Time for the next chappy… since I just renewed the disclaimer, I don't feel pressured and scared anymore. Yay.

This is the chapter where we get to make fun of Hige's horny-ness, Toboe's girliness, and the men's clothes! Yay!

EPISODE 12: Don't Make Me PMSish

(CASTLE/KEEP PLACE)

CHER: ZOMG I'm awake.

(SOMEWHERE)

DARCIA: I like explosions.

CHEZA: Do I look dead?

(WILDERNESS)

OLD LADY: Oh! Explosions! Considering the fact that every living soul on the planet is happy and gay and peaceful and loving, they must be from a festival!

OLD MAN: Tru dat.

(RAP-BATTLE FIELD)

KIBA: The moon is still red!

OPENING

CONTE: I am soooo sexay!

CHEZA: Marry me!

CONTE: I do!

(DARCIA KEEP)

DARCIA: I have Cheza! Wha… Wait a shit-second! Neze has been crucified! (throws CHEZA aside) Neze! Now is my chance to save you and earn your respect!

NEZE: Shit! YOU weren't supposed to show up! The team of assassins I hired… what happened to them? Grr… Don't touch me Darcia! I have nothing to say to you.

DARCIA: (frees NEZE anyway) I would listen to you, really. But you're plot worthy.

NEZE: Well to make you feel like shit… HAMONA IS GONE FO'EVA.

DARCIA: Noooo! (molests NEKKID HAMONA) (cries) NOOOOOSSS!1 (bangs his HEAD against STEEL) NOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSS!1!one

NEZE: Well that sure had the desired effect...

(CITY PLACE)

THUG: Sleep with me blue!

BLUE: Ra-ther!

THUG UNDERLING: I hearts j00!

BLUE: Ra-ther!

THUG HOBO: Pip pip tally-ho!

BLUE: What what?

(PLACE (I'm soooo creative!))

HIGE: Guyzzz look alive! I mean… at least we know that Cheza and Darcia have a common interest, so that means Darcia won't be raping her… right?

TOBOE: What a joke. Darcia is just another Ghetto-pimp wannabe. He'll do anything for sex…

TSUME: …But he won't do that.

KIBA: Huh?

BLUE: APPEARANCE!

TOBOE: IT'S LOVE!

BLUE: TRU DAT!

HIGE: What?

THUG: Blue has friends…

THUG HOBO: Huh? She's a lesbian?

TOBOE: I'm a guy!

THUG UNDERLING: That's scary! Let's run.

(They DO)

KIBA: Blasted ruffians.

TSUME: I hate you Blue. You stole Toboe from me! Fack yeh!

BLUE: (making out with TOBOE)

HIGE: I'm going to stalk Blue.

BLUE: Oh no! Toboe I just realized my lady troubles start up again soon! I have to go to CVS and buy some condoms! Err… I mean… Maxi Pads! Yes, that's it…

KIBA: Bye… loser.

BLUE: Ra-ther! (LEAVES)

HIGE: My tail is wagging! (FOLLOWS)

TOBOE: (gasp) He's going to molest my girlfriend! I must follow! (LEAVES)

KIBA: Sooo-

TSUME: Not a word!

(OUTSIDE ANOTHER OLD CITY. JEEZ HUBB. JEEZ QUENT)

CAR: EXPLOSION!

HUBB: My car just died! It's the end of the wooorld!

(silence)

HUBB: Time to go get drunk.

AUDIENCE: Ra-ther!

(BAR)

BARTENDER: That's a sexy picture of a woman you got there… I had no idea Playboy was back in business!

HUBB: Are you kidding? I own that company!

QUENT: No you don't… I do!

HUBB: (gasp) It's you…

QUENT: Yes. Yes it is.

(LATER)

QUENT: That Playboy poser-woman was here getting hammered last night.

HUBB: So was I!

QUENT: Blue is too horny for me. That's why I left her.

HUBB: Didn't she leave you…?

QUENT: She's a wolf.

HUBB: I hate you for not answering my well-directed and nosy questions! I'm leaving.

QUENT: (pets gun) Good old Winchester…

(DUMP PLACE)

KIBA: There are no more tasty humans left in the world.

TSUME: Don't worry Kiba, Taco Bell is still waiting for us!

KIBA: Yes… and when we get there, there are going to be lots of Cheza babies! I'll name one of them Enchilada.

TSUME: I'll name one Taco.

(BRIDGE DE ROMANCE)

BLUE: Why did you follow me?

HIGE: Because you belong to me! Not Toboe!

BLUE: Cool it, fatty. Toboe's way cooler than you. Even the audience agrees!

AUDIENCE: Holla!

HIGE: What are you doing here?

BLUE: Weeeell… I was going to get some pads but then I figured out the script said I should stop and be all moping and shit. Yeah. So I wanted to work!

HIGE: I used to work in a porno shop.

BLUE: That's more than I needed to know.

HIGE: Wanna run away?

BLUE: Where to?

HIGE: Well I dunno… Maybe we can snack on some scones and go down to Wimbledon.

BLUE: One would suspect our fun would be ruined by the cold again.

HIGE: Blasted ruffians.

TOBOE: (APPEARS) Hige! Stop molesting my girlfriend! (Knocks HIGE out) Blue! I love you!

BLUE: Oh Toboe! Take me!

(CENSORED)

TOBOE: Something tells me Kiba and Tsume are in danger! Let us rescue them!

BLUE: Okay!

HIGE: W-wait for me!

(DUMP)

THUG: Waha! We got us some cross-dressers! Where's the girly one?

THUG UNDERLING: Jagura may have a sick sense of humor, but hobos in drag are what she's lookin' for!

TSUME: (gasp) Jagura! I used to date a girl named Jagura!

THUG HOBO: Die!

(WILDERNESS SORT OF)

OLD LADY: Young people! Oh my! What is that God-awful leather get-up you're wearing? And… and those shoes! They're terrible!

KIBA/TSUME: (sob) Nooo! Fashion crisis!

OLD MAN: Die, hobos! (whips out GUN)

KIBA: No, we need to be hidden! Some crazy man-thugs are after our fashioness!

BLUE: Old man! I have cool clothes!

OLD MAN: You're right! We'll save you!

(THUGS ARRIVE)

THUG: Noooo! They killed the cross-dressers! (spit) Let's go!

(THUGS LEAVE)

(BAR)

HUBB: I'm so hammered!

QUENT: I miss my generic family.

HUBB: Women are the cancer of society!

WOMAN BARTENDER: Men are shit.

QUENT: Be single! Be strong!

HUBB: I miss my porn-star wife.

(LATER)

QUENT: Detective Dandelion… let's go spin-up some shit in the next city.

HUBB: I'm with ya.

(WILDERNESS SORT OF AGAIN)

OLD LADY: I hope you terrible looking boys are safe now. I mean… seriously! I'm like 80 years old and I have better fashion sense than you! Fat man! You shouldn't wear such baggy clothes! It makes you look 100 pounds heavier than you already are! Girly-man! I swear, your ass always looks like you have a wedgie with those terrible pants! And gangsta man! Leather is soooo out, especially tight leather! And leader man! Get some real shoes on! You look like a goth of old with Levi's! Jesus!

OLD MAN: Only the females in this anime have the truest fashion sense.

KIBA: You people hurt my feelings! Let's go!

OLD LADY: I don't really know where you're going, but I hope you're going to a mall!

OLD MAN: Ra-ther!

ENDING

KIBA: (in a SUIT OF ARMOR) I'm gonna be OKAY!

SOMETHING: BLOWS UP!

KIBA: Aw dammit.

TSUME: Kick the can, win 100 dollars.

PREVIEW

QUENT: I swear to God! Young people, listen up! Instead of buying a car, buy cocaine! I swear, because, you can just use the leftover money to take a bus!

CHER: Ass, Grass or Gas; no one rides for free.

Okay… I didn't like that one very much. The middle was sort of bland. I had trouble working out the whole Toboe/Blue thing. No, I don't really support that pairing (Wolf's Rain OTP: Tsume/Toboe), but it was just funny since all Toboe ever gets is leftovers. Give him the fine shit! Yeah!

IMPORTANT NOTICE FOR YOUZZZ

Recently, I just had my other parody taken down because it was scripted. After this parody is finished and is no longer updated, it will probably be taken down about after a year. Then, I might be in danger of losing my account.

Because I really like this parody, and others seem to enjoy it as well, I was wondering if anyone knows a Wolf's Rain archive or site or whatever that would host this fic, so more people can enjoy it after it's deleted.

If you know of any, (or run one) e-mail me (e-mail on Profile page) or drop me a review. This would be so helpful!

Thanks very much!

SHOUT-OUTS! (I only got three reviews.. Oh well, they were good... I'm not being picky.)

Moondog186 - ZOMG I know! It's sooo exciting! Haha, me gusta el perro de Taco Bell! Gracias para el review...o...

Buddi-chan - Hooray! Thank you sooo much for understanding my procrastination problem. Oh and, they hint at it so much in the anime that Cheza used to be a cucumber. Thanks for the review!

Miss-Ashleychan - (gives a cookie) Thanks sooo much for the review! Teehee! I'm gald you liked that part because I was at a total loss as to what I should've done for that scene. It was so stupid and weird... So yeah. Thanks again!

(sigh) It's so glad to be back on track. I still need to purchase the last two volumes of the series... It's not like I can remember ALL 30 episodes.

Oh yeah! Filler episodes coming soon! AND they won't be scripted. Just cracked out dialogue and stuff. Yeah.