Dear Diary,

No, that's just gorram crap. If I'm gonna keep a journal, it ain't gonna be like that, all girly and soppy.

Captain's Log A00000001A

Much better. More…traditional.

The meeting with Jack had gone quite well, if not for River's random comments and Zoe's reluctance to trust Jack. I don't completely trust Jack myself, my main reason being his refusal to open his bag. He claimed it contained 'personal items' (That doesn't matter anyway. It's locked in River's room. Let's see him get past her). Yet even so, there's something…uncanny about him. He was like River, approached from a different direction. I just couldn't put his finger on it, but there was definitely something not quite right about that man.

'Sir, it's not that I don't trust your judgement, I just don't trust him.' Zoe told me. We were on the bridge, talking in private. When we walked in, I mentally checked the room for bugs. I saw Zoe doing the same thing.

'I know what you mean.' I said. 'I don't think he's telling us everything.'

'Why not get River to read him?' Zoe asked. That was a good question. I told her so. I also told her that I'd asked her to do it earlier, but she could only pick up permanent emotions, no thoughts. To her, the man's mind was a vault. What worried me was that she didn't want to look into it further. She told me that she felt that Jack had gone through some huge emotional trauma, and that he'd been different ever since. She wasn't telling me everything either, and I knew it. I decided not to probe into it further…ew. I had a bad thought, there. Anyway, I told all this to Zoe. She nodded along, understanding. Once I'd finished, she asked something that seemed to be bugging her about my story. 'Why don't you think she told you everything?'

'I think she had a rough idea of what happened to Jack.' I told her. 'It just seemed that she knew more than she was saying.' Zoe was looking at me strangely. 'Call it Captain's intuition.' I told her. Great line, that. Zoe was clearly thinking of calling it something else, when Jayne ran in.

'Have you seen Simon?' Jayne asked. I looked at Zoe, puzzled. Apparently, so was she. I mean, come on, Jayne? Looking for Simon? I was curious.

'No, not since the meeting. Why?' I asked him.

'Something's happened to River.' I stood still for a nano-second before I ran with Zoe to find Simon.


Dear Diary,

Such a lovely afternoon here on Serenity. A new guy in our life (Crew wise S), and some loooovely love sessions with Simon. Oh, it was wonderful. Jayne poked fun, but, as Simon Says (D), the big man-ape-gone-wrong-thing's just jealous of us. Mmm. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Simon's trying to give me a kiss here. I want to write, but I want to kiss, you know what I mean?

That's got rid of him. I told him I just needed to write this. Anyhoo, I was working on the engine's combustor unit ('cos, you know, it was broken because the turbine accelerator had snapped off, impaling itself next to the mechanic's head O), when I heard Jayne and Zoe runnin' round looking for Simon. I asked why, they said River 'ad been hurt. Anyway, I ran out to River, and there she was, lying there, staring at the ceiling, mumblin' away.. I saw that new fella, Jack (Hot in a soldier-rugged sorta way, you know? I ain't gonna be givin' up my Simon, my lover, not now, not ever, not for no man, no matter how hot he may be, cause, you know, Simon's my man, and I love him and all), got out of his room and started asking about River, and then we found Simon in the infirmary, cleaning up. It broke my heart to see his reaction when he heard that River was hurt. He really cares for her, he does. He ran up the stairs to the kitchen, an' I ran with him, we had to make sure she was shiny. When we got to the kitchen, there she was, sitting upright. Simon hugged her, looked her over. She must've been pretty weak, because he asked Mal to pick River up and take her to her room. We followed (Me and Simon) while the others talked about what they thought might be wrong with her.


Thursday

Made pretty boy Simon embarrassed.
Tried to slap Kaylee's pretty little butt cheek.
Slugged by Zoe.
Fought with Zoe and Mal.
Met Jack. Don't trust him.
Cleaned Vera. Shiny.
River hurt.
Talking about why.
Kaylee and Simon. In Love.
Our Kaylee? With him?
Polished Vera. Shiny.
Tried to get into Jack's bag.
Got Electrocuted.
Still not Captain.


Thursday/DATE+TIME AWAITING VERIFICATION

Today was a mixed day. On the one hand, River played a horrible practical joke on me and Kaylee (Poor thing, River didn't need to make Kaylee embarrassed), and Jayne was still his trained man-ape-gone-wrong thing. Of course, without the training. On the other hand, we met an interesting new crew member, Jack, I can see that Kaylee thinks that he's handsome, but she confided with me that "She'd never leave me, not for no man", and we made sweet, beautiful love. Twice. Oh, it was beautiful. The first time, it was just passion, but the second time, when Kaylee was crying with happiness, it wasn't about passion, or lust, or desire, but love. True love. Hmm. I tried giving her a kiss earlier, but she said I could wait, she wanted to write in her diary, the little tease. I know she'll make it up to me later.

Then, there was the incident with River. She was doing so well, then she apparently just collapsed. My sister, killer of Reavers, collapsing. It was unthinkable. I checked her over, but she was okay. I got Mal to bring her down to her room, Kaylee following with me. She was clearly as shocked as I was. We laid River down on her bed, and I felt her pulse. Normal. I felt her head, that was normal too. I looked at her, and asked what was wrong.
She had gone a bit crazy earlier, but now she, well, I never expected anything like this.


Diary.

What a thing.

Something.

Records.

Simon gave me it. It was red. I wanted pink. Boob. Got a pink one for Kaylee. Captain asked for no more tricks. Still, can't hurt.

Hurt when I probed his mind. The dream, still engraved into my head. I felt Jack before he arrived. Anger. Hate. Screaming. So much screaming.

The Captain asked me about this. I told him about what I'd felt. Not the dream. He'd never understand the dream. Not now.

I was interested. Jack's mind is a vault. A big, red, vault of fire but a vault nonetheless. I believe that I can crack his vault in enough time. I tried. Flames. Burnt. Fire. Pain. I remember falling over, and waking up in my room, the Captain, Simon and his lady, Kaylee. So sweet together. A family. I told them what happened. I told them about my conversation with the Captain. My head still hurt. He advised I get some sleep.

But I decided to write in this instead. No sleep yet. Images searing across my brain, from the vault. It hurts. Make it stop.

I searched Simon's room. He has some Earth-That-Was music. A musical compact disc. So thin, fragile. Careful not to break it. So little information inside. No pictures. Just music. (What's The Story) Morning Glory? by Oasis. Odd. He also has a CD player. Simon prefers most Earth-That-Was music to modern music. I played it. His favourite track is She's Electric.

He can be such a boob.


MISSION LOG 0982098A1232KJIOM23

Why.
WHY WHAT Why do you torment me so.
YOU KNOW WHY Leave me in peace, demon.
DEMON IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK OF ME Yes. I dreamt you up, out of fear, you won't leave me alone.
I NEED YOU Well, I don't need you.
JACK JACK DONT YOU UNDERSTAND Understand what?
I CONTROL YOU No you don't.
WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WRITE LIKE THIS How?
YOU THEN ME THEN YOU THEN ME I don't know.
WE ARE ONE WE ARE THE SAME YOU COULDNT DESTROY ME NOT THEN NOT NOW POWER GROWING ALWAYS GROWING FEAR GROWS HOPE DIES WE ARE ONE WE are not the same!
Go! Vile d I AM NOT A DEMON I AM YOU Go! I have done your retched will. I brought you upon this vessel. Please. Go.
WHY SO YOU CAN STOP THIS Why did you kill that man?
WHAT Why did you kill him?
HE ASKED QUESTIONS He was innocent!
NO ONE IS INNOCENT YOU HAVE PROVED THAT YOU HAVE SAVED LIVES BUT YOU HAVE ME IF HE WAS SO INNOCENT WHY WAS HIS ROOM SOUNDPROOFED To keep ideas from his rivals! That's what he told LIES HE TOLD LIES PEOPLE ARE NOT INNOCENT BUT WE SHALL MAKE THEM You want to kill them KILL PURGE THE SINFUL HERETICS DIE ALL DIE BURN SINGE Stop!
YOU COULDNT HAVE SAVED THEM I could have. You were too strong.
I AM STONG I AM FEAR That's it. Torment me no longer. Do your worst.
MY WORST YOU KNOW WHAT MY WORST IS YOUVE SEEN IT AND I SHALL DO IT THAT IS YOUR WISH No. God, NO GOD NO ANYTHING CAN STOP ME YOU KNOW THIS Why are you with me? What did I do to deserve this?
YOU DIDNT DO IT THIS IS REVENGE THE TOOK THE LIVES OF BILLIONS IN THE WARS THEY SENT THEM TO DEAL WITH AN UNDEFEATABLE ENEMY LIKE ME You know, the Traveller will stop you.
NOT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE ATLAS SHALL SERVE ITS PURPOSE AND THE WORLD SHALL SEE THE WHOLE UNIVERSE SHALL BE PURGED OF THEIR EVILS THERE WILL BE LIGHT I WILL CONTROL THE PURGING LIGHT THE CANDLELIGHT OF GOD AND NONE SHALL SMOTHER IT