Chapter 3- Oh…my….god!
Author's note: Hey hey I'm still going! Thanks to the commenters and keep reviewing I'll keep this up! You can probably guess which character features in this chapter…..well she had to pop up somewhere….
A sexually frustrated Chandler left the wedding reception and stepped out into the small London street. Man London was smaller than New York! He kicked a stone down the sidewalk (or as they say in England, the pavement), with his hands in his pockets. He couldn't go back to his room for ages because Joey was busy with the bridesmaid, he didn't want to go back to the 'party' and besides Ross and Emily wouldn't notice that he'd gone, and Monica and Rachel were having a heart to heart so he couldn't talk to them. Basically he was stranded. In London.
"Finally! An American institution! I've missed you!" Chandler strode into the Starbucks on the corner. Sure, it wasn't Central Perk by any means but hey, he could cope.
"Black coffee please kind sir!" The man behind the counter's face remained blank- he was clearly used to tourists attempting to adopt 'English' terms such as 'kind sir' and 'old bean'.
Once Chandler had paid and received his coffee, he sat down and looked around the coffee house. He picked up a copy of "The Sun", and started to flick through. To his shock as well as amusement, he reached Page 3 to find a topless woman posing (to those who aren't English it's common knowledge that glamour models pose on page 3 of The Sun- they're called Page 3 girls! little fact there). "Wow, the English sure are dark horses" he muttered.
After reading a fascinating article about the future inmates of the Big Brother house (again, I know it's not BB season but whatever), and another one about the Beckhams, he put down the paper and sighed. Then he heard it.
"Oh….my…..god!"
He turned round slowly, eyes wide in disbelief. There she was, larger than life in her leopard print coat.
"Janice!" he made a wide sweeping gesture with his arm "What…..er….Janice! What're you….how…Janice! It's you! In London! Janice!"
"nehhahahahaahahahahahahahaa" Ahh the machine gun laugh "Yes it's me! I'm here for the weekend on business! What're you doing here? I thought you were in Yemen?"
Crap. He'd forgotten about the whole "I'm going to Yemen forever" plot to get rid of Janice.
Chandler frowned "Err…I was! But I couldn't miss Ross' wedding! So I'm here for a couple of days…we all leave tomorrow! And then it's…back to Yemen for me!"
Janice smiled at him "See what I mean? We meet each other everywhere! I mean, the one weekend I'm in London, you are too! I mean talk about meant to be! You wanna go somewhere else and catch up? Somewhere more…English?"
Chandler shrugged. What had he got to lose? "Sure!"
Janice sidled up to him and stroked his chest "Maybe we could go back to my hotel room afterwards…I'll give you a night to remember" she winked.
Chandler leapt back "The English-culture-catching-up thing will do for me!"
And with that they left Starbucks and headed to the local pub, "The Black Lion".
Rachel and Monica came out of Monica's room, after the longest hour of Monica's life. Rachel's makeup was now fixed, and she took a deep breath.
"Thanks Mon, you're the best. Ohh I'm sorry honey I've totally ruined your evening! Was I interrupting anything when I bumped into you and Chandler? You looked like you were going somewhere!"
Monica laughed "No, I was just…..directing Chandler to the bathrooms! He's hopeless!"
Rachel raised an eyebrow. She knew when her friend was lying or uneasy. "Right, cos I thought you looked kinda….like a couple!" she grinned. She was loving this.
Monica was freaking out in her head but managed to keep a relatively straight face. "Me and Chandler? What are you crazy? Sweetie I know you and Ross were together and Joey and Phoebe have that…oddly sexual relationship….but there is NO hope for me and Chandler. Seriously"
Rachel put her hands up. "Ok ok my mistake! Now, shall we return to the party?"
Ross was having fun! Really, he was. He was centre of attention, all the quaint English folk loved him, and Emily was 'happy as Larry', as the
people living in the East End of this slightly strange country would say.
But there was something lurking at the back of his mind. A picture. Of Rachel, funnily enough. Before, when he was saying his vows, he could see her out of the corner of his eye, and her face looked kind of…crumpled. He wondered why. He would have to ask her about it later, but for now…
"Ross! Come and cut the cake!"
Duty calls, he thought. He grinned and bounded over keenly to his new wife. As they cut the cake, and the guests cheered, he couldn't help but think of Rachel. As they handed out large slices of white sponge cake, the picture remained. But as he began to drink more champagne, the picture faded, and Emily became more and more beautiful.
"Let's celebrate! Bring on the champagne!" He shouted happily. The guests cheered again (they were an easy crowd to please), and more bottles appeared.
Emily walked up to her new husband.
"Ross, are you all right? You seem a bit…loud."
Ross raised his eyebrows "Apshs…I'm fine! I'm grrrreat! I'm married! And not to a lesbian! Well, that's what I thought about Carol at first, I suppose, but you're not like her…let's dance!"
Emily rolled her eyes. It was strange, but she liked Tipsy Ross. Not as much as Sober Ross, but Tipsy Ross was a nice change. She took his hand and they danced the night away on the dancefloor. Man and wife. Forever.
The next morning, Chandler woke up early. He eased his eyes open, and looked around the hotel room blearily. Hmm. He didn't recognise the room. Was this even his hotel? He looked out the window at the River Thames. Nope, wasn't his hotel.
He got out of bed and shouted "BAH" as he realised he was naked. He turned round to pick up a sheet, shouted "BAH" louder, and leapt a foot in the air as he saw the face of the person lying in the bed. The horsy grin. The big curly brown hair.
"Oh my god. Oh my god."
As if it was her calling, Janice sat up and said "Oh…my…God! Wasn't that the best night?"
Chandler turned round, looked back out at the Thames, and seriously considered leaping out into it and drowning himself.
