Title: Just A Family

Author: Psalm 136

Summary: No one understands he doesn't belong. Except Estel, of course.

A/n: A story idea I got from reading a fic about Estel thinking everyone forgot his sixth birthday. Its by Liek. And if the reviews point to it, I shall add on more. But I don't know. You tell me if I should. Also, note that although this is going up under CoalTrain's account, all credit goes to Psalm 136 -End random comment from CoalTrain

Disclaimer: insert typical disclaimer that basically says the plot is only partially mine and that I don't own anyone

Just A Family

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Estel wandered around the beautiful Imladris, his eyes on the floor. Once again he was lectured by Glorfindel. Once again he was lectured by Erestor. He didn't remember exactly what they said, but what he had gotten out of their speeches was that he was too young to understand life and that he should really grow up. But he sighed. Didn't they understand he aged faster than elves? He was fourteen. He wasn't a child.

He kind of just plopped down on the floor by a window, his head leaning against the wall beside the curtains. He was partially hidden by plants so if anyone passed by, they either didn't see him or didn't care that he was sitting alone. The once exuberant boy had now just grown up. And he hated every bit of it.

Nostalgia filled him as he thought back on the days when he would run to Ada when he scraped his knee or the elflings teased him. He remembered when Elladan and Elrohir would take him out into the rain, just so he could dance around. He remembered the two reading him stories, teaching him about girls, and just being his big brothers in whose arms he felt completely safe. He remembered running around and giggling, trying to hide from Glorfindel when he and the twins had pranked him.

Well, Estel was all grown up now. And no one realized it.

He spent most of the day there, trying to figure out ways to prove his worth, to prove he wasn't just a child. At first, talking to Elladan and Elrohir seemed the best resolution. But he decided against that. Running to his brothers made him only seem more childish.

"I don't need them. I don't need any of them!" Estel whispered fiercely, anger building in his chest until he felt like he would burst. But it was a good thing, to be filled with blind wrath and rage. He felt like he could take on the entirety of Imladris… and win.

He got up, trying his best not to trip over his own feet. He swore violently in Dwarven and forced himself to walk as best he could. He wasn't a little child to get frustrated by his own legs. He would force them to cooperate. He would force himself to be grown up. He wasn't weak or childish.

"Estel!" Elladan's deeper voice called him. He didn't turn. "Estel!" He tried again, and then sped up, grabbing his younger brother by the arm.

"What?" The mortal asked in a scathing tone.

"Calm down, little one. I was just wondering if you would like to partake in a prank that does NOT include Ada's wine, pillow feathers and honey." His eyes twinkled, despite his innocent face.

"Shut up, stupid." The fourteen-year-old glared and walked away, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth. Stupid Elladan, thinking he'd want to act like such a child. He wasn't six. He was fourteen! Fourteen! NOT A CHILD. His anger filled him again and he nearly started to shake as he walked along.

He didn't even notice that Legolas had arrived. He just shut himself in his room for the rest of the day and didn't come out to dinner. He knew he didn't belong. He didn't belong. Estel looked around his room and tears filled his eyes, but they were angry ones. He had lived here for twelve years and they all babied him and he hated it. He didn't need them.

So there was only one thing to do. And it wasn't screaming curses and knocking things over (because he was already busy doing that). He had to get out of there. He was a disgrace and he was worthless. He couldn't even swing a sword right. He was so…. Human.

Estel packed up a rucksack and pushed open the doors to his balcony and then climbed down. He had always done that when Elladan or Elrohir would collect him for a prank. They lied to him. They said they loved him. How could they love him when he was edain? Dropping to the ground, he used every skill in tracking to hide his footsteps as he stole away from the Last Homely House. There was a fire in him that demanded he leave. And who better to trust than himself? He didn't lie to himself.

It was when it started raining that he realized in his haste he had forgotten to pack food. He kept plodding on. He couldn't rest the night and the rain would shield his footsteps so he could rest when the storm was over. And it didn't matter if he rested. He could die out there and no one would care. And he would be happy, being away from them. He was edain. They were firstborn. They were perfect, he was nothing more than a sinful, clumsy human. He let out a furious scream and threw his rucksack into the woods.

That was probably one of the worst ideas he had ever had in his entire life. For where he cast his bag, came a bear. It was big and mean looking and when it snorted, fog came from its nose. That never meant good things were to come. He gulped nervously and looked around, trying to find a place to run. He was surrounded by a great forest, but the bear knew it better than even he did. And the thought scared him. He yelped and just started to run, forgetting his Ada's words about bears.

Estel was quickly running out of breath. He had walked a long while and didn't have the hidden reserves of strength the elves did so he found himself panting and his steps were getting heavier. Even his fears didn't propel him. But his determination did. He wasn't going to die by some old bear. He would die in a way he saw fit and dying at fourteen wasn't a way of dying he saw fit, quite honestly.

His long, gangly legs betrayed him. He stumbled over a log, falling fast first into the mud.

XXX

Elrond sat in his study, busy writing a few papers. He hummed a tune Celebrian would always sing as she went about her day. He put down his pen in the inkwell and blew on the paper, insuring that the ink wouldn't smear and he wouldn't have to start over. He massaged his hand, for he had been writing for quite a long time. He stood up and put his long robe back on. He paced in his study, glad for once Estel wasn't getting into trouble and he could have quiet. It was only quiet because the twins weren't back yet. They were probably just caught in the rain. Elrond had faith in his twin sons, so he was hardly worried. There was just the paranoid paternal instincts inside him that one of his sons was in trouble. But he shook his head. He was just being silly. He hadn't slept much in the past weeks, for Estel was going into the teenage years, in which humans were rebellious and a handful of trouble. Would that boy ever learn?

A small smile came to his face, despite the current situation with his foster son. Even though Estel wasn't like the elflings, since he couldn't exceed in everything for his human blood wouldn't permit it, he was still a strong boy and would certainly be a good King. Elrond knew it. The half elf had known Arathorn and Gilraen, and if Estel was anything like them, he would be a King not even time could erase from the minds of humans.

"Milord?" Glorfindel rushed in, looking rather frazzled.

Elrond sighed, rubbing his temples. "What has Estel done this time?" He had wished for some peace. He had thought the teenaged boy would settle in his room with a book or something because it was raining. He could only imagine; mud all over the floors, mud in place of Glorfindel's hair wash… which caused him to wonder. Why WAS Glorfindel the target of all pranks that came to be in Imladris. His thoughts were broken by the Balrog Slayer's voice.

"He has run…"

"Around with mud?"

"No, Elrond… Estel has run away from Imladris."

Time stopped for Elrond. What was that boy thinking? Did he want to die in the rain? Did he want to be attacked by a bear or something? But any angry or remotely angry thoughts disappeared with one glance out at the rainy Rivendell. "Are there any places he could have gone?"

"No, I don't even know how he got out. His balcony doors were tightly shut and nothing was out of place." The blonde replied. "I shall go out now."

Elrond shook his head. "No, he will come back when he's ready. He's not stupid. He will come back." I hope… Elrond thought desperately.

Glorfindel had his better judgment and knew he should be already searching for the boy, but he couldn't disobey a direct order. He had too much respect for the Lord of Imladris to do so. His ears twitched as he heard two familiar voices and groaned, much to the amusement of Elrond.

"It is not funny." He whispered, hoping the twins wouldn't overhear them and know they were in the study.

"Oh, but it is." Elrond replied in the same soft tone of voice.

"You don't get pranked non stop."

"But they are my sons."

Both were silent as Glorfindel struggled to come up with an answer, trying to keep his mind on the conversation and not on a probably cold, sick, hungry human boy in the forest.

"Good point." He agreed.

XXX

Before Estel knew it, the bear was upon him and its mighty jaws descended on the helpless human's leg. Estel screamed, but no one could hear him. The thunder crashed and the lightning flashed above him and he started to sob. He kicked the bear with his other leg, but it only continued to crush his left leg in its jaws. He could feel the blood pouring out and joining with the mud. He screamed and kicked it again, trying to scramble away, but the bear bit his side. He struggled, but then remembered what Elladan had told him to do: play dead.

Estel took a deep breath and then held it, and stopped moving. He had learned a lot from elves and could be pretty convincing when he 'played' anything. The bear sniffed him and slashed his back a few times, just to make sure he was 'dead' and then roared, chasing after a deer caught in the rain. Estel let out the breath and tried to move with his injuries. He could move, but not well. He crawled over to a tree and used the support to stand up. He knew immediately that his leg was broken. A rib was cracked. But he could limp heavily and continue moving. Maybe when he reached a human village, they could tend to his wounds for free, since he now had nothing but the muddy clothes on his back and the dagger at his waist. In his fear, he had forgotten all about it.

The pain was excruciating. He whimpered every time he moved, but his stupidity, bull-headedness and determination forced him to continue. He didn't need the damn elves! He was fine on his own. He had survived a bear and he could move. That was saying something, right? Whether it was in truth or not, Estel felt a bit more confident and that small boost of self esteem kept going. He entertained him with his thoughts.

"Those elflings would die when they were faced with a bear. They would scream like girls and then die. They're not strong like me. You can't beat orcs or bears by looking pretty." These thoughts kept him occupied and he continued moving steadily away from the Last Homely House, the only home he had ever known.

But as time wore on, he started to become very hungry and cold. He shook and he was starting to cough. It became harder to move and he just wanted to go back and get some tea from his Ada and sleep for a few hours and then go to the kitchens and get a feast all to himself. But he screamed in frustration, forgetting how much it hurt his rib. No! He was human. He didn't need elves to survive. He was fine on his own.

But he wondered why no one had come after him. That unanswered question brought tears to his eyes. Didn't they care enough to even look? But he growled as the rain continued to fall. He didn't even WANT them to step a foot out of the house of Elrond. He wanted to be alone and was glad that he was. His parents were stupid, to think he needed to be with elves. Elves were stupid and relied on their looks to get them anything they wanted. Legolas was the worst of all. He thought ESTEL needed him as a friend. PAH! He didn't need anyone. He was fine on his own. He loved being on his own. He would be content to live as far away from civilization as possible. As for friends? Friends were merely trying to use you to get something. There was no such thing as love or friendship. They were merely ways to get something. No one, especially elves, wanted to give anything.

His legs shook and he put too much pressure on his broken leg. He yelped and collapsed. Mud splashed in his face as he just laid there for a moment. He tried to find some warmth in the thick mud, but it was all freezing cold. He cursed his mortality. But as he coughed and trembled and shivered, a thought hit him. If he died, he would feel so much better. But another thought came to him. He didn't want to die so painfully. So he used his arms, no matter how painful it was, with the slashes on his back. He was too strong to die helplessly from a quickly growing sickness. He was too strong to die! He growled and crawled, using both arms and his right leg.

He made it fourteen yards before he needed a rest. He inhaled mud and started to choke. Punching himself in the stomach and using all air he had currently in his lungs, he managed to force the mud into his mouth. Gagging, he spit it out and turned on his back, opening his mouth for the rain and filled his mouth up and spit it back out, glad his mouth was clean again. He detested anything muddying his mouth.

Estel forced himself another yard and then fainted for a few minutes. He became conscious again, thankfully. He tried to find some hidden strength, but he had used that already. His arms were tired, his leg throbbed and his entire torso ached and felt as if it was on fire. He moaned as his stomach growled for food. In his pain, he started to become half-delirious.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Stomach. I don't have any food but if you use something I still have stored in there, I can get you some quickly. NO! I'm not going back to the elf food palace. Never. They hate me! They don't love me. What are you talking about? Lord Elladan and Lord Elrohir were just leading me on to believe they loved me. Lord Elrond? He hates me!" Any other words he spoke were drowned out by the raging thunder and lightning.

XXX

Glorfindel finished off his meal and looked around. He felt a pang in his heart when he saw the seat between Elladan and Elrond unoccupied. That was where Estel always sat, so he could be entertained by his brothers in the likely case Elrond needed to speak with an advisor or a visitor. The blonde took a sip of wine and then asked to be excused for the night. The lie he needed rest was his excuse, but lie or not, it got him out of having to go through the torture of not seeing the charming little boy… no, the charming young man there.

As he walked to his chambers, he wondered what could have made the human run. They had never treated him unfairly. Each of the elves loved him in the way they knew best. Even Erestor was very fond of the foster son of Elrond. How could anyone not? He was a funny boy, charming and disarming, but he probably learned the last two from his brothers, Glorfindel thought with a smile. No matter how angry the three brothers made him sometimes, the love he held for them and the want to protect them never changed. He highly doubted it would ever change. He never wanted it to.

He didn't know why he hadn't disobeyed the order earlier. Elrond wouldn't care when he returned with Estel. He entered his chambers quickly and dressed warmly and packed a small bag with lembas and medicines. He took another grim look out the window before heading down to the stables. He took Asfaloth from his stall and jumped on bareback, riding out into the rain. He held his loaded bow in one hand and steered his stallion with the other. Something wasn't right. He had yet to figure out what it was.

Each minute it took, more worry was on Glorfindel's shoulders. If anything had happened to Estel, he would count it his fault. He should not have been so harsh. He had taken his stress out on the boy unrightfully so when he had complained. It was in a child's nature to complain and whine and he had failed the boy when he spoke sharply to Estel.

He stopped at a clearing, dismounting and venturing out on foot. He sent out an arrow when he saw a bear as his heart fell into his torso. What if it had attacked Estel? Panic rose in him and he forced himself to go faster. He traveled for three hours and the rain had stopped and the mud was drying, making it harder to run, but still he continued. He would not be satisfied until he found Estel or scoured the entirety of the forests. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the passed out boy laying in the mud, covered in the thick stuff as well.

Glorfindel knelt by Estel's side and turned him over onto his back. He checked for breathing and heart beat and found both. Good, he was alive. That was good. He calmed himself down and took the pack from his back and took out the medicines and stopped. He saw the large gash on the human's leg and on his side and could see dried blood on his tunic, obviously from his back. He hung his head for a moment. How stupid he was.

He began to treat Estel's side wound, carefully washing it and binding it as well as he could with the human unconscious. He, luckily, was able to find proper wood for a splint and set the bone carefully and bound it well. He had learned much from Elrond over the long years. He put an arm around the boy's back and lifted his torso up before slipping his other arm under his knees and walked back to Asfaloth.

Putting the mortal on his horse, he rushed back to get his healing supplies before heading back to Rivendell. He carried Estel up to the healing wing. Elrond was already there, but was working on another patient already so he didn't acknowledge Glorfindel's presence or notice the blonde's burden.

The Balrog Slayer cleared his throat. "My lord?"

"Yes, mellon nin?" He asked, binding a soldier's grazed side (he had been training and his partner had made a mistake) before sending him off.

"I found Estel."

Elrond whirled around and set to work, not even saying anything. It was routine for the elf lord to not react emotionally if something had happened to a friend so he would have time to prepare mentally for such a reaction. He undid the bandages from around Estel's side and examined the bite. No festering, he thought, it was good Glorfindel had reached him when he had or Estel would be dying at the moment.

"Leave, Glorfindel." Elrond said as he began to work. He got out his herbs and glanced over his shoulder at his advisor. "Please, my friend." There was a weariness and regret in his voice and eye and Glorfindel nodded.

"Alert me when he awakes." He said as he left the room.

Elrond turned to his foster son who laid, muddy and bloody, on the white linen infirmary bed. Tears threatened to blur his vision but he wiped them away quickly. Estel wouldn't love him ever again. It had been his fault. He should have realized the boy wanted to be treated like a man, but Elrond, as a father, knew he had so much further to go. That was where he had gone wrong. He had thought too much. He sighed and started to work on his son.

XXX

Days later, Estel awoke to an empty room. He stared at the ceiling and then remembered that he had been running away. He would have gotten up and stole away, but his leg hurt really badly. And his side made it harder to breathe. He shifted uncomfortably but then stopped because his back started to feel like fire. He laid still, eyes narrowed at the ceiling.

He closed his eyes in fear when Elrond walked in. Was he going to punish him? Of course he was, you dummy, he chided himself. He gulped as he slowly opened his eyes. To his surprise, Elrond didn't say a word to him, neither did he look him in the eye. He merely helped him sit up and changed the bandages around his torso and back. Estel didn't know what he had expected. Did he expect loving words? Of course not. If Elrond loved him, he wouldn't have felt that running was the best way. Did he expect punishment? Of course. He always was getting punished, even when he was just acting on his own good judgment.

"Ummm… Ada?" Estel asked, getting Elrond's attention.

"Yes?" Elrond didn't know what to say. He thought Estel hated him, yet here he was, calling him Ada.

"Doyouhateme?" He blurted out.

Elrond chuckled and sat down on the bed beside Estel's legs. "What, ion nin?"

"Do you hate me?" He asked timidly, averting his eyes.

Elrond reached over and lifted Estel's chin, meeting his eyes. "Why would you think that, Estel?" He asked.

"Because you and Glorfindel and Erestor are always lecturing me and punishing me and telling me to grow up… I'm trying! It's hard! I'm stupid and clumsy and… and…and… HUMAN!" Hysterically crying, he clutched to his foster father's arm.

Elrond wrapped Estel in his arms, laying his chin on the hair of his human son. His heart broke with the boy's words. He truly thought this of himself? But he was always so happy. He hide it, he didn't think anyone would care, he realized. A tear slid from his eye as he hugged his son closer, whispering comforting words in elvish, trying to calm him down. He told a healing assistant to gather the twins and watched as the young lady scurried off and then turned his attention to his youngest son.

"Estel, listen to me." He said in his gentlest voice.

"What?" Estel prompted him to go on, sniffling.

"You are my son, I love you. I have been hard on you, but that has nothing to do with you. Its my fault I have been taking things out on you that have nothing to do with you and not apologizing. I am very sorry my neglect caused you to run." He said, looking Estel in the eye.

"Really? You really mean that?"

The twins, Elladan and Elrohir, entered the room and rushed to Estel's bedside. In their haste, Elrond had to back off so his twin sons could squeeze his youngest to death. Tears freely rolled down the twins' faces. They had thought they had lost their brother. Neither of them had slept or ate since the night Estel stole away. And that was almost a week ago.

"Dan… Ro… you're 'quishing me!" Estel protested as he giggled. He had forgotten how much he loved his brothers. He didn't care that giggling wasn't something a normal fourteen year old did, but he would always be a seven year old at heart when the twins were around.

"We're so sorry little brother!" Elladan lamented. "We love you so much yet we treated you like a little child!"

Elrohir nodded, climbing onto the bed beside his younger brother and put an arm around him while Elladan did the same on the other side. They clasped hands over Estel's torso, promising him complete security while they were around. The fourteen-year-old was surprised by their tears and obvious love for him. He had been so short with them he would have thought that they were angry with him. But he wasn't complaining.

"You aren't… mad at me for leaving?" He looked up at the identical faces of his brothers whom he both loved and admired.

"No! We are mad at ourselves." Elrohir answered.

Elrond smiled and sat on the end of Estel's bed. "I love you, ion nin." He looked his son in the eye.

"We love you as well, little brother." Elladan and Elrohir said at the same time.

"Really?" Estel's eyes were brimming with tears. He had been wrong. He had a family. They loved him. He didn't have to be perfect.

"Really." Glorfindel appeared in the door. He smiled at the human and stood at the foot of Estel's bed. "Feeling better, little one?"

Estel nodded. "Yes. Everything's better now."

XXX

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