Chapter Twenty-Four


I had been called before the High Council early the next morning to listen to the details of a rebellious uprising on the planet Kothlis. A fairly large district opposing the current governing body was now resorting to violence to promote their political agenda. Seeing how I knew the Prime Minister personally, she had specifically requested my assistance in preventing a civil war.

Never before had I argued with the council or refused an assignment. But never before had someone I loved been in such dire need.

Padmé wasn't speaking about what had happened. Not even if I asked her to. All she kept saying was not to worry, that she would be fine. I knew she wasn't fine because I wasn't fine! I should stay home to be with her; to help her through this difficult time, but I couldn't. Despite my commitment to her, I had made a vow to the Jedi Order. Kothlis needed me and I had to go.

I messaged Bant and asked if she would look in on Padmé from time to time while I was away. I had no idea how long I'd be gone, I told her. I usually never did. This wasn't a simple treaty negotiation. Lives were at stake and delicate issues were being debated. I had a bad feeling I was going to be gone for a long while.

With her words, she had tried to convince me she'd be okay, but her eyes and her solemn mood told me something completely different. If only there was a way to help her feel better before I left.

My transport was scheduled to leave in less than two hours and I was planning on spending those with Padmé. I got an idea though and told her I needed to run a couple of quick errands first. I'd be back as soon as I could, I promised. She smiled and waved me away as if it was something I'd do on any typical day. There was a burden heavy hanging over us, however, and I carried it with me into the jeweler's store down the street.

A Jedi has no desire for the attainment of wealth or possessions. In the grand scheme of things, valuables actually hold very little value. Therefore, our monthly stipend equaled a trivial amount. For the past several months, however, I had skipped a few meals, hopped on board some less-than-reliable transportation, and had saved enough to purchase a simple gold band. I'd been making payments on it and had finally had saved enough to purchase it.

Aggravatingly, the droid storekeeper had no record of the agreement I'd made with them and I spent far too much time arguing and trying to convince the thing I'd already made a substantial down-payment and that I was now prepared to complete the transaction. It wasn't until the tin can contacted the actual owner who happened to be the one I had made the deal with, that I was able to possess the item and head back to her apartment.

By then, I had lost over an hour of precious time and had just a few moments to spare before I needed to leave. I rapidly ascended the stairs to her home instead of the far slower lift and was out of breath by the time I found Padmé in the kitchen. She was brewing tea – her favorite blend, although seemed to be lost in thought. I accidentally startled her upon entrance and apologized.

This isn't how I wanted to do this. It wasn't romantic or planned out, but I was out of options and I didn't want to wait another second.

"I'm sorry I took so long, but I ran into some trouble. Listen," I prompted, trying to gain her attention, which seemed to be focused on something far away.

"I'm sorry," she said after a long pause. "I don't where my mind is. What is it you were saying?"

"First of all," I began, the gift practically burning a hole in my cloak pocket. "I want you to know how much I love you and care about you. I want to spend as much time with you as possible and hope we can grow old together, Force willing."

She seemed happy about my confession, although wasn't speaking. Ever since our visit to the Jedi Healer, she had been rather reluctant to talk – about anything.

"Before I leave, I wanted to present you with this." I withdrew the small box from my robes and opened it before her.

A smile appeared although it was slight and then tears began to flow. Her reaction wasn't at all what I was expecting, but given the circumstances, it was important for me to be patient and understanding. I held her until her sobs subsided.

"Will you marry me?"

"Of course," she whispered into my ear, her voice cracking with emotion.

We held each other for a long while before I finally felt it was okay to part. She then allowed me to slip the engagement ring onto her finger.

"It's beautiful," she uttered, which I knew was an exaggeration. It was all I could afford, and I realized she deserved so much more. Perhaps someday I could make it up to her.

She stared at the light reflecting off the piece of jewelry before doing something completely unpredictable. Slowly but with determination, she slid the band off her finger and placed it onto my palm, folding my hand over the item in the process.

"I can't do this right now," she admitted tearfully. "Do me a favor and hang onto this for a little while. Ask me again later. I'm sorry."

I tried to convince myself that it was her sorrow speaking and her refusal had nothing to do with what she felt for me. Nonetheless, it was a painful response and I felt it like a hard blow to my stomach.

To make matters worse, it was time for me to grab my duffel and leave.

"I'll send a holomessage as soon as I can and short comms to let you know how I'm doing. If you need anything," I told her earnestly, holding onto her arms and squeezing lightly to accentuate my words, "contact the Temple and ask for Bant. She's aware of the situation and she's a good friend. She cares about you Padmé. About us."

Once again, her response was lacking. Her eyes, now dry, seemed hollow and lacking their usual glimmer.

"Be careful," she finally suggested, "and may the Force be with you."