Chapter 5 - Day 5

- WEDNESDAY -

Lois grinned mischievously at her cousin, who grinned back. They both turned to look down at the sleeping farm boy before them. It was the morning after their camp out, and Lois and Chloe had woken extra early for some prank-playing. The girls had quietly unzipped the front of Clark's tent, and had stealthily crawled in to the sound of his light snores.

Lois and Chloe now knelt before his sleeping form, carrying along some canned shaving cream and a pillow feather with them. Lois' plan was to spray some shaving cream into Clark's hand, and then tickle his nose with the feather. This was supposed to cause Clark to raise the hand full of shaving cream, itch his face, and then...You get the rest. )

Chloe barely held her laughter as she recorded Lois taking Clark's hand and facing it palm up. She then shook the shaving cream can she was holding, and began spraying a whole mound of the white stuff onto his hand.

"I can not...believe...you are doing this..." Chloe whispered, smiling and watching her cousin at work. "Clark's going to KILL us."

Lois just continued grinning at her. "Okay, now hand me the feather," she whispered. Chloe quietly giggled as she obediently handed Lois a little, white feather. Lois had pulled this from out of her pillow during the wee hours of the morning, while she was still in the middle of plotting.

"Are you taping this?" Lois whispered, pausing above Clark's face. Chloe nodded the affirmative. Lois grinned evilly and was just about to touch the tip of Clark's nose with the feather, when Clark himself jumped up with a yell, wide awake and roaring. Before Lois could react, he had squashed his hand full of shaving cream into her face. Chloe began laughing as Lois screamed in fury.

"CLARK--" Lois was interrupted by Clark's arm around her neck. He had the can of shaving cream in his hand and was now in the process of spraying it all over her face while she struggled to get away.

- Meanwhile..Inside the House...-

Martha and Jonathan yawned as they walked down the stairs in their robes. Headed for the kitchen, they suddenly heard Shelby barking up a commotion in the backyard. They rushed to a window, and were just in time to see Shelby running headfirst into Clark's shaking tent. Screams, laughter, and barking was heard throughout the yard, as Martha and Jonathan stepped outside to see what was going on.

"CHLOE, HEELLLP!"

"GerONIMOOO!"

"AHHHH! YOU GIRLS GET OFF ME RIGHT NOW!" br

"EEEEEEEEeee...SHELBY'S HERE!"

The screaming inside of Clark's tent heightened with the presence of the Kents' ever-faithful dog.

"YEEE-HAWWW! THIS IS BETTER THAN THE MOVIES!" Chloe's voice suddenly rang out. Clark's laughter was heard as Lois began sneezing relentlessly.

Martha looked at Jonathan, who shrugged. "What in heavens' name...Sweetheart!" Martha called. The tent immediately stopped shaking, and the laughter subsided. "Breakfast will be ready soon...What's going on?" she asked, sounding anxious.

A few seconds passed before the tent flap opened, and out came Shelby. He was covered in feathers and had a pillow in his mouth. Jonathan and Martha looked at him as he sat down beside them and whimpered. The Kents then looked up to see a chuckling Clark coming out of the tent, followed by a sneezing Lois. Chloe crawled out last, still holding the video camera in her hand. All of them were covered in pillow feathers. Chloe looked clean compared to the other two. Clark had shaving cream and feathers all over his face, neck, and hair, and was holding on to a pillow. Lois also had shaving cream all over her own face. Some feathers stuck out of her cream covered hair. It seemed that their little shaving-cream-squabble had turned into a pillow fight. They were all on the verge of hysterical laughter.

"Uhhhmm...Mom?" Clark started, a waver in his voice. He willed himself not to laugh, but a smile peeked around the corners of his mouth. He looked at Lois, who was standing beside him. She was trying hard not to burst into a fit of laughter also. "You can go ahead and start breakfast. I'll...just fix up the tent," Clark coughed. He then turned around to go back into his messed up tent, but not before hitting Lois on the behind with his pillow. Lois responded with a punch to his arm. Clark laughed as he crawled back into his tent.

"...So..." Chloe cleared her throat, camera still in hand.

Lois smiled at Martha and Jonathan. "Shall I explain over breakfast?" she suggested.

AN HOUR LATER

- Breakfast -

Martha hurried around the kitchen as she put some eggs, bacon, and pancakes onto plates. She only had two hours left before going to the Talon, and she still had to take a shower and get dressed. Lois had just finished explaining what had happened that morning in Clark's tent, and had already headed upstairs for her own shower.

Clark suddenly walked back into the kitchen. He had just come back from letting Lois have her turn in the bathroom, and a big smile was glued to his face. It was SO big, in fact, that it was cause for suspicion.

"What are YOU smiling about?" Chloe asked, helping Martha take out the milk and orange juice. Clark just smiled even bigger as he looked at her.

"I am a genius," he stated, as his mother and Chloe sat down with him to their breakfast. The ladies looked up at his smiling face and crouched their eyebrows. A few moments of silence passed before they caught on.

"Claarrrkk..." Martha began in a warning tone. Chloe began laughing and playfully slapped his arm, asking, "What did you DO?"

Clark grinned and shook his head. "You'll find out soon enough," he said, biting into his pancake.

As if on cue, a shriek was heard from upstairs. Lois came barging into the kitchen a few minutes later, wearing only her robe and holding a bottle of shampoo in her hand. Her hair was dripping wet, and a brown substance that looked like untouched shampoo covered her forehead. She quickly made her way towards Clark and hit him on the back of his head. "How DARE you!" she cried, as Clark tried not to choke on his food.

"Why, what happened?" Jonathan asked. In response, Lois opened her shampoo bottle and poured its contents all over Clark's pancakes. Everyone at the table, except Clark, gasped in surprise. Instead, he smiled up at a fuming Lois.

"Yum. Thanks, Lois," he said, and began eating his shampoo-soaked food.

"Clark, what are you DOING?" Chloe asked, looking shocked.

Lois pointed at Clark's plate. "SYRUP," she said, barely keeping her voice in check, "He put SYRUP into my shampoo bottle."

Jonathan snorted into his breakfast as Chloe and Martha dipped their fingers into Clark's plate and tasted the brown sticky stuff. Indeed, it WAS syrup.

"Clark, apologize," Martha immediately said, looking at her son. But Lois waved an arm around, going, "Nah, an apology won't be necessary. I know he didn't mean it." Here, she smiled at Clark. "You better watch out, Kent...you better watch out," she added in a hiss, before going back up the stairs.

Everyone didn't know what she was planning to do, but they soon found out an hour later when Clark came running out of the bathroom, a toothbrush stuck to his front teeth. Lois had put superglue in his toothpaste.

- Chloe's Apartment -

Lois sighed as she and Chloe walked out of the apartment and headed for her car. "Thanks again for letting me lunch here, Chloe. Sure you don't want to go shopping with me?" Lois asked, getting into the front seat.

Chloe shook her head with a smile. "No, thanks. I have PLENTY to wear to Lex's party. But, a word of advice," she said, bending close to Lois' open window as the car started, "I don't think you'll find anything interesting here in Smallville, know what I mean? Why don't you go shopping in Metropolis?"

"ALONE? I'd only go if you went with me."

"You know i can't," Chloe sighed. "I have three reports due by the end of the week. The school called today and said they'll be re-opening on Monday."

Lois rolled her eyes, "And since when has three reports stopped YOU? We all know that you have the super-abilities needed to type all three articles in ONE sitting."

Chloe laughed, but shook her head. "You assume too much. I REALLY can't go, Lois...But uhm..." Chloe's face brightened as a "sudden" idea came to mind. "Why don't you ask CLARK to go with you?" she asked, a finger stuck into the air in emphasis. A huge smile graced her face as she suggested this to her cousin.

Lois gave her an unladylike snort. "Oh, PLEASE. Take FARM BOY on a shopping trip?..THAT...will be the day. Nah, i'll just look through what i can here in Smallville. Could you name some shops that I could maybe look into?" she asked. Lois penned down all the stores Chloe suggested, and then with a thank you, began backing out of the parking lot.

"HEY, LOIS! DO YOU HAVE YOUR VIDEO CAM WITH YOU!" Chloe suddenly shouted.

"YEAH!" Lois yelled back. "WHY?"

"OH NOTHING..." Chloe said, waving as Lois drove away. "You never know when you might need it," she quietly finished. Then with a contented sigh, she went back into her apartment to first make a phone call, and then finish her reports.

KENT FARM

Clark walked into the house, his chores finished for the day. He was able to do everything much faster since Lois was out of the house...for the time being, he reminded himself. He had wanted to finish things up in the speedy way that he was used to doing, but he couldn't without facing suspicion from their SPECIAL visitor.

The phone suddenly began ringing just as Clark opened the refrigerator for a drink. Walking over to the counter, he picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Oh, honey, thank God!" Martha's voice was heard from the receiver.

Clark suddenly became tense and alert. "Mom, are you all right?" he asked, worry evident in his voice.

"Oh, yes, yes! I'm fine, dear. Uhmm..Honey..I forgot my jacket this morning...Do you think you could run by and drop it off at the talon?"

"..Your jacket?" Clark looked outside and saw Jonathan wiping the sweat from his brow. "Mom, it's really hot outside. What do you need your jacket for?"

"Well it's really cold in here and...I'm too embarrassed to ask someone to turn down the AC, so...do you mind?...Honey?..."

Clark blinked at his mother's nervous tone. Gosh, she must be REALLY cold, he thought. "Uh, okay. I'll be there in a few minutes. I just have to change and eat lunch," he said out loud.

"WONDERFUL! Thank you so much, Clark, i love you!"

"Love you too," Clark replied, as his mother hung up. He then looked at the phone weirdly before turning it off.

-..back at Chloe's apartment-

Chloe smiled as she spoke with someone on the phone. "Thank you Mrs. Kent," she said. "You're a GENIUS. Okay...Haha, will do! Thanks again, bye!" Chloe turned off her cell phone and turned a scheming smile back to her computer screen. "Now that THAT'S taken care of.." she muttered, and began typing.

TALON

Martha looked at the clock and then back to her customer. Quickly filling up another mug of coffee, she handed it to the next person in line. "Thank you very much," she said, accepting their payment with a smile. As she put the cash into the register, she wondered what was taking Clark so long. It had been over an hour since she had called him. She chose to look up then, and found her son himself walking towards her.

"Oh, thanks sweetie," she said, smiling and taking the jacket Clark had handed to her. "I hope it wasn't too much trouble." She gave two more mugs of coffee to a waiting waitress.

"No, it wasn't," Clark replied, leaning over the counter as if he had all the time in the world to talk, "Although it did have me wondering."

Martha looked at him a bit nervously before smoothly explaining, "Well, you know how the weather has been, Clark. All this heat in the afternoons, and then those chills at night. I wanted to be prepared."

Clark shrugged, "True."

Martha smiled at him as she finished the last of the orders at that moment. "So.." she began softly, looking at Clark's downcast face. "Lois is leaving on Friday."

"I know."

"Will you miss her?"

Clark suddenly looked up in the sympathetic face of his mother. "NO!" he automatically answered, but then felt a pit at the bottom of his stomach. Sighing in frustration, he voiced out his feelings to the only woman who could understand him, "Why is it that when I say I won't miss her...I feel like I really AM going to miss her? I mean it's not like I LIKE her..I DON'T! ARGH, see, right when I said that I don't like her...I feel like I DO."

Martha had all she could do not to laugh out loud. "'LIKE' her? What kind of 'like' is this, Clark?"

"Well...'like' as in FRIENDS."

"You ARE friends, Clark."

"Yeah, but nobody KNOWS that. So far, everyone thinks we hate each other to the core..."

Martha let a sigh escape her at his words. If only he knew how everyone thought how perfect they looked together. "Honey," she began, interrupting his confusing tirade, "It's all right to miss her. I know I will. And so will your father, and Chloe. Just because the both of you don't always get along, it doesn't mean you can't be friends in PUBLIC."

Clark sighed. "I know I'm being stupid," he said. "I'm sorry, mom. You must be really confused."

Martha smiled and patted his cheek. "I'm not confused at all," she said, knowingly. "Now, you go ahead and do what you have planned for the rest of the day. Walk around town, maybe and...think about what we talked about, all right?"

Clark nodded his head and smiled at Martha before going around the counter to hug her. "Thanks for being my shrink, mom," he smiled into her hair.

Martha just laughed and patted his back lovingly. He was so special...and he deserved someone likewise. "By the way, Lois is shopping around town," she called, watching Clark walk away. "If you see her...Tell her i said 'hello!'"

"Okay," Clark said, waving an arm at her as he continued his trek towards the front door.

"Walk around town okay?"

"Okay, mom."

"Because you'll never know who you might RUN..INTO..You know?"

"..Yeaaah.."

"You know window-shopping is harmless, you might even find something you like!"

"I'm going, mom."

"Remember to walk around town, honey!"

"GOOD-BYE, MA!"

..er...somewhere around town..

Clark walked aimlessly down the sidewalk, passing various stores on the way. His mother had told him to walk around town, and he was going to do it. Clark sighed as he kicked at a pebble on the street, thinking about what Martha had told him. Sure, it was obvious to the entire world that he and Lois disliked each other very much..But under that exterior, he felt that there was something very likeable about her. Her wit, her spunk, her sarcasm..her refusal of bowing down and submitting to anyone.. even her own father. She had guts that Clark had never known a woman could ever possess.

Of course, there WAS Lana. She was pretty good with all her karate and kung-foo, and her beauty sure added to her points...Clark suddenly stopped that trail of thought. When Lana had come to mind, it had felt almost foreign. Clark slowly came to the realization that he hadn't thought about her for DAYS. Usually he would wake up with Lana Lang in mind, think about her during the day, and go to sleep depressed over the fact that she would never be his.

Ever since Lois had arrived on the farm that fateful Friday afternoon, his thoughts were almost always occupied with HER. When he would wake up in the couch, he was reminded of how Lois was still staying in his bedroom. When he took his shower, he would remember the way she'd walked in on him (and the way he had walked in on HER). When he started his chores, he would remember her efforts in trying to help around with the farm work. And EVERY TIME he finished those chores...almost EVERY TIME...She'd hit him with one of her plans for the rest of the afternoon and drag him along with her to heaven knows where.

Clark suddenly stopped walking and sighed. Not sure where these thoughts were supposed to lead him, he looked up and tried figuring out where he was. He turned and found himself standing in front of a clothing shop. Looking through the glass, his eye caught a familiar face looking through the clothes.

Inside the Store

Lois grumbled quietly to herself as she searched through the last rack of women's clothing. She had already went to all the stores in town, and STILL couldn't find what she was looking for. Maybe she SHOULD go to Metropolis and check out the malls there. Sure it was a long drive, but she HAD to find something. Taking out her cell phone with the intent of calling Chloe and begging her to come along, Lois felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up into the face of ..

"CLARK! ..What are YOU doing here?" she asked, looking startled. Not that she didn't mind the company. Spending time around Chloe and the Kents was making her feel different. When she wasn't around them, she felt lonely, lost, ALONE. She didn't know why, because she was already used to being lonely, lost, alone, etc.,..but everything had changed since she stepped foot in Smallville. Now, she found herself wanting to be around their family atmosphere, since her home practically never had one.

Clark shrugged, and the movement broke Lois' trail of thoughts. "I don't know. I saw you and thought maybe you'd like some company," he said.

Lois nodded at him for a few moments before his words registered in her mind. "Ohhh...OH! Oh, oh okay. Well, uh, you're just in time!"

"..Just in time..for what?" Clark inwardly groaned, but a smile crept to his face. He knew what was coming.

Lois grinned at him. "Clark...how would you feel about accompanying me to Metropolis?"

Some hours later...

SOME MALL IN METROPOLIS

Clark stared at all the stores lined up before him. People were walking around, large bags in their hands, and everything seemed so noisy. He had been to malls before, but the BIG, BIG ones like the one he was in right now took some getting used to. There were elevators and escalators and...and..whoaaa.

"Come on, Clark!" Lois said, making a beeline for the largest store on the ground floor. "LET'S DO SOME SHOPPAANNG!"

Clark groaned out loud before following her. "This is going to be a long...long...long day.." he muttered to himself. He spent the next hour watching Lois squeal over delightful girly stuff, purchase almost everything she thought looked good, video recording all the stores they went into, and handing all the bags over for him to carry. It wasn't that Clark was getting tired of following her around and carrying her stuff for her, it was just that he felt uncomfortable around chick clothing and accessories. So he decided to speak up.

"Lois, can we go home yet?" he asked, as Lois walked around the mall, looking for another store to pounce into.

"What are you talking about?" Lois said, turning her video camera off. "I still haven't found the right outfit for Lex's party!"

Clark cleared his throat and raised the five bags he was holding. "Oh, and what are THESE?" he asked, testily.

"THOSE are for my everyday wear," she explained, as Clark rolled his eyes. Lois smiled at him. "Oh, how inconsiderate of me. The whole time we were here, I was thinking about me, my clothes, my make-up, my things!...I forgot that we had to do some shopping for YOU!"

Clark's eyes became very large. "WHAT?"

"Come on, Smallville," Lois said, steering him into the nearest men's clothing store, "Let's get you fitted for a new shirt."

"Lois, I don't think i could afford--"

"EH, don't worry, it's on me."

"I really can't accept that from you!" Clark said, stopping to look at her. Was she crazy? The shirts in the store that she was leading him towards cost well over sixty bucks! And for him, that was expensive.

Lois pursed her lips and knitted her brow in the way Clark found adorable (note to self, Clark thought. kick myself when we get home for thinking that Lois looked adorable). "Clark," she said, sounding serious. "Do NOT make me beg. You KNOW you don't want me to beg."

"But Looois, I don't want you to spend that much money--"

"Okay, I'm getting on my knees..."

"AH, NO! Okay, FINE, I'll let you buy me a shirt!" Clark said, flashes of the scene she and Chloe had made during the fair coming back to him. It was worse than blackmail.

Lois smiled triumphantly as she and Clark walked into the pine-smelling store. They were greeted by a woman who worked there. Lois raised her eyebrows at the super short black skirt, low-cut blouse, and high stiletto heels she was wearing. She looked over at Clark, who seemed uncomfortable looking at the lady at all. Lois smiled at his behavior towards barely dressed women. It was so endearing. Wait, ENDEARING? Lois mentally slapped herself. Shut UP, Lane!

"Well, hi there, may I help ya'll?" The woman spoke, revealing a strong southern accent.

Lois focused on her heavily made up face. "Uh, yeah. We're looking for a shirt that he could wear to a formal dinner party. Do you think you could help us?" she said.

"Why, of course," the lady looked Clark up and down, and smiled in a seductive manner. "I'm sure I could help your boyfriend here find a--"

"BOYFRIEND!" Lois and Clark blurted out simultaneously. "Ew, no, no, no! He is NOT my boyfriend, never was, and never WILL BE!" Lois said, waving her arms around and chuckling nervously. "Yeah, what she said," Clark added, vigorously nodding his head.

The woman smiled. "Oh!..Well if that's the case," she said, her eyes back on Clark, but talking to Lois, "Why don't you go ahead and look around while I help.."

"Clark," Clark helpfully filled in, feeling rather nervous.

"Oh, that is such a sexy name," the lady continued, giving Clark 'the eye'. Lois loudly snickered at this comment, and Clark and his admirer turned to look at her.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Lois said, clearing her throat. "You actually find his name SEXY?"

"Why, I find EVERYTHING about Clark sexy."

"Oooooooookay!" Lois said, thinking if she heard the words 'Clark' and 'sexy' in the same sentence one more time, she would make for the nearest trash bin and throw up. "I'm going to go look around, all righty? Have fun!" And she walked away.

Clark watched her go, until he felt the woman take the bags from his hands and set them behind the counter. "By the way," she said, her accent catching his attention, "I'm Louise."

"Uh..Nice to meet you," Clark said, automatically offering his hand for her to shake.

Louise giggled, took his hand, and ran hers' up and down his arm. She leaned very close to him until she was practically on his chest. "It's wonderful to meet you too. Now how about looking for that shirt?"

Clark nodded almost reluctantly, suddenly wishing that Lois hadn't left him alone with Louise. He didn't know if he would be able to survive her flirting.

- Half an Hour later -

Lois hummed quietly to herself as she looked at all the neatly folded shirts on display. Suddenly, her eye caught a black one, and Lois took it in her hands. Unfolding it, she thought that Clark might like it. It looked like it was made out of silk, the way it shone in the light. Shrugging, Lois turned her camera on, thinking it would be fun to catch Clark trying on shirts, so she could show Chloe later. She walked over to the mirrors, knowing he would be there. The sight stopped her in her tracks.

Clark was standing on a stool, wearing black dress pants, and his white undershirt. Louise stood right beside him, slowly measuring his neck, his torso, and his arms with a measuring tape. Lois didn't miss the way she cast Clark flirtatious looks every time she looked at him. Rolling her eyes, and feeling more disturbed than she knew she should be, Lois walked towards them and arrived just in time to hear Louise admire Clark's...uh..buffness.

"Oh my, Clark!" Louise breathed, running her hands over Clark's muscular arms. "You have SUCH a great body..How many times do you work out a week?" Lois' eye almost twitched at the sound of that woman's southern accent.

"Uh...I don't work out," Clark replied, looking uncomfortable.

"Are you sure?" Louise laughed. "Why you're..you're absolutely perfect!"

"Why, thank you!" Clark smiled, loving the attention.

"UH, EXCUSE ME! Miss? Miss! WE NEED HELP OVER HERE!" a voice suddenly sounded from the front of the store. Louise looked in that direction and found two customers waiting to be helped. She sighed and looked at Clark.

"Oh, i'm sorry, darlin'. I have to go and see what they would be wantin'. Don't you go away..sexy!" she said, smiling and touching the tip of Clark's nose with her finger. She then walked away to handle the men waiting for her.

"Well, well, well..."

Clark turned to the sound of another woman's voice, just as he was getting off the stool. Lois walked towards him, her arms crossed. "Looks like you were having fun,...sexy," she added, looking over at Louise, and then back at him.

Clark couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face. "Lois.." he began.

"Oh, no, no, I understand.." Lois said, walking closer to him. "I mean, after all, who could resist the grown-up goods of..what'sherface."

"Louise."

"Ah! Louise!" Lois said, sounding like he had just committed a cardinal sin in learning Louise's name.

Clark sighed as Lois continued to give him a look that was making him feel really guilty for some reason. "Look, Lois," he tried again. "You know as well as i do, that i am not attracted to the likes of her."

"Uh-huh..You were flirting with her."

"I was not! I was just answering her questions about my exercise routine! That's all," Clark said, growing red in the face.

"Oh!" Lois said, stepping closer to him. "And i suppose you just had to let her feeeell yur muuuh-scles TOOoo!.." she said in mock imitation of Louise's southern accent, running her hands up and down Clark's arms the way Louise had done earlier.

Clark grinned at her. "Are you jealous?"

Lois backed her face away from him. "Jealous?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Of YOU! I don't THINK SO!"

Clark smiled but before he could state the contrary, Lois shoved the black shirt she had picked out for him and made him put it on. As she unconsciously helped him button up the front of his shirt, Lois felt his eyes on her. She looked up into his face. He was smiling one of those weird smiles again.

"Stop looking at me like that, Kent," she growled.

"Why?" Clark asked, still smiling.

"Because it makes me feel uncomfortable!" Lois snapped in return.

"You're helping me put on my shirt," Clark observed, watching Lois' fingers finish the last of his buttons. He had given up long ago to help, and had let her take charge. Besides, the feel of her fingers slightly moving down his chest had the most profound effect on him.

"Yeah, so what?" Lois asked, her voice crabby.

"You're jealous, aren't you?"

Lois looked into his smiling eyes. "No. I. Am not. Now look in the mirror and tell me if you like it," she said, turning her video camera on, and focusing it on him. Clark stopped looking at her long enough to glance at the mirror. His eyebrows rose at the image he saw there. "Wow.." he said, putting his hands in his pockets. "I look different." He then began posing in front of the mirror like some GAP model. "So, Lois..what do you think?" he asked, running his hand through his hair and modeling for the camera.

Lois bit her lower lip in order to stop the smile that threatened to break through. "I think you look ridiculous," she said.

"What about this?" Clark gave her one of those model inspired, bad-boy/I-want-you looks.

Lois raised an eyebrow, camera in hand. "What IS that?"

"It's my sexy look!"

"OH PLEASE!"

"Come on, say it. You think I look sexy, don't you?" Clark grinned, nodding his head at her.

"Ew, STOP SAYING THAT WORD! It's giving me the creeps!"

Lois began laughing as Clark continued his little performance. "Okay, okay," she said, making him take his shirt off. She wanted to get out of there before Clark got it into his head to sing "I'm Too Sexy" in front of the whole store. "You look hot already! Ya happy? GEEZ! Now hand it over so I can take it over to lover-gal Luh-weeze."

"Thanks, Lois," Clark said, smiling and looking seriously into her eyes.

Lois snorted and shrugged her shoulders in order to hide the blush creeping into her face. "No problem. Besides, i couldn't have you going to the dinner party wearing PLAID. Lex would never forgive me." She took the shirt from Clark's hands and strode towards the front to pay for it. "STOP LOOKING AT ME, CLARK!" she called over her shoulder.

Clark grinned to himself. It seemed that he had found a new way to annoy her.

- Inside JCPenny or something like it..-

Clark followed Lois into the perfume section, watching her spray some into the air, sniff it, then withdraw her nose, saying, "Ew, no!" Suddenly, she turned to Clark and presented him with a blue bottle. "Smell this," she ordered, and sprayed it in front of him.

Clark sniffed, "I can't smell it!" Lois sighed and tried again. Clark bent over and tried catching the whiff of perfume, but his nose couldn't find it. "Where is it?"

"ARGH, SMALLVILLE!" Lois said, spraying it once more into the air. This time, Clark was finally able to catch the smell, and announced with a grimace, "That was horrible."

Lois laughed. "That's what I thought. Now, be a good boy and help me find a perfume to get Chloe. There's so many to choose from."

They spent the next half hour taking various bottles, spraying them into the air, sniffing, and laughing over the yucky smelling ones. The whole perfume aisle was soon reeking of mixed smells and odors that some people passing by found repulsive. Lois and Clark didn't seem to mind, as they continued spraying more perfume into the air and testing them.

Clark sighed after some time. "Lois, why don't you just give her some of YOUR perfume?" he asked.

"MY perfume?" Lois said, waving her hand in front of her, trying to dispel the scent she had just sprayed. "Why?"

"Well, it sure smells much better than all of these," Clark replied without thinking. He soon realized his mistake the moment Lois turned a smiling face towards him.

"Have you been...SMELLING me?" she asked, grinning almost evilly.

"Er...no."

"Then how would you know what i smelled like?"

"Be..cause...my whole ROOM smells like you. It's not like i can't AVOID it," Clark lied.

Lois laughed. "Sure," she said, "And for your information, I don't use perfume."

"You don't?"

"Nope."

"Oh."

They stood for a while in awkward silence, until Lois decided that she'd get Chloe nail polish instead. Clark breathed out a sigh of relief at the change of subject, and followed Lois out of the odor-filled perfume aisle and into the make-up section. While Lois looked at all the colors of the sets of nail polish, Clark noticed that they were standing right in front of the lingerie section. Feeling extremely uncomfortable, he looked away. When he looked down to see what Lois was doing, he saw her holding his hand and painting a bright red stuff onto one of his nails.

"LOIS WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Clark yelled, taking his hand away from her and panicking. His thumb nail was covered in bright red nail polish.

"What?" Lois asked, pointing to the nail polish bottle. "It said 'blood red.' I wanted to see if it really WAS blood red."

"LOIS!"

Lois sighed. "Relax, okay? Just be thankful I didn't paint your thumb PINK." She took a piece of cotton from the counter, reached out for his hand, and began rubbing the offensive nail color off. As soon as she was finished with him, however, she looked up and eyed the lingerie section. "OOOOOH! Maybe I should just get her a new bra!" she said, walking towards it.

Clark groaned at her change of interest. "Lois, will you just make up your mind about what to get Chloe? And may i remind you that you STILL have to find yourself an outfit for Lex's party. We've spent (he checked his watch) exactly THREE HOURS just walking around--"

"Hey, look!" Lois interrupted him. "What do you think?"

Clark looked at her. She was standing in front of him, holding a lacy black nightie. It was extremely short and was practically see-through. Lois pushed it into his face. "Ugh," Clark said, poking a finger at the transparent material. "What IS that?"

"How dumber can you get? It's something a lady wears on her honeymoon, of course! I think it looks adorable," Lois sighed, running a hand over the soft fabric.

"I think it shows too much skin."

"Well, DUH, Kent, that's what it's FOR!" Lois rolled her eyes, and Clark followed suit. Still in the middle fo admiring it, she pressed it against her body and smiled innocently at Clark. "Do you think it'll look good on me?"

Clark blinked and turned a light shade of pink. "W-what?"

"I said," Lois repeated impatiently, "Do you think it'll look good on me?"

Clark raised his eyebrows, and tried looking away. "I believe that's a question for your husband," he said, nervously scratching his neck and wanting very much to get out of there. Being surrounded by lacy bra's and panties was starting to REALLY freak him out.

"Aw, come on, Kent! That fortune teller said we were going to get married anyway! I'm KIDDING, I'M KIDDING," she added laughingly, receiving a menacing look from her companion. "Come on, just tell me what you think."

"Lois--"

"You know I'd ask Chloe if she were here, but since she isn't, I'm stuck with you. Now spit it out. Will it look good on me or not?"

Clark put his hand on a bra rack and looked Lois in the eye, answering with a calm, yet irritated voice, "Yes. You will look good. You will look PERFECT. Okay? Now can we get out of here? It's not like you have a boyfriend to show that off to, anyhow."

"Who said i didn't have a boyfriend?" Lois said, twirling around playfully.

"...Do you?"

"I dunno, maybe."

Clark stared at her grinning face. Lois was still looking at the lacy nightie in her hand, smiling up at him now and then. She was kidding. She had to be.

"What?" Lois asked, glancing at his shocked face. "So it's not normal for a college girl like me to hook up with some guy i met at a bar?"

Clark continued to stare at her. When he was finally able to speak, he said, "Lois, you know as well as I do, that if you just randomly...have..have...YOU KNOW...with men you hardly know, well it's D-DANGEROUS a-and, you don't want to have a...coughDISEASEcoughcough..I mean come on, you know you're better than that, right? Lois!"

Lois just grinned at him and slowly put the nightie back to where she got it from. "Look who's jealous now," she sang in a teasing voice, crossing her arms over her chest and looking Clark up and down.

"JEALOUS! I'm just warning you of the consequences if you--"

"Simmer down, Smallville. I'm not going to do anything anytime soon. Besides, I think we've spent too much time here.." She tapped her chin in thought.

Clark sighed in relief as Lois started talking about checking out another store. FINALLY they were going to get out of that accursed place.

"Ooh, look! A THONG!" Lois suddenly squealed, pointing towards another rack. She was about to reach out for it, when Clark took hold of her arm, bellowing, "OKAY, THAT'S IT, WE'RE OUTTA HERE!" and dragged her out of the department store.

Lois laughed as Clark led her aimlessly around the mall. "Clark, where are we going?" she asked.

"As far away as we can from that...that.."

Lois started laughing again, but said, "Hey, look. If you're going to be my tour guide for the rest of the day, can you lead me into that one store over there that says 'La Belle'?"

Clark caught her drift and let go of her hand. In his haste to depart from the lingerie section, he hadn't noticed that he'd been pulling her around for the past few minutes.

"Whew! Thank you! I was wondering when i'd get that back," Lois said, wiping her hand on her jeans. When she turned to look at Clark again, she suddenly felt sorry for him. The poor guy looked so tired. He probably wants to go home, but he's too scared to ask me again Lois thought. I know what I'll do! I'll let him go wherever he wants to go, while I finish my shopping! That should cheer poor Smallville up! Mentally applauding herself for such a BRIGHT idea, Lois smiled at Clark. She took the many shopping bags from his hands, slid them over her own arms, and said, "You know what? Since you've been SUCH a good shopping buddy? I've decided to let you go wherEVER you want to go around this mall, while I finish up."

Clark raised an eyebrow. The way Lois had said it reminded him of his mother giving Shelby one of his rare doggie treats. The only thing missing was Lois patting him on the head. "Yippee," he replied, without feeling.

"Aren't you happy?"

"I'm bursting with joy."

"GREAT! Meet you back here at this bench in an hour, okay?"

And with that, Clark watched her skip away towards La Belle. Stretching his arms out in utter freedom, he let out a loud, "YES!" which of course caused some people to look at him queerly. Clark sat back down on one of the mall benches and let his legs rest for a while. He didn't feel like walking around the mall, since he'd probably just get lost. At first, he tried to watch all the people walking and talking all around him. The volume of their voices echoing all over the large building was enough to give him a migraine.

He was just standing up to maybe walk around for a bit, when a singular voice overcame the rest. It was soft humming. Tuning his super-hearing to hear it better, he realized it was Lois' voice. Clark sat back down and listened to her for a while. It was then that he remembered that the store Lois was shopping in was about ten yards away from the bench he was sitting on. Grinning to himself, Clark used his super vision and zoomed in through La Belle's bright windows, immediately catching sight of Lois' brown hair. She wasn't humming anymore, Clark noticed, but was busily searching through folds of clothing.

And so, Clark found himself spending the next hour just watching, and sometimes listening, to Lois. Whenever she found a dress or a shirt that didn't agree with her, Lois would make that disgusted face that Clark had learned to recognize over time. He chuckled to himself each time she sighed in frustration, and when she moved out of sight, he'd try tilting his head in hopes of finding her again. And while he was doing this, Clark's thoughts drifted to that place where he found himself ALWAYS drifting to these days: Lois.

She's rude his thoughts began. She's annoying, she's bossy, she's always finding ways to make life harder for me, and she talks too much. After negatively thinking about one side of Lois' character for a while, Clark decided to examine the other side. Memories of her brief hugs, her playful socking of his arm, her fond ruffling of his hair, and the affectionate smiles she sometimes gave suddenly made her "annoyingness" dissipate into a confusing mist. Clark looked up and watched Lois again. He had seen the look on her face when she had suggested that he take a break and roam around the mall for his own pleasure. It was a look of worry, tinged with guilt and a bit of pity. Clark looked down at his hands and remembered the way she had gently taken the shopping bags from him and carried them herself. She had cared. She had been considerate.

Now that Clark thought about it, everything Lois did was somehow considerate. Every plan she had proposed, every prank she had played, every scathing remark she had shot his way...Its main purpose was to...distract me! he suddenly thought. It was to distract him from the woes of his own little, self-piteous world of heartbreak and worries. Sure, Lois talked and acted that way towards everyone else, but she always gave an extra dosage of her 'charm' to Clark. Clark sighed at the realization that Lois had seen right through him. Though he had tried to hide things from the world, she was able to tap into it and see that he needed help. His mother must have said something, too, Clark thought. All this time he had thought Lois had come over to torture him, when indeed it was to help him live a little. And what had he given in return? Large amounts of sarcastic smiles and immense rolling of the eyes. I feel like an idiot Clark thought to himself.

Lois had seen through his mask. When he would be able to see through hers remained a mystery.

We shall leave our poor hero with his tortured thoughts, and take a look upon our feisty heroine. I know some of you must have been bored to death by Clark's excessive thinking, and have wanted for some time to see how the delightful Miss Lois has been faring in her hunt for a decent outfit. So with no further adieu...

Lois breathed out a sigh of relief as she walked out of the doors of La Belle. She had FINALLY picked out something to wear for Lex's formal dinner party. She had had trouble finding something formal and dressy, because...Well let's just face it she thought. I don't WEAR formal, OR dressy That was, unless she really needed to. Wondering where Clark must have walked to, Lois was just about to head for the their meeting place, when she felt a strong jerk on her arm. She looked down and found her purse missing.

"HEY!" she yelled, looking up and seeing a man wearing a hooded sweater run away with her purse. "COME BACK HERE! HELP! HE'S GOT MY PURSE!"

Lois unconsciously dropped her shopping bags and started running after the villain. "STOP HIM!" she screamed at intervals. A few people stopped what they were doing to join the chase, but still they couldn't get to him. Gosh, this guy's FAST! Lois thought, ignoring the commotion that had arisen around her. But she didn't care how fast he was. Lois was going to get her bag back even if it meant running her legs off. The man suddenly turned a corner, and Lois followed in hot pursuit.

Once having turned that corner, however, Lois skidded to a stop. The thief was already in the steely grip of none other than her beloved Smallville. Clark held Lois' purse in one hand, and kept the guy from running away with his other. He looked up to see Lois calmly advancing towards him.

Lois took her bag from Clark, said a quick "Thank you" and then began ruthlessly pounding her purse upon the hooded chap who had dared steal her bag. "TAKE THAT! pound AND THAT pound, YOU VILLAIN! YOU SCOUNDREL! YOU BIG! pound STUPID! pound IDIOT! WHAT KIND OF BRAINLESS JERK WOULD STEAL pound A WOMAN'S PURSE IN A MALL! AND IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY, TOO! OUTLAW! FELON! LAWBREAKER! pound pound pound"

This "outlaw", "felon", and "lawbreaker" crouched in fear, trying his best to defend himself from Lois' deadly strikes. Clark stood to one side, his hand still holding the arm of the thief. His eyes were on Lois, however, and there was an amused smile on his face. A crowd had begun to gather, and before long, a couple of security guards came walking up to them.

"What seems to be the problem here, ma'am?" one of the guards addressed Lois. But Lois was still too busy yelling and hitting the guy with her bag.

"CLARK, YOU TELL HIM!" she screeched, pounding on the poor guy some more.

Clark snapped out of his trance and faced the stern-faced security guard. Quickly clearing his throat, he said, "Uh...He stole her bag."

The guard gave him a curt nod, wrote something in a notebook, and began speaking to Lois again. "Ma'am, we'd appreciate it if you would stop hittin' the suspect so we can bring him to the police. Ma'am?" When this didn't work, the guard turned to Clark. "Sir, if you wouldn't mind gittin' ur girlfriend over here to stop hittin' the poor feller, I'd appreciate it very much."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Well, girlfriend or not, sir, we'd sure appreciate it if you would get her to stop, or we won't be able to get the handcuffs on."

Clark sighed and walked up to Lois, gently taking her arm. "Lois, you have to stop hitting him. Lois!" He ended up having to haul her away still shrieking and raving, while the security guards took hold of the moaning thief.

"...She's crazy...SHE'S CRAZY!" The poor, injured man yelled as he was led away.

"YOU BET I AM, YOU--"

"Lois, calm down!" Clark said, his arms still pinning her arms to her sides. Lois took in deep breaths of air before finally returning to her calm, complacent self.

"I'm okay," she breathed. "I'm okay...Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale..." br

"Geez," Clark said, putting hands to his hips, grinning, and breathing heavily as well, "Why the heck did you have to do all THAT for?"

Lois stared at him as if he were stupid. "He BROKE. My PURSE," she said, pointing to the broken handle.

A moment of silence passed, before Clark burst into uncontrollable laughter, which rang throughout the mall. He would have continued laughing if Lois hadn't patted him on the shoulder and reminded him that they still had to retrieve the shopping bags she had dropped during the chase.

As they walked back to get them, Clark continued chuckling to himself, saying, "You...are aMAZING."

Lois grinned up at him, "Why, thanks! I try." Suddenly she stopped. "Man, going after that guy sure got me tired. I think I need some caffeine. Hey, how would you like a warm cup of coffee? It's on me!" she said, looking up at a still sniggering Clark.

"Sure!" he managed to get out. "Why don't you go ahead and order at the cafe while I go get your stuff?"

Lois nodded her agreement and they separated. Lois towards Starbucks, and Clark to the far-off place where Lois had dropped her bags. As Lois entered the quiet cafe, however, she noticed that a couple of guys had followed her there. Shrugging off a feeling of suspicion, Lois stood at the back of line and waited. Suddenly, she felt someone breathing down her neck. She turned around and saw a couple of guys grinning down at her.

"Hey," one of them said, smiling mischievously at her.

"..Hi," Lois replied, shaking her head and turning back to the line before her, which had started to move on. Yeesh, some guys, she thought.

"What's your name?" One of them asked, as Lois moved down the line.

Lois turned around, gave them a sarcastic smile, and snapped back, "I think that's none of your business."

The two laughed and began jeering, "Whoooaa...Come on, hot stuff. No need to be all mean."

"If i'm being mean, then it's probably YOUR fault," Lois replied, rolling her eyes. She then proceeded to give the cashier her orders. Being told that she would have to wait a few moments, Lois inwardly groaned towards the pricks who wouldn't stop bothering her.

"Aw, come on, lady, can't we buy you drink?" "We just want to get to know you." They continued to try convincing her to go with them. Lois, extremely annoyed, just sent smart and stinging replies their way, but this just seemed to encourage them. "Come on, baby..you know you want to go with us," one of them actually had the nerve of taking Lois' arm as she was about to get the two cups of coffee waiting on the counter.

Lois jerked her arm back, almost spitting with rage. "How DARE you touch me, you--"

"Lois? What's going on?"

Lois and her "admirers" turned to see Clark walking towards them, shopping bags in hand. His eyebrows crouched together as he took in the scene before him.

"Hey, back off, dude," one of the guys said, stepping towards Clark in a threatening way. The other crossed his arms as they both blocked Lois from Clark's sight. "WE saw her first," the dummy announced.

An idea suddenly sparked in Lois' mind, and she suddenly grinned. "Hey, honey!" she brightly said, shoving her way towards Clark. She kissed him on the cheek. "What took you so long? The coffee was getting cold," she swiped the two cups of coffee off the counter and shoved one of them into a shocked Clark's hands.

The guys suddenly backed off. Their gaze switched from Lois, to Clark, and then back to Lois. "You mean..he's your...? You going out with him?" they stuttered.

"Yes. Isn't that right, sweetie?" Lois' voice took on a loving tone as she linked her arm into Clark's own and leaned against him, smiling sweetly into his face. Clark, who had gone completely rigid, just stared at her.

"Hey, man," one of the jerks whispered to his companion, "Wanna take him on?" His friend eyed Clark and replied, "Nah, man...This guy's buff." Then they both cleared their throats, looked at Lois, and said, "So, uh...So he's your boyfriend...eh?"

"Yeah, that's right," the fire had returned to Lois' eyes, "And if you don't leave RIGHT NOW, my boyfriend is going to KICK YOUR ASS!"

The guys began walking towards the door, eyeing Clark as if he was going to suddenly pounce on them or something. "No, uh..No need for that, dude. Uh, sorry for hittin' on your girl, man." And with that, they were gone.

"YEAH, GO AWAY AND NEVER RETURN, SICKO'S!" Lois said, waving an arm them. She then laughed to herself and looked at Clark, who was staring at her as if she had gone insane. "Well, come on Smallville, let's go sit down!" she said, as if nothing had happened. She took Clark by the arm and led him towards one of the tables.

As soon as they had sat down with their coffee, Clark blurted, "What just happened?"

Lois shrugged as she sipped from her cup. "Oh, that. A couple of jerks were trying to get me to go with them, but of course THAT wasn't going to happen. Good thing you walked in, or i don't know HOW i would have gotten rid of them," she replied nonchalantly.

"You could have just hit them sore with your handbag," Clark pointed out.

Lois nodded thoughtfully as she held the cup in her hands. "True... But it would have caused another scene, and I didn't want to embarrass you again. Ugh," she suddenly said, grimacing. "This needs more sugar."

Clark watched Lois get up and complain to one of the waitresses. When she got back, Clark said, "You kissed me."

"Oh, sorry about that. You may begin rubbing off what germs my unworthy lips left on your cheek. I have some sanitizer here if you want some," Lois said, reaching into her purse.

Clark waved a hand around and grinned, "Nah, that's okay. I don't hate you THAT much."

Lois rolled her eyes. "Well, that's good to know. Now you can add this to your long list of relationships, naming it as the shortest one you've ever had," she said.

Clark laughed. "The list isn't that long, really," he said, staring at his cup.

Lois suddenly became serious. "Lana?" she gently asked. Clark smiled faintly, and fell silent. Lois noticed this and took pity. "..but if you want to talk about it.." she started, shrugging her shoulders.

Clark shook his head. "I'd rather not," he shortly replied.

Lois sighed. "You know, Clark, if you never open up to anyone, all that drama you've worked up inside is just going to explode someday," she said. "So, come on, tell me about it."

"Lois--"

"SPILL."

Clark, seeing no hope for it, did "spill." He told Lois everything: from the first day of high school, to the day Lana went off to Paris. Most of it was just the same thing over and over again. Clark just took a rather long time telling it. "She kissed me...but it really wasn't her, it was this girl in school who could take any form she wanted because of the meteor rocks...And then, she kissed me again...But it really wasn't HER because she was affected from a flower that had some meteor rock stuff in it...And then I kissed her..and then she thought it was a mistake, so i had to convince her to go out with me. But anyway, we went out for a while. Problem was, uh...I got affected by some uh cough meteor rock, and it...kind of hurt her feelings...(insert more boring clana history here) and then she went off to Paris...got a boyfriend...and then..yeaaah..."

Lois, although she had been drinking her coffee and already had much caffiene running through her veins, was tempted to drop off at any moment. She listened to Clark's story, nodded her head in all the right places and tried to pay attention. As soon as Clark finished his story, all Lois had to say was, "Wow." She stifled a yawn. "You must hate all that meteor rock..."

Clark laughed. "You have no idea," he replied, smiling. He didn't get it. Talking about Lana was supposed to make him feel gloomy. But he wasn't.

"No offense, Kent," Lois said, leaning on her elbow."... but that has got to be one of the most confusing love stories ever told," she said. Clark nodded his head. He couldn't do anything but agree. "Look, from what I can gather from Lana's ways around you...She still likes you. But do you notice the pattern here? First, she doesn't like you in that way. And then she DOES like you in that way. And then she doesn't,then she does, then she doesn't, then she does,then.."

"Yeah, I get the point," Clark spoke up from his spot.

"So you're still in love with her, huh?" Lois asked, nodding her head and looking at him as if he were a hopeless case.

Clark's automatic response would have been, "Yes." But something stopped him. "I..I don't know.." he said instead. He looked down at the table, confused. "I just have this feeling that...that Lana will never love me. You know, REALLY love me. In fact, I don't think any girl could. I'll probably end up all alone."

Lois snorted. "Don't plan your doom before it happens, Clark. And come ON," Lois said, trying her best to comfort him. "Why wouldn't someone fall in love with you? You're cute, you're sweet, you're funny...(she paused and made a face)...I'm lying?"

Clark rolled his eyes, "Aren't you supposed to be encouraging me?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Look, Smallville, ANY girl would be crazy not to go out with you," Lois concluded, nodding her head in emphasis.

"Fine, then would YOU go out with me?"

"HA HA HA! No."

"SEE?" Clark sighed, exasperated.

Lois shook her head at him, "But Clark, I'm different. You know that." Clark shrugged at her. Lois then stared at the ceiling and put a dreamy look on her face, "One of these days, Smallville, you're going to find your one true love and sweep her off her feet. You will look into her eyes and say, 'She is the one. She is the one i am destined to be with.' And you know what? She's going to love you back."

"I wish it was that easy," Clark sighed.

Lois smiled and Clark knew she understood. "You know what," she said. "I think it's time to head on home. It's a long drive from here and your parents are probably freaking out at how late it is," she said, getting up and checking her watch.

Clark nodded in silent thanks. She probably knew he wasn't ready to discuss any further on the subject. Again, he was touched by her consideration.

They were silent on the ride back home, for they were both in deep thought. They pulled into the Kent's driveway, got out, and entered the quiet home, noticing that Clark's parents were already asleep. Lois found a note from Martha on the kitchen table, informing them that if they were hungry, she had saved some dinner for them in the fridge.

Laughing, Clark and Lois realized that they still hadn't eaten their dinner. "How did we survive all those hours without any FOOD?" Lois asked, taking out some plates. Clark laughed. "We were too distracted with some uh...particular events that came up, that we probably forgot all about our stomachs," he said. They spent the next hour eating and talking in between bites. Clark felt so easy around her, so natural. For all he knew, she could have been part of their family all along.

After getting ready for bed, Lois walked Clark back downstairs to his couch and said good night. "You'll find her someday, Clarkie," she said, returning to the subject they had talked about in the mall. She yawned and began walking up the stairs. "She could be right under your nose, but you're just too darn blind to see."

Clark chuckled as he watched Lois sleepily ascend the steps in her green PJ's and trademark bunny slippers. "Thanks, Lois," he said, switching off a lamp and settling into the couch.

"Good night," Lois' sleepy voice called from the top of the stairs.

"Good night."