Disclaimers: I do not own these characters; this is written for fun, I make no money etc.

Summary: Why don't they understand him? Carson sometimes thinks he's more alien than anything in the Pegasus. A bunch of Carson oneshots for fun.

A/N: This one's written for Calum!

It just slipped into the queue, hope you like...


Chapter Four: International Whispers

Major Sheppard placed his tray of food down on the table. He slipped into the chair and pulled himself in. The other occupant of the table was a slightly scruffy man in glasses, wearing a yellow fleece jacket to keep out the Antarctic cold.

Sheppard offered the man a friendly grin and his hand. "Hi. You must be Dr Zelenka, the Engineer."

The sandy-haired man looked up at the Major hesitantly, and then spoke with a heavy Czech accent. "Yes. I arrived this morning. You are Major Sheppard." He shook the Major's hand.

Sheppard cocked his head and shrugged. "Yeah. Guess I am. Nice to meet you." He lifted his fork from his tray and began eating.

"You have the gene?" Zelenka was clearly a shy individual, but the chance to question the 'Midas man' was too good to pass up.

Sheppard nodded, swallowing his mouthful. "Yup. Kinda got me the job."

Zelenka smiled. "It will be very interesting working with you. I am looking forward also to meeting Dr McKay. When does he return?"

"Uh, Wednesday, I think." Sheppard replied. That's what he thought Dr Weir had said. The longer the better, as far as he was concerned. With Rodney away for a few days, he was getting some peace.

"I was not aware that we were doing any work in Giza at the moment." Zelenka said, taking a sip of coffee.

"Huh?" Sheppard was confused.

"Dr McKay. He is in Egypt, yes?"

Sheppard screwed up his face. "No he isn't. He's in Russia."

"Russia? But Dr Beckett said he was in Egypt." Zelenka was confused as well.

"In Egypt? Beckett said that?"

Zelenka nodded. "Yes. He was talking to Dr Weir. Dr Beckett told her that McKay had told him to sit in the Chair while he was away, and that McKay's in Egypt."

A slow smile spread across Sheppard's face. Then his lips parted as his grin showed his teeth. Then he gripped the edge of the table with both hands and couldn't help roar with laughter. He tipped forward, clutching his middle as he chuckled himself hoarse.

Zelenka adjusted his glasses, looking concerned. "Is it something I have said, Major?"

Sheppard was shaking his head as he tried to compose himself.

"An eejit! He was calling McKay an eejit. An idiot. Do you see? It's the way he says it. McKay's an eejit." Sheppard gave Zelenka his best Scottish accent as he translated the miscommunication.

Zelenka frowned. "Oh. But that is strange. Dr McKay is an eminent astrophysicist and the world's greatest mind when it comes to wormhole theory. I am not sure I understand."

Sheppard smiled. "Yeah, I know, but wait 'til you meet McKay. Let's just say he can make life difficult for Dr Beckett. Then you'll understand."


A/N: Poor old Rodney. I don't know why he's the focus of all these Carson shots. Maybe it's revenge. And if you think this one's bad, what I've got lined up in future will make you pale...