Recap: Stephanie gets a job as a bounty hunter and meets Ranger, who is willing to teach her. Her first target is a guy she's known since he was in high school, Joe Morelli. At the end of the day, news comes out that due to the invention of artificial blood, Vampires are making their existence public. Ranger falls asleep thinking that when he moves to Rangeman, he needs a place a woman might enjoy more.

Stephanie

I woke up at 8, did the shower thing, teased my hair in true Jersey-girl style, and applied mascara. As I'd sold my stereo a month ago to pay my phone bill, I sang to myself in the shower. I was feeling pretty good about my version of 'Proud Mary', belting it out with the volume of a woman who knows all her neighbors are Senior Citizens who couldn't hear a jackhammer if it were in the next room.

I checked my phone right before putting it in my purse, only to see there was a text message.

Got held up. Have to reschedule our gun training for 7 pm. Will that work? -R

Shit. I'd been counting on learning more tricks of the trade. But there is a limit to how picky you can be with free help.

Sure, see you then. -S

Now I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to try catching Morelli again until I had a better idea of what to do if I found him. I decided to go talk to Connie. Maybe she could help.

I walked into Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, trying hard to look confident. "So, Ranger is taking me shooting tonight."

"That's great! But try not to shoot Morelli. There's a lot of paperwork if you shoot a skip."

"Um, I wasn't planning on it." I stammered. "I don't want to try catching him again until I have a better idea of what I'm doing. Anything you have for me in the meantime?"

"Sure," Connie said, picking up a couple of folders from her desk. "Usually there's a couple small bonds a day that need tracking down. It's just petty cash, 50 bucks here, a hundred there, but if you bring them all in and supplement with an occasional big bond, you can do OK for yourself. Here, this will be an easy one."

I looked at the first folder. Walter 'Moonman' Dunphy. "I know this guy, we went to high school together. Massive stoner."

Connie nodded. "Hasn't changed at all. Still a stoner, and about as mature as a 10th grader. But he never resists arrest, unless you count offering to watch TV and eat snacks with him resisting. He just genuinely forgets. Star Trek is on at 11 AM, so he'll be home for that."


At 11:10 I knocked on the door to the address the file gave me. After a moment (and the sounds of a lot of shuffling) the door flung open, nearly knocking me down with a cloud of smoke. Moonman was standing there in his pajamas,

"Dudette! Are you selling Girl Scout cookies? I could totally take some Thin Mints right now."

"Umm, no. Sorry. I'm Stephanie Plum, I work for.."

"Stephanie? Woah, no way! How you doing?"

"Hey, Star Trek's on. Want to some watch some Klingons?"

"I'd love to but.."

"Great! I have pizza from last night. Deep Dish."

OK, here's the deal. I hadn't eaten anything in a couple weeks but my mom's dinners and leftovers. I suspected I'd lost several pounds, but I'd hawked my scale. Connie said he wasn't dangerous, and I remember him as being extremely relaxed in High School. There didn't seem to be any harm in just sitting down and eating a bit.

"Wait," I said. "I thought Klingons had those bumpy forheads."

"Nah, Duddette, not at this time. They were performing a genetic experiment with human DNA to create super soldiers."

"They what?" I didn't super care, I was just happy that for once in my life I was relaxed. My belly was full of pizza, chips, dip, and brownies.

Mooner launched into an explanation that I completely didn't follow. But it was relaxing listening to him. Really relaxing. I hadn't felt this good in months. When Start Trek was over, we started watching the 12 o'clock news. He pulled out a bong and took a hit, then offered it to me.

"Sorry Mooner, I don't smoke."

"Just the edibles then? Rightious. Smoke is bad for you."

"No, I don't eat pot either. No drugs at all."

"Um, Dudette, you had 3 brownies."

"Yeah, so? I was hungry." Then it hit me.

"Oh, Mooner, those weren't pot brownies, were they?"

"Is there any other kind?"

Fuck. Fuck. "OK. I don't feel too bad. Just melow. So maybe they didn't hit me too hard."

"Nah, they just take a while to kick in. About 45 minutes."

I looked at the clock. 45 minutes would be just about now. Shit. Then I started at the television. The headline said Vampires Among Us!

"Mooner," I said hesitantly, "I think I'm hallucinating. The news is talking about vampires."

"Oh yeah, you didn't hear? It came out last night. Vampires are, like, totally real. But there's fake blood they can buy so they don't have to eat us. It's awesome."

Well fuck.


Ranger

I waited in the dark outside outside Sid's gun store looking for my new protege, Stephanie Plum. I was strangely anxious. Normally I'm cool, inside and out. Nothing gets to me. But I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since we parted last night. That was odd for me. Ever since my quickie marriage and divorce, I'd avoided seeing a woman for more than a night. Sometimes I'd go to a bar, meet someone, and have a one night stand. Always at her place, and I'd be gone before the sun even rose. It took care of my needs. But I just couldn't get that crazy brunette out of my mind.

I could hear her car before I saw it. The muffler was shot. As it pulled around the corner, I could see her, yelling at the dashboard and thunking it with her fist. I smiled internally. I always smile internally. I learned long ago not to let my feelings show. It's a lot safer that way.

She parked in the beam of a streetlight, my smile widened when she opened the door and got out, stumbling a little. I went up to her, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin.

"Ranger! I didn't see you there."

"Got to be aware of your surroundings, Babe. And why do you smell like a Phish concert?"

"Oh! I did my first capture!" She held up her check proudly. "It was a guy I knew from High School. Total stoner. He invited me in to watch Star Trek, and I hadn't eaten anything today. So I came in and ate some pizza and brownies."

I looked at her eyes, red even in the amber glow of the streetlight. "You ate brownies at the house of a guy you were trying to capture?" That was both amusing and appalling. And then I realized the other thing she had said. That she hadn't eaten today. Might be forgetfulness or rushing out the door. But combined with her desperation for money, it probably meant she didn't have any food in the house.

She nodded. "So then I had to wait there while I came down from the high. But he let me take him in, and I got my first recovery check! It's only $50, but that's money I didn't have this morning. Should I sign it over to you for cuffs and a gun and stuff?"

Not if it meant she didn't have money for groceries. Despite the fact that it would be unsafe to us to go shooting while she still had cannabis in her system, I wanted to spend time with her. "Maybe later. Do you have any other FTAs?"

She glared at me. "Did you just call me fat?"

Internally I groaned. Lucky for her I liked brunettes. What had I gotten myself into? "FTA. Failure to appear. Did Connie give you any more files?"

She looked embarrassed. "Oh, right. Yeah. I've got another one in the car."

"Let me see it. We can't go shooting, not while you're high. But you can follow me and see how it's done."