe.

HIGE: hii'mhige.

KIBA: andi'mkiba.

AUDIENCE: (is SCARED by this sudden LACK OF USE OF SPACEBARS and CAPITALIZATION)

TOBOE: Soooo… where are we headed?

KIBA: Somewhere…

HIGE: Like totally!

TOBOE: Hey, do you guys no Tsume?

KIBA: The fem one, yea…

TOBOE: Yea! Maybe he'd like to come!

HIGE: Sorry, this is an all male posse.

KIBA: Yeah, and we totally have to hurry! There's no time for followers! Especially that Leara fag!

TOBOE: (in a PISSY MOOD) You guys suck! She was gonna screw me! Now I'll never get any action for at least another day! And who knows when that'll roll around!

KIBA: (drops to one knee to examine BLOOD SPOTS and spies a QUARTER) I found a quarter (grins) I SHALL NAME HIM STEVE!

MYSTERY VOICE A.k.a. STEVE CONTE: Stray-ay! (echo echo echo)

(silence silence echo echo silence)

KIBA: O…kay…

TOBOE: Who knew there could be a singing quarter…

HIGE: These are troubled thymes indeed.

(silence)

HIGE: Shake a leg runt!

TOBOE: (TOBOE takes HIGE quite literally and begins to do THE CHARLIE BROWN)

KIBA: Dance runt, dance!

(in TSUME'S LOVE SHACK)

KIBA: I found you, Tsume!

TSUME: Damn!

TOBOE: Tsume! I love you!

HIGE: Woah.

KIBA: Come to paradise with us Tsume! We need your pimpin skillz to get us through the future cities we encounter!

TSUME: As if!

KIBA: Then why did you all come here? To this city? BECAUSE IT SMELLED LIKE LUNAR FLOWERS!

TOBOE: Actually, I was born outside the city gates-

KIBA: Shut up, that's beside the point! The flower is gone! We MUST find it!

TSUME: It? I thought it was a she-

HIGE: What's this? (he DROPS a HOAGIE out of the OPEN WINDOW. It lands on an ARMY MAN, causing him to CURSE LOUDLY.) (gasp) There are people down there!

(meanwhile…)

ARMY MAN: Some camp we have here, my mom's house is better than thi- (a HOAGIE falls from the SKY and LANDS ON HIS HEAD) (gasp) There are people up there! And they messed up my uniform! KILL!

ARMY MEN: (they SHOOT at TSUME'S LOVE SHACK)

(In TSUME'S LOVE SHACK)

KIBA: Flee! (they DO)

(SOMEHWERE D)

KIBA: Er'body! Run for your LIIIVES!!! They are going to kill us all! RUN!

HIGE: Dammit, Kiba! What the fuck does it look like we're doing?!

KIBA: It looks like your FROLICING! Run like a man, fools!

TOBOE: Argh! I fall! (he DOES)

(INSTANT REPLAY)

GEHL: I'm still falling!

(BACK TO THE SCENE)

TSUME: I shall saveth thee!

TOBOE: You saved me!

RANDOM NEZE VOICE: So it would seem…

(silence)

TSUME: I'm leaving you.

(IN A PIMPED CAR)

QUENT: The SPCA isn't far, so we'll be able to bring them there!

HUBB: There are no wolves, and you better have some hairy humans if you want to bring them to the SPCA!

(FLASH TO THE ATTACK)

KIBA: (singing) Tiptoe through the tulips…

(FLASH TO CHER'S HOUSE)

CHER: I'm reading.

(SOMEWHERE E)

KIBA: We should be safe here.

HIGE: Yeah, the army people are only twenty feet below us.

TSUME: I'm heeeere!!!

TOBOE: TSUME!

TSUME: Ahem. From now on, I shall be referred to as "Pimpin' Dawg T-bone," ya got that?

ARMY MEN: DIE FOOLS!

TSUME: Run!

KIBA: Hurry up, Pimpin' Dawn T-bone!

TSUME: That name is so yesterday, so-

HILLARY DUFF: So yesterday! (echo echo)

TSUME: Ahem. So just call me Tsume!

HIGE: Make up your mind, dammit!

(the POSSE comes to a GIANT LEDGE)

KIBA: Jump! Whee! (he BREAKS HIS ANKLES) I'm okay!

TOBOE: I'm preparing! (he puts on a PARACHUTE) Okay! (he JUMPS, and LANDS SAFELY)

KIBA: Are you afraid, Tsume?

TSUME: Afraid of the jump, no. Afraid of losing my reputation hanging out with freaks like you, yes!

QUENT: Arr! It's a wolf! We must take it to the SPCA! (he tries to shoot it WITH TRANQULIZER)

HUBB: Stop it, Quent! Not that, shoot it with this! (he hands QUENT a MISSLE LAUNCHER)

QUENT: Never!

HUBB: Always!

QUENT: (he SHOOTS, but MISSES) Gwar!

KIBA: Are you still afraid?

TSUME: For my reputation, I'm terrified! (he JUMPS ANYWAY)

HUBB: PUNCH!

QUENT: Ouch!

(ANOTHER RANDOM PLACE)

HUBB: Look. Look at these footprints.

QUENT: Those belong to the wolvies!

HUBB: (gasp) I thought they were human… but they're not!

QUENT: I'm doing it for good, Hubb. I only want those creatures to live.

HUBB: They must die!

(In the SNOWY PLAINS)

KIBA: We're free! (he FROLICS AROUND)

TSUME: (sigh) I suppose my reputation can kiss my ass… I'll miss you! (he RUNS)

ENDING

KIBA: I feel so free! (he GOES ALL HUMAN LIKE, yet unfortunately forgets CLOTHES. KIBA is arrested for INDECENT EXPOSURE) No! Now I'm going to have to be replaced! I hate having stunt doubles!

DIRECTOR: What the fuck are you talking about, you ask for them all the time!

KIBA: Oh.

PREVIEW

HUBB: I have allergies. Like, I'm allergic to hay, but what that has to do with me staying in a cold, stone city will forever be a mystery!

I'm sorry… but that sucked. I sometimes have rare moments where I laugh at what I wrote, but I had none of them this time. It was really long though! Damn. It's shout out time, youngins'!

Moon Dog – Waai! Thank you sooo much! (hug) I hope you liked this chappy!

Suni Daughter of Moro - Teehee! Thanks so much Ali-san, you rascal, you! (poke poke)

Anonymous - Thank you very much! And yes, I am planning to do the entire series. And about the OVA's… I didn't know there were ones, so you'll have to fill me in. But if they're dubbed, on DVD or on CN, then yes. So yea… Yea.

VASH THE STAMPEDE63 – Yay! Sankyuu very much for da review! I really liked the stuff you gave me, but I couldn't use all of it because I already had stuff written up for that certain scene. But you'reso inspiring! I hope you liked this chapter, because I totally hated it. XD (hug)

Toboe's pup – Yo, dude. Don't push it. Kiba is 100 mine and that will never ever change! Mineminemineminemineminemine. But whatev, so thanks for the review! (bows)

Buddi-chan - I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks so much for the review, and I hope you liked this chapter… because… it was long… and boring…

Whiskers - Ahh… so the second chapter was funny… Thank you lots! (gives a balloon)

Just for a little special generic treat, I'll have chapter 5 in on Christmas. Yay, presents in a compy!