My VW purrs like a kitten. Still smoking after all these years. Oh, hi. I'm the killer and currently Batman is on my tail. No matter. He always doubted me. Everyone has. Him in his Batmobile and me in my pathetic little Beetle. You would think the odds would be stacked in his favor. That is what they always think.
I take out some loose "change." The certain kind of change that sticks to any surface and explodes. I toss nearly ten of them out the side. I look out my rear view mirror to see the fireworks begin. Cars topple and flip, trees become flowers blossoming with flames, gasoline ignites in a surge of hellfire. The street shatters from the weight of the explosions, throwing concrete everywhere. It is so beautiful, like a pandemonium pageant of synchronized violence.
I do not wish to kill Batman. He is worth too much to this city. That is what the other villains never really got. You can never liquidate an asset that still has lots of money in the bank. No one can kill him no matter how much effort they put into it. They can never kill him like I can never get an erection anymore. You see, that's why my wife left me. I just could not please her anymore. I could never please anyone. My mother. My father. My friends. No one ever took me seriously. I just have to slow him down. I am not finished yet. No, far from it. There is still much more destruction to do this night.
But no matter the destruction, the Batmobile comes in, no trouble at all. One of these days I will find out how that happens but it is best not to dwell on it while it is charging right at me. I don't linger on that thought long as I toss more change, more precisely at the Batmobile. I know it will not kill Batman because he has enough worth in this town to pay for an ejection seat. To make sure he does not tail me anymore, I head up to the expressway.
On there I see all the cars of all the worthless people in this town. A minivan filled with destroyed hopes, a truck of lost love, a limo of elongated ego. The saddest part is that they just don't know they are worthless. Luckily, I am here to show them. I reach for some change.
Suddenly, a loud thud hits the roof of my car. There is only one person in this town who could do that after seemingly being blown sky high. His arm punctures the roof and goes straight for me. I try to control the car as he clutches my face like a steering wheel. My car breaks through the highway's barriers and travels steadfastly down…straight into the abyss.
Briefly my exploits flash before my eyes before my car slams down to the city streets. The brutality, the senseless mayhem. It still wasn't enough. The airbag cushions me as I fall. I look up to see a gaping hole in my roof. I open my glove compartment and reach for my final act of this evening: a switch.
I clutch the switch in my hand when he pulls me from what used to be my car.
"Who are you?" he asks tersely
"Who am I? Surely you must remember me! You remember all of your rogues…but, alas, I am so worthless that you have forgotten me…the Penny Plunderer. No, Bruce, you will remember me for now on."
I flip the switch and I know, for now on, everyone will take me dead seriously.
Gotham Police Headquarters…
Just another night in Gotham. More paperwork. More violence. It is never enough in this city for Jim Gordon. G-d, did I just refer to myself in the third person? Just another sign of working too hard tonight. Bullock went home early, maybe I should have too. Barbara usually stops by Tuesday nights. I think it is about time for me to quit.
I take my coat from the rack when I hear a weird ticking noise. That's odd; my clock's been dead for a week. I look around my office to see a blinking clock…with 20 seconds left on it. I sound the general alarm and run out of my office to see in the office across from me there is another one just like it. 15 seconds. The whole building must be filled with them.
10
I scream hells bells trying to make sure everyone gets out.
9
Someone stumbles.
8
I pick him up off the floor.
7
I run with him down the corridor.
6
More people come out.
5
The traffic of stampeding humans slows everything down.
4
I wait.
3
I think of Barbara and I shove with the stampede out.
2
I get outside to the steps.
1
I take one last leap away from GCPD Headquarters.
0
A large force throws and tosses me to the ground 20 feet away. My back feels like it shattered. Time slows down to a crawl. I take one last look at the broken dream of GCPD's Headquarters, slowly collapsing from the weight of multiple explosions. The flame…looks like…someone is calling me…
