Chapter Six: Whispers
Elizabeth, ashamed and exasperated, knelt behind the bookshelf, her breathing shallow and uneven, and her mind in a whirl. She so desperately regretted telling such lies to her mother; how would she ever redeem herself? And if the gentleman ever discovered the rumors! Oh! She did not fear his disapproval; only what he may do in response, and that he should abhor her as much as her younger sisters. She twirled a lock of her hair between her fingers that had fallen loose, nervously waiting for the sound of the door closing, as Charlotte ceased spying for her. She was confident that her friend must have been gone, and was nearly resolved on coming out from hiding in such a stupid manner, till she heard yet another voice, which returned her to all of her original despair.
"Charlotte! Pray forgive me, but I must ask; why is it that you are standing here, and quite alone? May I offer you some company?"
The soft, sweet tone of the speaker was immediately recognized by Elizabeth as belong to Jane. Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably, hoping that her sister's understanding and forgiving disposition would allow her to realize that Elizabeth wished to be alone.
"I do not mean to be unsociable; I am only worried about Eliza. I saw her talking with her mother and Mrs. Long, and, she just took off, and seeming quite out of spirits as well. I am not sure what was said, but I believe that I heard Mr. Darcy's name mentioned," replied Charlotte.
"Oh!—Poor Lizzy!—It must have been something very distressing, for I am sure you know that she always takes so well to things such as this. I hope that she has not been insulted! It must be all a terrible misunderstanding. Why, Charlotte, we must find her."
Elizabeth then heard footsteps as they entered the room; and, not insensible to how completely absurd she looked, quickly stood, and began to run her finger along the spines of books on the bookshelf, as if she were searching for a particular one. She heard the sound of the curtains being drawn open, and saw the sunlight flood into the room; and, several moments later, her two companions discovered her. Elizabeth turned about when she felt their gaze, and attempted to look surprised, though they were not so naïve as to be deceived by her façade of good humor.
"Lizzy! Are you all right? Charlotte has told me that you left in quite a hurry," said Jane, with solicitude and concern infused into her voice.
"What ever Mrs. Long or your mother said, it cannot be so terribly dreadful, Eliza. I hope that you are not concerned over some matter about Mr. Darcy, of all people? He is not worth your concern; I do remember how he slighted you when you first met at the Meryton assembly," added Charlotte.
"I am quite all right. Mrs. Long requested me to seek out—um—the third volume of—Disencarenta."
"Disencarenta? That is not even a real word, let alone the name of a book. I will never rest till you have obliged me," responded Charlotte.
"Dear, dear Lizzy! What ever it is, I am sure that whoever gave you displeasure did not intend any harm; it must all be a misunderstanding! I will be quite disconcerted if it is so troubling that you may not say! It is not a secret, is it? Pray, I would not want to pry at your secrets," said Jane.
"Oh," replied Elizabeth after a few moments of silence, though looking very pale and crestfallen, "I suppose that I cannot keep it secret much longer. It is only of gossip that I am troubled so."
"Gossip? Do not vex yourself over that; there is hardly any truth in it, as you ought to well know," interjected Charlotte.
"Oh! I know! It is that there is no truth in it at all which troubles me. And it was I who laid the foundation for such disgusting rumors, and I fear that I should be censured if the truth is ever found out about what I did."
"Lizzy, you speak in riddles. What could you have possibly done?" asked Jane, looking slightly confused.
"It is only that—well—I suppose I should explain in full. You see, after the Netherfield Ball, my mother came to me, and said that Mr. Collins intended to make me an offer of marriage; and I am sure that both of you know me well enough that it would be impossible for me to accept a man whom I did not respect, let alone love. So I was in such a panic, and knew that my mother would never be able to understand the nature of my rejection, so I quickly devised a plan to defer all of her wishes for my marrying Mr. Collins, and I—and I told her…" explained Elizabeth, trailing off as she reached the end of her monologue, unable to recognize the horror which she had brought upon herself.
"What did you tell her?" asked Charlotte, her eyes full of curiosity, though Jane was much too troubled by her sister's discontent to speak by now.
"I told her—try not to laugh—that I was in love with Mr. Darcy. A very foolish thing! And she believed it, and was in absolute raptures; and I was so relieved as to have been spared the trouble of repelling Mr. Collins' declarations of love that I thought not to ensure of her secrecy. So of course, the rumor is being spread round as we speak, and I have not a clue what ought to be done. It is most humiliating! And it would even be more shameful should everyone discover that it was all a lie! I would be declared the most scheming, sly, obstinate girl in all of Meryton!"
"Poor Lizzy! But you meant so well. You spared poor Mr. Collins the feelings of having been rejected; can you not see how happy that you have made him, by allowing Mary to be his bride instead?" said Jane, with her usual optimistic tone of voice returning once more.
"But, Jane, what if Mr. Darcy were to find out? How could that constitute in any happiness for anyone? I have acted foolishly."
"Would it be so very bad a thing if Mr. Darcy were to believe that you were partial to him? If he returned your affections, can you not see the advantage of it all? He has ten thousand a year, Eliza. You would never have any troubles with your finances again; and is it so very improbable that he is not in love with you? He danced with you at the Netherfield ball, which must mean he cannot think so very ill of you," suggested Charlotte.
"Oh, I warrant that he could give me a very comfortable situation in life, but it would not be worth the price of sparing my own happiness," replied Elizabeth disdainfully.
"Sparing your happiness? You would be mistress of half of Derbyshire!" Charlotte seemed absolutely shocked that anyone could not see the merits of an advantageous marriage, and the prospect of ten thousand a year.
"You speak of it as if that it is a certain thing, as if he has already proposed, Charlotte. Certainly he would think very little of me if he heard of the rumor; I will never be good enough for him, and even less so if he learns that I am so indiscreet as to scream out my affections for him to half the country."
"But you cannot rule out the possibility of it, Eliza. It would be only natural for him to propose, and it takes no great stretch of imagination to suppose that he is in love with you. And how could you not accept him, if he were to? He has so much consequence, and surely all of your hatred would give way if he were under your power. And after such a rumor has been circulated, it would be quite a scandal for you to reject the man whom you claimed ardent love. You are almost bound, by honor, to seek his affection now. It is if it is an obligation!"
Elizabeth, finding that this was not comforting her at all, quickly excused herself, and fled once more. Charlotte, surprised that her counsel had not alleviated any fears of her friend's, and assuming that she simply thought that she needed time to think about the truths which she had clearly placed before her, returned to the wedding reception. Jane, however, would not allow her sister to escape her so easily; and was prepared to promptly follow her, till she heard a commotion behind her, and turned around, to see none other than Mr. Collins spying on her.
"Mr. Collins!" exclaimed Jane, clearly surprised. Mr. Collins instinctively turned away, but further questioning on Jane's part could not be ignored any longer.
"Excuse me, Miss Bennet, if I have intruded on your privacy. My dear Mary informed me that he had seen you dash off after Miss Lucas, and said that I ought to retrieve you. But I assure you, miss, of my utmost secrecy on the—topics—discussed in confidence between yourself, Miss Lucas, and Miss Elizabeth. Surely you could not do me the dishonor by assuming that I would circulate it about," explained Mr. Collins, who was prepared to excuse himself, if Jane had not then cried out,
"You heard it all! Oh—forgive me Mr. Collins, but I am only very surprised. Of course, you are a man of honor, and I have no doubt of your secrecy. But, pray, excuse me, for I must go and comfort my sister," said Jane, who then quickly quitted the room and wandered about the house till she discovered her sister in her bedchamber. She could not help but worry what Mr. Collins thought of the discussion, particularly the parts which related to himself; but decided not to vex herself on the point any further, and saw no occasion to mention it to her sister, who was already very distressed.
"Lizzy! Do not trouble yourself over what Charlotte said. She only meant to help. I do not think you have done anything so terribly wrong. It will all sort itself out, you will see," said Jane with a smile that Elizabeth could not return.
"I wish that I could look upon it so favorably as you do, Jane," replied Elizabeth quietly, "and I shall hope to have you be correct. But, I suppose, as long as the unhappy truth remains between yourself and Charlotte, I have no doubt of it remaining a secret."
Jane assured her that not a soul would hear of it through her means, and Elizabeth, feeling a bit more spirited, added good-humoredly,
"Imagine my horror if, say, Mr. Collins had overheard it! He would undoubtedly tell it all to his beloved Lady Catherine, and what horror would come from that would be unfathomable!"
Jane could find little to laugh at with such a joke, and, not having the ability to function properly with her conscience wearing her down in the wake of telling a line, simply smiled, and hoped that her sister would continue to laugh away her troubles.
