Don't Ph34r the and the Reaper


Fong throws the sticky plasma grenade at the tank but misses over the head of Sheila and sticks behind them as it explodes.

Jonathan: Oh shit!

back to the Reds

Fong: Shit! I threw it too hard!

Hanby: Dammit Evan!

Grif: Wait... Why is it just sitting there? Not shooting at us?

Simmons: Just trying to mess with our heads. Let's get back to the Warthog.

Back to the tank crew

Sheila: This tank is equipped with an auto-fire sequence that can be activated by pressing the auto-fire button.

Caboose: Auto-fire, auto-fire, here, here! No, wait... okay, that's more a switch than a button...

Sheila: (in the background) This will end the tutorial, and should only be activated if proper safety procedures-

Jonathan: Come on man, hurry up!

Back to the Reds

Simmons: Okay, you ready? Let's do this on three. One...

Patterson: Wait. On three? Or three and then go?

Simmons: On three. It's always faster to go on three.

Grif: Okay. On three.

To the tank crew

Caboose: Here! (click)

Sheila: Tutorial deactivated. Auto-fire sequence activated.

Jonathan: Finally

To Reds

Simmons: Ready?

To the tank crew

Sheila: Acquiring target.

To Church

Church: Hey Tucker, you close?... Tucker? (looks behind to see no one) Son of a bitch.

To Reds

Simmons: One...

To tank crew

Sheila: Target acquired. (looks at the warthog)

To the reds except for Simmons, who are now turning in the different direction

Grif: (panting heavily) Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit...

Hanby: Running running running.

Patterson: hokay.

Fong: Just keeper going ,keeper going.

To simmons

Simmons: Two...

To the tank crew

Sheila: Target locked.

To Church pantingly running at the warthog

To Simmons

Simmons: Three! (turns around and sees evryone running away) Oh, you back-stabbing cock bites!

To the other Blues

Tucker: (walking atop) Oh hey guys... How'd you get the popcorn?

Cut back to the ground

Sheila: Firing main cannon.

Sheila shoots the warthog, prompting it to explode.

Church: (near the explosion) Son of a bitch!

Simmons: Shit!(Boom) Son of a Bitch! Dammit Fuck!

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires)

Jonathan: Wait were shooting the warthog?... Okay. (fires his battle rifle at it.)HooooohoooYessss Blood, Oil, Woooooohooooooooooo!

Pan back to Church now running back to the others

Tucker: Hey dude, the jeep blew up.

Church: No kidding. Thanks for the update, Tucker.

Cunningham: Hey look at that the rookies used the tank... Oh shit the rookies used the tank.

To Simmons running back to the other reds

Simmons: (mocking Grif) Hey, I have a GREAT idea. Let's get out of the jeep and sneak around the back of the rock.

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires, hits the rock)

Simmons: Great plan, you idiot!

Fong: Come on lets get back to the base, were gonna need some big guns.

To the Blues

Church: Huh they really did brought our tank, and they scared off the reds.

Cunningham: Shit!

Barrus: Hey Basically what's the matter?

Cunningham: Rookies are not supposed to have tanks.

Church: Hey, rookie! Good job, man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?

Cunningham: Rookie, I need you to do me a favor get out of the tank now!

Back to the tank crew

Jonathan: What's that? you want us to shoot at the cobalt guy?

Sheila: New target acquired. (spinning turret around to aim at Church)

Caboose: Wha- Oh no... That's not a target. That's Church!

Church: Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church! What's going on, man?

Cunningham then sees the tank targeting at Church

Cunningham: Fuck, everyone get out of here, come on...

Scotty: What why?

Sheila: Firing main cannon.

Caboose: Oh oh…

Tucker: Uh oh...

Cunningham: Oh Shit...

Scotty: Oh fuck...

Barrus: Oh man...

Jonathan: Wait... Should we?... Maybe?

Church: What? ..Oh, son of a bi-

Church is shot and launched into the air. His body hits the rock face and lands back on the ledge.

Tucker: Holy fuck! Church, are you okay? Talk to me! Church!

Cunningham: Shit! Team kill! Team Kill!

Tucker: You guys shot Church, you team-killing fucktards!

Sheila: Auto-fire sequence deactivated.

Church: (dying) Tucker! … B-basically!

Tucker: Church! It's going to be okay, man.

Cunningham: Ah Shit (turns to Moo)Moo Call the medic!

Church: No. Ah... I'm na-I'm not gonna make it. You guys... there's something I need to tell you, both of you.

Tucker: What is it?

Church: I just want you to know.. I always hated you guys. I always hated you two the most.

Cunningham: Well, shit. Then I guess the feeling was mutual.

Tucker: Yeah, we know you did. Now hurry up and die, you prick.

Church: Okay. Herk!...Bleah…


Sorry if I was annoying in a certain story's reviews.