A/N: Thanks to anyone who's followed/favorited and/or is reading but not reviewing:)
On to the story!
Wanda woke to soft rays of morning sunlight filtering through the filmy light blue curtains in the bedroom. Safe. I am safe with Nat and Clint and his family. I am not in that hellish prison anymore. I just...still don't feel well. That's fine, I'm fine. Next to her Lila still lay sleeping clutching her somewhat ratty-looking plushie. There was an unfamiliar but warm blanket draped over both of them, and Wanda realized she and Lila must have fallen asleep on top of the covers the night before while the others were unloading the SUV, and no one had wanted to disturb them.
The other bed in the room looked rumpled, but Natasha was not in it. Wanda could hear water running in an adjoining room, so she assumed Nat had gone to the restroom and would come right back. A rustic-looking ceiling fan spun languidly overhead. Glancing around the room, she saw a large TV on the wall in a good spot for easy viewing from the beds, some braided wood artwork on the walls, her own duffel bag in a blue rocking chair, one large dresser, and an entire shelf of DVDs against another wall, probably nearly as tall as herself.
Wanda thought she hoped there were some old sitcoms in that DVD collection.
"Morning," Nat greeted her when she came back a moment later. "Did you sleep okay?"
"I...did." Wanda sounded surprised at the realization, but it was true. She couldn't remember any bad dreams disturbing her (and then setting that collar off), weird noises waking her up, or anyone shouting on purpose to startle her awake. And there were no bright lights that never turned off. I did wake up multiple times because of pain, but it wasn't frightening, and I fell back asleep quickly. I knew where I was, Lila was next to me, and I could see that Nat was asleep in the other bed. So it was fine. This did not constitute a messed-up night's sleep to her, not after all those days of so little sleep. Waking up in pain was unpleasant, but she couldn't bring herself to care when she was lying on a soft bed under a warm blanket, nothing restraining her or making her feel like she was choking.
"Did you wake up at all?" Natasha asked.
Wanda hesitated but slowly nodded. N-O-T D-I-S-T-U-R-B-I-N-G. K-N-E-W I-M S-A-F-E.
Nat thought this probably meant Wanda had woken up simply because she was in pain, not because of a nightmare or something similar. "How many times?"
Wanda held up four fingers, which was the truth.
"I think it might be a good idea to take something stronger than Advil before you go to sleep again, if you're waking up multiple times during the night because of pain," Nat told her firmly. "And don't say you didn't say that."
D-O-N-T W-A-N-T, Wanda signed quickly.
"I know you don't, but please think about it. I'm not going to make you take anything, but I think you should." Nat figured it would be better to let Wanda choose than to make her take anything and risk causing her to distrust everyone. At least she was safe and resting now. "Laura said last night she'd bring breakfast up this morning, so I'll stay here with you for now, and then she or Clint can stay with you while I go down and clean up the kitchen."
They shouldn't have to do that, Wanda thought, but she didn't say anything about that. She could always make up for all this special treatment once she felt a little stronger. What she did sign was that they had been willing to leave her alone with only Lila the night before.
"I probably shouldn't have done that anyway, but you seemed happy with Lila there, and I figured she'd yell for us if necessary. If she's awake, wants to stay, and you don't mind being alone except for her, that's fine. But Lila is sleeping right now, so no, I'm not leaving."
Wanda rather wanted to protest that she did not need babysitting, but that sounded childish, and she didn't really want Natasha to leave her alone anyway.
There was a light knock on the door, which was just Laura with the breakfast. "We have scrambled eggs, biscuits, and sausage. I made you a fruit smoothie, Wanda, but if you want to try the rest too, there's plenty. I wasn't sure what you felt like eating. I can also get applesauce, jello, grits, flavored oatmeal, pudding...whatever you like, if you want something else soft instead."
Logically, this did not really sound ridiculous or over the top; Wanda knew Laura would offer the exact same things to her own children or anyone else if their throat hurt, but it still...seemed out of place after everything. I didn't even tell her my throat hurt. I suppose it was easy to assume, or Clint or Nat told her, but... "Thank you," she whispered, trying to sit herself up. Instantly Nat was next to her, stacking extra pillows behind her and to support her splinted arm, though she didn't make any fuss, either.
Lila finally stirred at the movement and happily sat up, eyeing the breakfast hopefully. "Yum. Hi, Mama! I got to stay in here all night," she said, very pleased.
"Yours is downstairs, pumpkin. Let Auntie Nat and Wanda eat in peace. Then you can come back later," Laura told her.
Lila looked like she might protest, but then sighed very deeply and did as she was told, but not before giving both Avengers a hug. Then she willingly followed her mother downstairs.
Wanda did not dare pick up a full glass of smoothie at the moment, worried she would just drop or spill the whole thing, but Nat seemed to know this already. The little breakfast-in-bed tray went on Wanda's lap, there was a straw in the smoothie, and then Natasha let her alone to drink it herself without help. "...Thank you," Wanda said again, happy that she hadn't needed to ask for anything one way or the other. Then she felt all teary again, which seemed stupid to her. But Laura had made something special just for her, because she was hurt, and then offered to go get her something else entirely if she wanted it on top of that.
Nat moved the tissues within Wanda's reach, but didn't address the tears. Oddly Natasha rather thought it was probably a good thing Wanda wasn't trying to hold the tears in, because that also meant she felt safe enough to allow herself to be visibly upset. She sat on the edge of the bed with her own plate and began eating her own. It was such a relief that the journey to the vacation house had gone so smoothly. Probably something would go wrong sooner or later, but at the moment, their little group was safe. "If you do want any of the rest of this, you tell me."
Wanda shook her head slightly. The eggs and sausage looked appetizing, but the idea of trying to swallow it made her cringe and want to throw up, especially the sausage. The biscuits had potential, but she didn't want any of the rest. "Smoothie's enough."
"Finish all of it, then, unless you start feeling sick. When we're done eating, we need to change those bandages, and then you can sleep more, read, watch TV, whatever you like."
"Done... nothing but...sleep," Wanda said quietly, sounding a bit frustrated, tears gone now. At least drinking the cold smoothie helped make her throat feel better and therefore easier for her to talk, too. I want to do something. Something useful. And...not think about the Raft. Now that she did feel alert mostly again, even though she was still so weak and exhausted, she knew she wanted some kind of distraction to occupy her thoughts, because otherwise she would probably break down or something, and not just the normal tears, either. Wanda eyed the duffel bag sitting in the chair. No wonder Sam and Steve had been all blasé about returning to team missions; they knew before she did that she wouldn't just...retire. I can't stop entirely whether I want to or not. That's my job, and I want to do it for Pietro.
"You need sleep. You'd need extra sleep even if you had just been hurt from an accident rather than being tortured." Natasha followed Wanda's gaze to the duffel and sighed. "We're not doing any missions until you're back to normal, period. And you'd better be prepared to bail regardless of whoever you're teamed with. I won't take you on any jobs with me if you can't promise that."
Wanda's gaze snapped back to her friend, surprised at the seemingly abrupt topic change, since she hadn't mentioned anything of the sort. "Why...?"
Nat eyed the younger girl suspiciously. "I'm not sure what you're asking about, but I know you could have escaped the airport if you'd run when Clint told you to. You went and tried to free Sam and Scott instead."
Is Nat saying I should have abandoned everyone? I don't get it. Wanda stared at the Black Widow in confusion, her good hand shakily stirring the straw around in the smoothie. "You want me to...abandon the team?"
"Of course not, but I do want you to keep yourself safe. Don't look at me all baffled like that. You were holding back, and you know it. You let them capture you. You were exhausted and running out of energy, but not helpless. I'm not taking you on any missions if you're not ready to defend yourself." Natasha searched Wanda's face, hoping the words wouldn't send her spiraling into a panic again, but Wanda only closed her eyes, a single tear trickling down her cheek. "I'm sorry. I am not blaming you in any way for being trapped in that prison. But I know quite well your abilities run on instinct and emotion and they're heightened when you're...stressed, shall we say."
"And harder to control," Wanda muttered, half just to herself.
"Yours function on instinct all the time. You've done well learning to channel that instinct over the last year. I just don't think you're doing everything you can in a fight when it's only to protect yourself." Natasha set her now-empty breakfast plate aside and sighed.
Do you want me to use mind tricks then? Because that is the main thing I am "not doing" under ordinary circumstances... "It doesn't matter," Wanda said now, and then added via signing that she'd thought cooperating was the right thing to do.
"Maybe right to cooperate before, because you didn't know what they were going to do to you and hoped you'd be treated fairly. Now you know they will not. Circumstances change. Now you protect yourself. Now, yes, you leave the team if you absolutely must, because you are in far more danger if caught than any of the rest of us." Nat paused, watching her younger teammate staring at her. She's not going to listen, she's never going to listen... "Did you really wait six days to make an escape attempt simply because you didn't feel you had a decent chance of success sooner? Or was it because you were hurt and felt you needed to lash out finally? Because frankly, I doubt that was the best moment to try."
Wanda looked away and took another sip of her smoothie, her eyes tinted red. "I don't know. It wasn't...planned." She hesitated, unsure how to explain herself, or why she'd waited, or what had made her finally risk doing something...and then get herself into even more hellish trouble by doing so. If she tried to explain, it probably would not make any sense, especially because even now she was not one bit sorry for the escape attempt. She was sorry she hadn't planned better before doing so, but not for trying and failing. "Ross was just...he claimed..." Wanda switched again to signing slowly to continue that he had thought she had power access, and she hadn't been thinking straight to plan the escape properly.
"Do you mean that he was going to continue hurting you anyway if you didn't do anything with your power?" Nat asked calmly, glad that Wanda seemed to be willing to discuss what had happened a bit. Certainly keeping all of it locked inside wouldn't be good for her. "So you just decided to attempt something else with it?"
Wanda's shaky hand touched the burns on her neck, her expression clearly haunted and angry. "It didn't...matter what I did," she whispered. Then why should I not try? I'd rather go down fighting than do nothing. I D-O-N-T C-A-R-E. G-L-A-D I T-R-I-E-D. Then she glanced back at Natasha, eyes bright with tears and a few tiny red wisps of magic crackling on her fingers wrapped around the smoothie glass. "I am sorry for...many things. That...is not...one of them."
The glass shattered suddenly, making both Avengers jump. Shards of glass sprayed across the tray, the blanket, and onto the floor.
"I'm sor-"
"No, don't be sorry for this. It's almost gone anyway. Stay still and I'll take care of it." Nat quickly took the tray and broken glass away from Wanda. "There's more shards on the blanket, so I'm going to take that too, all right? I'll find you another one, or you can get under the covers instead."
O-K.
They heard a knock on the door and then Clint asking if they wanted to see baby Nate. Natasha sighed and went to the door. "We do. Sit with her while I clean up this mess. A glass broke, that's all. Somehow she's too shaky to hold a glass, but still shattered it in her fist," she glanced back at Wanda, who was studying her palm, seemingly surprised at whatever she saw there. "Make sure she didn't cut up her hand doing that."
Remembering that Wanda had also used a tiny bit of magic to push him away from her in the car on the way here, and that it had been because she was upset, Clint frowned as he went over to her. "What happened?"
Wanda gave him a look. What do you think happened? I was upset and messed up, that's all. "I'm fine, look," she informed him, holding up her hand. There were a couple of new small scratches across her palm and fingers, but nothing that anyone would expect from crushing glass in one's fist. Wanda thought her magic must have shielded her hand somewhat, even though she hadn't consciously chosen to use it at all in the first place.
"She just has a couple new small scratches, Nat. No cuts," Clint reported. Partly because he was concerned and partly because he was curious, he asked Wanda to make a fist and punch him.
"I...what?"
"You heard me. Look, we'll let baby Nate sleep over on Nat's bed for a minute. Hold on." Clint set the sleeping baby down on the other bed, putting pillows around him so he couldn't potentially roll off, just in case he couldn't grab Nate in time. Nate continued sleeping, thumb firmly planted in his mouth.
Wanda stared at Clint and then at Natasha sweeping up the glass shards, who appeared to be pretending not to hear the conversation, though Wanda thought she saw Nat smiling a little. "Can't," she muttered reluctantly after a moment.
"Then we will know. Do it once without using your powers, and once with."
Wanda made a very familiar stubborn upset face and folded her good arm across her middle, holding the injured one protectively. I don't want to do that. I can't punch anything right now without using any power. It would be like barely poking something. And if I did yank more magic free right now...then I might hurt him. Still, if she didn't, then they would probably just become more concerned. Wanda slowly closed her hand into a fist and reached out. As predicted, she could not put any actual force behind the motion, and she gave Clint a very displeased look. T-O-L-D Y-O-U.
"Now, with your power," Clint told her.
"Don't want...hurt you."
Good. She thinks she can, Clint thought, glad to hear that reaction rather than Wanda saying she couldn't. "Hey, I'm the only Avenger that's taken you down in a one versus one. You won't hurt me."
"I'm insulted, Hawkeye," Nat deadpanned, now simply holding baby Nate herself and watching. "All of us have beaten Wanda solo many times training."
"Not when she's using her magic. She just royally sucks at sparring when she's not using it. Otherwise, she's a little squishy powerhouse. Give her a shield to hide behind permanently and she'd be unstoppable."
"So, you want Wanda to chuck you out the window?" Natasha looked at Wanda and nodded toward Clint. "Guess he wants you to. Better get it over with."
Wanda found this conversation amusing because it was so accurate. She was, admittedly, not great at fighting without using her powers, though she was much, much improved from a year ago (mostly thanks to Natasha's lessons). She looked down at her hand, closed her eyes, reaching for the scarlet inside. It still didn't want to do anything, but she ripped a bit free anyway and threw the wisps in her hand directly at Clint. Instantly he was flat on the floor, and Wanda worried she'd maybe used too much until the archer began laughing.
"Well, I wasn't expecting that right now," Clint said, but he sounded happy. If Wanda could do that already, that was good and he was somewhat less concerned that she wouldn't be able to defend herself anytime soon. Obviously someone meaning to harm or capture Wanda was not going to stay still within arm's reach and just let her sucker punch them with her powers, but still.
"Serves you right," Nat said, laughing herself. "Too bad we didn't record that."
Wanda found herself sitting with Lila for most of the day after Natasha had changed her bandages. The little girl had promptly returned once allowed to do so, generously sharing her stuffed animals and claiming they were going to make Wanda feel better. Well, the stuffed animals don't, but you do, she thought to herself.
She dozed on and off, not really paying much attention to the monkey cartoon Lila had chosen to watch-"it's for babies but I like it anyways," Lila had said pointedly. Just having Lila sitting with her was a welcome distraction to her.
Cooper brought her a popsicle twice, though he decided not to pepper her with questions, even though he really wanted to. He seemed to have concluded Wanda's throat hurt like when he had gotten his tonsils out, and she did not correct him.
Nat didn't try to make her talk about the Raft again, but other than a quick walk outside to investigate their current safe area and cleaning up the breakfast dishes in the kitchen for Laura, she chose to remain in the same room with Wanda, saying she'd stay with her. Wanda didn't protest this. Though she did like having some alone time, those memories of being trapped alone, hurt, in the dark, made her grateful to have a friend simply sit in the same room with her. I don't want to talk about it, but I'm glad someone is here all the same.
Every so often Clint stuck his head in the door, usually with baby Nate in his arms. He claimed he was just checking to see if she wanted anything, but Wanda was suspicious he was more just wanting to reassure himself that she and Lila were safe.
That night, Wanda woke up in a cold sweat, unsure what exactly had awoken her. Dream. It was just a bad dream, she tried to convince herself, but something else was bothering her, and she didn't think it was just her own anxiety this time. I sensed something. Something... intruding. Whatever it was seemed to be harmless, but she was still uneasy. What if there was something bad in the house and she couldn't tell? Or something or someone had sensed her there?
Or my powers are just going haywire, Wanda thought. The scarlet "core" of magic in her chest seemed to be stirring about nervously inside, but it still didn't particularly want her to access it, either. You are not on the Raft, she ordered herself. You need to calm down. I'm not trapped in that room again, I'm not tied up or strapped down somewhere, nobody is hurting me, if I want to talk I can, I can use my powers if I want to. It just isn't functioning normally yet, either. She hesitantly touched her neck again, trying to reassure herself that there was no shock collar there choking her any longer. "I'm fine," she whispered aloud. "I'm fine."
Finally Wanda simply reached to turn on the nightstand lamp, wincing as the motion strained her ribs. In a second, Natasha was awake and out of bed, asking what had happened. "I...don't know-I-I think..." she stuttered awkwardly. I don't know what happened. Probably nothing. With the light on, Natasha standing right there, and knowing quite well she'd had a bad dream and that was at least part of what had disturbed her...saying she felt like something was intruding in the house seemed ridiculous and illogical. "Nothing," Wanda mumbled after a moment.
Nat frowned. She'd seen Wanda have nightmares before, and this wasn't the same. "What did you think you felt? You might have had an unpleasant dream or otherwise scared yourself, but that's not the only thing bothering you." She edged to the windows and sliding glass door to the deck-like balcony porch outside, peeking through the curtains to the darkness outside. "Could you have maybe heard an owl or something like that?"
I don't know. Wanda didn't know what to say, thinking she had completely overreacted and woken Natasha for no reason at this point. She knew her powers were not working normally right now, so it was dumb to assume she had really sensed anything wrong. "Maybe. I...I just..." F-E-L-T L-I-K-E I S-E-N-S-E-D... "Something," she finished lamely. "...Intruding?"
"Well, better safe than sorry. I'm going to check the house." Natasha fished Wanda's taser out of the duffel and put it right in her hand. The girl instantly dropped it as if it had burned her. "Then you'd better be able to access your own power quickly," Nat said in a softer voice, thinking that Wanda probably did not want to use or touch it because of the association with electrical shocks. "Can you knock someone out right now if you had to?"
"...I think so."
"Not good enough. Up you come." Nat picked her up quickly enough that Wanda had no chance to protest, and took her across the hall to Clint's and Laura's room.
"Thought I heard something," Laura said sleepily. "What's going on?"
"Good, you're awake. I'll be right back, I'm just double checking the house." Spotting an empty oversized chair, Natasha gently set Wanda down there. "Tell her what happened."
Wanda blinked, still thinking this was an awful lot of fuss over what was probably nothing, but she also knew Natasha was right: they needed to check just in case. It would be a bad call not to investigate, "safe" house or not. She pulled her knees to her chest, holding onto the immobilized arm protectively again. Why am I so jumpy now? It's just Laura. She brought me food and drinks multiple times and has always been nothing but kind to me. I shouldn't be scared.
"Do I need to wake Clint up?" Laura asked when there was clearly no explanation forthcoming. "I'm guessing one of you heard or sensed something strange and just want to make sure it's nothing?"
Wanda nodded slightly, shoulders tense. "Don't...don't wake him up," she whispered. He needed sleep too. If Laura woke him up now, he would get all concerned and upset-snappy again. She was fine. Laura was gazing at her with concern too, and it was unsettling as much as it was simultaneously nice and frustrating that there was another person concerned. My mother is dead. Laura is not my mom, she's Lila's, and Cooper's and Nate's. I'm not a child anymore. I'm FINE. Pietro would tell her she was being ridiculous and she should just take the kindness if they could have it somewhere.
"Well, tell me if you change your mind. I'm not going to be offended; you know him and Nat better. I told you that when Nat first brought you to visit us on the farm last year. You are safe from judgement here too." Laura thought Wanda rather did look like a frightened child at the moment, staring at her with those big green eyes, and having three kids of her own meant she wanted to protect this one too, even if Wanda was technically not a child.
Wanda nodded again and relaxed slightly. Yes, she did remember that. Natasha had taken her to the Barton farm after about a week in the Compound post-Ultron and losing Pietro, because she'd caught Wanda dumping herself off the roof. She was still surprised the older Avenger had actually caught her successfully. Wanda remembered begging Nat not to tell the others afterwards, terrified that they would send her back to Sokovia or otherwise kick her off the Avengers team entirely, and she had nowhere to go. The Black Widow had told Hawkeye and no one else, though Wanda was pretty sure Cap knew too, because when she came back, Steve gave her a hug and said if she felt like that again she should tell someone. Then he let her be and treated her the same as usual, other than randomly asking 'are you doing okay?' once every week or two.
Pietro would not have wanted that for her; her twin would want her to live and surely it would be selfish to attempt that again when Pietro had died saving someone. Wanda did not make any more attempts after that, though she still found those dark thoughts flitting through her head on occasion. Laura had immediately been welcoming and seemed more than happy to have her around until she was ready to return to the Compound. The woman never treated her any differently whatsoever; she never felt like Laura found her disturbing or bad or anything of the sort. I didn't mess up and hurt all those people at Lagos before, either. It's not the same anymore. "I killed people," Wanda said abruptly, her voice so quiet Laura could barely hear her.
"I'm not going to judge you for the Lagos incident. I don't care what is on the news. That was the terrorist's fault, not yours or Steve's."
Wanda had a sudden realization that actually made her boiling, stewing mad. If that horrible Secretary Ross is on the news making himself look like the good guy... She closed her eyes and tried to express herself calmly. R-O-S-S O-N N-E-W-S? she asked, her signs stiff and disjointed.
Laura could tell that Wanda wasn't merely scared of this man; she also actively, adamantly loathed and despised him, she would want to shred him if provoked again. Clint did tell me as much. "I think you'd know that whether you watched any news channels or I told you or not."
W-A-N-T T-O S-E-E.
"I don't think that's a good idea. Do you really want to see this man's face, even just on TV?" Laura knew from Clint that this man in question was responsible for most of Wanda's current state, and whatever tortures he hadn't directly done to her himself, he'd at best tacitly approved of it or let it happen. It seemed a bit too personally invested behavior-wise, considering Ross must have other responsibilities besides tormenting ONE person in his efforts to locate the fugitive Avengers. Laura suspected the man disliked enhanced individuals in general and Wanda happened to be the unlucky victim he had access to. Either that or she had simply scared him and he wanted to break her, which clearly had not worked at all; Wanda might be frightened and hurt, but she was also angry.
"...No." I just hate not knowing. Wanda hesitated, debating whether to ask Laura what she really wanted to know. Ross was no mystery; she could imagine what he was saying and doing. Tony was a mystery to her, and she thought Laura could probably clear some of it up. C-A-N I A-S-K S-O-M-E-T-H-I-N-G?
"Of course you can."
Wanda slowly asked via signing what Tony Stark had told Laura when organizing this vacation house thing. I have to know. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him, but I have to know. The second she was finished signing, her fingers went to her neck again.
Laura gently pulled Wanda's hand away from her neck. "Try not to touch it. You'll make it worse." She considered how to answer the question before saying anything, not wanting to say the wrong thing and make Wanda more upset than she already was.
"...I want...truth," Wanda said firmly. "Don't...leave things...out."
"You are sure you want to know now? Not in the morning, or when you feel better?"
"Positive." Wanda made this rueful expression as she signed that she could definitely handle hearing whatever it was after being in that horrible place for weeks.
That's exactly why I don't want to tell you anything that might make you upset, Laura thought, but Wanda wasn't going to drop this, and not telling her anything would probably mean she would mull over possibilities in her head imagining the worst until she was told. "He called me, asking if the kids and I wanted a free, all expenses paid vacation distraction. I told him no. That initial offer was actually before he visited the Raft, so I assume he must have felt guilty because Clint wasn't coming home. Then I...ran into him while picking up some groceries a few days later. He said he'd made a bad call and I could help him fix it. At that point, I knew something else was wrong. So I agreed to come here with the kids, figuring at worst then they would just enjoy having a vacation. When we arrived, he was here with Pepper..." Laura trailed off; Wanda was starting to look more and more perturbed.
"Please..." T-E-L-L M-E.
Laura sighed deeply. "He told me all of you were on the Raft and the conditions there were unfair, law-breaking or not. That he knew the Vision had sent coordinates to Steve, and that Steve and Nat were planning a breakout and he wasn't going to stop it."
Wanda looked very unimpressed, her expression slightly disgusted. Big deal he wasn't going to stop it, when none of them should have been sent to that underwater hellhole in the first place. This especially bothered her when her three fellow teammates thrown in there weren't even enhanced like Steve or her. They should not have been in the Raft in her opinion, regardless of what they'd done.
"Anyway, he said he believed you were being harmed more than the others, partially because of something that he had created, and there needed to be a safe place to stay for awhile since he knew he would never be able to negotiate any kind of house arrest on your behalf, period."
"Knew. He knew," Wanda said pointedly. There was zero doubt in her mind that Tony must have known that much, even if he had no idea of the details. Simply seeing her should have told him that much, and he should know considering that horrible collar had been a Stark creation too. She had even flat-out told him she was being tortured. But, she had probably just sounded...snarky about it and so he thought it wasn't that bad or she was exaggerating. Wanda knew she hadn't been very nice to Tony when he'd visited the Raft, though she was not particularly sorry for it, either.
Laura's voice was soft when she spoke again. "He did know, and he feels guilty. Clint and Nat have both told me about the collar. I'm glad you're here safe now after all...that."
"Can we stop?" Wanda asked, her shoulders tense again. I don't want to talk about that. Maybe another time, but...not now. Thankfully, Laura seemed nonplussed and willingly dropped it. In fact, she almost seemed to have expected a can we stop? reaction.
"Of course. You can ask for more information or simply vent whenever you'd like." Laura didn't say anything else and just sat there in silence with Wanda until Natasha returned a few minutes later.
Natasha was smiling. "So, I think you did technically sense an intruder, Wanda," she reported, still looking relieved and entertained. "I found a couple raccoons in the garage, digging through the garbage. Nothing else, though."
Wanda felt more dumb than amused, waking up and freaking herself out, and then waking up Natasha and Laura too...over some raccoons getting into trash in the garage. She drooped in her chair and made a face. "I'm sorry," she muttered.
"What for? I'd rather find some trash pandas than a human intruder. Or nothing, for that matter, because then we wouldn't know what set your powers off. This way we have an explanation," Natasha told her.
Maybe so, but I still feel stupid. My powers would NEVER make a mistake like that normally. Wanda didn't say anything, but she nodded. Nat did have a point, and she was glad there was at least a tangible explanation.
"Let's all go back to bed."
In the morning, Wanda decided she absolutely needed to tell Natasha what Steve had told her about Vision potentially coming to visit. The "intruder" incident the night before made her certain that waiting any longer would be a poor decision on her part. She waited until she was done with her breakfast smoothie (in a plastic cup this time, not glass) and then said she needed to tell Nat something.
"Do you want to tell me before or after we change those bandages again?"
"Try...while." I want it over with, and I want a distraction. Wanda hated anyone touching her neck right now, not so much because the burns hurt, which they did, but because it reminded her of other things she was trying to avoid thinking about. Yesterday she had started crying and shaking uncontrollably, scaring both of them.
"I'll go as fast as I can. I'm listening whenever you're ready." Nat gave Wanda's good hand a squeeze. "Just try to hold still."
"Cap told me he...thought Vis might...visit here," Wanda said slowly. "And that..." she abruptly stopped talking, clutching a fistful of her shirt in her fist. Okay. I need to shut up for now. Talking seemed to be making it hurt more rather than less, distraction or not, and the damaged skin temporarily being exposed to the air again made her want to cry like she had the day before. I'm safe. I am not there anymore. I am just with Nat, and she's trying to help me.
"You're doing fine. If you need to cry, it's completely okay. No judging here. I rather thought he might tell you something like that, so I'm not surprised. But, I'm glad you decided to share that information anyway." Natasha shook her head and went on, "I told you before that I don't believe Vision would intentionally harm you, but again...you need to be careful. If he does show up here, I don't care how innocent it seems, you be prepared for the worst." Privately she hoped Vision at least wouldn't show up until Wanda was on her feet again, even if she wasn't entirely back to normal.
"He might n-not...love me...anymore."
Natasha frowned and shook her head, wondering what exactly Wanda meant by that, especially since that was a switch from Wanda's claims before that she did not either have romantic feelings for him. "If he doesn't, that is his loss, not yours. I see you gave up arguing that you don't care about each other that way."
Wanda's cheeks turned pink. I shouldn't have used that word. I don't even know if Vis really does...love me. It just came out. She didn't bother denying it this time; Natasha wasn't teasing her, and was quite serious. Then she had a vain thought, wondering if those painful burns were going to scar, and felt that was silly too. Except, that was actually not silly, because distinctive burn scars like she was imagining would make it more difficult to hide her identity once she had to leave the vacation house later. Maybe it just hurts and they don't look as bad as they feel, she thought hopefully.
"The burns look like they're healing a little bit already, at least," Natasha said quietly, seemingly mirroring Wanda's worried thoughts. "You're sure you don't want any other pain meds? That Advil you've been taking isn't helping. I can see that much." Wanda didn't seem scared like she had been yesterday, but her expression was drawn and tense, and her eyes were bright with tears.
"I just..." Wanda did want something to help her feel better, but the idea of taking anything that would alter her senses or otherwise make her drowsy or sluggish, anything of that nature, still made her anxious. I don't know. I don't want anything, but... "It's stupid."
"Taking medicine when you are in pain is not stupid. You're not on a mission where you need to stay alert right now. You're safe, you don't have to do anything at all." A sudden, disturbing thought struck Natasha. "Are you trying to punish yourself for something?"
I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. Wanda stared at her, not knowing how to answer that. Hadn't she had enough pain and horrible things in her life? She was not either trying to punish herself for anything...was she? That didn't make any sense; why would anyone do such a thing? I just don't want anything because I'm scared of how it makes me feel. Right? D-O-N-T K-N-O-W.
At least she's being honest, Natasha thought. "Well, I'm going to bring you something else to take when we're done here, and I want you to try it. Once. If you can honestly tell me any mild side effects you get are worse to you than the way you feel now, then you don't have to take any more."
"If I...do that, you won't...leave me?"
"I won't. I promise."
"...Okay." I do trust Nat. She won't make me take more if I'm willing to try once and I really hate it. It will be fine. Wanda lay very still while Natasha checked the cuts on her side and her injured leg too, which was not a big deal at all to her compared to her neck. Those cuts still hurt and stung, and she didn't like not remembering how she'd gotten them, but letting Nat see them was only mildly unpleasant to her. That original bullet graze from the airport fight probably would be healed entirely by now if it hadn't been reopened multiple times since. In any event, touching those things didn't scare her in any way, nor did it hurt as much, either.
"Do you mind telling me how you sprained your ankle?" Natasha asked now, making sure to add that Wanda didn't have to share if she didn't want to.
Wanda actually scowled, but then shook her head slightly that no, she didn't mind. "I fainted." There was no disturbing story to that one beyond that; she'd just been trying to get her usual water tumbler and fallen while doing so. "Dizzy, weak, fell."
Nat wondered if there was more to it than that, but even if there was, it didn't seem to be something that disturbed Wanda like her burns did. She didn't press further. "You're probably okay to try using it a little bit as soon as you feel strong enough, but you'll still need to take it easy for awhile. Don't overdo it."
"I won't." S-O T-I-R-E-D, Wanda admitted. Like I could sleep for a year. And I wish my magic would go back to normal already. For all the problems her magic caused, she despised knowing it was not behaving normally, because dangerous or not, knowing she could do something to protect herself if necessary was reassuring to her. "Done nothing and..."
"Good grief, we've been here barely two days. How much sleep were you getting on the Raft? Very, very little. You rest as long as you need to, period." Natasha shook her head and added, "And don't copy my behavior from when you have seen me injured."
This made Wanda smile finally. Thank you for getting me out, thank you for staying with me. "Thank you for...caring...but not...fussing." Not treating me like broken glass and willing to tell me the truth. And telling me if I do mess up.
Natasha rummaged in her own suitcase for the medicine and brought it back over to Wanda. Predictably now she said she didn't want it, even though her expression looked the same as it had a few minutes before again. "Wanda, you agreed to try once. I don't like you being in that much pain when you're just laying there not even doing anything. That is concerning. You didn't say anything, no, but I can tell."
"I can handle it."
"Yes, I know you can, but if you can't rest properly, it's going to take you longer to recover. Would it help if you read the list of contents and potential side effects?"
Wanda thought for a moment and then shook her head slightly. While she did trust Natasha not to give her some weird unknown thing to harm or otherwise disable her, she still didn't like not knowing exactly what it was, either. But she didn't feel like muddling through reading English right now, either, not weird drug names she wouldn't recognize anyway. I could read the potential side effects though. I don't care what it is called...I just want to know what it will do to me. With that in mind, she signed that she'd changed her mind and yes she would like to see.
Armed with this information, Wanda felt a little less disturbed by the idea, so she reluctantly took one of the little pills with some water. Then she stayed perfectly still, staring at the ceiling and waiting for unpleasant things to happen anyway, even though she didn't want to just...expect that. Nobody had grabbed her by the hair and stabbed some needle into her neck again. This ceiling did not have those headache-inducing bright lights on it, and she was lying on a warm, soft bed, not a cold, hard floor. She shivered anyway, pushing herself against the headboard of the bed so she could sit.
Natasha frowned, wondering what exactly was wrong; Wanda did not appear to be panicking, but she had her good arm anchored across her torso holding her injured one, looking far too similar to how she had spent those weeks restrained in that prison. And she was staring in a calculated, oddly antagonistic, defensive manner Nat knew, from the security footage, that Wanda had done often on the Raft, attempting to make people leave her be. "You are not there anymore," she said firmly. "You don't have to do that."
I know. I don't even feel any different than a minute or two ago. It doesn't work that fast, I'm just scaring myself. Wanda still felt cold and shivery, which seemed silly to her now, because she knew this room was not objectively cold. She wanted to say something, explain that she knew there was nothing to fear but she was scared anyway, but the words didn't want to come. I can't even talk. Why can't I talk? If Pietro was here, he would already know what was wrong with her and probably tease and give her a hug...and want to go find whoever had harmed her. Remembering she did not, in fact, have that straitjacket restraining her arms anymore, she finally just signed in a jerky manner that she was sorry but words did not want to work right now. Then she started fiddling with the splint on her left arm, because that was also preventing her from moving and that unnerved her too. Stop it. Calm down. If I did rip that off me, it will make it worse, not better.
"Wanda, leave that alone, please," Natasha said firmly. "You don't have to talk, that's fine."
Wanda stopped pulling at it but kept holding her elbow, staring at her friend. I am not there. Nobody stuck some...thing I don't want in my neck. I can think, I can process English properly. She watched Nat pull a folded comforter out of the wardrobe and a hoodie out of the duffel Sam had packed for her before. Natasha laid both out on the bed within easy reach. Wanda gave her a questioning look.
"You seemed cold," Natasha said simply, "so pick one, or both if it will help."
Wanda blinked slowly a few times and then slowly let herself relax again. No one was even putting something nice on her without permission, let alone something awful. She reached for the hoodie, couldn't get her splinted arm through the sleeve, and then there was someone helping thread her shaky arms through the sleeves and saying calmly what was happening. It took a moment for Wanda to realize that Natasha had spoken Sokovian to her just now and that hearing it made her feel better. "Хвала вам," she whispered now. Thank you.
Natasha was glad her instinct that speaking Wanda's native language to her might help seemed to be accurate, because at least Wanda had finally said something. She still didn't seem like her normal self, but that defensive expression had vanished and she wasn't holding her arms in the awkward restraint position anymore, either.
"Can I come back in now?" Lila called from out in the hall.
Nat looked at Wanda, who immediately relaxed further and nodded. "Yes, you may, as long as your mom doesn't mind."
"She said I should ask you."
"Then you may come in."
Lila immediately galloped in and flung an armful of stuffed animals on the bed. "Let's watch Curious George more. The baby show I really like," she announced. Then she pounced on Natasha with a hug, scrambled onto the bed herself, and gave Wanda a much more careful hug. "Auntie Nat, play the show please."
Wanda did not care one bit what Lila wanted to play on the TV right now. Lila hugging her kind of hurt, but it also made her feel better, too, because Lila's presence helped ground her to her actual surroundings, rather than her own jumbled anxious thoughts latching onto little things that scared her needlessly...like taking the pain medicine. I am safe. I have friends here with me, she reminded herself yet again. She closed her eyes, no longer feeling cold or jumpy with the fleecy hoodie on and both Natasha and Lila being in the room.
The sounds of the TV didn't bother her, but Wanda didn't pay much attention to it, either, sensing herself slowly growing drowsy and a bit lightheaded, which she hated, but also...she wasn't in nearly as much pain, either. I hate this feeling, but I think it would not be so bad at night. I would be sleeping anyway.
"Will you make Roxie float?" Lila asked now, holding up her small plush deer. When Wanda only blinked at her and didn't answer, Lila began looking worried. "Are you okay?"
"Lila, she took some medicine that helps you feel better but can make you a little loopy. Maybe ask her later," Natasha suggested, thinking it was probably not a good idea to have Wanda using her magic while doped up on pain meds. At least she seemed at ease now and not so tense or frightened anymore.
Small wisps of scarlet lifted all the plushies on the bed, and Lila clapped happily, which made Wanda smile. Then all of the stuffed animals flew over to Natasha's bed into a pile. Lila began laughing, and squealed when she went levitating in the air too. Nat stared at the two of them, not particularly wanting to ruin their fun, especially considering Wanda was happy and smiling too, but this did not seem like a safe plan considering Wanda had said previously that her magic wasn't functioning normally. "Wanda, can you put Lila down, please?"
"But I like flying," Lila protested.
Wanda seemed to abruptly realize what she was doing and gently deposited the little girl away from her on Nat's bed instead of hers immediately. "...'m sorry." I am not thinking right. She blinked, wanting the floaty cloudiness to go away. A familiar voice was saying to stop fighting falling asleep and that it was safe to do so. Wanda didn't particularly want to go to sleep again, but tried to obey. Lila was back again a moment later, just sitting next to her watching the TV now.
"Hey, is everything okay in here?" Clint asked from the doorway. "Things in Cooper's room just started...floating while we were playing a board game. Toys only, not clothes or books or anything else." He knew it must be Wanda's doing, and that was fine if she had done it intentionally as a joke, but if it was an accident, he was concerned.
"Wanda floated the toys! And me," Lila announced with great relish. "But Auntie Nat told her to stop because she took medicine."
"Nat, what did you-"
In a second, Natasha had pushed him into the hall. "Took long enough to convince her to take anything and then for her to calm down once she did. Don't mess it up, will you?"
"What did you give her?" Clint asked, thinking that, like Wanda thought herself, she had had enough drug things in her system recently. "She looks all dopey again."
"I gave her a Vicodin tablet, that's all. Clint, she was tearing up from pain, and you know how much it takes for that to happen. She's been waking up multiple times at night because of it. It's not like she can't be trusted not to abuse the stuff when she doesn't want it at all in the first place." Natasha sighed, glancing back into the bedroom again. It appeared that Wanda had finally let herself fall asleep, and Lila was contentedly sitting next to her watching TV.
Mollified, Clint nodded. "Thanks for taking care of her. Sorry I've been snapping. I assume the floating stuff just happened because she was a little loopy, then."
"Definitely. Nothing harmful happened at all, but I didn't think it was a good idea to let Wanda do that while she's not completely alert, so I asked her to stop, which she did. She's fine."
"She's not fine and you know that."
Natasha gave him a critical look. "Considering everything? Yes, she is. It's only been a couple days. Give her a chance. Just because she's not bouncing back immediately doesn't mean she won't be okay. I've gotten through the first three days of footage so far, marking time stamps and such. Considering what I have seen, especially knowing the worst of it isn't on video at all and I haven't reached the worst parts, she's doing just fine now."
Clint's expression crumpled a bit. "We couldn't protect her. I never even saw her except for when we were taken into that stupid torture chamber. Sorry, interrogation room."
"I know."
"Assholes were taking up what I assume was a couple hours or more nearly every single day with that."
"I know that too. I see the time she's missing from the cell block and can assume what was going on."
"They never did much on the rest of us. Oh no. Let's throw the one girl around instead. Worst that happened to one of us guys was someone punched Sam because he kept trying to get her some help after she fell on day 17. Not even rude or shouting about it, just calmly asking. I think she couldn't stand and she fainted. If you two hadn't come for us two days later..."
"I'm sorry Steve and I didn't get there sooner," Natasha said quietly.
"You shouldn't have signed. Nobody should've signed. Forget all the public relations and whatever else. We could have lost her, and nobody would have noticed or cared except us."
"Do you think I don't know that?"
"You signed, you knew they'd go after her, and maybe if we'd had you on our side in the airport from the start, she wouldn't have been taken!" Clint kept his voice down, because he did not want Lila or Cooper to hear him shouting, but he was frustrated and angry. "You got out of there, even after helping Steve and Bucky escape. You could've run off with Wanda and kept her safe, and you left her behind. I don't care that you left the rest of us, I would've told you to, same as I told her, but not her."
Natasha was clearly upset now. "Clint, what did you expect me to do to get her out? By the time I knew what was happening, those strike teams were already on top of her. With helicopters. At that point you know darn well it was a better idea to stay away and plan a future escape with actual decent chances of success, rather than go in guns blazing alone and get all of us killed. Lose the battle to win the war later. You told me that yourself, everyone knows it, good or bad."
"The same reason she shouldn't have tried to escape herself on day 6," Clint muttered.
Now Natasha's eyes sparkled a bit. "That was because of bad planning due to being injured and hungry, not because she absolutely would fail no matter what. I didn't tell her because then she will think purposely putting herself in danger is acceptable, but I'm proud of her anyway."
Wanda slept on and off for most of the day again, immediately deciding once the pain meds wore off that she did not want any more of it during the day. At night...maybe. It was nice to not be in so much pain constantly, but she would rather have that than the floaty lethargic cloudiness that still genuinely disturbed her. At least at night, she would want to be asleep and that weird drugged feeling wouldn't bother her if she was already asleep anyway. When she told Natasha this, the older Avenger was completely unsurprised.
"That's fine. I'm glad you were willing to try. There's some applesauce and blueberry oatmeal here for dinner when you're ready. Same as usual, if you want more, or something else entirely, we can get more or find something else."
"No, this is fine." Wanda felt a bit refreshed now, after more uninterrupted rest most of the day, and she realized that yes, she really did want something to eat. "Did I...do something bad earlier?" she asked hesitantly. I think I used magic on Lila, not just her stuffed animals. I don't really remember.
"You did not do anything bad at all." Nat told her exactly what had happened, Lila asking for her to make a stuffed animal float, and then floating all of the plushies-and toys over in Cooper's room evidently-and Lila herself. "I asked you to stop since you weren't really alert, not because you did anything wrong. None of us know just what you're capable of, and it seemed a bad plan for you to be playing with your abilities not entirely choosing what you were doing consciously, especially after you told us your magic wasn't functioning properly. But you and Lila seemed quite happy."
Wanda knew what was actually being left out: that she could have potentially revealed their location messing around carelessly with her powers if she'd done something larger, or spread effects outside over a larger area, or something else similar. Even if what she was doing was harmless, like levitating things, that could get the entire group into trouble. Frustratingly, her magic still did not feel right at all now, so clearly however those painkillers affected her body, it made those enhancements feel better too. Out of curiosity, she tore a handful of red wisps free and let them swirl around her hand for a moment before dispersing them. "It still...hurts," she murmured, disappointed.
"Considering it's part of you, it does make sense that taking stronger pain meds would also make your powers feel better," Natasha pointed out.
Maybe, but then why do I feel like it's me that locked it up? Wanda felt more like something dense and heavy had smashed that power into submission rather than that it was just hurt like the outside of her. When she thought about using it, it stirred a bit and then cowered in her chest, spinning and churning like her mind did with those bouts of anxiety and panic...except then there was also the sensation that it really did want to help her and do what she wanted. Forcefully tearing bits of it free regardless hurt. This was deeply unpleasant and made Wanda feel like it was some odd manifestation of her own fears.
Explosive. It's locked down because I probably want it to be, Wanda realized abruptly. Because I am choosing between shoving it down and ruining more things. The magic doesn't know anything in between.
What if she physically could not contain herself any longer? Made another destructive mistake like she had in Lagos? That thought made her feel ill, along with a sickening suspicion that she had probably not needed to remain trapped in that prison for three weeks being tortured at all, and that some dark broken bit of her thought she deserved every minute of it, even as she tried to escape and thought she had convinced herself this wasn't right. She could have killed her tormentors in that interrogation room instead of tossing them against the wall and making them fall asleep. She could have ripped Damian's head off during the rescue, but instead she had mind-controlled him to help. And why had her subconscious instincts when not thinking straight been to immediately access the mind-based abilities she wasn't supposed to use at all?
I don't know what I'm capable of at all.
"I think I'm...going to be...sick."
A/N: *continues poking at hinting future power levels* Besides doing that, I've also tried to show the disconnect between her and her teammates' skillsets. She genuinely doesn't have the training they do, she runs on emotions/instinct, etc. And right now she's hurt badly enough she can't even get up on her own, but her magic is still there and it, in fact, could still defend her if necessary.
Lila's deer plushie's name is totally stolen from one i had when I was little lol.
Hopefully everything is making sense so far. Obviously Wanda is not really doing much right now since she's injured, but she's also safe for now and actually has friends around her willing to help.
Next chapter coming soon!
