Close To You
Author's note: This is the third of four bits. Sorry it took so long to get up, I'll put the fourth (Ana-Lucia's) up tomorrow. This is Jack's POV.
When Jack ducked his head into Sawyer's tent in the morning, Sawyer couldn't resist slipping an arm around Kate and sending a subtle smirk in his direction.
Jack resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Sawyer was in denial.
But neither man had the right to smirk. Kate would never let herself completely be with either.
As he handed Sawyer his painkillers, Jack's gaze fell to Kate. Her dark hair wildly over her shoulders, her eyes wide and panicked. She always seemed to worry that Jack would say something to incriminate her. That he'd grow tired of their half relationship.
She didn't seem to realize that he was afraid as she was.
There were so many things he could have done differently. He could have trusted her. He could have been nicer to Sawyer. Been nicer to her. Kissed her before Sawyer had the chance to. Would it have changed anything? Would he have had anything more than their stolen nights?
He wondered how they'd live through it. It could be years, until they were rescued. It could be forever. Could she last forever, splitting her time and her heart between the two of them? It didn't seem likely.
He knew that he couldn't last forever with her breaking his heart.
Slowly, reluctantly, he walked back along the beach. Ana-Lucia met up with him as he neared the water supply, and kissed him. In so many ways, Ana was perfect for him. She didn't torture him as Kate did, they had similar ideals.
They hadn't yet reached the point where they'd move in together, into one tent or cave. He didn't like to think of what would happen when they reached that point. He was unable to tell Ana-Lucia about his feelings for Kate.
What were they, anyway? Was it love? Longing? Desire?
If this was love, he didn't want any part of it.
He thought of the man he'd been with his wife, Sarah. He thought of the man he was with Ana-Lucia, the man he'd been with his high school girlfriend, Hannah. Of the man that dealt with the problems of the entire island. They weren't weak.
She made him weak.
He wished he had the strength to turn her away. To invite Ana to his bed. To turn her back to her lover.
Lover. Jack shivered in disgust at the thought. Didn't Kate remember?
Jack remembered.
He remembered her hands, tightening the straps of his backpack. Like he couldn't do it himself. Her words- "You checking me out?" As if he hadn't been. As if he ever stopped. He remembered her wet, towel clad form.
God, why hadn't he kissed her then? Sealed the deal, before Sawyer had the chance to.
But they had sealed the deal. He remembered their kiss, fleetingly in the jungle. She'd been struggling. He'd tried to calm her. She'd backed away.
He wondered if she regretted it like he did.
In the beginning, he'd been so sure of her. He'd had every reason to. Sawyer had been nothing more than a blip on their radar. They'd had everything going to them. As Hurley had so eloquently put it-"What up with you and Kate?"
What was up with him and Kate? No one on the island had ever been able to figure it out.
He didn't want to figure it out. He was afraid that if he figured it out, he would stop.
He lived for their half relationship. The nights they spent together when she should have been with Sawyer, when he should have been with Ana-Lucia. He craved it. He couldn't sleep properly until she came, wearing her underwear and camisole, bare footed and bare legged, tired from her long walk in the dark.
It was only a matter of time before they were discovered.
Jack sighed and looked away from the beautiful Latina girl, trying to catch his eye. He was so sure he would get over her.
Any day now.
