Pure as the Snow
Epilogue
I still find it unbelievable when I think back to the events that took place last summer. Everyone else in Tokyo seems to have forgotten about it, almost as if it never happened. But not me… no I couldn't forget it. I don't think anyone in my position could.
I think I've learned to value my brat just a little more through the experience. Not that I didn't value him at all before. But maybe, just maybe, not having him in my arms for a long period of time made me realise how truly important to me he is.
He managed to pick himself up rather quickly after the events, claiming he was fine and he was just happy to be back. Secretly I was extremely glad to have him back, but I have to keep some of my pride don't I? Telling him I didn't miss him all that much made him whine for a while, but I knew he knew I was lying. I think he could guess, judging from the fact the apartment's in such a state and I looked a complete mess when he first returned from that awful dream world. I'm sure even a pre-schooler could tell how much I missed him. Touma certainly knew, probably better than anyone else actually. But then again, Touma seems to know everything about me. At one point I swear he was stalking me… but I'm not even going to think about that…
'Pure as the Snow' sold well. Okay, it sold really well. It became a best-seller in far less time than it had taken to write. And yes, I had given it in as my new novel. I'd changed the names of course, and changed a few details here and there, but I figured everyone deserved such a magnificent story. Especially a story about a being who was so pure that he could heal even someone like me (not that they'll ever find out who the names really were). In fact, speaking of the book, I finally developed a theory as to the dream and it's full meaning. I had to go over it a few times with Shu, since he'd been there and knew everything that had happened much clearer than I did. But our theory was of what each part of the dream represented. To expand, the snow in the dream world was referring to both Kitazawa and myself, the black that overtook the world was referring to the lead up to Kitazawa's death and the blood red snow, of course, symbolised Kitazawa's death… or should I say his murder. That reminds me, I keep hearing from Kitazawa occasionally. Seems he's become some sort of guardian angel for me. Not sure whether he's actually my guardian angel or not, but he gets at me if I ever have a fight with Shu or something now, just like a nagging parent. Except it's far worse because it's just a consistent voice that won't go away until I admit I'm in the wrong and go apologise.
As for Shu… well his nightmares have disappeared. Shortly after he got back to the living world he told me about them, and I confessed that I'd guessed something was up from the crying in his sleep and the blood I'd seen on his hands one day. As for how he's coping, he's actually been pretty upbeat like I said before. I don't think anything could keep him down anyway, but I can sense something might still be on his mind. However, he knows I'm here if he wants to talk about it, so I'm sure in his own time he'll come and tell me. I just have to give him space for a little while and be as supportive as I can without seeming like I'm going soft (I'm not dammit! Don't even start with that!). We'll just have to see how things go from now on.
I'm planning to take the brat out tomorrow, surprise trip for his Birthday. He doesn't know I've got it all planned out, but to be honest I started planning it way before Christmas last year, so that this year he'd have a better Birthday than the one he had last year, which consisted of Tatsuha jumping out of a cake and tackling him; the poor kid had nightmares about it for weeks. But this year I'm taking him to a special place I know of where the Sakura trees should be in full bloom and then I'm planning to take him back home where I got Touma to sort out his party for when we get back (I did not want to trust Tatsuha with arranging the party this year, unless I wanted a repeat of last year). Actually, speaking of the brat he's sulking outside because I told him I hadn't planned anything for his Birthday tomorrow and he's upset because he thinks I forgot all about it. That reminds me, I need to try and wrap up his present… or perhaps I could get Touma to do that as well… nah. I'll do it myself later. He'll feel all the more special if I do it myself, even if I don't do wrapping presents. I think he'll like it, but I'm not going to spoil the surprise.
Unfortunately, that annoying, nagging voice of Kitazawa is ringing in my ears telling me to stop being mean and go apologise to Shu. Or maybe that my conscience? God only knows. I can't tell what's going on in my head anymore. I seem to have gained a number of voices since the incident… or maybe that really is just my conscience getting louder. Damn… I'll go apologise later. If I do it now then the surprise will be spoiled so just shut up for a moment will you, stupid voice! Well, that seems to have worked… for now. Fine, fine. I'll go apologise to him, just so long as that stupid voice just stays quiet from now till the end of tomorrow.
Who knows, maybe it is just my conscience growing stronger after all.
Yuki can be such a jerk at times. Doesn't mean I don't love him though. The experience last summer just brought me even closer to him I guess. He seems to be apologising more recently, even if they seem like reluctant apologies. I think maybe the incident had some effect on him too. He's not nearly as willing to let me go out on my own anymore. I think he's afraid if I do I'll just disappear, just like I did back then. It wasn't my fault I got dragged into that world by Kitazawa! And speaking of Kitazawa, it appears he's left for the other world and is doing fine. He gives me regular updates on how he's doing, asking me if I'm alright and if I've recovered and things like that. Recently his voice has died away though, and I don't hear it as often. But I remember, about a day after I returned from the dream world, he called out to me and said something like "You are Eiri's one and only guardian angel". Heh… it'd be nice to think I could always protect him, though it seems more like Yuki's always coming to protect me rather than the other way round. But it's nice to think of it that way.
I wonder if Kitazawa's really alright… bet he's having a blast wherever he is.
To be honest, after the experience I learned not only a few things about myself and Yuki, but also I think I may have understood a few things about Kitazawa too. Kitazawa isn't really all that bad a person. Just because he'd dragged me into the dream world didn't mean he was evil. He wanted to correct the mistake he'd made in the past; was that really so wrong of him? He wanted to move on, and he couldn't do it himself so he had asked me to help him… okay he'd really given me no choice, but I'd much rather help him cross over and heal both their pain then have my Yuki suffer like that. I don't ever want to see my Yuki suffer like that ever again. In fact, I know that underneath his hard exterior, Yuki is a very kind person, he has just locked himself away. He doesn't want anyone to see the real him, although he'll give me short glimpses now and then. He's been doing it more often recently. I wonder if Kitazawa has been speaking to him too. I doubt it. Last time we talked, Kitazawa said that we were 'connected' which, in essence, meant that he could only talk to me like this. Or maybe he found another way to talk to Yuki. The point is, I've realised something about the person I love and the person he once loved. And, I've learned one or two things about myself. Although I may not be strong on my exterior, deep down I can endure a lot and still bounce back. Sure it takes a little time, it always does, but I don't believe in going down and staying down. I want to get back on my feet again at one point, be it sooner or later. And the other thing I've learned about myself, something that I never knew before, is that without Yuki I can hardly live. I mean, I can survive, but my interior is shattered without being able to feel my lover's touch, hear his voice or see his face. It's just that's really the best way I can describe it.
It's my Birthday tomorrow. I would be all happy, but I think Yuki completely forgot. I'm not mad at him, I'm just gonna sulk for a little bit. I'm actually a little annoyed at him, but not mad. I mean, for his Birthday I organised everything and I think he enjoyed it (not that he would actually tell me though, but I'm sure a few times that day I saw a smile creep across his face). I baked him a cake too! Unfortunately, I left it in the oven too long and it not only burned, but it nearly made the whole house catch on fire. To make matters worse, the second I went to cut the cake for my Yuki, it crumbled to ash! I got a well deserved whack on the head for that by Yuki, however I'm sure I heard him chuckling when the whole thing crumbled. I've become a little more aware of Yuki's tell-tale signals suddenly, so I can tell sort of what he's feeling at those times. I'm really proud of myself actually. I never thought I'd be able to learn his signals so quickly! Hehe… but I'm not gonna tell him I know. He probably knows already. Yuki knows an awful lot judging from that smug smirk he keeps on his face whenever he sees me. Occasionally that smug smirk changes into a small smile, but that's still a rarity. I don't think no matter what I do I could ever get Yuki to grin the way I do. It just isn't possible. Can't be done. But I have fun trying!
Yuki's just come out of his study, and is regarding me with that trademark smirk right now as I sulk beside the door. I can guess what he's going to say in a minute.
"You shouldn't sit behind the door idiot. What if I bashed you with it?"
Well, I was close enough with regard to my guess.
"So? And I'm not sitting behind the door, I'm sitting beside the door," I reply, a little pleased with my comeback. Although I know Yuki has a thousand others he can use in this situation, I also know he just can't beat my logic.
"Whatever,"
See? I told you!
He bends down next to me and turns my face to face him. It's times like this when I'm trying to act mad with him that I get annoyed. And there he is, with his lovely face and that smirk still on his lips. He knows within moments I'm going to crumble, just like that cake. In a way I'll be glad when I do, because I hate pretending to be mad with him. However, it's just so he knows I'm upset. If I kept a smile and didn't tell him, I'm sure he wouldn't guess easily. Or maybe I don't know Yuki as well as I think. Eep… my brain hurts. I'm thinking too much.
Yuki bends in and gives me what I call the 'innocent' kiss. It's just the right type to unfortunately break down my barriers of being mad and get me to crumble. I can't take it anymore! I've gotta crumble!
"Yuuuuuki!" I complain waving my arms about madly and punching him lightly on the arm "You're eeeeeeeeviiiiiiil!"
The smirk. He's still maintaining it and it's even wider this time because he knows I've crumbled. He holds out his hand, and in it I see something I didn't think I'd see.
On the paper I hold in my hand, in his best handwriting, my Yuki has written 'I'm sorry'.
"Yuuuuuuuuuki!" I yell, jumping at him and glomping him. His response is a sigh, but I can see that smile on his face, no matter how hard he tries to hide it. Giving in, he allows me to glomp him for as long as I see fit. The one great thing about Yuki, is that recently he seems to not mind so much my bouncy behaviour. I think he missed it while I was away. Even if he has forgotten my Birthday, I don't care right now.
Hehe… I'm definitely adding this note to my Yuki shrine that's hidden in the bedroom.
- Fin
A/N: There! It's finished! Completely! That is the epilogue and story completed! It's been a long road, and I thank you all for your reviews muchly. Sorry if Yuki seems a bit OOC. I tried to make him softer without making him too soft, but I'm afraid I don't think I succeeded. Anyway, in case you were being a bit dumbish, the first half is set in Yuki's POV and the second half is set in Shuichi's POV. I think it's a really cute way to finish the story and I hope you think so too. Look out for more Gravitation fics by myself and Cia! I'm afraid that, yes, we're still on Easter Break so I wrote that epilogue on my own and couldn't get Cia to check it over. Oh well. But anyway, thanks for all your reviews! This chapter is another dedicated to Dejichan4444 for reading over the epilogue and correcting it in places. I don't know what I would do without you: ) Hoped you liked the epilogue and review soon!
- Hikari-kun -
