As the Firefly-class ship Serenity landed on Persephone, Jack watched the ship with wary eyes. Where he was going, he needed to get to fast. So why did he chose this ship, he asked himself, walking along casually. Well, because of a psychic. River Tam. He didn't care about the fact that River and her brother Simon were still wanted fugitives, or that there was a substantial bounty on both their heads, River's being over thirty times larger than Simon's and a substantial increase in money if he captured both. So why was he interested in her? Because for what his mission entailed, he needed her. He needed a psychic. With that final thought, he picked up his bag, pocketed the photo, and sealed his mind.
River was worried. She had considered telling Simon about her dream, but he seemed rather busy with Kaylee. When he wasn't talking with her, laughing, holding her close, they were off in his room or maybe even in the engine room. River never asked what it was they did in there, but she read their minds, their feelings, bodies intertwining. There were also the noises, and being the super-genius Simon described her as, she put two and two together and decided that Simon was paying Kaylee back for all those months he ignored her advances to keep her safe. He thought it was so kind, the way Simon gave everything up to help her, but he really could be such a boob sometimes. Not now, though. Simon was happy, and making Kaylee happy. There was a climax, then the noises stopped.
River waited for ten minutes, before walking in and stealing all their clothes. In a flash, River had an even better idea. She took the clothes, hiding them in Kaylee's room. Then she walked into Simon's room, and took all his clothes, hiding them in Kaylee's room as well. Next, she took as many hand towels as she could get, and walked up into the engine room. She stood over them, and thought if this might be going to far. She pushed that thought away, and with her eyes closed (She really want to observe any personal areas), took the blanket and placed the hand towels over them. When she was finished, she opened her eyes, stood back and admired her work. A work of genius. It would probably teach Simon a lesson about sex in reasonably public areas, but also, it would be a whole lot of fun. Then River rigged the doors so that they would create a loud, grating noise next time they opened, and waited for the fun to begin. River decided to sit at a position where she could easily see the engine room door. She waited for a couple of seconds, then the event unfold watched.
First, there was the whispering. She could hear them both whispering in panicked voices.
'Where are all my clothes?' That was Simon.
'All your clothes? What about mine! Th…they're all gone!' Ah, Kaylee. This would probably end up more embarrassing for her, but they deserved it for not doing, well, 'it' somewhere more private. There was some silence, but only in the physical realm. In their heads, Simon was fuming, and Kaylee was panicking. Eventually, they came to the same conclusion. River.
'It was River, wasn't it?' Asked Kaylee.
'Yeah.' Said Simon. 'I think she's upset because she thinks I'm spending too much time with you.' Don't forget the boredom, River mentally added. After a minute, Simon mustered up the courage to say something. 'Hello?' Fortunately for them, someone was close by. Fortunately for River, it was Jayne. She couldn't have had more luck.
'What's all this ruckus?' He asked. River laughed silently. Simon and Kaylee had the same thought running through their heads.
Oh, God. Jayne.
'We appear to, er, have a little problem.' Simon said, haphazardly. River heard Jayne mentally putting two and two together. Door closed. No Simon to be seen. Embarrassment. In actual fact, if Jayne had tried to put two and two together, he would've gotten nine. It's the just a phrase. When the final pieces of the puzzle clicked (Again, it's just a phrase; Jayne can't do puzzles), Jayne smiled the malicious smile of a man about to make someone's life a misery, and was going to have a lot of fun in the process.
'Let me guess, your John Thomas ain't up to the task of satisfying Kaylee?' He asked.
'What!' Simon and Kaylee in twin voices of pure disbelief.
'It's okay lad, I know how you feel.' There was a pause for thought. 'Well, in actual fact I don't. All the ladies love Big Jonnie.' He said with a smirk. Inara walked up next to him.
'What's happening?' She asked hesitantly, knowledgeable to Jayne's usual endeavours, and so wary and rightly so, yet curious all the same.
'Our medic can't satisfy the needs of our here Kaylee.' He said with a smirk. Inara stared, open mouthed.
'No, that's not it at all…it's worse than that.' Simon told them.
'WORSE!' Jayne and Inara practically shouted. Jayne's malicious smile grew into an evil grin.
'Oh, this is good.' He said, rubbing his hands together. 'Zoe!' He shouted. 'Go get Mal! He's gotta come see this!' Zoe walked off to the bridge to see if she could get the good Captain to witness this rather interesting event.
'You're getting the Captain!' Kaylee nearly screamed at Jayne.
'Well, if the doc can't satisfy you in the bed, the Captain ought to know.' Jayne said, probing for the inevitable answer.
'If you must know, Simon satisfies me brilliantly in bed, thank you very much!' Kaylee shouted at him. 'Better than you ever would.' She added. Jayne stared at the door in shock and amazement.
'Well, ain't that somethin' special. Kaylee giving Jayne a sexual put down.' Said Mal as he walked out the kitchen doorway. 'Can you trump that, Jayne?'
'I…wah…I…' He gave up. 'Gorramit girl, that's an evil thing to say about a man.' Jayne said, clearly in a mood. Kaylee beamed.
'Look, this problem isn't actually about the…' Simon faltered. He didn't know how much they already knew.
'Sex.' Kaylee completed for him, holding his hand. River felt Simon gain confidence from this.
'Yes, alright, this isn't actually about the-' He started. Kaylee sighed.
'Truly mind-blowing sex.' Kaylee said, resting on him. Simon put his arm round her. Hugging her tight. The others just stared, gob smacked, at the door. Mal was the first one to react.
'I really didn't have to know that.' Mal said, realising he was going to have take their relationship a lot more seriously if he registered Kaylee's loving, compassionate tone correctly. Jayne bent close to Inara.
'Do you reckon he's paying her to do this?' He whispered.
'What,' Inara whispered back, 'paying her to sleep with him or to tell us he gives her truly mind-blowing sex?'
'Could be either of them.' Jayne thought for a second. 'Likely both.'
'So, really now,' Mal asked, 'What's the problem?'
'We believe River stole all our clothes.' Simon told him.
'Well, that's not too bad. You have a blanket in there, don't you? Just wrap it around yourselves.' Inara said.
'Well, there's the thing. She took that too.' He said, rather ashamedly. Jayne nearly split his sides trying to stop laughing.
'What did she do,' Jayne began, in between the laughter, 'replace it?' The silence told them all they needed to hear. Jayne stopped laughing. No matter how funny this was, the answer would be worth it.
'What with?' Jayne asked.
'Hand towels.' Kaylee said timidly. That did it. With a howl of laughter, Jayne let it all loose. He had to steady himself against a wall to stop himself toppling. There were tears running down her face. Mal and Inara couldn't help themselves. The laughter was contagious. After just a quiet giggle from Inara and a chuckle from Mal, they suddenly burst into throws of loud, incredible laughter. It was just too much. Inara fell down from all the laughing.
'Inara!' Kaylee shouted, clearly disappointed in the one person who she thought would sympathise.
'I'm sorry…Kaylee…just…so…' With that she went back into state of laughter.
'Come on Inara, surely you've been in situations this bad before!' Kaylee said, trying to reason with her. The three of them stopped laughing. Inara thought for a second.
'No!' She said, and the three of them burst into fits of laughter once more. Kaylee looked out the engine room porthole. There was Mal in the kitchen hallway, laughing his head off; Jayne was laughing and crying so much it hurt, and Inara was on the floor, trying to wipe away the tears with the hem of her dress. Zoe was the only one not laughing. Mal noticed it too.
'Don't you see the humour in this?' Mal asked her.
'Frankly, sir? No.' Zoe said. Mal stifled his laughter before continuing. His first mate seemed rather annoyed.
'Really? Why? I mean,' Here Mal, gracious as always, choked on his laughter, 'The young doc here and Kaylee being tricked by River…' He took a long look at her face and saw she wasn't kidding. 'Oh, fine. Go and spoil the fun.' Zoe walked over and knocked on the door.
'Sweetie? It's Zoe.' She said.
'Hiya.' Said Kaylee, sounding dishevelled, ashamed and defeated.
'Look, just try and cover yourself up as much as possible, okay?' Zoe told her. There was some towel rustling going on inside. While they were getting ready Zoe turned to Mal and silently asked him to turn towards the wall. Zoe looked down at Inara and asked the same. They both sighed, realising the fun was over, and turned around to look anywhere but at the two lovebirds, who had just appeared, looking flushed, sweaty and incredible embarrassed. Simon was holding two towels over his penis and buttocks, and Kaylee was holding them over her breasts and vagina. They ran for Kaylee's room., and as Kaylee went past Jayne he slapped Kaylee on the arse. Kaylee squealed and ran after her lover. At least that's how it should have gone. Zoe saw him attempting it, grabbed his wrist, and laid her fist into his jaw. He spun around, landing face down in front of the doorway to the passenger quarters. He blacked out for about a second, and by that time, Kaylee and Simon had disappeared.
'Didn't even get a good peek…' Jayne mumbled. Then his memory returned, with a good side-order of pain. 'Ow!' He said, rubbing his jaw. That hurt. Really hurt. 'Did she hit me?' Inara giggled.
'I'll say she did.' She said, rather enjoying the moment.
'Why'd she do that?' He asked, morality seeming to be not as important to him as outright pain and confusion.
'Ah, well, you deserved it.' Mal told him. Meanwhile, Zoe walked the Kaylee and Simon to Kaylee's room.
'Kaylee has a blanket down there. At the very least, Simon, you can cover yourself up more.'
'Thanks.' Simon said. Zoe turned away as Kaylee, then Simon disposed of the towels so that they could climb down the ladder into Kaylee's room. Afterwards, Zoe walked off to speak to the others. When she got there, the first one to speak was Jayne.
'Gorramit woman, what the Hell was that for?' He shouted, before she slammed him on the tabletop. When she spoke, she had rage in her voice.
'They were having an embarrassing time of it already, couldn't you see that? But no, Jayne has to make it that little bit worse.' Jayne was choking, Zoe was pressing so hard down on his neck.
'Gorramit, it was only a bit of fun-' It was immediately apparent to Jayne that that was the wrong thing to say when Zoe pressed even harder.
'Fun!' She said, pressing even harder, 'You sick, you depraved little man, you call embarrassing little girls fun!' She said, Jayne was really choking now. He could see lights flashing before his eyes.
'Get off me you psychopath!' He shouted, losing more breath the more Zoe held on. Mal saw Jayne turning purple and decided that enough was enough.
'Zoe, as fun as it is watching you choke Jayne and describe him, I really can't let you kill him.' He pondered the statement for a second. 'Well, not yet anyway.' After a few seconds, and what seemed like a lifetime for Jayne, Zoe let go. Jayne breathed in, coughing. When he was sure that Jayne was okay, he hoisted him up and pinned him against the table again.
'Gorramit!'
'Now you listen here, Jayne Cobb, I can see you teasin' the doctor and everything, him being all uptight and all that, but not Kaylee. She's a good girl,' Mal thought for a second, and had a deep and sudden respect for Kaylee, and how she had felt towards Simon and not been afraid or embarrassed to say it, and even though she didn't say the actual words, he knew by Kaylee's tone that she was in love with the young doctor. Huh, he thought. The medic and the mechanic sharing a bed, who would have thought. Gorram shipboard romances. Mal continued, 'And she's growing into a fine woman. You had no right to show her that kind of disrespect.' He looked around at Zoe and Inara. He knew Zoe felt it, she had felt it first, which most likely why she hadn't laughed 'til she cried like the others. He didn't know if Inara felt it, but since she dealt a lot with love, even if she never really got the chance to love, but then he saw it in her eyes, the joy that Kaylee and Simon were madly in love, and both regret and shame for having laughed at their misfortune. Mal looked back at Jayne. The big, dumb ape. This all failed to register with him. The only was he could relate to what Kaylee and Simon had was with whores (Meanwhile making the distinction that Inara definitely didn't fall into that category), no real love with a woman. It failed to permeate his peanut-sized lump of soggy grey goo that passed for a brain that Kaylee and Simon were having more than a fling, a lust-filled romp. He couldn't see that it was so much more. 'Now, listen here, Jayne. If I EVER see or hear of you treating Kaylee like she is some whore - yes, Inara,' He said, because he saw her looking at him, with annoyance flashing across her face, 'I know you're not a whore, and that's why we don't treat you as such -' He returned to Jayne, ', I will punch your lights out myself and throw you in the brig until I say otherwise. Do I make myself clear!' Everyone stared at him. It was Zoe who finally broke the silence.
'Sir?' Zoe said.
'What?' Mal asked, still furious from his rant.
'We don't have a brig.' Zoe told him. Mal stopped paused mid-fume.
'Well then, I'll lock you in your room until I say otherwise. You hear?' He thought for a second. 'And also, even though I myself poke fun at the doc because he doesn't fit in with our life, that doesn't mean he doesn't fit in with Kaylee's, so I'd prefer if you didn't tease him so much.' Oh Hell, he thought, just say it. 'Kaylee loves him, and Simon loves her, and I want Kaylee to see us making an effort to make him fit in. So,' He said with conviction, 'We clear?' It was a tense moment. Everyone was holding their breath. Finally, Jayne spoke his piece.
'We're clear.' He said. Mal wasn't finished thought.
'I'm sorry, we're clear what?' Mal said, the voice of authority pulsating through each and every syllable. Even so, Mal was holding his breath. He wasn't sure whether he'd pushed his luck.
'We're clear, Captain.' Jayne spat the last word, as if it were a repulsive bug that had crawled inside his mouth, and he was eager to rid himself of it.
'That's right. Now,' Mal began, rage burning through his last few words, 'Get out of my sight.' Jayne stood there for a second, possibly determining whether to spit at the Captain's feet to show his utter contempt for him or just plain lay into him. Fortunately for his own well-being, he thought again and stomped off to his room, mumbling Chinese curses that I cannot translate for legal purposes. When he'd left, Inara nodded towards the doorway, silently hinted for Mal to turn around. In the doorway was Kaylee, looking at him like a girl who had just seen her big brother defend her against someone bigger and stronger than him. She had tears in her eyes. For a split second, instinct kicked and he thought it was Simon who caused them, but looking closer, he saw that they were tears of joy. Kaylee was smiling.
'All that…you said about me and Simon…you meant it?' She asked, tears streaming down her face. Mal smiled.
'Every word.' She ran over and gave him a great big hug, crying tears of happiness into his stomach. Mal hugged her back. He looked down at her teary eyes, and she gave him a peck on the cheek.
'I love my Captain.' She said. Mal felt it. The raw emotion in this tiny girl, making her into a woman, was incredible. The love, the happiness, the joy that she had finally found someone for her, and that someone had found her. Mal nodded towards her room.
'Go be with Simon.' He said, and without another word, she ran off towards her room.
'Wow, Mal.' Said Inara. 'That was…beautiful.'
'Yeah, I know.' Mal turned to River, who had been sitting there, observing the events. 'You know, River, that was a mean trick that really got out of hand.' She looked slightly less amused with herself, but still smiling.
'I know. But then you wouldn't have finally admitted all that about Kaylee, and her relationship with Simon. Jayne wouldn't have been shown the error of his ways.' River said.
'I'm still not sure he has.' Mal said. River smiled mischievously.
'Also, before it got out of hand,' She began, 'It was funny, and quite cute.' For the first time that afternoon, Zoe laughed.
'It was slightly funny, I guess.' She laughed admittedly.
'Still, River, try not to go pulling any more tricks like that again,' Mal asked, 'Because I really don't want you upsetting those two now.'
'They kind of walked into it, sleeping together in the engine room like that.' River said. This procured a laugh from Mal.
'Yeah, I guess they did.' He stopped laughing. 'Still, they're in love. I don't think you should be disturbing them like that again. Not until they're well and truly settled, you know, as a couple. They should be happy.'
'Aw,' said Inara, 'That's so sweet, Mal.'
'They're not settled yet.' River said.
'Yeah, well I know that, but-' Mal began.
'Going at it like wild animals, going for an hour of passion, the love they share intertwining.' River told him. There saw silence.
'Kinda spoilt the moment, that.' Inara said.
'How many times have I told you, stop saying things like that!' He shouted at River. 'I really didn't need to know.'
'I know a part of you really did.' River said.
'Yeah, I guess you're right.' Mal said.
'Sir,' Zoe started, 'Not to interrupt your moment, but we said we'd meet Jack in about fifteen minutes. If we have any hope of, you know, all being ready to meet him…' Zoe eyed the room shared by Kaylee and Simon. Mal thought for a second. Jack was going to be a new member of the crew, the first new actually chosen crewman for ages. He was important, but Simon and Kaylee, their love, their passion, that was important too. He smiled a fatherly smile. He knew what was important.
'Tell him to wait an hour. We're a bit busy here.'
I did say it was just a second.
River smiled. As Zoe walked off to talk to Jack, he sensed heard the sounds of romance drifting from Kaylee's room, and as unaware he wanted to be about how their sexual conduct took place, he listened just for a few seconds, and smiled. The world felt right again.
Down in Kaylee's room, the two were going at it, both of them happier than words could describe. They stopped. Kaylee cried, and Simon wiped the tears away, kissing her forehead, holding her head to his chest. When he let go, she looked at him with such feeling, he felt he was going to cry as well. She sniffed. It was the happiest he'd ever seen her.
'I love you, Simon.' She said. He stared up at her, and saw, in that instant, that this was a girl, no, a woman, he could spend the rest of his life with. He brushed the hair out of her eyes, and wiped the tears off her face.
'I love you, Kaylee.' With that, they launched into a kiss, so passionate, so loving, so emotional, Simon felt tears streaming down his face and he realised that they weren't Kaylee's, they were his. He felt her warm, naked body with him, intertwined, two people truly, and utterly in love. When they finally broke the kiss, Simon knew, just knew, that Kaylee felt the same way about him. She began stroking his chest.
'Now, where were we?' She said, before-
Well, let's just say they had a wonderful afternoon.
Jack stood outside. It was the winter season. The rain seemed to drench him to his very soul, and the cold appeared to feel left out, so it launched a windy assault from all directions. But Jack didn't care. The elements meant nothing to a man who knew, truly knew who and what he was. Jack knew, and he knew his purpose. He pulled a vid-photo out of his jacket pocket. It was of a man, a woman and a boy. A family. They were in a park, having a picnic, the boy learning how to play football. On closer inspection, the man in photo looked like Jack with longer hair. He stared at the photo for a good long while, before replacing it in his jacket pocket. He looked at the ship, Serenity, watching the rain and wind attack it to no avail, and wondered. He wondered if they what they felt. He wondered how they would react. He wondered about the raw emotion that seemed to emanate from the ship. He wondered if they knew who they were, or what they were. Lastly, he wondered if they knew what their purpose was.
Because he knew.
