Omigosh! Happy holidays people! I feel so honored with these reviews… Omigod, I'm so happy with Christmas this year! I got the first two seasons of Naruto! Yay! Happy… Well anyway, unlike most of the previous chapters, I am totally in love with this one! Even though it's short, I found it very fun to do. Think Shakespeare five minutes backwards! …Except we're not going backwards. Ehrm… anyway… I have nothing else to say, so read and review!

EPISODE 5: God-Sent Puppies

(on a TRAIN)

LITTLE GIRL: Brother! I see doggies! (her EYES go all DEMON LIKE) KILL!!!!

(in the SNOWY PLAINS)

TOBOE: I have a dream!

KIBA: And what is that?

TOBOE: To have a dream! (1)

TSUME: I saw a lunar flower the other day. It was neon green.

KIBA: You dumb?

HIGE: It's the ocean!

TSUME: Nuh-uh! It's the beach, fool!

KIBA: That… is a big ass bridge.

TOBOE: Don't worry, it's just an optical illusion! The city on the other end is approximately 2.7568 minutes away!

OPENING

CONTE: Like, I'm soooo totally stray! And I'm like, standing on the edge! But oh my fucking god, the moon isn't there!

(in the CITY)

KIBA: Dammit! Why the fuck do all these cities smell like evil poo!? It's starting to piss me off!

TSUME: Yea I know, and lots of people are hiding from us!

HIDING WOMAN A: Eat beans, intruders! (she CHUCKS BEANS at our WOLVIES)

HIDING WOMAN B: Die, you infidels! (she THROWS her BABY at them)

HIDING MAN: Get out of here, meddlers! (he FLINGS a CHERRY BOMB at the boys)

KIBA: Argh! My pride! My pride!

(LATER SOMEWHERE ELSE)

TSUME: This place is bullshit!

HIGE: Just like you Tsume!

ZALI: You kids look suspicious.

KIBA: The point, no dip.

MOSS: Where are YOU going?

TOBOE: (stupidly) Paradise!

(silence silence)

ZALI: That's not funny.

KIBA: I'm sad.

ZALI: I've been to paradise before.

HIGE: You're senile.

KIBA: Shut up, Hige! Look closer at them!

TSUME: (gasp) They're wol-

HIGE: (gasp) A woman!

TOBOE: (gasp) You don't see one of THOSE everyday!

TSUME: (gasp) They're wolves!

KIBA: No they're not, they're dogs!

AUDIENCE: Wait… I'm confused! So are they wolves or are they do-

ZALI: Leave this place, ladies!

KIBA: (offended offended)

TSUME: Fine! Underdog. (walks off in a HUFF)

(in CENTER CITY)

MAN: We need more workers!

ZALI: Yeah, yeah sure. Just shut up and bring me my lemonade!

MOSS: The kids are at the graveyard.

ZALI: Hah! They won't last long… (maniacal laughter)

(SOMEWHERE…. AGAIN)

HIGE: I'm so hungry.

TSUME: Puhleez! You can't be as hungry as I was a few years ago! I had to eat my nail polish JUST to stay alive!

KIBA: This place is so messed. We should leave.

TSUME: Whatever man.

TOBOE: I'm so hungry, I can't walk another step! (he STANDS and FOLLOWS TSUME)

HIGE: Omigosh they left me! (he FROLICKS after his POSSE)

(10 SECONDS after they leave, the EXACT SPOT on which they were sitting EXPLODES)

AUDIENCE: Mad skillz! Huah!

(at the GRAVEYARD)

TSUME: I'm so scared!

TOBOE: Suck it up, woman!

GRAMPS: BOO!

KIBA/TSUME: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HIGE: Wait, what just happened?!

GRAMPS: Guess what? I'm digging my own grave!

KIBA: Wow! Mind if I join? (KIBA jumps in and starts DIGGING like a MADMAN)

ZALI: This place is no place for ladies.

TSUME: Well exCUSE me!

GRAMPS: That's the entrance to paradise over here, and lunar flowers used to bloom here!

KIBA: Oh, happiness.

ZALI: Come Gramps. You are going to die tomorrow.

GRAMPS: Ahhh… fate.

ZALI: Just to let you know kids, that's not paradise.

KIBA: Well maybe it's just like a cameo paradise. Maybe it's not the real paradise. The real one is somewhere else.

ZALI: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

(silence silence)

ZALI: No… I'm serious. Paradise isn't real.

KIBA: O ma gawd! My virgin ears they burn! Memories! This reminds of the time I found out Santa wasn't real! And the tooth fairy! And the Easter bunny! And Bill Clinton!

HIGE: Wait… Bill Clinton is re-

KIBA: Shut up Hige!

TSUME: I'm still hungry.

TOBOE: I'm still dying.

KIBA: Oh, the agony of thy mind!

(in an OLD HUT)

TSUME: I'm such an angry man.

TOBOE: I want to go to paradise.

TSUME: You dumb?

HIGE: There's no such THING as paradise, runt. Right Kiba?

KIBA: Well I dunno! Voices say yes. Big scary man with ugly eyebrows and jacket say no.

TSUME: Those were some deep and touching words.

TOBOE: Voices? Don't tell me I got stuck with a schizo alpha. Dude, my life SUCKS!

HIGE: A woman is coming.

(COLE magically APPEARS)

COLE: Here's your food. It's poisoned.

HIGE: Cool, thanks.

(KIBA, TOBOE and TSUME leave)

HIGE: Fine, leave me here to die slowly of poison and boredom and freaked-out-ed-ness. Losers. (he PRETENDS to SLEEP)

(SOMEWHERE AGAIN DAMMIT!)

TOBOE: I still love you, Tsume.

(BACK in the OLD HUT)

HIGE: (yawn) I cant sleep.

COLE: Sucks to be you! Maybe that poison's getting to you.

HIGE: I think you're sexy. Wanna mate?

COLE: If you're thinking about kids, I'm menopausal.

HIGE: That sucks.

COLE: I know….

(in the STATION)

TSUME: Wanna sleep here?

TOBOE: Are you suggesting something?

TSUME: What? Can't you feel it? All the hormones in the air!? It's making me all horny inside!

(DOWNTOWN)

KIBA: I found you, you mongrels you!

ZALI'S GANG: Let's fight.

KIBA: I'm down. (They DO) Lookit me growl! Arrrr! Mateys! Scrub the decks, let lose the sails! Arrr!! Shiver me timber!

(in the OLD HUT)

HIGE: I'm pretending to sleep. Again.

(at the STATION)

TSUME: Dammit, Toboe! I can't fucking sleep with you howlin all the time! Shit man, go somewhere else! Do something more useful with your mouth! Like censored censored censored or censored censored censored censored!!!!

TOBOE: (he HOWLS LOUDER)

TSUME: That's it… I'm gonna… - - - - - - - - -

(due to EXTREME GORE, VIOLENCE and MATURE SEXUAL CONTENT, this scene has been OMITTED)

(in the ALLEYS)

KIBA: Argh! I'm wounded! (he collapses)

AUDIENCE: What dorky shoes Kiba has!

AUDIENCE MEMBER: I think they're sexy!

AUDIENCE: Fuck you, traitor! (AUDIENCE proceeds to take out their GUNS and MERCILESSLY SHOOT AUDIENCE MEMBER)

(at the STATION in the MORNING)

TSUME: Something big is going down, I can feel it.

TOBOE: (walks up with VARIOUS WOUNDS. He is supported by CRUTCHES) I'm feelin' it!

SANTA: Damn, make these fools pull my sleigh faster!

WOLVES/DOGS: The agony!

TSUME: (gasp)

TOBOE: (gasp)

HIGE: (picking his NOSE) (gasp) A big bugger!

GRAMPS: I am dying!

SANTA: No shit sherlock!

GRAMPS: DIES! (he DOES)

KIBA: (magically APPEARS) (gasp) Santa IS real! SANTAAAA! (he RUNS up to SANTA) I have a huge list for yooou!!!

ZALI: Stop you fool! That is only an impersonator!

KIBA: Dammit, you homo sapien! Always ruining my imagination!

(at the GRAVEYARD)

ZALI: Damn… another one bites the dust!

ZALI'S MAFIA GANG: (singing) Another one bites the dust!

(a huge DISOC BALL descends from the SKY)

ALL: (ALL starts to DANCE like MAD, and they dance and dance and dance….)

ENDING

(TSUME is filling in for HIGE, because he just ISN'T HIGE ANYMORE, and KIBA because he was ARRESTED)

TSUME: Ya know, I never wanted this job, but I suppose I have to do it… I don't want to get shafted or anything. I still have many episodes to go to prove how totally awesome I am!

TOBOE: Tsumeee! I loooove yoooou!!

DIRECTOR: What the- Kid get off the fuckin set!

TOBOE: Aiiee! (he TRIPS and FALLS)

TSUME: Aiiee! (he TRIPS on TOBOE, and FALLS ONTO HIM. For a split second, THEY SHARED A KISS!)

YAOI FANGIRLS: (dies dies dies dies dies dies dies dies dies)

(silence)

TSUME: Omigosh! I'm PREGNANT!!

Nyaokay… that's the end. And that was a really long ending but I loved it! Well anyway, before we do shoutouts, let's remember there was a number in this chapter!

(1): Okay, this quote came from my favorite movie, Scary Movie 3! I totally love that movie and since it's funny… well that's circular logic. And no, I don't own Scary Movie 3. Honestly, disclaimers are getting old. I mean, I'm a trendsetter and I should know. Dammit, people who write freakin stories about something obviously don't own it! That's circular logic (again)!

Okay, SHOUTOUTS!

Whiskers – Thanks so much for the review! (hug) Happy Chrismahanakwanzakah!

Serashime – I'm so flattered. The love…. Wow. I'm so happy you liked it. Thank you so much! Happy Chrismahanakwanzakah!

Nanaki – No reason to be sorry. And… I have like, no self-esteem but whatever. And no one is helping me. Do you think it needs to be beta-ed? Well, thanks for the review! Happy Chrismahanakwanzakah!

Shekira - Interesting… yes. Thanks for the review!
- Omigod I feel so loved! I'm sooooo happy you like it! Happy Chrismahanakwanzakah!

Demonslayer – (bows) Thanks so much! I hope you like this chappy! Happy Chrismahanakwanzakah!

Buddi-chan – So glad you liked it! Thanks for the count! Lol, if you have no life that makes two of us. Happy Chrismahanakwanzakah!

airashal moon – I'm actually very happy you don't get it because… that would be sad… because I also don't get it! Thanks for the review! Happy Chrismahanakwanzakah

Moon Dog – Thanks so much for the idea! As you can see, I used it. I hope it came out right though… anyway, full credit for the ending sequence goes to you! Thank you very much! Happy Chrismahanakwanzakah

Okay, lovely reviewers. I actually have no idea what to do with Toboe. He's going to be filling in on chapter 7. So if you have any crazy ideas, please review and tell.

Next Update: January 11