O Most Wonderful!
Four
Hank strode swiftly through the forest. Seven times he'd met the others back at the same clearing where Hank had first encountered the female Magician; and seven times he'd had to admit that they had seen nothing that looked even remotely like a portal. Of course, he knew that it was never going to be as simple as that. He had not seen the portal that he had walked straight through, hadn't even noticed that he'd passed through it until it was far too late. It was like looking for an invisible needle in a haystack. An invisible haystack. That was full of hay that felt exactly like needles. Frankly, all he could think to do was to walk around the thicket where he had switched Realms before in the hope that he'd accidentally stumble through into the right one again. This, however, was blatantly not working, and he worried that some of the others might pass through the portal themselves while off 'helping' him find it. He had told them to stay put in the clearing, but he knew all too well that they wouldn't.
Almost in confirmation of his suspicions, he heard an Already Too Familiar voice close behind him.
'Hey! Hey, you!'
Hank didn't turn.
'Why aren't you with the others?'
'Because I'm sick waiting around for you and sick of you treating us like we're not a part of your Gang.' Bella caught up with him, but kept her distance. 'The world doesn't revolve around you, you know.'
Hank still didn't turn to look at her.
'Oh yes. I forgot. It's you that it revolves around, isn't it?'
'I've got something you can revolve around.'
Hank bit his lip and tried to ignore her, but she kept talking.
'Look, it's been five hours. It's almost dark. It's not working.'
Hank finally turned to face her. 'The portal was really close. Once I find it, I'll be back in my reality, Jess'll be back in hers, everybody will be happy and we can all start looking for Earth again…'
'Except that,' interrupted Bella, 'if there's one thing I've learned about portals in this dumb world it's that just because one's there one minute it doesn't mean it's still gonna be there the next. Face it, the only way you're getting out of here is if we find Myra.'
'And where would I even start looking?'
Bella shrugged. 'DM was hardly clear on that matter, was she? Your guess is as good as mine.' She turned, without meeting his eye. 'You aughta come back. This place'll be impossible come nightfall, not to mention dangerous. We'll all look together in the morning.'
Hank scowled into the gloom. She was right. Of course she was right. Man, he hated it when Eric was right!
'Another ten minutes,' he called over his shoulder.
Although she could barely see the Ranger through the dark forest anymore, Bella still span around on her heel to answer him.
'For the love of God, Blondie, when ya can't see your hand in front of your face, it's time to leave the treacherous undergrowth.'
Hank also turned, just about able to make out Bella's shining armour.
'OK, firstly, I'd hardly call a few bushes "treacherous", and secondly…'
But before he had the chance to berate the Cavalier for using the hated nickname yet again, she took a step back, toppled, flailing, and disappeared swiftly and noisily from view. From the fading scrabbling and screams Hank guessed that somehow Bella had managed to discover a bracken-covered chasm.
Typical.
Instinctively, he sprinted towards the spot where the brunette had been standing. There was, indeed, a well-hidden and fairly steep drop down ten feet or so to a small stream below. The bank at the other side was far flatter, and Bella was already pulling herself out of the freezing, waist deep water that had broken her tumble, cursing irritably.
A tiny, vindictive voice in the back of his mind told him to leave the sodden creature there to climb back up herself. Unfortunately for him, it only did so when he was already halfway through sliding down the cliff to her aid.
He just about managed to stay on his feet as he stumbled down the chasm, but wasn't able to stop himself from careering in the murky water at the bottom as the Cavalier had done before him. He tripped as he did, and landed face first in the stream, which was so cold that he gasped as he hit it, finding himself with a throatful of foul water. Still entirely submerged, he spluttered. It only made the situation worse. Suddenly, there were hands at his collar, and he was dragged up into the dry air, fighting for breaths and coughing up water.
Bella smiled at him, coldly as she pulled him over to the riverbank.
'Ah, the great outdoorsman, drowning in two feet of puddle water.'
Hank batted her hands away and started to drag himself onto land.
'"Thanks for saving my life, Hank." "Hey, no problem, Bella."'
'Oh,' replied Bella, sardonically, 'so that's what you were doing. Saving my life. Huh.'
'Look,' shivered Hank, 'let's just get back up that bank and go back to the clearing, OK?'
The briefest moment of concern flashed over Bella's dark eyes as she gazed up at the steep chasm. 'Climb… up that?' She met Hank's gaze and the mask of confidence appeared again, as suddenly as it had slipped. 'Not a problem, Blondie.'
Hank seethed again, grabbing her wrist angrily. For some reason, Bella actually seemed shocked by his action. Scared, almost.
'For the last time, Bella,' he hissed at her widening eyes, 'stop calling me…'
'Oh God.' The Cavalier's voice was a hoarse, petrified whisper. It struck Hank that she wasn't looking at him at all. She was looking at something over his shoulder.
Still clutching her wrist, he turned.
There was a horse. Not just any horse. A very familiar, black steed. And riding it… riding it…
'Oh God.'
It only struck him as peculiar that she wasn't wearing a robe much later, when he had chance to think. In fact, at that moment, he barely noticed any of the many differences in this new Nemesis, so shocked was he at the sight in front of him.
Instead of a robe, there was armour. A black and crimson suit of burnished steel armour. The breastplate put Bella to shame. There were still huge, black wings and a horned helmet, but a long, slick mane of bluish silver hair grew from beneath the helmet and fell over her back and shoulders. He tried not to look into her eyes as she looked him up and down… Oh God, she was giving him the once-over…
Venger's lip curled in amusement as the recognition hit her.
'Ranger?' she asked in a low, ladylike voice.
Deep inside of his transfixed mind, Hank desperately urged his body to do something.
He did something.
He screamed.
---
Still screaming, Jess felt a tug at her arm. Before she knew it, she and Eric were bolting through the undergrowth, away from the robe clad Nemesis. Blindly, they fought through the thicket, scrambling deep into the forest until the light had completely gone.
Jess spotted a hollow tree trunk in the gloom and span around to a halt, half inside it, pulling the Cavalier across to join her as she did. He skidded gracelessly along the wet leaves into the trunk, then leaned his back against the bark, panting hard.
'Oh Man,' gasped Jess, 'Oh Man!'
'Why the Hell d'ya do that?'
'What?'
'Scream. Why'dya have to scream like a little girl?'
Jess hugged herself slightly. 'It's not right, Eric. That… that Venger's just Not Right! I mean… it was wearing a dress, for starters…'
'I think it's technically a robe.' Eric shot a curious glance at Jess. 'Surely your… Vendetta… would wear one, too.'
'She's still called Venger…'
'Whatever.'
'And besides, she wears armour.'
'Really? Men's armour?'
Jess nodded.
'With pants? Huh.' Eric cocked an eyebrow. 'That's pretty weird.'
Jess hugged herself closer. 'I don't like the way he was looking at me either.'
'How do you mean?'
Jess scowled. 'Back in my Realm, sometimes there were times when she'd give… she'd give people this Look. Boys, I mean. A couple of times she looked at Sean… or Chris,' she corrected herself quickly, 'in a way that made me just want to slap her. And I just got That Look. Believe me, I can do without another… complication…'
Eric stared at Jess, seriously. 'You think Venger Likes you?'
Jess met his concerned gaze. Suddenly his worried expression split into a wide, mocking grin.
'Venger Loves you! Aww, you're gonna be so happy together.'
'Shut up.'
'Oh, oh are you gonna get married? You gonna wear white?'
'Shut up.'
'Where's the Honeymoon? The Seventh Circle of Hades or just the Sixth?'
'I can't believe you won't shut u…' Jess looked down at her hands. 'Uh-oh.'
'What?'
Jess patted her back for sign of her weapon. 'Where's my bow?'
Eric's eyes widened. He searched his own body for his beloved shield. 'Shit! Where did our weapons go?'
'I had it!' exclaimed Jess, 'I had it in my hands, I know I did…'
'Maybe we dropped them?'
Jess gave a contemptuous snort. 'As if I'd never be dumb enough to just drop my bow somewhere. Neither would you…'
Eric contemplated giving the Ranger a small, genuine smile.
'…you're far too fond of having something to cower behind,' added Jess, quickly, before he had the chance to take her statement as a compliment.
Eric thought back, while giving the Blonde an evil glare.
'We had them when we were running away from Venger,' he recalled. 'After that, it all gets… I dunno.' He blinked at Jess. 'It all goes a bit fuzzy after that.'
Jess scratched her head. 'We weren't running long… were we?'
'Not sure,' muttered Eric.
The Ranger stepped out from the hollow trunk, peering out into the dark greenery.
'Eric,' she whispered, 'where the Heck are we?'
---
Bella took a furious stride out of the hollowed tree towards him.
'You tell me, Blondie. Aren't you supposed to be the Ranger?'
'Hey. You're the one who said you can't remember how we lost our weapons.'
'Never mind that now. It's how we've lost ourselves that's bothering me.' Bella shivered and pulled her cape around her bare shoulders. 'Can't you follow our tracks or somethin'?'
Hank looked about himself in the near black for a trail of trampled leaves or broken twigs, but saw nothing except the complicated dark lines and angles of the branches and bracken.
'I… I don't think I can…'
Bella threw her arms up into the air. 'Oh, Terrific. Terrific! Nice leadership, Legolas…'
'It's Dark!' yelled Hank, his fists bunching, involuntarily.
'I KNOW it's dark!' Bella screamed back. 'It's dark, and it's cold and it's miserable and I'm lost and cold and miserable… and wet! Wet and…'
'Hysterical?' prompted Hank.
'You bet your tight little buns I'm hysterical,' raged Bella. 'We're in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, with no frigging weapons! I want my goddam shield back! And, you know what?' Bella pointed an accusatory finger at Hank. 'I want my goddam Ranger back, too.'
'Good!' blurted Hank. 'Because I want my goddam Cavalier back, too. I don't know how you did it, Bella, but you actually made me miss him.'
'Feeling's mutual,' retorted Bella as she turned from him. 'God knows how he puts up with you.'
'Where are you going now?' Hank cried after the girl as she began to stalk away from him.
She glanced briefly at him, over her shoulder as she merged into the darkness. 'I'm going back.'
'You don't even know where "back" is!' he called after her.
'Neither do you,' came the retort from the black undergrowth.
Hank growled to himself, burying his forehead into his clenched knuckles. Never, ever before had he wanted to hit a girl so badly. For a second time that evening, he briefly considered leaving her to it. He could hunker down in the tree trunk until dawn then find the others, and leave her wandering. He'd have peace and quiet. And it would be boring as Hell…
He stopped himself in his train of thought. Why had he thought that? Who was he basing that judgement on – the girl he'd known less than a day or the boy he'd known half his life? And was that a… was that a romantic thought? Ye Gods, did he ever want to go back to his own reality…
There was a loud scream from the bushes. One set of troublesome thoughts in Hank's mind were replaced with some entirely different ones. He launched straight into a sprint towards the thicket that Bella had flounced off into, running straight into the trio of Wolfmen that had the brunette by the arms and hair. She was lashing out at them with her boots, but they were too strong for her. Feeling naked without his bow, Hank grappled at them, trying to free the girl and dodge the strange canines' snapping jaws at the same time. A surprisingly powerful, furry right hook to his chin sent him flying, dazed, to the ground.
'Pathetic.'
The ground twirled beneath Hank, and for a moment, he believed that he had imagined the deep, familiar voice.
It was followed by an animalistic snarl. 'We got the girl, my Lord.'
'Show her to me,' continued the voice. There was a female whimper, and then a surprised 'Oh'.
Hank pulled his head up from the ground. He hadn't imagined it! He was almost relieved to see Venger standing over him, be-gowned and mercifully cleavage free. Almost. Because there was That Look in his eyes again, and Bella's wordless little cries of utter terror. Painfully, Hank began to pull himself up onto his feet.
'What the Hell is going on?' Hank asked nobody in particular.
'That is precisely,' pondered Venger aloud, 'what I should like to know.'
Venger gave a brief nod to the creatures holding Bella. They leered at one another sadistically. She yelped as the largest of them hit her, hard, on the back of the head, before she slumped into unconsciousness.
'Son of a Bitch!' Hank darted forward to catch the girl, taken aback at his own uncharacteristically harsh, if technically accurate, outburst. He managed to grab Bella before she hit the ground, but found himself stuck – surrounded by Wolfmen, caught unarmed by Venger, his arms filled with a heavily armoured young woman. He didn't look at them as they approached, but down at the pale, sodden, freezing Cavalier, apologetically. In her faint, she looked so helpless. And he was supposed to look after her. He made an attempt to cradle her, to make her warmer, more secure in his…
There was a terrible pain in the back of his head, and the world was forced over and away from him, leaving nothing but oblivion.
