8. Choices and voices.

Chris blundered through the fog. It was thick and he seemed to be going round in circles. He wasn't concerned though, not anymore anyway, why, because he had had this dream before. He always had this dream, at first it had been frightening but now it was just depressing. He stumbled on, looking for that familiar sign. He pondered for a moment as the white mist swirled around him, if he knew this was a dream then why couldn't he wake up? He really didn't know and that fact angered him.

Drawn towards the distant sound of voices he plunged headlong into another bank of the thick fog. There were people somewhere but he couldn't find them, they just seemed to be yards away, but he still couldn't locate them. Suddenly he felt something impact into his legs and he fell into the choking smog, sticking his head up he saw the sign he had originally sought. The familiar word 'Museum' was etched into it, almost like it had been scratched there by fingernails. Chris shuddered, but then, it wasn't anything new, the voices were, they were definitely new, but the rest was the same as always. Therefore it was of no particular shock when the mist cleared in an instant to reveal the five feet tall and wide stone steps that seemed to go on forever.

Chris sighed; he knew that they didn't go on forever, just to the front doors of the museum high above. He began the long and difficult climb, and was on the second step when the voices or as he could now identify the single voice started again. What really puzzled Chris was not the fact that the voice was there, but it was the fact that it really didn't seem to fit in, it seemed somehow, comforting. He wondered why this should be the case, especially in a nightmare such as this.

"Can't you even haunt me with a sensible attitude!"

He bellowed up at the distant shape of the museum, waving his fist as he did so. The voice became more distinct, even familiar. Chris could just make out faintly.

"Dude, yo dude wake up."

When the very earth seemed to shake beneath his feet. He tried to keep his balance but was sent tumbling backwards down the huge steps. He watched as the ground came up to meet him, but instead was rewarded with a blurred green figure reminiscent of a jelly baby. Chris tried to work out just what sinister twist his dream had taken when he was once again violently shaken; the world came into focus, as did the worried face of Beast Boy.

"About time, thought you had gone into a coma or something."

Chris groaned and tried to sit up, but found he could not. After a moment of confused movement he realised that there was some sort of leather strap holding him within the confines of the bed.

"What's all this for then?"

He asked not sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Well, you passed out in the main room, so we brought you back here, but when we covered you up and all that you started thrashing around, so well…"

Answered Beast Boy shrugging. Chris felt embarrassed, he had not slept in the company of others for a long time, and he had not received any complaints from the wild animals he had met on his travels, subsequently he had no idea that he 'thrashed around' in his sleep. He untied the loosely fastened strap and sat up.

"Oh, er, sorry."

Said Chris gruffly. Beast Boy smiled with his overhanging tooth out and held up a plate. Chris looked down at the plate, containing what looked suspiciously like tofu.

"Brought you some food, you look like you could use it."

Chris was starving he had to admit but even so he still had misgivings about eating the pale grey concoction displayed before him, deciding to stall for time Chris tried to change the subject.

"How long was I out, and what makes you say I look like I could use food?"

Beast Boy furrowed his brow in thought for a moment before answering.

"Well its nearly ten, so you've been out most of yesterday and almost all morning, so a good few hours, I think, as for why you need food, well apart from the fact that you are as skinny as I am blue, you should really take a look at yourself in a mirror."

Chris felt a distinct foreboding in the pit of his stomach; he had looked bad that morning when Raven had pointed it out, just how bad he looked now was not something he was eager to see. Beast Boy shuffled uneasily, Chris could tell that he wasn't feeling comfortable alone with him. That, Chris told himself, was something which he must rectify.

"I won't be winning any miss world competitions then?"

Chris said in a light hearted voice that he hoped would put Beast Boy at ease with him. It worked, Beast Boy seemed to get taller then and there, he smiled and simply became the person who Chris knew him to be.

"Well yeah, I don't think you could win any competitions like that, unless it is a Rocky look-alike competition."

Chris smiled, he felt better now that he wasn't being treated differently by Beast Boy, that's all he really wanted, just to be normal, fate had thought differently, but that didn't stop him from hoping. He took the plateful of tofu, no longer able to hold off his ravenous hunger. He took a monstrous bite of the food and chewed, not for taste, but simply to minimize the amount of time which the truly awful food spent in his mouth. He swallowed and began the process over again. Twenty four similarly huge mouthfuls later and he was feeling both full and somewhat sick.

"Ah, repulsive."

He said to Beast Boy in a polite yet sarcastic voice, the green Titan smiled and took the plate from him. Chris was about to jump of the bed when Beast Boy placed a hand on his shoulder and held him in place.

"No way dude, you aint going nowhere, me and Cyborg got a real grilling from everyone after we got you here, they all seemed to think that we were wrong to let you get up."

Said Beast Boy in a voice that sounded as if he couldn't believe the others reactions.

"You are alright aren't you?"

Chris nodded happily, eager to get up; he had been on the move in the wilderness for so long that lying around brought fearful images of being frozen to death.

"I'm fine, I just want to start getting myself back together, and I can't do that lying on my back."

Said Chris amusement being replaced by a puzzled feeling as he wondered about the mornings events.

"Where's my stuff?"

Chris asked in a voice that he hoped didn't give away his uncomfortable feelings about being separated from his few possessions.

"Under the bed."

Said Beast Boy pointing. Chris nodded and forced himself to reframe from checking, although he knew he would as soon as he was alone. It wasn't like he didn't trust the Titans, and even if he didn't, what would they want with his stuff; it was simply an instinct he had acquired to make sure he had his belongings safe.

"So er, what's happening now then?"

He asked keen to know just where he stood. It had been nice to hear that they could trust him the night before, even if he really shouldn't have, but even so he just wanted to know exactly what was going on among the Titans.

"Well er, first of all Raven is going to come and see you."

Chris nodded raising an eyebrow as he did so.

"To check on you're wounds."

Beast Boy added quickly catching the look Chris gave him.

"Ok, and that's it is it, that's the game plan for the whole day?"

Chris said sarcastically. Beast Boy shook his head innocently.

"It's not my choice dude, but hey Robin seems to think that you could be perfect for the…"

He stopped suddenly, Chris noticed.

"Perfect for the what?"

Chris asked.

"For the er..."

Beast Boy again paused. Any doubts that Chris might have had that it was an innocent pause were gone now.

"I would be perfect for the what?"

He asked again, this time in a much more determined voice.

"Well?"

He asked, taking no prisoners now.

"Come on, out with it."

Throughout this brief interrogation Beast Boy had been slowly backing towards the door of the infirmary, Chris had noticed and was ready to pounce should he try and run. He really was in no mood to be put off; especially as it seemed he was finally about to receive the answer he wanted most. Beast Boy was only feet from the door, and Chris was sitting ready on the bed, giving the green Titan a look of determination. Chris was just about to get of the bed and make a move on Beast Boy when the door behind Beast Boy opened suddenly making them both jump. Beast Boy saw Raven standing there and for quite possibly the first time in his career was glad to see the pale disapproving face of the dark Titan. In one moment he grabbed the empty plate and sprinted out of the room, making Raven's cloak flutter from his passing. Raven watched him go and then turned to Chris.

"I won't ask, I don't really care, even so, well done."

Chris smiled and shrugged. He was deeply embarrassed now, he was only now fully recalling past events, and he was not happy with what he saw.

"I am sorry about the way I acted last night, I wasn't fully myself, I was out of order."

He said in as polite a voice as he could. Raven raised an eye brow and looked at him as if he was crazy.

"You seemed quite coherent to me."

She said in her usual monotone. Chris looked around uneasily, trying to think of something witty to say. He stopped himself.

"That's what got us in trouble last time."

A little voice in his head said. Not having heard the voice before Chris was tempted to answer, before that is he realised there was nobody there to reply to. Shaking his head he concentrated on the pretty Titan before him and simply answered.

"Oh."

Raven looked at him for a moment longer and then advanced on his position quickly, removing her hood as she did so. Chris simply looked into her eyes as she told him to lie back. He did so, and remained like that as Raven quietly, quickly and professionally checked on his wounds. During the whole process, which took less than five minuets she uttered not a word, the only reaction from her that distinguished Chris as anything other than a inanimate object was as she finished she looked at him and shook her head. Sitting up Chris watched her walk towards the door.

"Hang about."

He said quickly.

"You can't just check on my wounds, shake you're head and then walk off, is there anything wrong?"

He added when Raven stopped momentarily at his previous words. She turned slowly and looked at him.

"No there isn't, and that's the problem."

Raven turned back to the door and replacing her hood left, leaving Chris sitting there pondering just what that last comment had meant.

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It didn't make sense, it just didn't. Not only was he almost fully healed apart from a few almost invisible fractures in his bones and his twin black eyes, not only that but he was making her look tan. The very thought of it made Raven shudder. She had seen things, things that few would be willing to believe, but this was just weird. It was good, she couldn't deny, the boy's strange ability to heal massive injuries was remarkable, but even so, just how he was doing it was beyond her, unless he had secret powers, and she was sure he didn't. Raven was brought from her thoughts by Chris's hurried footsteps. She turned to see him come to a dead halt, as if expecting an attack. She ceased her quick pace and turned fully to face him. She could see indecision in his eyes, he was pondering just what to do, she decided to save him the trouble.

"You must remain in the infirmary."

She commanded, he didn't budge.

"Not after that, what did you mean?"

She sighed, she knew what she had said could be seen as somewhat frightening. She would have to reassure him somehow, but she really wanted to get away from him and warn the others of this new development. Chris took a very cautious step forward, like she was some wild animal whom he didn't trust.

Raven took a measured step backwards, she didn't fear him, she didn't even fear anything that he could do to her, in fact if Chris had been added to the short list of the very very few things Raven truly feared, she would have to classify Chris as one of the unthreatening things on that short list, somewhere between being locked in a room with Beast Boy and losing a game of chess, but still, the unknown was never something that she felt comfortable with, and now, Chris posed just too many unanswered questions. He stopped his advance and looked pleadingly into Raven's eyes; the look was from someone who had nothing but what she could tell him. It was not in her nature to feel sorry for people, in fact it was something which she avoided if she possibly could, but now, with such power over this miserable wretch before her, she felt it was safe to show just the mildest hint of compassion.

She sighed and in her usual monotone began to speak quickly and clearly.

"You're wounds have healed faster than is normally possible, even with my powers attentions there is no way that this could have come about so quickly."

Chris had perked up at the very beginning of her sigh, he seemed happy that he was being talked to, but now he was standing with a puzzled look on his face.

"And that's a bad thing?"

He said in a voice devoid of sarcasm. Inwardly Raven cursed her momentary weakness; there was no way that she could now escape relaying her suspicions.

"It's not a bad thing, it just isn't normal, and to be honest, we see enough weird stuff to be wary of it."

Chris nodded his face comprehending. After a few seconds he smiled, it seemed that Raven had succeeded in calming his suspicions. She made a quick turn and began to stride towards the main room once more. As she walked she said curtly.

"You should return to the infirmary."

She couldn't think of a reason for him to return to that room, but it was the only way of separating herself from his company. As she continued walking she could hear no move on Chris's part. Realising that he was probably still standing there with a lost puppy look about him she halted. Another of her sighs and she turned around, expecting to see the figure of Chris half way down the corridor. What she instead found was that same figure, swampy coloured eyes wide and glassy, but only two steps behind her. She involuntarily started at his apparent appearance and took a step back. He smiled at her shock.

"Sorry, as you said, I'm weird."

Raven got over her shock quickly, but even so was unable to hide her obvious surprise.

"How did you do that, and if you do it again you will wish you hadn't."

Chris smiled slightly more worriedly, but was obviously pleased that he had not received a physical attack.

"I don't have incredible powers, like you, but I have my ways."

Said Chris delivering one of his now familiar bows. Raven raised an eyebrow, she didn't like to admit it, but she was impressed, it seemed that like an iceberg, Chris had much more to him, most of which seemed to be hidden below the surface. There was an awkward moment where neither could really top such an obviously diversionary and flattering answer.

"You're not going to like, cut me up and try to find out what makes me tick, are you?"

Asked Chris with a hint of nervousness. Raven smiled ever so slightly and shook her head, it seemed foolish that she should not trust him; he was so much like a child that required assurance of all that was around him.

"No, but can you explain it?"

She asked in a serious tone. Chris looked back and simply shrugged, his answer was less than helpful.

"I have always been like that; I guess you just did a better job than you thought on me."

She knew that this was not the case but even so decided to answer.

"Perhaps."

She watched his reaction carefully, there was a hint of something but it disappeared as quickly as it had come. Raven found it difficult to read him; he was able to close himself, much like she was, and now he was working overtime.

"Is there any chance of getting something to drink, I really need something to wash the taste of Beast Boy's cooking out of my mouth."

She smirked but it was hidden as she turned and continued walking, he fell into step slightly behind her. It seemed he was in no mood for a repeat of the previous night's accident.

"You may as well come to the main room, there's no real reason why you shouldn't have to suffer from Starfire's latest creation."

She looked back faintly grinning, Chris was thinking, he looked up and asked.

"I take it that the strange object I discovered yesterday has something to do with it?"

Raven looked away and again grinned, he was sharp, quick and on the ball, how pleasantly unlike Beast Boy.

"Yes, apparently you disturbed it, and now it has to be 'harvested', heaven forbid it should go to waste."

She responded sarcastically, feeling much more comfortable in his presence now. He looked at her face again, as if judging her, she wondered why, and was soon enlightened.

"So, what's all this about me being perfect for something?"

Immediately Raven was on the defensive, she felt stupid, he had manoeuvred his way around her, charmed his way in and now his foot was firmly in the door.

"What are you talking about?"

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Ha, got you, Chris thought to himself, not so cool now are you. It was a good manoeuvre in his eyes, not only had he managed to weasel his way into a position of friendliness and trust but now he had the question out into the open, and unless Raven physically ran away, which he knew she never would, then there were few excuses for her to not answer him.

"I am talking about the fact that Beast Boy in his covert way dropped a hint that I am now perusing, so, what is it that Robin may think that I am perfect for?"

He made sure to keep eye contact, it helped he found. Raven sped up her pace but feeling as refreshed and energised as he did he easily kept up. He was not going to let this go, he would much rather hear it from her than from any of the others, he trusted her with his life, the simple reason for that being that she had already saved it once before.

He couldn't understand just what the big deal was all about, if he was perfect for something then wouldn't he have to know, what possible difference could it make who informed him, as it would turn out, a lot. The fact that whatever he was going to be told was inevitable disturbed him, the feeling of helplessness that he couldn't change it was awful, it was made even worse by the fact that he didn't know exactly what 'it' was. He decided on a new tactic, one that would encompass these feelings, it seemed like a clever thing to say, they usually do before you say them.

"Come on, I just want to know where I stand, how would you feel if there was something in you're future that you couldn't change but knew about, at the very least you would want to be ready, I just would like to know what's coming."

The words had barely left his mouth when he was thrown against the wall; he was pinned there slightly off the ground, helpless. Inside his head that little voice reappeared and simply commented.

"Smooth."

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His words had contained no malice, nor any sneer; the words themselves though had been enough to send her emotions of the chart. She turned quickly to see Chris slide back down the wall. He was shocked she thought, perhaps even scared, either way she couldn't allow him to know what had just happened.

"Please be quiet."

She said in a voice that quavered slightly. He didn't seem to notice.

"Ok, I thank you for making my point."

Even in such a heated moment it amused her just how this stranger could be so accepting of her very nearly violent behaviour. He stood up and shook his head; it seemed he had banged it on the wall as he was thrown back. She felt slightly guilty, it had been her lack of control that had caused the incident, but his words, his words had been so close to the truth. It was as if he knew her darkest secret, but how could he? He leaned on the wall for a moment.

"That's something about me, I can be annoying."

Raven inwardly felt relief, he assumed that the incident had just been her losing her temper, nothing more, that was a very good thing, considering what the truth being discovered would entail.

"Er, ok then, I take it you would prefer if this little skirmish stayed between us?"

She nodded, surprised that she wasn't being forced to threaten him into silence. He walked, slightly unsteadily past her and continued to shamble in the direction of the main room. Raven let ought a sigh of relief, it had just been an unfortunate choice of words, nothing more, he had just said the wrong thing, he seemed to do that far too often. Recomposing herself she followed, at a safe distance and pondered this strange boy, in whose company she had already nearly killed twice.

"If I take the liberty of asking an unrelated question can I expect a similar response?"

He asked as he halted at a fork in the corridor. She simply continued past him, and turned down the left hand passage.

"Does that answer your question?"

She asked without slowing or even looking back. He made a gruff noise and then caught up.

"Well yes it does, but I have another."

It was difficult to not grin at his eager persistence, it had the humour of Beast Boy, but also had some actual wit, charm and intelligence behind it, and it was that which was now desperately trying to probe Raven for information. She straitened her face, and turned around, Chris stopped.

"If I answer this question then will it be the last?"

Chris looked sceptically back and answered.

"What, last question ever?"

She sighed, he was trying to find his way in again, but not this time, he would not avoid the issue again.

"Are you going to ask your question or not?"

The question sounded like a mild threat but it was not important to her, she was far more concerned with not allowing herself to become venerable again.

"Well I don't know, I mean if this one question is going to end up with me not being able to talk to you again, ever, then I don't think I will bother."

She sighed and once again turned towards the main room. It was infuriating, she thought to herself, not only did she have to be careful and on edge around him, but it appeared she now had to think ahead, especially as he seemed capable of finding his way out of most awkward situations with his childish word games. He had after all managed to get her to forgive him, something few could do, especially as quickly and cleanly as he had. Realising that it would probably be easier to just answer his question than to get into a prolonged verbal battle of manoeuvre, Raven did something she rarely did, she conceded.

"What's your question?"

She asked in a very depressed voice, as if the prospect of actually answering the question was on par with a death sentence. From behind her she could hear the pace of Chris's feet quicken and she could just imagine the look of triumph on his pale raccoon face. The footsteps stopped, and the amused response came from behind her.

"Well now, that's a very surprising development, I was expecting you to refuse to give ground."

Inside Raven was fuming; he was pushing his luck now, especially after what had just happened.

"Ask your question or shut up."

Her voice radiated annoyance. She awaited the inevitable response, the response about her temper, she was ready for it, even so it would probably push her over the edge into anger. Surprisingly it didn't come.

"Ok, I just wanted to know what day it is, you sorta lose track after a few weeks alone."

It was a reasonable question, not even one that Raven minded answering, considering what she had been expecting it was something of a relief. But evens so, she was becoming disturbed by his friendly attitude, while she hoped and always had hoped deep down that people would like her, she had always been unable to fully believe that they did, and his attitude was making that belief difficult to maintain, while the others were friendly enough, they all had each other, but this new boy, he seemed to be closest to her, something that she just couldn't allow.

"It's Sunday."

She responded coldly.

"Ah, the day of rest, oh what luck, considering how I have spent most of it."

She forced herself not to grin and continued towards the main room. They arrived in silence, and descended into the room. Raven noticed that all of the other Titans were present, as she went to make herself some tea. Chris started to follow her but seemed to realise and wandered over to the now silent group.

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This was it, the moment of truth. When he would make the offer and watch as Chris eagerly accepted, only time would tell as to whether it would turn out to be a good decision.

"How are you feeling?"

Robin asked. He noticed a mild look of annoyance on Chris's face before he answered cheerfully.

"Oh fine fine."

He gave a tiny glance at Raven before adding mischievously.

"I was up the wall being all cooped up back there."

Robin wasn't sure what this meant, but assumed it to be unimportant. He now waited for the usual greetings and exchanges to take place.

"You'll be up for some fun today then?"

Asked Cyborg, obviously excited. Chris nodded; next it was Starfire's turn.

"Friend Chris, as you are regenerated and did not get the opportunity to tell me yesterday, perhaps you will soon tell me of you're homeland?"

Robin felt a tinge of jealousy as Starfire smiled and batted her eyelashes at Chris. This was not the time though, especially if he and this Englishman were going to have to fight alongside one another and entrust their lives to each other. He noticed thought that Chris was still uneasy around Starfire, which comforted Robin slightly. As soon as he had nodded to her he turned to Beast Boy.

"Thanks for the food before Beast Boy, oh and the suspicions."

All eyes glanced from Chris to Beast Boy and then back. To Robin it seemed that a rather obvious error had been made in allowing Beast Boy to take Chris some food prior to this conversation. Robin inwardly cursed but went ahead regardless.

"Chris, we have an offer for you, you should not feel pressured in any way, the choice is yours and yours alone."

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At that moment Chris could truly say he was scared, it was the uncertainty of it all, the sheer fact that he had no idea whatsoever about what was going to be said to him. He was again forced to listen to the annoying voice inside his head, he wouldn't have minded, if only it wasn't so patronising.

"What do you think he will say, is he going to ask you to be bait, or perhaps they want to shoot you out of a cannon."

Ignoring the voice Chris prepared himself for what must come, he noticed Robin was talking to him but he had not heard because if the inner voice.

"What?"

He asked, beginning to feel sick.

"I said, do you understand?"

Chris nodded, not actually knowing what he was supposed to understand, but he didn't care, he just wanted to know what it was all about. Robin looked around the gathered faces; even Raven had come over with her steaming tea. This is it, he said to himself. Robin finally looked back at him with a smile on his face.

"We want you to join the team."

Chris stood for a moment, he had heard, he knew he had, but it must have been a mistake, there was just no way, no way at all. He replayed the sentence inside his head a full ten times before he was sure that he had heard correctly, he began to feel dizzy and started to sway. There was a moment of absolute shock, as he actually began to consider the fact that this could actually be happening to him, in the background the same mocking voice, itself apparently in shock simply commented.

"Didn't see that coming."

He stood there for a few moments more, he could feel his heart beating like it had never beat before, apparently trying to make up for the few it had missed shortly after the announcement. His mouth suddenly dry Chris struggled to say.

"You are asking me to join the Titans?"

Even to himself the words sounded shaky, as if they came from a different person. The five Titans nodded smiling as they did so, or at least four of them smiled. Chris felt, a warmth, a warmth that he hadn't felt in a long time, it had nothing to do with the temperature, it was the feeling of home. The Titans looked eagerly at him, but even now, at this moment of joy, of salvation, he could hear the screams, could feel the guilt, the weakness. The voice was back, and back with a vengeance.

"Don't be a fool, you can't allow them to trust you, we both know that you will only let them down, sooner or later they will pay because of you're weakness."

Chris looked at the floor, every part of him that wasn't infected by the crippling doubts screamed at him to accept the offer, but these parts were few, few in a body of many, the majority of which had long since fallen to the guilt that plagued him.

"I…"

He couldn't say any more, he needed a way to escape, a chance to drive back these latest feelings, he needed time to bottle up all those inner demons that haunted him, but there was no respite.

"I accept?"

Robin ventured. Chris simply took a step back, there was no way of conveying just what a battle was being fought inside his head, and he was losing.

"Yo man, is it really that hard a choice, just say I do and we can start having some six way Titan fun."

Said Cyborg happily, Beast Boy soon added.

"C'mon dude, y'gotta say yes."

Chris couldn't speak, he felt like his very soul was tearing, the pure not yet lost parts desperately trying to escape from his guilt's onslaught.

"Please friend, do you not desire to fight for good alongside us as a fellow Titan?"

Asked Starfire the beginnings of sadness in her voice. Chris was still immobile simply trying to stop the fighting within himself, when Robin delivered the killing blow.

"Well, what is you're answer, if you have to think about it this much then, maybe we made a mistake."

The pressure was just too much; he couldn't stand it any longer. The only thing he could think to do was escape, escape the terrible pressure that had started with Beast Boy's accidental hint and ended with Robin conveying the greatest opportunity of his life, it was simply too much.

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"I need time to think!"

Chris shouted as he ran from the room, the Titans watched in silence long after he had disappeared. Of all present though none were quite as shocked as Beast Boy. Why had he reacted like that, he asked himself, why not just answer, it was a simple enough question? Perhaps the whole thing had just been too much for him, did that mean that if he had not given Chris a clue then he wouldn't have been so on edge? Beast Boy certainly hoped not, he didn't like feeling guilty; nothing could spoil a prank like guilt. But this was no prank this was important.

"Shouldn't we go after him?"

He asked nervously. Robin looked at him and asked a question of his own.

"What did he mean 'thanks for the suspicions'?"

Beast Boy had been hoping that particular bit had been forgotten.

"I don't know."

He said unconvincingly. The others looked down at him angrily.

"You said something, didn't you, that's why he was asking me on the way here, isn't it?"

Asked Raven, obviously not happy about something. Beast Boy realising it was pointless to deny simply nodded.

"Great!"

Shouted Cyborg.

"He's been under enough stress lately, and you have to go in there and draw out the suspense."

He quickly added. Beast Boy felt awful, he hadn't meant for any of this, it had been a simple slip of the tong.

"Please friends, no more shouting, it will not help, we must locate friend Chris and calm him down, otherwise there can be no foreseeing what he may do."

The Titans continued to glare angrily at Beast Boy but nodded all the same. Robin got things moving and started snapping out orders.

"Ok, Beast Boy, you stay here, and if he comes back you contact us immediately, understand?"

Beast Boy nodded, feeling ashamed and left out.

"Cyborg, you and I will search the island, he can't have left."

"And us?"

Asked Raven with no particular urgency or interest.

"You and Star will search the tower, if you find him bring him back here, and make sure you let us know, ok."

Everyone nodded, except Beast Boy who just looked quietly at the floor. Robin and Cyborg left at the run, followed by Starfire who flew out the open door saying.

"Friends I shall search the lower levels of the tower, yes."

Raven nodded and walked quickly for the door. Beast Boy wanted to be of some help, but was almost afraid to leave the room, suddenly something came to him.

"Hey Rae, I think I might know where he is."

Raven stopped and turned slowly.

"My name is Raven, and if you have an idea then why didn't you say something before?"

She responded in a cold almost threatening tone.

"It only just came to me, and besides the others wouldn't have listened."

"And I will?"

She asked darkly. Beast Boy smiled weakly and responded.

"Well yeah, you can't resist my hilarious character."

He didn't know exactly why he had said it but it certainly hadn't been wise, Raven turned and began to turn and leave when he quickly said.

"He might be on the roof, that's where people always go in the movies."

She stopped and half turned.

"That's all you've got, he might be on the roof because that's what happens in the movies."

Beast Boy nodded.

"Yeah, it's true they always head up, it's just the way it is, I guess that way they can have a nice view while they think, and also they have somewhere to jump off if they feel that bad."

Rolling her eyes and sighing deeply Raven left without another word. It occurred to Beast Boy that the last part of what he had just said probably hadn't been for the best. He groaned to himself, not only had he messed up with Chris and made everyone angry with him, not only that, but now he had made a fool of himself in front of Raven, it was really turning into a disaster of a day.

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He was safe now; at least he hoped he was. He ran up a corridor and was blessed with the sight of a door marked 'Bathroom', he stumbled in and proceeded to throw up. A combination of tofu, stress and the great shock that he had just received compelled him to evacuate his unpleasant breakfast. In a manner more repulsive than the way it had gotten in. he flushed the toilet and then staggered over to the sink. He filled his mouth with water to try and remove the taste, as he looked up from the sink he saw something behind him that sent a shiver through his entire body.

He turned quickly, but there was no one there, just the shower. Scanning the opposite wall closely he could see no figure, it had almost looked like, but no, that was absurd, there was just no way, he was far to worked up, he was just seeing things. He turned slowly back to his own reflection, he looked awful. It was no surprise that Beast Boy had mentioned it, his black eyes were faded but still apparent, and now he was as pale as death, he was quite convinced that he was paler than Raven, no small feat in itself he thought. Added to this though was his thinness, he hadn't really noticed until now but he looked like an anorexic ballet dancer, it was truly frightening, especially now as he looked pale enough to be confused with a skeleton. He went to the door, opened it and stuck his head out.

After a few seconds of looking and listening he pulled back in as he heard the unmistakably loud footsteps of Cyborg followed by lighter ones. The footsteps passed and from inside the bathroom Chris could hear a small part of the conversation between them both.

"This puts a new light on him."

"What do you mean?"

"Well if he goes to pieces over something like this then how is he going to react under fire?"

"I don't think that's a fair test, the guys lost everything, and he nearly died trying to save that girl, then he wakes up here and Beast Boy acts like he normally does, just before you start throwing offers around, cut him some slack Robin."

"Maybe, but I don't like the idea of having to trust someone who acts weird and could be a complete psycho."

"He isn't a psycho, and he's not weird, he's just English."

There was a distinct sound of laughter as the footsteps and voices died away. Chris was not happy about what he had just heard, not only had Robin doubted his general courage and sanity, not only that but he was fairly sure that Cyborg's defence of him had also been a jibe because of his nationality. The references about his courage and sanity didn't bother Chris, as he was inclined to agree with them, but to have his very nation berated, well, that would have to be discussed at a later date. He silently opened the bathroom door exited and then closed it behind him, then proceeded to creep up the corridor. He didn't have a clue as to where he was going; all he knew was that he had to be alone. So off he went in search of some isolated spot.

"Well would you believe it, you're not a complete fool; you're just an English fool."

Said the contemptible little voice in the back of Chris's head. He pondered for a moment just how to respond to the voice when it answered the question.

"You don't have to speak to me, I can hear you anyway, I can read you like the very badly punctuated book you are."

"In that case read this."

Said Chris then thinking of a very short yet insulting way of telling the voice that he was in no mood to be having conversations with himself. It seemed to work, for about five seconds.

"Oh that's charming that is."

Chris silently cursed and tried to think of just why this voice had appeared all of a sudden, not only was it annoying but it was really starting to sap his morale. He questioned his very sanity and then gave up as the latest pearl of wisdom came from the somehow familiar voice in the back of his head.

"Ever thought of going for a deduction award?"

The voice asked merrily.

"You seem to question yourself so beautifully."

"Shut it."

Chris responded angrily.

"Why should I, I have had to sit here and watch you mess up everything you ever had, and I'll tell you what, I'm starting to get sick of it, why don't you just end you're miserable existence and do us both a favour, not to mention the Titans, can you honestly imagine you being any good on their team, you would only fail them, why even bother?"

Chris was furious at the voice but decided it best to not shout at it; instead he communicated his feelings silently in his head.

"Well now, that's not a very nice thing to say, to yourself now is it?"

The voice sounded almost shocked at the flurry of abuse that Chris was throwing at it but even so it remained annoyingly cheerful.

"So then, what's the plan, are you going to accept the offer and fail them, or are you going to just do the right thing for once in you're miserable life and save everybody the trouble?"

Chris had to admit that he did agree with the voice on at least one point, it did seem pointless for him to accept Robin's offer, after all he would only succeed in letting his new friends down, he always did, eventually.

"Glad you're beginning to see my point of view, so shall we go back into the wilderness or are you intending to hang around and sponge of these far more deserving people?"

He could take the voice no longer; he banged his head on the wall and said angrily.

"Shut up, just get out and shut up."

This seemed to work as the voice fell silent. Chris continued forward not really looking where he was going; he absentmindedly began to climb a staircase, not caring where it went. A few moments of quiet contemplation later and he was halted by a heavy metal door. Rubbing his head he opened the door and took a sharp intake of breath as he examined the view before him. He could see for miles, off to his right he could see the city and to his left the sea stretched off into infinity. He walked across the roof, taking note of the volley ball net and basket ball hoops.

It was an incredible view as he scanned the ocean, here and there he could see ships and the occasional seagull. The sun was not visible and the cold could be felt through his thin borrowed shirt, but even so the vista before him was worth it. He shook his head in envy of those who lived here, how perfect their lives seemed, how he wished to join them, to have friends, a home, a reason to exist, a way to repay his debt. But no, he would not, could not allow anyone else to count on him, it would only serve to add to his already long list of things to make up for. A list that would be etched into the back of his mind for all of eternity, even if he lived to a thousand.

A few moments more of this bleak outlook and the heavens opened, the rain was coming straight down, soaking his hair and shoulders quickly. He looked down off the side of the roof and shook his head laughing quietly to himself. It was very amusing he felt, that it should start to rain the one moment in the last few days that he had no coat and was outside; fate was up to its old tricks again. All was clear to him now, the right thing to do was to protect his friends, and he could do that best by staying away from them, it was as simple as that. He stood for a few moments more, completely drenched from head to toe now, as on the ground below the tiny figures of Robin and Cyborg charged down towards some type of training ground, apparently still searching for him. There was nothing anybody could say that would make him change his mind, he was dead set, if he did only one good thing with his life then this would be it.

Suddenly it occurred to him that the rain had stopped falling on him yet it continued to fall heavily around him, puzzled he looked up. The sky was no longer there, it had been replaced, replaced by that familiar black energy. Chris watched for a moment fascinated as each raindrop struck the energy and sent small ripples rebounding throughout. He turned around and looked into the cloaked figure advancing on him from behind.

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Raven was perplexed, what was this strange boy's deal? He was either completely insane or just strange, neither of which being particularly attractive prospects. It was bad enough that he was here causing them all unnecessary trouble without making her have to come on top of the roof in the middle of a rainstorm. It annoyed her not only that he was here, but also that this had been the last place she had checked. It had been Beast Boy's suggestion that Chris might have been on the roof, as much as she had hated to admit it, there was a chance that it could be right, unfortunately she had refused to check there until last, just out of spite for Beast Boy, for whom she blamed the entire need to have this search.

With these thoughts in her head she walked slowly towards the sodden figure of Chris by the edge of the roof, she really hoped that he wasn't intending to throw himself of, so unhappy about all that was happening she might just let him go. She paused a few paces in front of Chris and waited for his explanation, none came. She thought about removing the shield that she had erected above him to stop the rain but decided against it, if he lost his shelter then he might come a lot closer to share hers. Already tired of being on the cold wet roof Raven began what was destined to be a much longer than she would have liked conversation.

"What are you doing here?"

He simply smiled weakly and answered.

"Just thinking Raven, just thinking."

"Well we are going to be here all night then aren't we?"

She replied sarcastically. It occurred to Raven that sarcastic insults might not actually be the best thing for someone who could be contemplating suicide. But even so she was in such ill humour that she didn't really care. There was a long pause before Chris turned and looked back out to sea before he began to speak as if everything was normal.

"You know, the view from up here is really special, it must be amazing at dawn and dusk."

Raven didn't display any reaction, but inwardly agreed. The fact that he could say something so out of context at such a time did however disturb her slightly.

"Er, yeah, I guess it is."

She said, still not sure of his sanity. Chris simply continued to look into the rain, almost looking for something. Raven could feel the wind picking up and she knew that soon the rain would be flying slant ways, thus making her shelter pointless, she was determined to have this conversation finished before that happened.

"Look Chris, could you come back inside, you know, out of the rain and talk to the others, I am really not in the mood for getting wet."

She said in what she hoped would seem a logical and understanding voice.

"You go, I'm fine right here, but thanks anyway fir this."

He responded in a casual voice, pointing up to her shield above him, as if he was no more concerned with her than whatever he was searching for in the rain swept distance. Raven sighed; it would seem that this was going to take more than common sense. She was not the kind to talk about feelings and anything along those lines but this was a desperate situation, she wasn't getting wet, no matter what.

"What's wrong, Chris?"

She asked awkwardly. He didn't respond, in fact he seemed to have completely ignored her. Angered at this she said in a non to comforting voice.

"Don't you ignore me, I know you can hear me."

He turned his head to face her and smiled slightly.

"Sorry I just got thinking about all that has happened in the last day or so, pretty incredible when you think about it, still must be pretty run of the mill for you."

She didn't know how to respond and so didn't, just stared at him and tried to make sense of his eyes, she couldn't read minds, as some thought, but she could sense what people felt sometimes, especially when their emotions were high, added to this her natural skill with reading people and she could very well appear to read minds, not now though.

Chris was feeling some very powerful emotions, there was anger or hate, perhaps both, she couldn't tell as they were both so similar, there was also a feeling of sadness, even loss of some sort. What she found most surprising though was that he seemed calm; his mind was at ease, as were his eyes, like he knew what he must do.

This was not a good thing considering he could very well be deciding to take those two short steps off the towers roof, she wouldn't let him die, she knew that, but even so, she really hoped that he wouldn't try and end his life, if he did then there was no way he could be considered for the team, and that would prove more disappointing than Raven would care to admit. Finally deciding to make the issue apparent Raven repeated her question, the weather now forgotten.

"What's the matter?"

Chris sighed and responded sarcastically.

"Well if you want to know that then we really will be here all night."

She pondered for a moment and decided that if he at least told her what the problem was that he wouldn't be thinking about jumping.

"I don't have any other lunchtime plans."

She lied convincingly in her usual monotone.

"On you're head be it."

He said, he took a deep breath and then sighed loudly before beginning a statement that would clarify a lot about himself in Raven's opinion.

"I want to accept you're offer, I truly do, but I can't', it would be wrong of me to allow anybody to depend on me, it doesn't matter where I go or how hard I try I will always fail those who need me most, I won't allow that to happen to you and the other Titans, you are too important to have to carry me, and you would, I mean even if I wasn't such a miserable failure, just what can I do, I think I proved just how pathetic I am in that alley, bested by a group of street thugs, I let that girl die and anybody else could've, would've saved her."

He seemed to sway for a moment, Raven was ready to move if he should stray to close to the edge, but he simply collapsed onto his knees and then sat flatly on the ground, utterly defeated by his own words. Despite her cold way of looking at things Raven still felt sorry and almost in a way connected to the beaten, wet and now downhearted boy at her feet.

She too knew the feeling of knowing that no matter what she did there were some things that could not be prevented. But this boy had no such definite future, he was not responsible for the death of the girl, yet he was allowing himself to suffer because of it, this angered Raven greatly, she suffered because of the future she knew would come true, but he didn't have to. She decided that the thing for it was to deliver a short sharp shock to his system, that would at least get his attention and maybe even get the spirit that she knew he had back up.

"Look Chris I don't know you, but you've been offered a rare opportunity, few get this sort of chance, and if you are willing to just throw it away then perhaps you don't deserve it.

He looked up at her, she couldn't be sure as he was already wet but he seemed to have been crying silently to himself, his eyes certainly seemed glossy.

"I don't deserve it, that's the point."

Raven inwardly swore, that had not been the sort of reaction she had been expecting; now her next statement was going to sound hollow, she sighed and continued regardless.

"I think that if you deserved this position then you would have accepted it straight away, all this stuff only proves that you wouldn't be able to handle what we do for a living."

She had been right, that last statement had been poorly chosen, she needed to change tact quickly, at present all she was doing was helping him along the way to suicide.

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She was right, he knew it, and so did the voice that Chris had subconsciously named as David, because of its similarity with a friend Chris had once had, not to mention its almost identical annoying habit of saying things that really didn't help his mood.

"She's right, come on now, lets just stand up and throw ourselves of the roof, I really think it's for the best."

In the last few minuets Chris had been listening to the voice as it relayed just how to go about the conversation, he had ignored its suggestions but was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the voices very existence was not a good sign for his sanity.

"You need to have faith in yourself; you can't judge the future on what has happened in the past."

Raven said thus bringing Chris back from his thoughts, the words were comforting and he wished that he could believe them, but just too much had happened for him to allow any more.

"I can't, there is only so much faith that you can have, and when that's gone then that's it."

Chris said, meaning every word.

"You should let us be the judge of whether you're worthy of being a Titan."

How he longed to accept what she was saying and to begin afresh, all he wanted was to stand up and say yes, but he couldn't, he would not trust himself.

"I would, but you might make the wrong choice and allow me to stay, if harm came to a member of the team because of me then I would never be able to forgive myself, more so."

He looked up into her eyes, pity, he had seen it before and now he was seeing it again, he wished that he could be something else, something not to be pitied, but he wasn't, he was what he was, and that's all he ever would be. He longed to slay the demons within himself, the voice, the memories, the crippling doubts, but to do so he needed one of three things, success, love or for someone to believe in him, at present none of these criteria were covered and so he could do nothing but remain the despised person he considered himself to be.

"Robin wouldn't have made the offer if he didn't think you were up to the job, we all agreed that you were made of the right stuff, and I believe you are, but only you can make the final decision."

Raven said, he looked up suddenly a lot more focused.

"What did you just say?"

He asked suddenly and in a voice that made Raven visibly jump.

"What, that only you can…"

He suddenly cut her off with.

"No not that bit before that."

She looked at him for a moment puzzled.

"About Robin making the offer?"

He shook his head now getting to his feet, he had heard something, something he needed to hear, but only if he was sure what it had been.

"After that."

She looked at him, her expression changed to one of understanding; she knew now what he sought.

"I said that I believe you are made of the right stuff to be a Titan, you were not responsible for that girls death and I believe that to, you must believe it as well, only then will you be able to leave the past behind, believe in yourself as I and the others do."

She said confidently. Chris almost fell over, an expression of almost physical pleasure came over his dripping face, he was free, he could feel it now. All the doubts were being washed away; all the terrible soul destroying feelings of failure and inadequacy were crumbling. He felt, happy, but happy that could remain instead of being replaced by the old feelings of failure and cowardice. He felt his hearts pace quicken, there was a feeling of almost lightness, he couldn't remember feeling this carefree or content with himself ever, for a moment he almost felt like shouting out into the rain, but decided against it considering present company.

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She was content with a job well done, it was obvious from his expression that he was happy, but even if that had not been the case then the emotions that she could sense emanating from him were enough to tell her of current mood. The anger and hate had dissolved, as if in the very rain, the sadness and sense of loss had been replaced with happiness and excitement, he was almost feeling to much for her liking.

He looked around and then at her, he paused for a moment as if considering, then throwing caution to the wind took two steps towards closer and threw his arms around her, she was taken by surprise, and as a result was unable to avoid him, by the time she realised just what was happening he had already begun what was a very wet yet strangely satisfying hug. It was like a repayment for all that she had been required to do to get him back together, be it physically healing him earlier or counselling him just now. That seemed an explainable way of looking at it, at least that way she didn't feel guilty for allowing him to do it in the first place. It was a full three seconds before she was dragged from the comfortable feelings of being hugged and then realised just how wet he was and now just how wet she was becoming. From over her right shoulder where his head was currently resting came a whispered.

"Thank you Raven, you have no idea."

She hesitated for only a second more before pushing him strongly away saying angrily as she did so.

"You're welcome but you're soaking and so am I now, so if you wouldn't mind can we please go back inside now?"

He grinned at her and said happily.

"I am sorry, I just, it wont happen again."

"You're right about that."

Said Raven coldly, meaning every word of it. Then just out of spite she removed the shield of energy protecting Chris from the rain, the result being that several litres of water that had accumulated there came crashing down on top of him, fully drenching him once more and negating any effect the shield might have had in the first place.

"Point taken."

Said Chris wiping his face and then starting to shiver as the wind picked up. Raven smiled slightly, hidden as it was by her hood.

"Shall we?"

She said and walked back across the roof towards the door, covered every step of the way by her own umbrella type shield. Chris followed in content but now rather sobered silence. Several minuets later they arrived back in the main room, they had stopped at the bathroom so that Chris could dry out a little, but even so he still looked like a drowned rat as he once more followed Raven into the main room. Beast Boy was sitting at the table, when they entered he looked up.

"He was on the roof then?"

He directed the question at Raven as he saw Chris's damp form. She didn't answer; she was in no mood, a lot had happened on the roof, things that she would have to meditate long and hard to forget, she just wanted to eat lunch, get this whole thing with Chris over with and then spend a quiet afternoon meditating alone.

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Chris was content, wet, but content all the same. He actually felt happy to see Beast Boy, he walked over to him and was surprised to see the green Titan almost wince at his approach. He remembered the incident in the infirmary and decided to put that right.

"Its ok mate, I'm not angry, honest."

He said with a smile, Beast Boy seemed relived and jumped up from the table.

"Really?"

Chris nodded, happy that the fun loving Titan would now feel free to be himself. That only left the other three Titans, as if fate had been daydreaming and only then remembered its queue, the three absent Titans ceased to be so. They barged in, Cyborg in the lead obscuring the view of those following.

"We lost him, and I got drenched, we think we saw him down by the obstacle course and Star says he seems to have been in the bathroom but…"

He stopped as he saw Chris, who waved at him happily.

"Oh."

Cyborg added as the two behind him also stopped to look at the now embarrassed Englishman.

"Hi."

Said Chris weakly.

"Where have you been?"

Asked Robin walking towards Chris.

"I just went up to the roof, I needed to think."

He said still in a quiet embarrassed voice.

"I see, so have you made you're decision?"

Robin enquired a hint of annoyance in his voice as his uniform dripped onto the floor. Chris nodded happily.

"Yes I have Robin."

Robin looked at him and sighed.

"Well?"

He asked obviously uncomfortable with the prospect of being turned down. Chris smiled.

"I'm in."

He said cheerfully. Robin looked up surprised.

"You are?

Chris again nodded happily.

"He is in what?"

Asked Starfire somewhat spoiling the moment.

"He accepts."

Said Raven coming over from where she had sat silently watching.

"You accept the offer, this is true?"

Starfire said looking very happy. Chris nodded already waiting for what he knew must come. Starfire gave him one of her killing, bone crunching hugs and said happily.

"Welcome new Titan."

"Thanks."

Said Chris, rubbing his arms.

"Sweet, that means we can officially put you on the game station scoreboard."

Said Beast Boy merrily from over by the couch, where he proceeded to type 'Cris' into a scoreboard on a screen.

"Welcome to the team dude."

Added Cyborg giving Chris a high five that he was sure wouldn't do his wrist any good.

"Congratulations Chris, you deserve it."

Said Raven, as she walked towards the kitchen area, Chris couldn't be sure but he could have sworn he saw a faint smile behind the dark beauty's hood.

"Lets celebrate!"

Shouted Cyborg happily.

"And at a time like this there is only one thing to eat."

"Waffles."

Suggested Chris.

"Buddy you read my mind."

"Ok then."

Said Chris in a very happy voice. For he was happy, he had a home, a purpose and a set of great new friends, not to mention that the voice in his head had ceased its comments, what could be better. As if to answer that question Chris gazed towards the kitchen are and saw Raven busy making herself some more tea.

It was at that moment that Chris realised just what a strange feeling he experienced every time he gazed upon her. He hadn't noticed it until now, shy as he was around girls he had just assumed it was a strange version of that, but now, after all that had happened, it made more sense than Chris wished it did. She was pretty, he would readily admit that, but this was a different feeling.

Oh no, he said mentally to himself, please no, not now, he added as the realisation of what this feeling could mean dawned upon him. He didn't, couldn't have a crush on Raven, it just couldn't happen, not now, but it had, if the voice had still been present it would have told Chris just how out of his league she was and that he was kidding himself, but it wasn't, at that moment he almost missed it. How could he be sure, how could he know, he really wanted to know if this was a full blown crush or just some strange feeling of thanks for all that she had done for him in the last day and a half.

Noticing him staring, she looked up with a cold look. He immediately blushed and looked away, feeling as if his heart had tried to hide in his throat. Well that's pretty much makes that official, he told himself, I have a crush, an ill advised crush, but a crush non the less. Ok, he thought just forget about it, carry on as normal, everything will be fine, we can sort it out at a later date. He took another look at her and was immediately informed by his heart that acting normal could very well be impossible. Making sure to not look at her he made his way to the kitchen.

He pondered all that had happened in the space from arriving in town on Friday night to his current Sunday morning position, he smiled and shook his head.

"Hell of a weekend."

He commented to himself.

"What?"

Asked Raven from behind him.

"Nothing."

He almost yelped. Then pushing anything even remotely related with what he had just discovered about his feelings for the most sarcastic Titan to the back of his mind he began to make his cooking preparations. He looked up at the Titans, his friends, his team-mates, the closest thing he had to family, and shouted happily.

"Right now, get you're orders in, who wants eats?"

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Official longest and most difficult chapter, couldn't have done it without the inspiration of a few key people. Would love to name all those who have reviewed as I usually do, but well, nobody has so I can't. Sorry it took a while, had a rough week, between not sleeping and nearly getting strangled to death by a close friend of mine the writing of this chapter suffered. I would therefore like to apologise for the fact that it isn't very good. Or at least I don't think so, but hey, that might just be sleep depravation. Anyway thanks for reading and please read and review, you're ideas, advice, tips and opinions are and always will be welcomed and respected as they are very important to me. Next chapter on the way, should get it in before Christmas, but no promises, thanks for reading.