Chapter Sixteen
Max wrapped the coat tighter around her body. She had gone nearly two years without stealing anything. But she felt she needed it. The weather was slightly colder than usual when she had snuck out of Wolfram & Hart. She had still been wearing her hospital gown and knew that mixed with her limp, dull hair it just screamed Mental Institution. Luckily she had passed a street vendor selling clothes. Not having any money, Max had simply stolen a pair of pants and a coat. It wasn't until she got to a deserted alley when she pulled the pants on that she realized they were too small for her. They were cut off at mid-calf but she didn't care. The slightest bit of warmth was welcome, even if she felt she didn't deserve it.
Max had been berating herself ever since she had woken up and remembered what she had done in the past several days. She despised herself for it. And she couldn't understand why the others wanted to help her. But they seemed to do that a lot. At least, Buffy and her friends did. Max couldn't recall the last time her family had decided to help someone after they went on a killing rampage. The only relative example she could think of was Ben. But she hadn't helped him at all. Alec was right. She killed him because she didn't think she could carry him to safety. But Ben had asked her to do it...
That doesn't mean you should have.
Max drew in a shaky breath and quickly wiped her eyes. Her face was already tear stained enough. And she was tired of crying anyways. One more drop and she figured she'd need an IV to replenish all her lost fluids.
Lost deep in thought, Max wasn't really paying attention to where she was going and she crashed into someone. While she managed to regain her balance and stay on her feet, the other person wasn't as lucky.
"I-I'm sorry..." Max mumbled as she felt her cheeks redden with all the passers-by staring at them. She quickly bent down and helped the man up.
"Well you should be. Watch where you're..." the man's voice trailed off and Max uncertainly looked up at him. She didn't recognize him but he seemed to be staring at her with a weird expression on his face. Feeling creeped out, Max quickly mumbled another apology and tried to step around him. She suddenly felt a hand grab onto her arm and her body tensed up.
"I'm sorry, but I was just wondering what a woman like you was doing out on the streets dressed like that. Are you in trouble?" the man's voice dripped with faux-sincerity and Max inwardly cringed. On the outside she let her Manticore-mask fall into place.
"I'm fine," she said in as polite a voice she could muster. But the man didn't let go of her arm.
"Are you sure? I work with troubled young adults and I may be of some help." Max gave a small tug of her arm, testing his strength, and was annoyed when his grip swiftly tightened. Not wanting to cause an even bigger scene, she tried to continue being polite.
"Seriously, I'm fine," but she couldn't help adding snappishly, "Now would you mind giving me my arm back?" The man's eyes narrowed.
"I was just trying to help," he replied.
"I didn't ask for it."
"Maybe you need it." Something inside Max snapped and she suddenly grabbed the hand that the man had on her arm and bent it backwards. The man gave a yelp of pain and dropped to his knees.
"I didn't ask for help and I don't need it, okay? Try and touch me again and I'll break more than just your fingers," Max hissed. The man's brow furrowed despite his pain.
"But you haven't broken any of my fingers," he replied dazedly. Without thinking, Max bent one of his fingers impossibly backward. Instead of a yelp the man let out a high-pitched scream. Realizing what she did, Max let go of his hand and pulled him back onto his feet. Seeing a woman that was only a few feet away, Max quickly shoved the man towards her. She stared at Max in horrified astonishment.
"He needs a doctor," she said quickly before hurriedly walking away.
"Spike, it's daylight," Alec reminded him. Tongue in cheek, Spike glared at him.
"Your point?" Alec rolled his eyes.
"You won't be much help getting your girlfriend back if you're a big pile of dust," he retorted. Spike laughed humorlessly.
"Right. Like I'm going to let you go off on your own and play the strapping hero. Yeah, no thanks," he growled and spun on his heel, heading towards the lobby. Alec stared at him in confusion for a beat before quickly following.
"I don't know what that little statement meant, but I'll ignore it if you at least wait until dusk to join us searching. It's only a couple hours away. You can wait til then, right?" Spike hesitated but then fixed Alec with narrowed eyes.
"By 'us' you mean..."
"Me, Faith, and probably Jondy and Krit," he replied. "But we'll be split up to find her faster. If we don't find her by sundown then you can bring out your own little search party, alright?" Spike nodded curtly and headed in the opposite direction. Alec took a deep breath and continued down to the lobby.
When he reached it, Faith, Jondy, and Krit were already waiting. Each had a grim expression on their face. Alec realized he probably had one on too.
"Where we heading first?" Faith asked. Alec shrugged.
"We leave Wolfram & Hart and see where our noses take us." Faith's expression turned to a slightly weirded out one, but Alec pretended to ignore it. "Faith, you're with me. Jondy and Krit, you're on your own." They nodded their consent. "Let's get moving then."
Buffy paced back and forth across Angel's office, biting her fingernails. To the casual observer it would seem that she was simply worried about something. But to Angel, who was silently watching her, he knew she was doing a silent rant. About what, he wasn't sure but was positive he didn't have to wait long before he find out.
She began to mumble something out loud and Angel managed to catch a few words.
"Jumped in without thinking...hardly said anything...eviscerated...Max seems broken...disappeared..." Angel's brow furrowed.
"Are you talking about Wesley?" he asked. Buffy seemed to jump as she shot him a look, as if just realizing he was there. He just raised his eyebrows as he waited for her answer.
"He jumped into that portal thingy after Illyria and when he came out he only said her army of doom was destroyed. So no hell on earth this week. We don't know where he is now. What if he went after Illyria by himself? He can't take her on by himself...she doesn't have god powers like Max did but she's still pretty tough, right? Of course. I fought her, too. I know. What if she eviscerates him or something?" She frowned mid-sentence as she said this. "Never mind about that. That doesn't seem like Illyria's style, right? But I guess you never know. But what about Max? Going evil and killing a bunch of people weighs heavy on the conscious doesn't it? You should know...And now she's gone and disappeared. Leaving Alec to feel responsible after what he said to her and Spike to simply worry. You know how he does that. Or maybe you don't since you've never really liked him...But he does. Worry, I mean. Among other things..." Angel averted his gaze at these words but Buffy didn't seem to notice as she continued her rant. "But poor Max. I don't know what we're going to do...Maybe you can try that 'Darkness' speech or whatever you used on Faith that one time. Remember? Do you think it'll work? I don't want Max to feel guilty. Feeling guilty is never good..." Angel sighed and got up from his seat to walk over to Buffy. "I don't have a lot of experience with guilt that comes after killing humans, but I know the other kind. But I don't think that's enough. Do you? Probably not...I don't even know what I was thinking of...I can't help her can I?"
Wordlessly, Angel gathered her into his arms and rested his cheek on top of her head. As soon as she felt his body against hers, Buffy seemed to realize just how tense she had become and quickly slipped her arms beneath his and placed her hands on his back, closing her eyes and willing the stress to melt away.
After a few minutes of standing like this, Buffy couldn't help the contented sigh that escaped her lips. She barely noticed it but it caused Angel to swallow. He closed his eyes and inadvertently breathed in her scent. A wave of memories hit him. He smiled slightly at some of them but when a specific one reappeared, his smile turned sad and he opened his eyes.
Angel? This is the first time I've ever really felt this way. Just like I've always wanted to. Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect.
Buffy had leaned impossibly closer during their embrace and Angel wanted nothing more than to continue holding her. But certain thoughts kept nagging at him. He pulled away slightly to look intoher eyes, where something that resembled disappoint flashed for a brief moment before disappearing.
"Buffy, I..." he began but the sudden arrival of Wesleystopped himand he and Buffy quickly let go of each other. Angel tried not to think about the lack of warmth he felt as soon as her body had moved away from his and concentrated on Wes.
"I hope I didn't interrupt anything," Wesley stated softly. Angel and Buffy exchanged a brief glance and quickly shook their heads. "Well, I just wanted to check in. I know I left without notice but I needed time to think."
"It's alright, Wes," Angel replied reassuringly. The corners of Wesley's mouth twitched, but no smile came.
"I...I packed up Fred's things," he continued. Buffy and Angel sent him empathetic looks and he blinked a few times, trying not to let his emotions show. "Illyria was there." Their empathetic looks turned to ones of worry and confusion. "She wants to change. The destruction of her world seemed to put things in perspective for her...so to speak. She wants my help." He waited for them to try and convince him not to, but they only waited for him to continue. "I agreed."
A beat of silence passed before Angel said, "Good. Let me know if you need extra help with her."
Krit ran a hand across a brick wall absentmindedly as he and Jondy continued searching for Max. They had found a vender selling clothes and Max's scent seemed to linger there, but the vender wasn't much help in telling them anything. He kept ranting about some missing articles of clothing. Their description of Max didn't ring a bell for him but Krit figured the reason for the missing clothes was probably her. She had only a hospital gown to wear, after all. If it was him, he'd take the first clothes he could find, too.
"What're we supposed to do when we find her?" Jondy's voice startled him out of his reverie. "I mean, do we follow her, knock her unconscious, try to talk to her, what?"
"I think we'll go with door number three," Krit replied. "I don't think knocking her unconscious will do us any good..." Jondy rolled her eyes.
"Then what're we supposed to say to her? You saw how she was back at Wolfram & Hart. Freaked. And completely full with guilt. If we had stayed longer at Manticore, we'd probably understand more about what it means to kill humans." Her breath caught and Krit purposefully avoided her gaze. "There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say..."
"If you're so uncomfortable about it, maybe we'll get lucky and Alec and Faith will be the ones to find her. They know what it's like more than we do," Krit replied. Jondy ran a hand through her hair in frustration.
"That's not what I meant. I'm not uncomfortable talking about it, but I'm just not sure Max will take us seriously when we try to pep talk her off a 60 story building or something."
"It's still Max," Krit said softly. "We don't have to try and reach her through the whole murder thing. There are other ways to make her realize we still love and want to help her."
"What are they?" Krit sighed and looked away, his careful eyesroaming aroundeverything in sight, as if it might give him an answer. Not getting one, another heavy sigh left his lips.
"I guess I don't know yet."
He's really worried about her, Faith thought curiously as she watched Alec. His face was completely blank except for his eyes, which were calculating everything in sight with greater intensity than Faith thought was possible. He still feels responsible...
Believing that she was only there for company, Faith let out a heavy sigh and let her attention drift elsewhere. She couldn't really track Max as well as Alec anyways. She didn't have her scent locked into her nose, brain, or whatever. The realization that Alec did have it locked away sent a small pang to Faith's heart.
She'd only known Alec for about a year, and throughout that time she had noticed along with everyone else on the planet that he and Max were very close. Like brother and sister close. But the fact that they weren't actually blood related meant that every once in a while, people could see an exchange between the two of them that bordered on the edge of something much more deep than a simple sibling relationship. A different kind of love. One that made Faith on edge, whether she wanted to be or not.
She trusted Alec as much as she'd ever been able to trust anyone, if not more. But even the most stable person would feel uneasy when their boyfriend was as close to someone like Max, who's known him longer, knows and understands exactly what he's been through, and is just plain beautiful.
Faith probably wouldn't have given itsuch scrutinizing thought if it weren't for that comment Max made at the Bank a few nights ago.
'There's always time for maiming former friends.' She glanced briefly between Spike and Alec and smiled coyly. 'And lovers.'
Neither Spike nor Alec had mentioned the comment since then. But Alec was almost an expert at hiding his true emotions thanks to about twenty-two years of Manticore. Spike on the other hand was much more open. And Faith could tell the comment both hurt and confused him. If his facial expression hadn't been enough, his attitude towards Alec sure confirmed it. Chances are, he's probably been noticing the same things that she has. Faith hoped beyond hope that they were just being paranoid and their respective partners loved only them, but if they weren't, at least they'd be able to go through the pain together.
Not taking nearly as much comfort in this realization than she would have liked, Faith tried to think of something else or just find something to focus her attention on. She didn't have to wait long for that something to appear.
An ambulance roared down the street in the direction Faith and Alec were walking. The siren seemed to be a bit too loud for Alec's senses, but he soon got over it as he and Faith exchanged a look. Then they swiftly changed their cautious pace into full out sprinting after the ambulance.
But when they caught up with it, disappointment showed on both of their faces. The ambulance was just there to pick up some guy whining about his broken fingers. The EMTs seemed to be less than happy about having to drive all the way over there just for a simple injury. But the whining man seemed adamant.
"You don't understand!" he was yelling. "Some psycho woman did this to me! She could've given me a disease or something!" One of EMTs rolled his eyes.
"I sincerely doubt that, sir. If you'll excuse us, we probably have more fatally injured people somewhere in LA to help," he said before turning to the woman standing next to the man and added, "When it's this kind of minor injury, we'd appreciate it if you would just simply drive your boyfriend to the hospital instead of calling an ambulance."
The woman looked chagrined and couldn't help retorting, "He's not my boyfriend, I've never seen him before today. And the woman that did this to him might have actuallyhad a disease or something. She bent that finger back as if it were nothing more than a twig." The EMT looked bored.
"That's a matter for someone like the police, ma'am. Now either leave this man on his own or drive him to the hospital," he said before joining the other EMT in the ambulance. Before either the woman or man could protest, they drove away.
Both Alec and Faith had watched this exchange with slightly amused expressions on their faces, but once the ambulance left, Alec suddenly walked over to the injured man. Faith stared at him sadly for a millisecond before quickly following him.
"Excuse me, I couldn't help overhearing...Did you say a woman did that to you?" Alec asked, pointing to the man's finger, which was set at an impossible angle. The man nodded angrily.
"Crazy little bitch," he muttered. "I was only offering my help and she goes and snaps my finger practically in half." A muscle twitched in Alec's jaw and Faith readied herself for restraining him if need be.
"Could you describe her?" Alec questioned. The man stared at him through red-rimmed eyes that showed quite clearly how much pain he was in. But Alec seemed to be ignoring it, intent on finding out if the woman was Max.
"Small little witch. Dark, long hair in need of a wash. Looked like she belonged in a Mental Institution with that hospital gown..." the man seemed about to add more when Alec suddenly cut him off.
"Did you see what direction she went?" The man angrily mumbled something under his breath. Faith couldn't hear him but whatever he said made Alec's hazel eyes flash venomously. "Thanks for your help," he bit out sarcastically before walking stiffly around him and continued down the street. Faith shot the man a pissed off look. The man's eyes widened and he pointed a shaky, non-broken finger at her.
"Th-That's the same look that freak gave me. Right before she snapped my..." he began. Faith rolled her eyes.
"Shut up about your stupid finger!" she snapped. "Stop being such a baby about it and get it fixed already. The reason those EMTs didn't give a damn is because there are so much worse things that 'freak' could have done to you. If you don't quit your whining, you might get a little preview. Interested?" The man quickly shook his head. Faith let out a short, humorless laugh. "Figures." She lashed out with a hard right hook, knocking the man out cold. She reached down and picked him back up by the lapels and then shoved him at the woman.
"Get him to the hospital already," she growled before following after Alec.
Spike paced back and forth across the lobby. His agitation was coming off him in waves and all those that had to pass him to get to their own destination did so by giving him a wide berth. Those that got too close to him received a low growl in return.
Dawn watched him from the balcony. It didn't take a genius to figure out his agitation was a product of his worry for Max and wanting to go help look for her. But the daylight prevented him from doing so.
For a brief moment, Dawn and Spike's eyes locked and she witnessed the emotional turmoil that was going on inside him and she realized there was more than just worry for Max in there. But no matter how hard she racked her brain for whatever else it was, she couldn't figure it out. Curiosity getting the better of her, Dawn cautiously descended the stairs.
She folded her arms across her chest as she stood in Spike's pacing space and waited for him to notice her. He nearly crashed into her and gave a frustrated sigh.
"What're you doing, niblet?"
"Trying to figure out why you're burning a hole in the carpet," Dawn replied calmly. Spike shot her a look and turned away to resume his pacing.
"You know why," he growled. "The soddin' sun won't go back to the other side of the world where it belongs." Dawn raised an eyebrow at him and he gave a dismissive wave of his hand in reply.
"The sun is needed here just as much as the other side." Spike rolled his eyes and pointed to his chest.
"Vampire here. Not my fault I got as much love for the sun as you humans do for creatures with more than four legs." Dawn scrunched her nose in disgust and then gave a slight shake of her head.
"Well, the sun'll be down in..." she tried to get a look outside a window at the sun's setting progress but Spike interrupted.
"13 minutes and 28 seconds." Dawn stared at him in bewilderment before realization hit her.
"Right. Vampire. Knowing when the sun is gonna set is another little gift of yours." Spike just nodded. "Then you know that in a little bit you can go help look for Max and stop worrying." Spike stopped his pacing abruptly.
"Worrying about what?" he asked, his voice hinting at something Dawn couldn't quite understand. Brow furrowed, she shrugged.
"That something might happen to Max before you can get to her and help her deal with what she's going through." Spike seemed to visibly relax and actually sigh in relief.
"Oh. That. Yeah, that's what's so...worrisome," he stated lightly as he resumed his pacing.
"What else would it be?" Dawn asked, more confused than ever. A few minutes of silence passed and she knew Spike wasn't going to answer her. She opened her mouth to try and get him to talk another way when Spike suddenly changed his direction of pacing and walked purposefully towards the elevator.
"Time to go," he called over his shoulder to her before he stepped inside the elevator.
Dawn stumbled over something to say and then settled for 'Good Luck!' before the doors closed and Spike disappeared.
Max's scent had become stronger a few blocks away from the man she had injured. Alec had picked up his speed, determined to find her sooner rather than later. The sun had set several minutes ago, but the moon was still bright enough to lead him. Even though his enhanced eyesight would've have been just as helpful.
Alec didn't quite get why Faith was being so silent. She usually had at least a few things to say. She was even more tense after she had decked that guy though. Like getting a fight started just riled her up, but she had nothing else to vent on. He hoped she wasn't planning on using Max for that purpose.
A loud crash made Alec's attention snap over to the ally across the street. At first glance all he saw were shadows, but after a few seconds, he could make out a figure. If it was Max, Alec didn't want to scare her off, so he turned to Faith to motion for her to follow him silently, but she was gone.
Alarmed, Alec did a quick 360 degree spin looking for her. But all he saw was the same figure. For a split second, he felt torn between checking it out and trying to locate where Faith had gone, but then the figure suddenly came out of the shadows and Alec could clearly see Max's features. He sighed with relief and then swiftly blurred in front of her.
Max gave a yip of surprise and glared at him. Alec gave her a small smile.
"Hey Maxie. Whatcha been up to?" he tried to be casual once he noticed Max slowly backing away.
"What do you want Alec?" she asked coldly. Alec's smile faded.
"I want you to come back so we can help you deal with what you're going through," he answered truthfully. Max laughed bitterly.
"Think you can turn back time?" Off Alec's quizzical look she added, "Cuz I don't think there's any other way for me or anyone else to completely get over it." Alec stared at her for a moment, making Max fidget uncomfortably.
"You're really just giving up." It was a statement, not a question. "You're not even gonna try and work though it."
"What's the point? I can't take back what I did. I can't go to the families I destroyed and say 'Gee, sorry I maimed and tortured a bunch of people you loved'. And I can't...can't..." She looked up at Alec with vulnerable confusion on her face. "How am I supposed to make it all better?"
"What else would you do?" Alec countered. "You can't just hide in alleys or motels or whatever feeling sorry for yourself because some sarcophagus thing made you..."
"But that's just it!" Max interrupted heatedly. "How are we supposed to know that that sarcophagus thing made me do those things? What if all it did was give me extra powers and then I just gave in to being evil? How are we supposed to know that without those powers I couldn't ever be evil?"
"Are you evil now?" Max stared at him incredulously.
"What?"
"Are you evil now?" Alec repeated calmly.
"Of course not," Max replied quickly but then she looked away uneasily. "I mean...I don't know..." Alec gave her a reassuring smile.
"Your first response was right. You're not evil Maxie. Sooner you accept that, sooner you can start dealing." He reached out totouch her cheek but she flinched away. Alec tried to disguise the hurt that he knew was shown on his face, but then he realized something else. "You hate me for what I said to you at the Bank."
"No..." Max replied softly, avoiding his gaze. Alec sighed, unconvinced as he leaned against a building.
"No more lying, Max," he said in the same soft tone. "I know you too well to know when you're lying and when you're telling the truth. So just save us both the trouble and fess up." Max sighed and leaned next to him on the wall, but kept at least a foot between them.
"What you said...it's true." Alec winced but Max ignored him. "I could've done more to save Zack, Ben, Eva. And Brin, even though you didn't mention her."
"Knew I forgot someone," Alec joked meekly. He wasn't expecting Max to accept the joke, so he was surprised when a small smile appeared on her face.
"But...it hurt," she continued. "Which I deserved." Alec sighed heavily.
"Maxie..."
"No. I did. I do." She was about to add more when Alec suddenly left her side and stood in front of her, hands firmly set on her shoulders with his eyes boring into hers.
"What you did while you were all Blue Warrior or whatever...that wasn't you," he said emphatically. "Part of you was still in there, which I already knew and that's why I said what I did. But it wasn't enough for you to have full rein over your actions andthe mere fact that you feel so damn ashamed about it proves that you would never have done any of those things on your own. Get it through that thick skull of yours and you'll have a chance at being happy again."
"What about you?" Max asked, her eyes beginning to well up. Alec's brow furrowed in confusion.
"What about me?"
"How are you supposed to be happy again? How is Spike? Faith? Buffy? Angel?" Finally getting what she was saying, Alec cut her off before she could list the others she had hurt.
"We all understand what happened. You don't have to worry about that. I think most of us are even thankful for you getting rid of Harmony." Max smiled through her tears. But then Alec sighed and her smile began to waver. "But you're going to have to have a talk with Spike. That much I know for sure. He was worried about you of course, but I think there's more to it." Max nodded her agreement, a determined look on her face.
"I owe him so much..." she mumbled, seemingly forgetting Alec could hear her. He smiled.
"Am I allowed to hug you now?" he joked. Expecting Max to flinch away, he was again surprised when she practically knocked him over in her rush to embrace him. He laughed softly and rested his cheek on top of her hair.
Neither of them noticed Spike and Faith approach until Spike spoke, "Guess you managed to find her already." His tone was ice cold, causing Max and Alec to quickly let go of each other.
Looking into Spike's blue eyes that were usually so vibrant but at the moment seemed so completely dead, Max knew the image would be bored into her mind forever and she silently vowed to do everything she could to bring him back.
A/N-Little melodramatic at the end but what're you gonna do? This chapter was kinda just full of emotional stuff but you can look forward to more action soon. In case you were wondering, more of Gunn, Wesley, and Illyria will be in the next chapter. Review please!
meri24-Lol. Thanks ;o) This chapter is much more calm than the last one, but I'll try to live up to it in some of the coming chapters because there will definitely be plenty more big fight scenes...hehe.
LadyV77-Thanks ;o) I always worry about writing action scenes though since I have to make sure I don't use the same moves too often. 'Illyria's army is no more' will be dealt with more in the next chapter since I wanted to focus on other things for this one.
Delauro-Thanks ;o) I'll try to update sooner. My muse seemed to just run away from me for a little bit...
rabid squirrel-Thanks ;o) Love the name BTW.
Cora-Thanks ;o) Yep, more of Wesley and Illyria will be in the next chapter.
CharmingAngel-Lol. Thanks ;o) Sorry, I haven't got any sleeping advice :o)
