It was a fact. Try as they might, looking under hill and Dell (though Edmund really wished they would all leave his computer alone) and in the dresses of well-endowed female wedding guests, there was no sign of Jake.

In seconds a search party had been formed which included everyone who was attending the wedding. Except Harry; he was still passed out upstairs. They started by combing the beach. Many combs were used up. They found several objects of great power, each capable of destroying the earth. But no Jake. They didn't even find any bunny foot prints leading to mysterious and unknown areas. There could be only one conclusion.

Jake tasted good with carrots, though he could have used a little more garlic. Lucy, bawling her head off, demanded a funeral for poor, poor Jake. Deciding that the Sketchers' box, minus the cheeseburger, would make a perfect coffin, they dug it out of Saruman's (not Dumbledore's) gym bag. It was a little greasy, but with some of the stew in it, it wouldn't really matter.

It was decided that the only one who could do Jake's eulogy justice was Harry. Ginny went to fetch him. He woke up a little groggy and promptly puked on her shoes. When he finished, Ginny took him downstairs and gave him some punch to clear his head. While he drank, she put her shoes in Susan's purse, and tossed the purse into the ocean, killing the last dolphin.

"Alas poor Jake, we knew him well. He had a fluffy bunny tail. And then he died, and so we cried. He was our pride. Now he's deep-fried." Harry's stirring words were interrupted as Babba Yaga shrieked.

"I do not deep-fry my food! That's not healthy! You should be glad that I bothered to put meat in it! Do you know how many calories are in rabbit?"

Lucy demanded Babba Yaga be arrested for murder immediately. Dick and Jane handcuffed the culprit. That made two. And with Harry in his current state, they were sure to get to arrest him for Flying Under the Influence. They were sure to get their quota for today. That meant a promotion for Officer Dick; Officer Jane was yet under the pressure of the glass ceiling.

"And tomatoes are not a vegetable," Harry ended as he passed out. Everyone agreed that it was a beautiful eulogy. They wiped away their tears and wandered back into the cultural hall where they returned to munching on their stew. It really was pretty good, even if it did need a little garlic. Ginny drug Harry in, because nobody else cared about him.

FOURTY-FIVE MINUTES EARLIER

Babba Yaga returned from her emergency shopping trip to find an empty bunny cage. Stricken with panic, she rushed to the freezer to see if there was something she could use to substitute for the bunnies. There was a large container of ice cream with an odd-sized chunk of meat attached to it. It must have been brought from the community center for the wedding dessert. She chiseled the meat off of the ice cream and plopped it into the stew pot. Once it melted a little, she realized that it must be left over from the wolf Gandalf needed for his destruction spell months ago.

As she was putting the ice cream back in the freezer, she saw something else that might be useful. It was a large plastic bag with a note that said "Save for Voldemort." She shrugged and pulled it out anyway. Upon opening the bag, she saw the tastiest of all meat. Unicorn. But not just any Unicorn. The last Unicorn.

Voldy wouldn't be needing it. He was busy trying to stop conjuring the ghosts of all the people he had killed. That was a troublesome spell. Always got it the way when trying to kill archrivals. Some villains never learned.

FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE THAT

The Ellimist popped into the kitchen. He was severely angry at not being invited to the wedding. He would have his revenge. They would have nothing tasty for dinner. Except Rice Krispy treats. He just couldn't bring himself to get rid of those. Carefully opening the now-packed bunny cage, he yelled, "Be free, bunnies, be free!"

Half the free bunnies went straight for the freeway and were squashed by fast-moving vehicles. The other half followed Jake as he hopped off to find something to feed his army.

AN HOUR AND A HALF BEFORE THAT

A tiny door mouse nibbled his way across the Rice Krispy treats. He then tracked his dirty, plague-infested feet across the wedding cake. And left a few tokens of appreciation behind him. He was frightened off by the sound of husky breathing. He was reminded of the story of his Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great Grandfather Reepacheep, who sailed with Prince Caspian. Too bad he hadn't learned German from the great Willhelm Grimm, like his Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great Grandfather had. It would have been useful in his travels. Oh well, at least this mouse knew that cheese was Kase.

TWENTY THREE HOURS BEFORE THAT

The paper boy with the worst aim in the world tossed his final paper of the day to his final stop of the day. He missed so badly that the paper went flying through the window of the same kitchen that would be used to cater the Weasley-Granger wedding.

ANYWAY…!

As the guests were munching on their stew, Luke was bawling into his. "It's all the Sobe machine's fault! If only it had given me my Sobe when I asked, Jake never would have been a bunny. And now, it's too late. He'll never get to grow up and find out that his archenemy is his father. He'll never get to know what it's like to lose a hand…" Rand's girls, hearing the crying of a man, immediately went over to console Luke. After all, they had always been attracted to sensitive men, and Rand wasn't being very sensitive lately. He was always whining about not being allowed to have sugar and something about credit cards.

The cake was hauled out by no less than ten men. After all, it was Hermione's and it had to be the biggest, the best, and the heaviest. With a sigh of relief, the ten men set the cake down on the table in front of Ron and Elizabeth, then backed away. Elizabeth and Ron smiled at each other and giggled. It was like they had fallen in love at first…kiss. Only for real.