Time for the next chappy… since I just renewed the disclaimer, I don't feel pressured and scared anymore. Yay.
This is the chapter where we get to make fun of Hige's horny-ness, Toboe's girliness, and the men's clothes! Yay!
EPISODE 12: Don't Make Me PMSish
(CASTLE/KEEP PLACE)
CHER: ZOMG I'm awake.
(SOMEWHERE)
DARCIA: I like explosions.
CHEZA: Do I look dead?
(WILDERNESS)
OLD LADY: Oh! Explosions! Considering the fact that every living soul on the planet is happy and gay and peaceful and loving, they must be from a festival!
OLD MAN: Tru dat.
(RAP-BATTLE FIELD)
KIBA: The moon is still red!
OPENING
CONTE: I am soooo sexay!
CHEZA: Marry me!
CONTE: I do!
(DARCIA KEEP)
DARCIA: I have Cheza! Wha… Wait a shit-second! Neze has been crucified! (throws CHEZA aside) Neze! Now is my chance to save you and earn your respect!
NEZE: Shit! YOU weren't supposed to show up! The team of assassins I hired… what happened to them? Grr… Don't touch me Darcia! I have nothing to say to you.
DARCIA: (frees NEZE anyway) I would listen to you, really. But you're plot worthy.
NEZE: Well to make you feel like shit… HAMONA IS GONE FO'EVA.
DARCIA: Noooo! (molests NEKKID HAMONA) (cries) NOOOOOSSS!1 (bangs his HEAD against STEEL) NOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSS!1!one
NEZE: Well that sure had the desired effect...
(CITY PLACE)
THUG: Sleep with me blue!
BLUE: Ra-ther!
THUG UNDERLING: I hearts j00!
BLUE: Ra-ther!
THUG HOBO: Pip pip tally-ho!
BLUE: What what?
(PLACE (I'm soooo creative!))
HIGE: Guyzzz look alive! I mean… at least we know that Cheza and Darcia have a common interest, so that means Darcia won't be raping her… right?
TOBOE: What a joke. Darcia is just another Ghetto-pimp wannabe. He'll do anything for sex…
TSUME: …But he won't do that.
KIBA: Huh?
BLUE: APPEARANCE!
TOBOE: IT'S LOVE!
BLUE: TRU DAT!
HIGE: What?
THUG: Blue has friends…
THUG HOBO: Huh? She's a lesbian?
TOBOE: I'm a guy!
THUG UNDERLING: That's scary! Let's run.
(They DO)
KIBA: Blasted ruffians.
TSUME: I hate you Blue. You stole Toboe from me! Fack yeh!
BLUE: (making out with TOBOE)
HIGE: I'm going to stalk Blue.
BLUE: Oh no! Toboe I just realized my lady troubles start up again soon! I have to go to CVS and buy some condoms! Err… I mean… Maxi Pads! Yes, that's it…
KIBA: Bye… loser.
BLUE: Ra-ther! (LEAVES)
HIGE: My tail is wagging! (FOLLOWS)
TOBOE: (gasp) He's going to molest my girlfriend! I must follow! (LEAVES)
KIBA: Sooo-
TSUME: Not a word!
(OUTSIDE ANOTHER OLD CITY. JEEZ HUBB. JEEZ QUENT)
CAR: EXPLOSION!
HUBB: My car just died! It's the end of the wooorld!
(silence)
HUBB: Time to go get drunk.
AUDIENCE: Ra-ther!
(BAR)
BARTENDER: That's a sexy picture of a woman you got there… I had no idea Playboy was back in business!
HUBB: Are you kidding? I own that company!
QUENT: No you don't… I do!
HUBB: (gasp) It's you…
QUENT: Yes. Yes it is.
(LATER)
QUENT: That Playboy poser-woman was here getting hammered last night.
HUBB: So was I!
QUENT: Blue is too horny for me. That's why I left her.
HUBB: Didn't she leave you…?
QUENT: She's a wolf.
HUBB: I hate you for not answering my well-directed and nosy questions! I'm leaving.
QUENT: (pets gun) Good old Winchester…
(DUMP PLACE)
KIBA: There are no more tasty humans left in the world.
TSUME: Don't worry Kiba, Taco Bell is still waiting for us!
KIBA: Yes… and when we get there, there are going to be lots of Cheza babies! I'll name one of them Enchilada.
TSUME: I'll name one Taco.
(BRIDGE DE ROMANCE)
BLUE: Why did you follow me?
HIGE: Because you belong to me! Not Toboe!
BLUE: Cool it, fatty. Toboe's way cooler than you. Even the audience agrees!
AUDIENCE: Holla!
HIGE: What are you doing here?
BLUE: Weeeell… I was going to get some pads but then I figured out the script said I should stop and be all moping and shit. Yeah. So I wanted to work!
HIGE: I used to work in a porno shop.
BLUE: That's more than I needed to know.
HIGE: Wanna run away?
BLUE: Where to?
HIGE: Well I dunno… Maybe we can snack on some scones and go down to Wimbledon.
BLUE: One would suspect our fun would be ruined by the cold again.
HIGE: Blasted ruffians.
TOBOE: (APPEARS) Hige! Stop molesting my girlfriend! (Knocks HIGE out) Blue! I love you!
BLUE: Oh Toboe! Take me!
(CENSORED)
TOBOE: Something tells me Kiba and Tsume are in danger! Let us rescue them!
BLUE: Okay!
HIGE: W-wait for me!
(DUMP)
THUG: Waha! We got us some cross-dressers! Where's the girly one?
THUG UNDERLING: Jagura may have a sick sense of humor, but hobos in drag are what she's lookin' for!
TSUME: (gasp) Jagura! I used to date a girl named Jagura!
THUG HOBO: Die!
(WILDERNESS SORT OF)
OLD LADY: Young people! Oh my! What is that God-awful leather get-up you're wearing? And… and those shoes! They're terrible!
KIBA/TSUME: (sob) Nooo! Fashion crisis!
OLD MAN: Die, hobos! (whips out GUN)
KIBA: No, we need to be hidden! Some crazy man-thugs are after our fashioness!
BLUE: Old man! I have cool clothes!
OLD MAN: You're right! We'll save you!
(THUGS ARRIVE)
THUG: Noooo! They killed the cross-dressers! (spit) Let's go!
(THUGS LEAVE)
(BAR)
HUBB: I'm so hammered!
QUENT: I miss my generic family.
HUBB: Women are the cancer of society!
WOMAN BARTENDER: Men are shit.
QUENT: Be single! Be strong!
HUBB: I miss my porn-star wife.
(LATER)
QUENT: Detective Dandelion… let's go spin-up some shit in the next city.
HUBB: I'm with ya.
(WILDERNESS SORT OF AGAIN)
OLD LADY: I hope you terrible looking boys are safe now. I mean… seriously! I'm like 80 years old and I have better fashion sense than you! Fat man! You shouldn't wear such baggy clothes! It makes you look 100 pounds heavier than you already are! Girly-man! I swear, your ass always looks like you have a wedgie with those terrible pants! And gangsta man! Leather is soooo out, especially tight leather! And leader man! Get some real shoes on! You look like a goth of old with Levi's! Jesus!
OLD MAN: Only the females in this anime have the truest fashion sense.
KIBA: You people hurt my feelings! Let's go!
OLD LADY: I don't really know where you're going, but I hope you're going to a mall!
OLD MAN: Ra-ther!
ENDING
KIBA: (in a SUIT OF ARMOR) I'm gonna be OKAY!
SOMETHING: BLOWS UP!
KIBA: Aw dammit.
TSUME: Kick the can, win 100 dollars.
PREVIEW
QUENT: I swear to God! Young people, listen up! Instead of buying a car, buy cocaine! I swear, because, you can just use the leftover money to take a bus!
CHER: Ass, Grass or Gas; no one rides for free.
Okay… I didn't like that one very much. The middle was sort of bland. I had trouble working out the whole Toboe/Blue thing. No, I don't really support that pairing (Wolf's Rain OTP: Tsume/Toboe), but it was just funny since all Toboe ever gets is leftovers. Give him the fine shit! Yeah!
IMPORTANT NOTICE FOR YOUZZZ
Recently, I just had my other parody taken down because it was scripted. After this parody is finished and is no longer updated, it will probably be taken down about after a year. Then, I might be in danger of losing my account.
Because I really like this parody, and others seem to enjoy it as well, I was wondering if anyone knows a Wolf's Rain archive or site or whatever that would host this fic, so more people can enjoy it after it's deleted.
If you know of any, (or run one) e-mail me (e-mail on Profile page) or drop me a review. This would be so helpful!
Thanks very much!
SHOUT-OUTS! (I only got three reviews.. Oh well, they were good... I'm not being picky.)
Moondog186 - ZOMG I know! It's sooo exciting! Haha, me gusta el perro de Taco Bell! Gracias para el review...o...
Buddi-chan - Hooray! Thank you sooo much for understanding my procrastination problem. Oh and, they hint at it so much in the anime that Cheza used to be a cucumber. Thanks for the review!
Miss-Ashleychan - (gives a cookie) Thanks sooo much for the review! Teehee! I'm gald you liked that part because I was at a total loss as to what I should've done for that scene. It was so stupid and weird... So yeah. Thanks again!
(sigh) It's so glad to be back on track. I still need to purchase the last two volumes of the series... It's not like I can remember ALL 30 episodes.
Oh yeah! Filler episodes coming soon! AND they won't be scripted. Just cracked out dialogue and stuff. Yeah.
