I ready myself in my room, changing my earrings, dressing for the wedding.

"Delphine!" My mother hollers from the hallway. "Es-tu prête? Cosima est ici!"

"Oui!" I holler back, a soft knocking on my door confirming Cosima's arrival. My room is luckily fairly presentable. And I am dressed enough.

"Hey Delphine." Cosima enters the room, head tilted. Her more casual clothes have been exchanged for a dress that seems unfamiliar. It's red, and it suits Cosima. Other than the cropped short hair, she looks entirely feminine. Very presentable for a formal wedding.

"Where did you get the dress?" I grin widely at her. "C'est parfait. It's… it's perfect." I nod at her, wondering how my mother is handling this situation.

"Oh. Marie-Claire took me shopping." Cosima smirks. "I didn't... I didn't bring a dress, so…. I needed one."

"It looks good!" I tell her, reaching for her shoulders excitedly when Cosima steps back, out of range.

"Thanks, Delphine." Cosima nods. "I still can't believe you want to bring me to your cousin's wedding."

"Trust me, Cosima. Having you there will be my favourite part." I whisper, even as I finish putting in my earrings. "On y va!"

We pile into my parent's car. My father driving, Cosima between Sebastien and I in the back sat. Sebastian makes no effort to try to impress Cosima. I'm surprised, at first, but perhaps he knows too.

My parents talk very little. My father attempts to make polite conversation with Cosima in French, giving her pleasantries a quick workout and Cosima manages fine. Her French is coming along, I decide happily. I'm not sabotaging her.

My maman needs to be encouraged by my papa to participate.

"Brigitte…" He urges her into the conversation, helping Cosima practice.

"D'accord." Maman sighs. "Est-ce que tu aimes bien Paris, Cosima?"

We arrive and park the car, and pile out. We enter the cathedral, and I lead Cosima through the throngs of friends and relations, settling us both in a pew.

"Is your family… religious?" Cosima asks cautiously.

"Only at Christmas and Easter." I respond with a laugh under my breath. "We… we do not usually go to church. My grandparents do. But… when we are here my mother acts like we are always here."

"Maybe it's an identity marker for her." Cosima offers with a shrug. "She grew up going?"

I nod. "My papa as well. But… not often now." My family eventually piles in and the wedding starts about ten minutes behind schedule. But it's fine.

The wedding begins and I can tell Cosima is trying to understand, trying to pick out the words that are familiar to her. I reach and give her hand a quick squeeze. Cosima turns to look at me, her eyes soft for a moment, before she quickly releases my hand, moving to increase the space between us. What little she can. It should make me uneasy, but I remain charmed.

"So that's your cousin?" Cosima leans in. "The bride?"

"La mariée. Oui. En français, Cosima." I remind her gently.

"C'est...ta cousine?" Cosima tries again.

"Oui." I nod with a small laugh.


We're seated away from my parents at the reception, somehow seated with a bunch of other friends and cousins. Sebastien has set his sights on one of the groom's young sisters and is flirting intently halfway across the room while Cosima and I sit. I cannot deny I am pleased to have Cosima's attention mostly to myself. And to not have Sebastien making pointless small talk with her in a futile attempt at seduction.

"So… Cosima. You're American? No family in Europe at all." Another cousin makes pleasant if stilted conversation with my 'date'.

"Well umm actually I have an aunt living in Munich. My German is pretty… iffy though." Cosima admits. "Well, it's like better than my French. But I am nowhere near fluent."

"You have an aunt in Munich?" I repeat, surprised, turning to Cosima. I am not sure how this did not come up in the last three weeks.

"Yeah… My dad was born in Germany. His older sister still lives there… but she's well into her 60s and I haven't seen Aunt Ursula since I was like 12." Cosima explains quickly. "My dad is Eugen, but he's just Gene back in the USA. He became a naturalized citizen when I was like three."

"And your mother?" I find myself asking.

"Oh, my mom is Californienne , born and raised." Cosima laughs emphasizing her pronunciation. "Love match. Not like a green card thing. I swear."

I laugh. Cosima manages to charm most of the table. Whether they understand her well or not. Her energy and her mannerisms seem to win them over. She's not as articulate in French, of course. But she's brilliant. Somehow managing to be witty at times with what she does know.

I look around briefly, catching sight of plenty of my relatives, all involved in their own little dramas. My grandparents dancing slowly with many couples on the dance floor. My cousin and her new husband. Various other relations. I catch my mother's eye briefly, but she makes a face at me and looks pointedly towards a table of what I presume are friends or cousins of the groom. A table at which there are plenty of young men. Maybe that is what is expected.

Instead I turn back to Cosima. She's long won me over. I smile to myself. I couldn't imagine not wanting to be her friend.


I dance only fast songs, only with Cosima. During slow songs we sit at the table and try to talk. I lose track of everything else. My parents. My grandparents.

"Do you like weddings?" Cosima asks me casually, drinking a glass of red wine.

"I've only been to a few." I tell her. "They're alright. Romantic, in a sense."

"But?" Cosima prompts me.

"They're so showy. Which I get, they are a public display of commitment. Of love." I explain quickly. "But this… this is so… opulent." I decide on a word finally. "I am not sure anyone needs this much fuss to prove their commitment." It certainly was a far cry from the romantic novels I occasionally liked to read.

"I'm not big into weddings." Cosima tells me unashamedly. "I've only been to like two ever, not counting the commitment ceremony Lori took me to for a couple friends of hers a month ago… And the first wedding I was like eight years old."

"Because you cannot get married?" I assume. That might be part of it. Cosima is a lesbian. Maybe it's something just out of reach that turns one against it.

Cosima laughs, dropping her face. "Well, that's part of it."

"I am not sure if any real person can promise undying passion for anyone." I tell Cosima very quietly. "I think… I think all love shifts over time. It's not like in…novels or movies where they burn with eternal passion. Where love lasts a lifetime, even split apart."

"I don't know about your novel or movie choices, or what fictional characters you're referring to exactly, but I do know that your grandparents look pretty damn in love." Cosima comments, pointing towards my grandparents who are currently leaning in to kiss each other.

"An exception to the rule." I tell Cosima softly. "Grand-maman and Grand-papa are very in love. But… I do not usually see them like this." I look closer at my grandparents, both looking absolutely delighted with the wedding, with each other. Who knows. Then I look over to my parents, my mother dancing with her cousin, laughing as my father sits at a table, quietly. Wishing he were elsewhere in all likelihood.

"It's a shame. Something is clearly still there. Hopefully your cousin will be as lucky." Cosima sighs before quickly adding. "And you too, someday."

"Someday." I agree, not quite believing it.

"No… you will." Cosima tells me. "I think you're determined enough to hold out for a man who will really do it for you. On multiple levels."

I just laugh and lean over and squeeze her hand. "You are a romantic, Cosima Niehaus."

"Nah. Just optimistic." Cosima nods and smiles slowly at me, her canines showing. "Now come and dance with me. I want a beautiful woman on my arm as we scandalize her family."

"A slow song?" I stop for a minute. "Really?"

"Yeah. If you don't mind. I mean I am your date for this event." Cosima stands, offering me her hand.

"OK." I agree and take her hand, letting my new friend guide me onto the dance floor. I move to lead initially, but Cosima surprises me, instantly falling into leading. And perhaps this isn't strange to Cosima. Cosima is used to women, used to having sex with women. Maybe dancing with them too.

"Is this OK?" Cosima asks, we do not dance too closely, but we move steadily on the dance floor. My family, apart from my irritated mother, happy to ignore us. It is harmless after all

"Yes." I look down at her, the cropped brown hair, the dark eyes, her lovely smile. Cosima is beautiful, I decide. Whatever myths I had heard about lesbians being ugly were clearly ridiculous. I cannot stop smiling at her. I feel a lightness around Cosima. In my chest. All over my body. I let myself sink into the feeling, enjoying it.

"What are you thinking about?" Cosima asks me with a smirk.

"Nothing." I excuse the thoughts quickly. I certainly don't want to be inappropriate. Or offend Cosima. She has a girlfriend, she doesn't need someone like me, someone who doesn't even like women telling her she's beautiful.

"Tell me." Cosima pushes me gently, eyes probing me curiously.

"Are you in love with Lori?" I ask as we dance. "The kind of love that you're talking about."

"Of course I am!" Cosima shakes her head. "She's… we're together. You know?"

"I just… I wondered after hearing the two of you talk. There is… a lot of conflict." I try to word it cautiously. Try to wrap my concern in curiosity.

"Ugghhh you sound like my mom, Delphine." Cosima groans, moving to release me and walk back to the table. "You don't get us. You don't know our history."

"No… I don't. But I want to know you. Everything about you." I look at Cosima, trying to convey my sincerity, my concern.

"You wouldn't understand." Cosima looks at me seriously. "You're straight."

"Try to help me understand then." I ask, following an increasingly irritated Cosima to the table. "She… she said she slept with someone else when you were on the phone with her. She yelled at you."

"Lori… does that. Sometimes." Cosima brushes it off. "It is fine."

"But… she won't let you do the same?" I ask softly, leaning closer again. One of my cousins is a translator like my mother and we do not need her regaling the entire family with the contents of our conversation.

"No… she gets too jealous." Cosima sighs. "Even if I promise her it'd just be sex, she wouldn't handle it well."

"But if she cheats on you, if she takes another lover - that doesn't bother you?" I look at Cosima curiously, wondering what would make her accept such an arrangement. Perhaps she doesn't care. Perhaps like my own mother had once done, she chose to look the other way until the brief passion abated on its own.

"What are you two doing? There are plenty of young men here." My mother interrupts us, glaring at Cosima. "There is no reason to dance with each other like that ."

"Oh hey, Brigitte, yeah. I just… I prefer to dance with Delphine." Cosima responds honestly. "She is my date for the evening after all." Cosima shrugs at my mother, giving her what I find to be a winning smile. My mother is clearly less impressed, crossing her arms across the front of her navy dress.

"Maman…" I place myself between the two of them. "Cosima is my guest. We were just dancing. It is fine."

My mother leans in to whisper to me. "Delphine, be careful around Cosima."

"Why?" I cross my own arms, and stand, drawing myself to my full height. "Cosima is my friend. Elle est très sympathique. Très gentille."

"Marc isn't going to wait for you forever, Delphine. If you don't give a little he will lose interest and find someone else. You are missing out." My mother sighs, keeping her voice very low.