The Rookies With The Dummies
Simmons and Grif are on top of Red Base. Patterson then walks up from the ramp
Patterson: hey guys, whatcha talkin about?
Grif: Oh, we're just talking about Simmons instantly 'leaving' because I just said "Vegas Quadrant".
Simmons: Hey, that's not exactly what happened.
Grif: Yes, it is. You said, "I'm not going to the Vegas quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're growling and in an escape pod headed for-
Donut: Excuse me, uh, sirs.
A man in normal red (Donut) is behind Patterson.
Patterson: Oh right, I was supposed to find Sarge.
Grif: What? (turns to Donut) Ah crap.
Donut: I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge.
Grif: Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today.
Simmons: Actually, Private, he left Terrorizer in charge while he's gone, and gave me the lead to terminate you when you won't listen.
Grif: You are such a kiss-ass.
Simmons: Also, he told me if I had any trouble from you I should... (clears throat then poorly imitates Sarge) "Git in the Warthog, and crush yer head like a tomato-can."
Patterson: What... The... Fuck? The fuck was that?
Grif: That's the worst impression I've ever heard. Of all time!
Washington: (sneezes) Achooooo! Huh?
Simmons: Okay rookie, what's your story?
Donut: Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens.
Patterson: sorry bud, there ain't no aliens here just'a bunch of blue guys.
Donut: D'aww man.
Grif: Couple things here, rookie. First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?
Donut: This IS the standard issue red.
Grif: Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer.
Donut: (looks at Simmons and Patterson) Well, they're wearing red armor.
Simmons: No, my armor is maroon.
Patterson: And Mine is crimson, yours is red.
Donut: Well, how do I get a different color armor?
Simmons: I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap.
Church, Tucker, and a soldier in standard issue blue (Caboose) are looking at a tank.
Caboose: So I say to the guy, "How're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship," and I go, "If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?"
Tucker: Hey, kid.
Caboose: Yeah?
Tucker: You're ruining the moment. Shut up.
Caboose: Oh. Okay. You got it man!
Church: You know what? I could blow up the whole god damn world with this thing.
Cut to the Reds.
Simmons: Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal.
Grif: I just refuse to call him Private Donut!
Simmons: We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?
Donut: Absolutely!
Simmons: We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease.
Grif: Yeah and uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Puma too.
Donut: The what?
Simmons: He means the Warthog.
Grif: You do know where the store is, right, Rookie?
Donut: What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem.
Simmons: Well, get going then.
Donut: Oh okay then, I'll be off now.
Patterson: Bye! Don't die!
Donut starts running across the base.
Simmons: Other way.
Donut turns around and goes the other way.
Donut: I knew that. Just got turned around that's all.
Patterson, Grif and Simmons watch Donut running off into the Gulch.
Simmons: How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?
Grif: I say... at least a week.
Donut runs through the Gulch, stops, and turns to talk to himself.
Donut: Elbow grease... How stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that headlight fluid, I'm gonna talk to the Sergeant, and get me a codename.
Cut to the Blues.
Tucker: You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece.
Church: Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks?
Tucker: Church, women are like Voltron: The more you can hook up, the better it gets.
Cunningham: Yeah... The better chance you get LSDs.
A soldier in blue sky colored armor (Scott) falls out of the ceiling
Scott: Ow... Hey guys what's up?
Cut to Patterson, Grif and Simmons.
Simmons: You think that we were too mean to the kid?
Grif: Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?
Patterson: Let's just hope he won't die.
Simmons: You might probably jinxed him.
Patterson:... Nah, probably didn't.
Donut approaches Blue Base.
Donut: Finally, there it is. …Oh sweet! They sell tanks!
I know what your wondering; "Hey Whats with the updates and names?"
These are better updates and revised story as I thought that the old one wasn't good enough.
And the names are the last names of the Vanoss Crew + Cartoonz
