Man, I was super depressed when I wrote this, so I'm sorry if this one doesn't seem as funny as the previous ones. Anyway, this one is more of sexual humor than most, so watch out! Ew, it's not like me to give warnings. Whatever. ALSO! I'm going to have a little voting session! I really don't think this fic is PG-13 no more! Personally, I would rate it R to be safe. However, some people out there have parental controls and firewalls at school and shit, so… yea you get me. Should the rating be upped or not? Review and share your thoughts. Happy reading!
EPISODE 7: Blind, Deaf and All Natural
(DARCIA'S COLORFUL PIMP GARDEN)
HAMONA: (huff run huff run)…!
DACIA: Why are you running away my love? Wait for me!
HAMONA: No! Get away from me you pervert! Somebody help! He's molesting me! Eek! Ass rape! AAAAAASS RAAAAPE!!!! (she FALLS)
AUDIENCE: What's this? Darcia has 12 packs!!??
DARCIA: Did you die, my love?
HAMONA: If I did, would you leave me alone?
DARCIA: No.
HAMONA: Shit. (in a LAST ATTEMPT, she summons up a STORM)
NEZE: Loooord fuckface!
DARCIA: What is it, you bitch!?
NEZE: Something bad happened to Hamona!
DARCIA: Like… unconscious with dilated pupils and sudden nudity with dull hair bad?
NEZE: So it would seem…soitwouldseemsoitwouldseemsoitwou-
DARCIA: Shut the fuck up!
(in DARCIA'S PIMP SHIP)
DARCIA: I'll have you know Cheza, I'm a renowned pimp and I'll stop at nothing if it means ammo for my new AK-47…
CHEZA: I'm deaf, I can't hear you.
DARCIA: -!#-&-!#-($-&!-(!#$!(--)!&&-)()(#!!!!!!!!
CHEZA: But I DO smell DOGGIES!!!
OPENING
CONTE: (smoking POT) Aw shit. Am I supposed to sing now? Fuck. It's not like anybody WATCHES the opening this far in the series.
(In the DEEP and DARK WOODS of DOOM)
TSUME: I'm scared!
TOBOE: Why are there no hot chicks around, Hige?
HIGE: Augh, probably cause I masturbated a while back, they could probably smell it…
TOBOE: Good answer.
TSUME: Are we there yet?
KIBA: The voices say yes, this sign says no. (he POINTS to a SIGN)
SIGN: All that seek flowers will be die from extreme OOCness. You have been warned.
TSUME: Well damn, I feel like I'm gonna be pissin' ma pants soon.
DARCIA'S PIMP SHIP: Snoooooooooooooooooooooooop!!!!!!!!!!! (1)
(In SAID SHIP)
DARCIA: I'm taking you back to your homeland.
CHEZA: I feel… dead…
DARCIA'S PIMP SHIP: Darcia! You're about to be screwed because there is Mutha Fucka Ship behinds j00!
DARCIA: Fuck.
(On the MUTHA FUCKA SHIP)
CHER: I feel smart. KILL!!
GENERAL MAN: Fire a warning shot!
MUTHA FUCKA SHIP: Land Ho! (FIRES AWAY)
DARCIA'S PIMP SHIP: (dodge dodge dodge) The fuck? Warning shots shouldn't have to be dodged!!
(on LAND)
KIBA: I can feel Cheza!
TOBOE: (staring at KIBA'S PANTS) I can see…
(on DARCIA'S PIMP SHIP)
CHEZA: Kiba's coming to save me. Darcia, you screwed up… AGAIN.
(on the MUTHA FUCKA SHIP)
CHER: These readings are so huge! Like, OMIGOD!
(on DARCIA'S PIMP SHIP)
DARCIA: I'm perfectly calm. 'Cos as far as I'm concerned, my dodging skillz are unrivaled. Hell, I won the world Dodgeball tournament!
CHEZA: I feel… suicidal… (she STANDS)
DARCIA: Uh oh. When a flower starts a-walkin' and a-talkin' you know something big is about to go down.
CHEZA: (she SMILES) I feel high. Thanks for that fertilizer Darica. It's been fun. (she JUMPS off DARCIA'S PIMPIN SHIP)
DARCIA: Shit! Another waffle gone! That's the third time this week!
(on LAND)
KIBA: That shiny thing MUST be her! Shiny… yay…
(in the AIR)
CHEZA: I'm spinning. I feel dizzy. Oh shit. (she BARFS)
(on LAND)
RANDOM LAND HOBO: (opens UMBRELLA)(CHEZA BARF flies EVERYWHERE) Nice.
(SOMEHWERE CLOSE BY)
KIBA: We must scale this wall! It's the only way!
TOBOE: Hey Kiba, I'm having an erection. Is that what you meant by feeling the flower?
TSUME: I don't get erections.
(SOMEWHERE ELSEWHERE)
ARMY MAN: This building is old. It must belong to Darcia.
CHER: I'm so smart. Did you know that China's the only place in the world that can grow rice?
ARMY MAN: Actually-
CHER: Shut up! I was saying… Cheza isn't a flower; she's rice. Dammit, Darcia loves Chinese food he's gonna have a rice habitat, not some gay flower habitat!
(at the RICE/FLOWER HABITAT)
HIGE: I'm horny.
KIBA: Me too.
TOBOE: Me three!
TSUME: I don't get horny. (sees CHEZA)
KIBA: LAND HO!!
CHEZA: Yo dudes. (she HUGS KIBA) I only like you. These other dogs are a pain in the ass. They can go to hell.
KIBA: Yes…
HIGE: How come every time Kiba talks it sounds like he just had an orgasm?
TOBOE: Yeah, and what's up with Cheza being suddenly able to see and hear?
CHEZA: This one is a fake. You just don't know it yet. Also, my hair is totally natural, thanks to CVS.
TSUME: Damn.
(SOMEWHERE)
CHEZA: I really wish these other dogs wouldn't follow us, but I have no choice. THIS WAY!
TSUME: That girl is totally messed.
HIGE: Since when do flowers have genders?
TOBOE: Ya gotta believe in j00self!!
(SOMEWHERE AGAIN)
CHER: Kill everything that moves! ESPECIALLY Cheza! Say what? No, I don't care if it's a tree being blown around in the wind! Just KILL IT!!!
CHER'S COMPY: EXPLODE!!
CHER: Shit.
(in a MURKY TUNNEL)
CHEZA: (frolicking) I'm home! I'm home! This one is finally home! (she STOPS FROLICKING) Oh. They're all dead. I'm so sad.
TOBOE: We're under ATTAAAACK! (he DIVES, avoiding a HUGE EXPLOSION)
TSUME: Let's go kill some random men.
KIBA: That'll be fun.
CHEZA: But first you must follow me!
(For the next 10 MINUTES, a huge SHOOTOUT SCENE commences. People die.)
CHER: Did Cheza SMILE?!?!?!?
CHEZA: Damn straight!
TOBOE: It's a dead end!
HIGE: AHH!! (he is so SCARED, he runs INTO A WALL)
KIBA: Cheza! You must have magical powers! Use them!
CHEZA: Okay! (the WALL EXPLODES) Let's go!
(CHEZA and COMPANY run through the new HOLE. It MAGICALLY COLLAPSES behind them)
CHER: My signal is going… going… gone! Poof! like a rapper when he's shot up at a club.
RANDOM LAND HOBO: Right thurr.
ENDING
LEARA: Dammit Toboe! I hate you!
TOBOE: I hate you too, you fuckin' bitch.
LEARA: That's totally kewl yo. Wanna go have wild sex in a closet?
TOBOE: I'm down. (they DO)
TSUME: Let's play KICK THE CAN!
HIGE: Fun fun fun fun fun fun!!!!
KIBA: Where's Toboe? Like, omigod, the other day I saw a flower in a flower shop and it was sooo cool. That's so cool! I know, it was-
DIRECTOR: Dammit! Where the fuck is Toboe? And Kiba! Aren't you supposed to be in jail!?
KIBA: Fuck. (is TAKEN AWAY)
HIGE: Cheese.
PREVIEW
DARCIA: Aw shit yo. The fuck? (read SCRIPT) Oh… music, wow. I dunno. Snoop Dogg is a personal favorite, but I prefer Eminem. Rap faux pas, like totally!
CHEZA: I like… Jojo.
(1) Okay, for all y'all Snoop Dog fans out there, this one's for you! Actually not really, since I'm not a fan myself. Sorry fans! Anyway, if you hadn't heard this rap with the man-thing saying "Snoooop!" at the beginning, you're weird. It's like one of the most popular and terrible songs of the day!
Anyway, I'm really pissed off at word right now. Let's just say it deleted a six page long essay for English that's due the day after tomorrow. Hmm… not too great. Boobbieyright… anyway, shout outs!
Kawaii Elf Girl - Terri! XD XD XD I love you! (hug hug)
-Lyke, omigawd, another review from Kami-chan! Thank you sooo much! (glomp) And only I sound like a sprinsider? Rightcoughhrm.
-You don't know who Gehl is...? Oh well, I persoanally hate him. His vioce actor gets annoying after like, 45 animes. Aaand, YOU have to call me! Like, totally!
catkid1126- TT I love the characters. And yes... it was kinda funny in a twisted... way. Thanks for the review!
Ryogas-Baby-Gurl - Ihearts j00! And, like, we're the same age! Omigawd! (hug)And yes, I do need to updatesoon. I'm sorry. (sniffle) I know the chappies are short and... stupid but it takes a lot of work! Really it does! Anyway... luv ya lots! (hug)
Whiskers - Eep! I love Jak-chan! (hugs both) Quent is smart on the inside. I like beer! Yay. Thanks sooo much!
Anyway (damn, I need to stop with that word)… thanks for reading y'all. I know I sound a bit picky, but I didn't get as many reviews as I wanted this time! Oh well. I will updatequicker!But remember, if you don't wind the winder-handle-thingy, the Jack won't pop out of the box! So review and get a prize. No, I'm not telling what it is! You'll just have to review and find out! (It's good I swear, not some virtual candy or money. Something real… Hint: an eye for an eye!)
