Urk… yeah. I'm not a liar so I'm not making lame excuses.
PROCRASTINATION!
(sigh) That feels better.
Time to renew teh disclaimer!
Disclaimer: I do not own Wolf's Rain, Steve Conte, Nelly, 50 Cent, Ciara, Adam Sandler, Michael Jackson, The Ring, On-Star, Usher, The Four Seasons, Febreeze, Super Fresh, Taco Bell, McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, DQ and MORE. I DO own… milk. And this keyboard. How cool is that?
EPISODE 11: Gone Like a Rapper
(DOME CITY)
FREAKY FORTUNETELLER: Omigawd! You're like, going to die in seven days!
ORCHUM: Dammit! I knew I shouldn't have watched that freak-ass videotape! Somebody call On-Star!
(On the STREETS)
CROSSEDRESSER: (sigh) (groan) (moan) (sigh) (sees HUBB) Oooh! SEXAY!
RANDOM LADY: Hubb! I love you! (GLOMP)
HUBB: And I love you! Wait like, who the fuck are you?
CROSSDRESSER: I like oysters.
(ELSEWHERE)
RANDOM LADY: I know Cher!
HUBB: Shit no way! I do too!
RANDOM LADY: She died, you better go find her body.
DETECTIVE MAN: Not while I'm around! Cher's body is mine! Mwahahaha!
(BULIDING PLACE)
ORCHUM: Samara will never be able to penetrate the On-Star troops I have! Aha!
SAMARA: Bright light!
ON-STAR: DIE!
(A huge ONE-SIDED SHOOT-OUT SCENE commences)
ON-STAR: N-no…. (DIES)
ORCHUM: Wait… you… you're not Samara… JAGURA!
JAGURA TROOP THING: Damn straight!
ORCHUM: DEAD!
OPENING
CONTE: Hey Kiba, I just farted.
KIBA: What, just now?
CONTE: Yes, while I was supposed to be singing!
KIBA: Ph34r.
(RUSTY CITY)
TSUME: Can you just smell the danger in the air? It makes me want to whip out a gun and shoot people! Yeah, I own like, ten guns! It's pretty neat.
TOBOE: I used to be an assassin when I was younger.
HIGE: I used to be anorexic.
KIBA: I used to be afraid of spiders.
CHEZA: I used to be a tree.
(silence)
KIBA: There's a full moon tonight.
TOBOE: And I'll be like, stronger than He-Man!
TSUME: So… Cheza's going to bloom?
HIGE: No! She's going to EXPLODE! BOOOOOOOM!
CHEZA: I also used to be a cucumber.
(PLACE OF COLD AND STONE)
DETECTIVE MAN: Cher never really existed. It was just an illusion you had in your mind.
HUBB: Time's are a-changing.
DETECTIVE MAN: I know… Cows just started to produce neon purple milk the other day.
HUBB: I prefer blue mayonnaise.
(SOMETHING EXPLODES)
DETECTIVE MAN: We're under attack! Everybody run and hide! Oh the world's ending! Jesus, I hate you!
HUBB: (leaves quietly)
(SHIP PLACE)
GENERAL: Lord Orchum is dead! So is On-Star! We must save our city!
SOLDIER: What about Cheza?
GENERAL: Fuck her! We're swingin' this baby home!
(DARCIA'S PIMP HOUSE OF LOVE AND SEX)
CHER: I'm going to wander this castle and get into trouble. (finds SOMETHING) Wow! With this, I could suck Cheza's brain out of her ears! Not like she has one or anything…
DARCIA: Cheza's brains are made of cauliflower. If you want them so badly, there's a Super Fresh ten miles from here.
CHER: I'm going to kill Cheza.
DARCIA: No need, she'll die anyway!
CHER: What…? Oh FUCK YOU! I didn't read ahead in the script like the rest of you shit-ass people! Fuck you all!
DARCIA: The world dies, Cher.
CHER: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(RUSTY CITY… ONLY IT'S NIGHT)
KIBA: What's going to happen?
HIGE: Maybe… maybe Taco Bell will finally reveal itself.
TOBOE: I feel so alive!
TSUME: Omigosh! This moon is making me feel so entirely OOC!
CHEZA: There is only one way we can find Taco Bell… Let's. Get. Jiggy with it.
(ALL does a CRAZY DANCE. HOWLING is involved.)
(DARCIA'S PIMP HOUSE OF WAFFLES AND PANCAKES)
DARCIA: My pops was a cool guy.
CHER: What happened to him?
DARCIA: Paradise happened. He got sucked in.
CHER: So dramatic!
DARCIA: And how! Now, I must go to paradise to save Hamona! Because I love her brains and breasts!
CHER: You obviously don't know women. If a man ever said that to me, I would decapitate him.
(silence)
DARCIA: Paradise stole my eye!
CHER: How in God's name did your eye get sucked into paradise?
DARCIA: Well I dunno… it just sorta happened one night. I was drunk.
NEZE: (appears on TIVO) Darcia, you piece of shit! The time to strike is NOW! Get a fucking move on, asshole!
(RUSTY CITY AND IT'S STILL NIGHT)
(The WOLVES are POSING. A BRIGHT PATHWAY APPEARS)
KIBA: Wow…
TSUME: No… way… it's the path to Taco Bell!
CHEZA: Let's all follow The Heroine Road! Run in slow-mo everyone! SLOW-MOOOO!
(They DO)
(THE MOON)
DARCIA: My ship is totally on the moon, yo.
(THE EARTH)
KIBA: Oh no, a scary man!
TSUME: It's a noble!
DARCIA: Cheza! Come with me!
CHEZA: Uh… do I know you?
DARCIA: (Whips out his HANDY SYNTHESIZER and begins to PLAY and SING)
I was driving around in old Mexico
I got lost and I didn't know which way to go.
I was confused, it was late and I was in a fog,
I ran over the Taco Bell dog.
I heard that smush and I said 'Oh Mama'
My low rider crushed that little Chihuahua.
I prayed for forgiveness in a Synagogue,
I ran over the Taco Bell dog.
If I am caught they'll put me in a cell with 20 locks
Unless I can pin it on Jack in the Box.
I'll be whipped, and then beaten and then I'll be flogged,
I ran over the Taco Bell Dog
His last words were 'Yo Quiero el Medico'
I flattened that pup to Hell I will go.
I should have skipped driving and gone for a jog,
I ran over the Taco Bell dog.
I ran over the Taco Bell dog.
I ran over the Taco Bell-
CHEZA: (SCREAMS like a SIREN/ HORNY WHALE) Noooo! Darcia, how could you! You are a very bad man! I hate you! (SCREAMS SOME MORE)
DARCIA: Your siren scream is quite pimping. Are you challenging me to a rap-a-thon?
CHEZA: Damn straight!
(WHIPS OUT her NON-EXISTENT RAPPING UTENSILS)
CHEZA:
I was like-
Good gracious, wolves boudacious,
Flirtatious, Flower-zacious.
I've been looking for the right time to go full bloom,
Lookin' for a way to get to par'dise soon.
Oh, I going, smellin' like Febreeze
Me and the rest of my doggies.
Check it, par'dise is a lot better than The Four Seasons
Dome place, full moon, Wolves be feedin'
No deceivin', nothin' up my stem, an' no treason
I need you to get up up into paradise.
Give Darcia what he askin' for.
'Cos I feel like bustin' loose and I feel like goin' bloom.
Can't nobody stop the juice so baby tell me what's the use…
I said…
It's getting cold in here,
So please turn down the heat (1)
I am getting' so cold,
I'm gonna turn the heat down…
DARCIA: I'll say, that was quite a performance. If you come with me, we can rule the world as the best rappers ever!
CHEZA: I like the way you think! (she LEAVES)
KIBA: But… I didn't get to rap…
TOBOE: 50 Cent is my great-great-great-great uncle. Somehow…
TSUME: Yeah, 'cause 50 Cent is definitely a wolf.
HIGE: I'm not…a wolf… I'ma golfer… blue… pansie… Harry Pooper.
KIBA: Hey hey, screw Harry Pooper, I mean, he can't beat me: The-wolf-who-never-needs-to-pee. Aha.
TOBOE: That's… ridiculous…
TSUME: What's more ridiculous is that the moon is red!
HIGE: Ph34r.
(PLACE WHERE CHER IS)
CHER: I'm here.
(DOME CITY)
HUBB: ZOMG I'M FINALLY LEAVING THIS PLACE! AFTER ELEVEN EPISODES! WOOHOO!
QUENT: The moon is red…
HUBB: Maybe it's maybeline.
QUENT: Maybe the world is ending.
HUBB: Ph34r.
ENDING
(3 WEEKS later, KIBA is freed from the HOSPITAL)
KIBA: This time, I'll be in an enclosed, safety guaranteed area! (he RUNS)
(All of the sudden, a HUGE METEORITE descends from the SKY and hits KIBA on the HEAD)
DIRECTOR: Omigosh Kiba! Why are you ALWAYS getting hurt?
KIBA: It's my duty! (he "DIES")
HIGE: Beef.
PREVIEW
HUBB: Spring is sprung.
KIBA: And so is something else… Harhar.
FEMALES: Men…
ENDING
(After 2 WEEKS, KIBA is FREE from the HOSPITAL)
KIBA: Finally! I know that I'm on a stage with a moving set to make it look like I'm running even though I'm running in place will guarantee no more accidents! Yay! (he RUNS IN PLACE)
(the LIGHTS on the STAGE make a STRANGE NOISE, then proceed to FALL ON KIBA)
DIRECTOR: Oh Jesus Christ.
-
Zomg It's over. Hoolay. … Hooray. Oh!
(1) Yeah, sort of an inside joke BUT(!) I will include anyone how is reading this in it. Okay okay. So my friend Terri always has her air conditioning going in her room. And so me and her and Ali (another friend) were sitting up there and, because I have no fat on my body, I started to get cold. Because I was high on sugar… my sentence came out as: "Ugh… turn down the heat, I'm cold!" Yeah.
!STUO-TUOHS
Demonslayer - ZOMG thanx for teh review! Albel is teh sex... haha. Luther/Fayt is hawt. Loves.
anonymous - (changed spelling on 'annoymous'... haha) Ahem. Thank you so much! (bow) I hope this chappy was just as enjoyable.
toboe's-Fan - (blush) Thank you so much! I hope this wait wasn't AS long as it seemed... jeez, I hate myself now.
Buddi-chan - Haha, Tsume is the most fun to do, I think. Kiba is an ASS though. I swear to God. Thanks for the review muchly!
Ashleychan - ... I'm sorry! I'm just a terrible procrastinator and- and... I'm not going to make up excuses and sink as low as the other authors! "Nyah, school this and school that! Nyah, Otakon! Nyah, that cheese went down the wrong tube! Nyah!" OkayI'mdonethatlittlerantthingsorryifIoffendedanyone.
Okay now bye er'body bye!
