Katniss anxiously fumbles with her hands as she stares out the window of the train. She tries to focus on the whirring of the steel vehicle cutting through the air and the scenery flashing by, but nothing could distract her from her nerves.

Peeta, likely noticing her visibly uneasy body language, takes her hand in his, "Katniss. It's going to be fine," he assures her with a grin.

Even Peeta's comforting presence, gentle touch, and kind eyes can't ease her anxiety. She hasn't ridden a train since she returned to District 12 after the rebellion and Snow's death. Two and a half years after the war, the truth was now out about Coin, and people understood why Katniss chose to kill her instead of Snow. Since then, Katniss was no longer exiled in District 12, she could ride trains to other districts without supervision if she pleased– although she would never leave 12 alone anyways.

Today however, Katniss was going to make a very difficult trip– she was going to District 4 to see her mother.

Katniss hasn't seen her mother since Prim died, a tragic, anguished reunion, with her skin burnt and her mind under a haze of morphling. After the war, her mother, Clara, went to District 4 on a train filled with supplies and other migrants, returning to 12 was out of the question for her. She could not bear to face the ghosts of her town, her loved ones, her community– and District 12 was quite the ghost town, especially back then. But somehow, no one thought it would bother Katniss to live in the ruins of what once was her home. So she was forced to live with it.

Katniss and Clara had a strained relationship ever since Katniss's father died, and while Katniss was always a bit closer with her father, she and her mother once had a very strong bond. She frequently, and with great sorrow, reminisces memories with her mother, memories of helping her cook, lying on her lap, her fingers gingerly stroking Katniss's hair, braiding it, the way her mother's face lit up when her father came home from the mines. But the day he died, a part of Clara died with him.

She fell into a deep depression, she couldn't get out of bed, she was in a trance that Katniss and Prim could not break. After that, Katniss was all alone. Suddenly she was an eleven year old adult, the one who had to provide food for her family, parental guidance to Prim, and to herself. She resented Clara for that, and after the war and losing Prim, Katniss resented her for not asking that they go to District 4 together, for leaving Katniss all alone in 12.

Although she, luckily, had Haymitch, who at this point was like her second father, she yearned for her mother. And she never forgave her for leaving.

And until recently, she didn't know if she ever would. But here she was, roughly an hour from her arrival at the District 4 train station, her uneasiness only growing more severe. She was afraid to face her mother after more than two years, she was afraid of the pain it would entail. Katniss and Clara spoke on the phone every once in a while, short, tense check-ins, but they haven't seen each other's faces.

What would her mother look like now? Has she aged a lot? Aging made Katniss nervous since, until more recently, she did not think she'd ever need to worry about getting old, and she didn't think she'd be alive when her family died of old age. Her mother was a doctor now, she was neighbors with Annie, Finnick, and their son Bennet, and she had other friends too. She must be better than she was before, right?

After hours of internal turmoil, Katniss decided to tell Peeta how she was feeling, he always understood her, and Dr. Aurelius told her she needed to be more honest, "Peeta?"

"Yeah?" He looked at her with concern, his eyebrows raised. Katniss loved how caring he always was.

"I think I am afraid of the ways my mom might be different. I don't know her anymore."

Peeta turns towards Katniss and wraps his arms around her, "Do you think maybe different will be good?"

She considers this for a moment, that the difference could be positive, that maybe her changes are nothing but improvement.

"Maybe she's better now, happier," Peeta adds, kissing her cheek. He has always been the most optimistic, always the one keeping the hope alive.

"Maybe," She will find out soon, since there is less than 30 minutes left until they arrive.

Finally, the train comes to a halt, the two of them look out the window to confirm what they already know is true, they've reached their destination. Katniss's stomach ties into a knot. She tries to focus on the fact that she gets to see Annie, Finnick, and little Bennet while she is there. However her excitement cannot mask her nausea.

"It's time," Peeta says with a smile, trying his best to reassure her.

"It's time," Katniss echoes, walking hand in hand with Peeta through the train doors and onto the platform.

Clara told Katniss she would meet her at the platform when the train arrived. Her and Peeta scan the small crowd of people as they step off the platform. Katniss takes in the smell of the salty, sea breeze from the ocean nearby, the cool air makes her shiver. She remembers Finnick once telling her it was colder by the water when she asked him to describe home, he was most definitely right.

Neither of them spotted Clara yet, the suspense was killing Katniss, her heart raced as she waited for what felt like many minutes– until she saw her.

Her and her mother's eyes met, Katniss's heart skipped a beat at the sight of her, and Clara simply smiled. She hadn't aged much since Katniss last saw her, if anything, she looked younger. Her blonde hair was much longer than it was when they departed, her skin was no longer sickly pale. She looked vibrant, healthier, and happier, just like Peeta predicted.

Peeta tugged on Katniss' hand as he guided her forward, which Katniss was very grateful for as she wasn't sure if she'd be able to do it on her own. Somehow, after surviving two Hunger Games and a war, Katniss was frightened to face her own mother.

The couple approached the strikingly changed woman, "Hello, Clara," Peeta stated kindly.

"Hello, Peeta," she responded.

She looked at Katniss, "Hello, love," Clara's eyes began to water at the sight of her daughter.

She opened her arms out to Katniss, offering a hug that she desperately hoped she'd accept.

Katniss did not know until this moment that a hug from her mother was what she needed the most.

"Hi," she said as she leaned into Clara's arms, accepting the hug.

Katniss had no idea how much she craved this hug, but despite her longing for her mother's affection, she pulled apart after a moment. She didn't want to get her hopes up and be disappointed once again. She figured it would be best to keep her mother at arm's length for now, not just metaphorically.

Clara took Peeta and Katniss to her home, a small house by the ocean shore. During the rebuilding of District 4, more houses and shops were built. Clara wanted to live by the ocean because she'd never seen it before her arrival in 4, and she fell in love with it instantly. She lived in a community living space with other medical personnel and students at first, but once houses were built she was able to move into one near the water, and she was near Annie, Finnick, and their son Bennet.

Her home is modest, clearly meant to house one person or maybe a childless couple. It consists of a bedroom, a living room and kitchen, and a bathroom. Clara shows them their bed she made on the couch and offers them tea. The tea was mint, the same mint tea she used to make for Prim and Katniss back home. The warm, minty liquid brought a bittersweet nostalgia over Katniss as she sipped it from the mug.

For the first few hours of the visit, Peeta was the one who kept the conversations going, Thank god for Peeta Katniss thought to herself. She stayed out of the conversations for the most part, which was not abnormal for her as she's a naturally quiet person, but her silence was mostly attributed to the fact that she did not know how to talk to her mother, she felt so alien to Katniss. She silently watched as Peeta and her mom conversed about their lives.

Peeta told Clara the latest stories about Haymitch's geese, about his favorite pastries to bake, his paintings, and he got Katniss to awkwardly tell a story about a fight she got in with a fox over a rabbit. Clara talked about her experiences being a doctor, how much she enjoyed it and how happy she was to dedicate her life to healing people. She also started knitting again, a hobby she enjoyed up until Prim's death. She now occasionally gifts knitted sweaters and blankets to her patients and sells knitted items at the market from time to time.

The three of them made a dinner of halibut, rice, and mushrooms, well, mostly Clara and Peeta. Katniss had never had halibut before, and she thought it was delicious, but she could not bring herself to enjoy her food as much as she usually would when trying something new.

After dinner, Clara asks Katniss if she would like to go on a walk with her on the beach. She asks Peeta if it is alright that her and Katniss go alone– and Peeta of course said yes.

Katniss feels her stomach tie in a knot again, she knows what type of conversations will happen on this walk– the very thing she dreadfully anticipated. She and Clara reluctantly leave the small house and make their way to the sandy shore, both unsure of how to talk to each other.

The beginning of the walk consisted of an awkward, but somehow equally comfortable, silence. Katniss felt a little more at ease after hearing her mother talk about herself, she seemed to be the most mentally stable and happiest she'd been since before dad died. But a selfish and retributory part of Katniss was upset that her mother was doing so well without her. Did she even miss Katniss at all?

Finally, Clara broke the silence, "I'm sorry, Katniss."

Just as she'd feared, her mother apologized. She didn't want her pity, she didn't want to even let her finish. She wanted to push her mom away again like she always did, but she also wanted to let her mom make things better. So, she didn't stop her. She turned her head and met her eyes.

"I am sorry that I wasn't there for you all those years. That I didn't give you the love and attention you needed and deserved. I am sorry that you had to provide for Prim and I at such a young age, I should have been the one taking care of you. You were a little girl… you needed me and I let you down," she sighs sharply, "You did not deserve all the tragedy you experienced at such a young age," she wistfully states.

Katniss did not expect her mother's words to have such an impact on her, she had always avoided showing any emotion around her mother, especially tears. But despite her efforts to hold them in, the tears fell, and she decided that this time she was going to let herself cry.

"Why did you let me go to 12 all by myself," she sniffles, "You didn't go with me or – tell me you– were going to go to D-District 4– You didn't try to take me with you– they made me g-go back," the sniffles became sobs as her anger and feelings of abandonment and despair overcame her.

Clara's face wears a look of pure guilt and sadness as saltwater falls from her eyes, "I-I have no excuse. I should have stayed with you, I should have been stronger for you. But Prim died and I felt like I'd lost myself again… I was afraid to face you. I was afraid I'd disappoint you. I knew you'd need me to be strong, and I knew I couldn't be strong enough for you. So I felt it was better to not be there at all than to fail at being there for you again. I was wrong, so wrong. I've missed you so much. I am sorry, Katniss. I hope one day you will find it in yourself to forgive me, but it is okay if you can't," she says, her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

Katniss sits with her feelings for a moment, feeling like a small child. As much as the angsty nineteen year old in her wants to get angry, to tell her mom she'd never forgive her, that she didn't need her– the child in her knew she did. Katniss needed her mom, she wanted her mom. More than anything else, she wanted her mom to hold her. So she finally listened to the little girl in her and gave into her needy impulses.

She leapt forward and tightly wrapped her arms around her mother's waist. She hugged her back, caressing her hair just like she did when Katniss was a little girl falling asleep.

Clara held her crying daughter in her arms, and together they weeped, tears gliding down their faces like waves across sand. They weeped enough that they could probably refill the ocean with their very own saltwater, salty tears of guilt, grief, sadness, and for once, joy.

For the first time ever, Katniss thought that, maybe, just maybe, her and her mother could be close again. Perhaps they could be a family.

As the sun set beyond the offing, Katniss's doubts and grudges went down with it, falling into the abyss behind the skyline.