Outside…

Dante: (standing in front of a woman's bathroom door) Yeah now that's nice and all but can you hurry up? Makeup just to be in front of an audience doesn't take that long to apply does it?

Voice1: YES!

Voice2: …hmph…

Voice1: Aw…I can never get you to wear makeup…

Dante: You know what? I'll pick you girls up when you're done preparing. I have to check on my Olga! (walks into the studio)

Inside the studio…

Yoh: Here we are for the sixth episode!

17: We are so popular aren't we?

Daxter: IT'S BECAUSE OF ME! HELL YEAH! I ROCK!

Tidus: Of course you do Daxter….

Jak: OO you're agreeing with him?

Tidus: Gee, I figured you'd see my sarcasm well…

Jak: Oh yeah…yeah… I see it now…

Tidus: . riiiiiiiiiight….and I believe you…

Yoh: Anyway….don't mind them! We have an announcement for the audience!

17: I sense a lot of special guests arriving this episode…

Yoh: What will they be like?

17: Tidus…you're so dead…Dante's coming back and he wouldn't be too happy that you got Kool-Aid on his "Olga"

Tidus: Olga? Who the hell is Olga?

17: The camera!

Tidus: x.x So did you pick out a nice tombstone for me?

Yoh: (pulls up three different tombstones from behind the seat) Ok now. This first one is the regular grey with your name engraved on it. We can get these in two sizes. Either long or wide. To remember you, I'd suggest long so we can write on it and…

Tidus: OO you picked out actual tombstones?

Daxter: XD he thinks they were kidding when they said that he's getting murdered by Dante about the camera thing!

Tidus: O.O I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING AROUND!

17: Why would we kid about that?

Tidus: Maybe because it would be fun!

Yoh: Good point! But too bad for you!

17: Yoh and I went shopping together for the first time! YAY!

Jak: --; and you think a romantic shopping time is to shop for tombstones?

Daxter: Just….wow…..

Tidus: LET ME BUY ANOTHER OLGA! He'll never notice!

17: (shakes head) You can't do that!

Tidus: Why not?

Yoh: Don't you know? It's his camera so he'd customize it to his fits.

Audience: DEAD MAN WALKING!

Yoh: Listen closely I know a way out of your problem!

Tidus: You do?

17: Suicide?

Yoh: no……….

Daxter: Loving and worshipping me?

Yoh: I hope not. o.o Definitely no…

Peter Griffin: Giving me a sponge bath?

Yoh: OH GAWD NO!

17: . where the hell did he come from?

All: (shrug)

Dante: (walks onset)

Audience: OMFG! DANTE'S BACK! WE LOVE YOU DANTE! (hoots, w00ts, whistles, claps, cheers…)

Dante: (takes a bow)

Yoh: Tidus….my idea was you stand there and die!

Tidus: . what a wonderful plan!

Dante: Now where's my Olga?

Tidus: (gulps)

17: You know what? Dante…I have a question for you!

Dante: Ask away.

17: Where exactly have you been for the past episodes? The people missed you so!

Dante: (smirks widely) glad you asked! I'd like you all to meet two special guests. They're dedicated reviewers that wanted to be on the show!

Jak: So you were actually out tending to the reviewer's needs? Well, picking up those that wanted to be on the show?

Dante: The girls are in the bathroom right now and will be out any second.

Yoh: Girls?

Jak: I hope I don't smell insane fangirlism…

Dante: erm….maybe not that exactly…

Yoh: This is wonderful! I can't wait to meet them!

Tidus: I should get going now…

Dante: But where's my camera now?

Tidus: (points over to it and runs like crazy to get out)

Dante: (aims his gun Ebony and shoots past Tidus's head)

Tidus: (stops) T-T Don't hurt me!

Dante: Oh, I won't hurt you. I am going to murder you!

17: But…we don't want any messes on the set...

Yoh: Oh besides a few drops of c…

Daxter: DON'T NEED TO HEAR IT! WE DON'T NEED IT!

Yoh: Why don't we bring out our first guest then?

17: It's…

Kool-Aid: JAK!

Jak: YOU!

Kool-Aid: I'm back for more! OH YEAH! I enjoyed kicking your ass last time!

Jak: NOT THIS TIME!

Dante: Kool-Aid eh? Well guess what? I'm Charlie and I have 3 angels!

Kool-Aid: You wanna piece of this bitch?

Dante: I would file my nails right now if I was some evil villain, but that isn't my style. Girls! Ass kicking position!

Girl1: (Has short dark red hair and blue eyes. Wearing a black t-shirt, written on it "A wise man once said, 'I don't know ask a girl.'" Her eyes were red at the moment, due to the thrill of a battle. To aid her all knowing shirt was dark blue jeans, and matching colored fingerless gloves. Identified as Krystal)

Girl2: (Has brown hair with golden highlights and dark brown eyes. Wearing black jeans and a white T-shirt that reads "I LUV YUSUKE! So sue me!" right above a picture of the Spirit Detective. Identified as Yui.)

Girl3: (Has black hair with green eyes. Wearing a T-shirt with a wolf on it along with a pair of black pants and fingerless gloves. Identified as Chealsea.)

Dante: (Smirks) Krystal, Yui, and Chealsea are my angels! And I am….DANTE!

Jak: Isn't it supposed to be Charlie?

Yoh: But don't they both have two syllables?

Dante: EXACTLY! SO I AM….(puts enthusiasm in his voice) DAN-TEH!

17: (Rolls his eyes)

Kool-Aid: I'll still kick yo' ass! You and yo whores!

Chealsea: (Eye twitches)

Krystal: No he did not just call us whores!

Yui: Maybe you are but we're not!

Jak: Yeah anyway Kool-Aid! These girls are taking you down!

Tidus: (Pulls out another camera and tapes this)

Audience: W00T! KICK HIS ASS! KICK HIS ASS! KICK HIS ASS!

Yoh: LUCHA RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Tidus: Wtf? OO

Daxter: Um….that thing they say in Mucha Lucha before they wrestle… .

17: (Snuggles Yoh close)

Dante: SICK EM GIRLS!

Krystal: Wait! Where's Bosley?

All: (Hear crickets chirping through the awkward silence)

Yui: WE NEED A BOSLEY!

Dante: Um……..hm…….Tidus! You're now Bosley!

Tidus: Nuh uh! I hired Wakka!

Wakka: (Steps out from backstage with a Blitzball in hand) Ah ya! I'm here buddah!

Tidus: ; Yeah ok……….

Krystal: Bosley!

Wakka: (Thwacks the blitzball at Kool-Aid) TAKE THAT SUCKAH!

Kool-Aid: OO OH SHIT…..

Jak: HAH HAH! TAKE THAT!

Chealsea: I am so going to kick your ass……(she sneers)

17: O.o

Yoh: (Snickers and clings to 17)

Tidus: (Smiles and hangs up a T-Mobile cell phone) Hey Yoh!

All: OO What is it Tidus?

Daxter: Yeah! What's with the smile?

Tidus: Yoh, since you want me dead so badly, I want you equally dead!

17: . Talk about Yoh like that again and see what I do to you! (shakes a fist)

Yoh: O.O Tidus…what have you done?

Tidus: Oh I just called your twin brother Hao a.k.a Zeke over and gave him directions…

Yoh: OO YOU DID WHAT?

17: You're dead!

Tidus: (runs offstage) YOU WANTED ME DEAD SO I RETURNED THE FAVOR!

Yui: Wow…..

Krystal: That's all messed up!

Chealsea: (shrugs) Now back to ass kicking!

Girls: (Jump Kool-Aid)

Jak: (joins in happily)

Audience: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Yoh: T.T 17, should we call out our first guest then?

17: I don't see why not…..come on out Yusuke Urameshi!

Yui: (stops drinking Kool-Aid's insides for a minute) Did I hear…..?

Yusuke: (walks out from backstage)

Yui: (walks away from the trouncing and drinking of Kool-Aid with sparkly eyes) Is he really here?

Yoh: Well yeah….it's Yusuke in the flesh!

Yusuke: (waves) Um…hi!

Audience: HI!

Yui: (glomps Yusuke) OHMYFUCKIGNGAWDIT'SACTUALLYYOUYOU'RETHEMANOFMYDREAMSOMFGILOVEYOUSOMUCH

Yusuke: (falls over) woah!

Yoh: (leans on 17 with a grin) They're getting along just fine!

17: (wonders what Keiko would say about this)

Yui: Keiko can kiss my butt! Yusuke's all mine!

Yusuke: I am?

Yui: (holds up fist in triumph) YOSH!

Dante: (pulls out Ebony and Ivory) Now Tidus…time to deal with you!

Tidus: NOOOOOOOOOOO! IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT THE HOSTS WANT ME DEAD!

Daxter: (dives into his fangirls) Well it's your own damn fault!

Kool-Aid: (dies)

Krystal: (her read eyes gone) A job well done Chealsea!

Chealsea: yeah ok….

Jak: W00t! I finally got that bastard back for last time!

Daxter: And I didn't have to slap you silly with bologna to get it done!

Jak: SO IT WAS YOU!

Yoh: Daxter….I suggest you run!

17: Yusuke…and Yui….please have a seat…

Krystal: What about us?

Yoh: ; You guys can have a seat too!

Krystal: OK! (gets into the third chair)

Chealsea: (sits in the same chair as Krystal)

17: Aren't we lucky they're comfy chairs?

Yui: YOSH! (snuggles with Yusuke)

Yusuke: (shrugs and snuggles back)

Yui: YAY! (is sitting on his lap)

Yoh: (blinkage at hetero-ness) Anyway…Yusuke you agreed to come here so we get to ask you questions and so on and so forth.

Yusuke: I know. I saw Kurama and Hiei on here and I thought it fun to go on too. Maybe Kuwabara will do the same.

17: That's nice…so anyway…our first question…do you have a crush on…

All: (hear Tidus let out an ear piercing SCREAM OF IMPENDING DOOM AND BARBECUE SAUCE!)

All: OO;

Dante: TAKE THAT! OLGA WAS NOTHING MORE THAN MY BABY OF A CAMERA HUH? WELL OLGA WAS MY PRIDE AND JOY!

Tidus: NO NO! NOT THE SWORD!

17: For any Tidus fans out there….just ignore that ok?

Yoh: (cough) anyway…..so Yusuke….

Tidus: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Dante: that's what you get for ruining my camera!

Tidus: OH THE PAIN! AGONY! AGONY! AGONY!

Yui: Why don't you skip that question then?

17: I was going to ask him if he likes Keiko….

Yusuke: My character on the show does. No one ever said that I, as an actor, had to!

Yui: YAY!

Yoh: So I take that as a no?

Yusuke: You got it!

Yoh: (blinks) well I'll be dammed…I always thought that Yusuke liked Keiko…

17: Then again, the girl of his dreams is right on his lap….

Yusuke: I love girls that worship me! (nuzzles Yui)

Yui: (thinks- It's like a dream come true! )

Krystal: (thinks- Feh……that's nice and all but I WANNA SEE SOME YAOI!)

Chealsea: Do they serve refreshments here?

Neo: (walks in) Sir, someone breeched security!

Yoh: O.O IT'S ZEKE! I KNOW IT!

Neo: Yeah, it's Zeke all right….and here he is….(holds up a squirrel)

Yoh: Um……Neo……..that's not Zeke…..

Neo: (looks at it and shrugs) oh well, it breeched security…(walks off) to the torture chamber it goes then...

17: (gets yaoi thoughts and whispers something to Yoh)

Yoh: X3 Good idea! Tehehe, but we'll save that for later ok? .

Krystal: (gets uber curious about the whispering and coughs)

Yusuke: Anymore questions then?

Yoh: How do you feel about Genkai for working you so hard?

Yusuke: THAT OLD HAG! UGH! She put me through all sorts of stuff! But…hey, it paid off didn't it?

17: Can I see your spirit gun?

Yusuke: I have nothing to aim at though….

Dante: AIM IT AT TIDUS!

Yui: .;

Yusuke: (shrugs)

Tidus: TT NUUUUUUUUUUU! LEAVE ME ALONE! I'VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH ALREADY!

Dante: Oh yeah and the tombstone you guys picked out is just great for Tidus…no one will miss him that much…

Audience: Aw……….

Dante: (pouts) the audience's puppy eyes are stopping me from killing him!

Chealsea: wouldn't stop me….

Neo: ANOTEHR BREECH IN SECURITY!

Yusuke: (aims his finger at the door, charging a spirit gun)

Yoh: If it's Zeke, you shoot!

Yui: Not even he's gonna hurt my Yusuke! I'll kick his ass!

17: What is it now Neo?

Neo: (looks at the now trembling door) it's a person this time…I think…

All: Oo You think?

Peter Griffin: (walks through the door) Oh my gawd! Look at what we have here! Seven prostitutes hanging around! (points to the front of the audience)

Some random high pitched voice: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7!

Peter Griffin: Seven! Seven prostitutes.

Yusuke: SPIRIT GUN!

Peter Griffin: X.X

Yoh: That wasn't Zeke either!

17: It wasn't? Well, I wouldn't imagine someone with the name Zeke to be fat….

Yusuke: Who the hell is that guy?

Neo: oO My bad, that's Peter Griffin from Family Guy!

All: Ooooooooooooh!

Krystal: Um……his bad? (inwardly smiles at the way Yoh is holding 17)

Chealsea: (notices) Krystal!

Krystal: Oo WHAT?

Chealsea: (shakes her head)

Yoh: Hey 17, before we die…can me make out one last time?

17: We're not gonna die! Just have Faith in security and when they fail have faith in me!

Yoh: Well security sucks today for some reason…wonder what the guys are up to!

Outside….

Security Officer1: Oh this shit is gooooooooooooood!

Security Officer2: I told you man! Walnuts store good crack!

Inside…

Yoh: THEY'RE GETTING HIGH?

Neo: Not my fault…I went to go visit Trinity and left them to their job!

17: We need new security officers. Maybe we'll get em next episode.

Daxter: I could be good security! This Zeke guy! I would karatefy his ass!

Jak: Yeah whatever Daxter……he'd probably make you into a carpet.

Yui: (claps with joy for Yusuke shooting his Rei gun)

Yusuke: (sits back down and nuzzles his fangirl, Yui)

Yui: - yay! (huggles) He's like my big strong CareBear!

17: What is it with heteros and CareBears?

Yoh: I don't know, but it's slightly scary 17….

17: Don't be afraid Yoh! (kisses tenderly)

Krystal: (is overjoyed that she gets to see some action!) YAY!

Chealsea: (glares)

Yusuke: (sweatdrops)

Yui: Can I get a kiss Yusuke?

Yusuke: Um……….sure….why not?

Yui: YAY! (kisses Yusuke)

Dante: (drags Tidus away again) Back to the torture chamber…

Neo: (drags out Peter Griffin's body with difficulty) FATASS! Should've been on Jenny Craig when you got the chance! Or South Beach diet! JUST SOME SHIT TO LOSE WEIGHT!

17: (pets Yoh)

Daxter: NOT THAT AGAIN IN HERE!

Audience: WOOT! (whistles, cheers, and hoots)

17: Daxter, don't hate because your only love is fangirls.

Daxter: Nothing wrong with fangirls! They l-o-v-e meh!

All: (Hear Tidus's shouts of terror etc. from the torture chamber)

Yoh: Um…who even built a torture chamber in here?

17: (Shrugs) Anyway Yusuke…what do you think of Kuwabara?

Yusuke: He's kinda…tall, and…

Yui: He's kinda tall and ugly and somewhat annoying.

Yusuke: But my best friend no matter what! See Yui. You have to look at the good qualities. There are Kuwabara fans out there. And Yukina likes him and Hiei just likes messing with him.

17: Sounds…hot…

Krystal: I agree. (Gets all starry eyed.)

Chelsea: (Fwaps Krystal upside the head)

Krystal: T.T owchies…

Yoh: (Looks to the door all anxious-like) Maybe Tidus was bluffing. How could he get Hao's number?

Yusuke: Maybe he stole it off a desperate fangirl?

Jak: Most likely?

Dante: (Now back to being the official cameraman and is happy)

Neo: Yoh. Your friends are now security officers.

17: Which ones?

Ren and Horo-Horo: We're back! (Alias Lenny and Trey)

Ren: We came back because we heard that Hao was on his way.

Horo-Horo: I mean dude! What kind of friends would we be if we left you hanging?

Yoh: Yay! My friends are here!

Neo: But we're going to need more than three security officers. We need guys with a 100 success rate.

Mysterious Voice1: That would be us compadre!

Mysterious Voice2: But I didn't think we were coming until the next episode! This one is almost over!

Mysterious Voice1: You dumbass! They need us now! Hello! The man said 100 success rate! And that's us!

Mysterious Voice2: (Sniffles) Fine! We're coming next episode then…

Yoh: And I had no clue as to who they could be.

Neo: But they sound…so…promising…(is being very sarcastic right now)

Ren: It doesn't matter. We can get the others for now.

Jaco, Faust, and Ryo come out.

Jaco: I've got a joke for everyone!

Ren: NO MORE JOKES! (Pokes Jaco with his scythe)

Faust: (Smiles) We're were to protect Master Yoh from Hao.

Ryo: That's right! Anyone against Master Yoh will get it!

Krystal: Phooey! No yaoi…

Yusuke: Is my interview over?

Dante: Um guys…you've only had one guest this entire episode. Doesn't that mean you're really behind schedule?

17: Come to think about it…

Chelsea: But you've had four guests or have you forgotten us already?

Yoh: Oh yeah! (sweatdrops) My bad!

Chelsea: And no one answered my question. Do they serve refreshments here? I usually have a sandwich with my Kool-Aid.

Daxter: Darling! I present to you! My lunch!

Chelsea: Um…thanks…(accepts the lunch)

Tidus: (crawls out) need….a….curaga…

Wakka: (wakes up from standing in his sleep) Oh! Forgot I was even here! (Yawns and drags Tidus back to Spira)

Tidus: (getting dragged and sobbing)

Krystal: o.o That poor guy…

Chelsea: Hosts, we are staying here next episode.

17: Don't we have a code or something against that?

Yoh: Nope!

17: Meaning these girls can stay here as long as they please?

Jak: What happened to, "We're all nice guys here?"

17: We are nice, but there's only enough niceness we can do in one day.

Krystal: (laughs) That's just…wrong! Oh well! We're not leaving! We got free food! And free Kool-Aid!

Yoh: Yeah but any other people may want to stay forever too!

Dante: You say that as if they have no lives.

Yui: We don't?

Yusuke: Um…I have to go now. But I'm bringing Yui with me.

Yui: Yay!

Yoh: On the next episode of Conspiracies, we'll find out who those two mysterious guys were and my brother Hao might come on and we'll definitely have Kuwabara from Yu Yu Hakusho and Heero Yui from Gundam Wing.

17: That's right Gera Lain, we didn't ignore your request. Tah tah for now.