Bride and Prejudice: Don't Leave Me/ I can't Stay!

by tarskeewee08

Walking into the Palace John headed to his suite. He needed to make her understand, she wasn't going to run away from him. Not after everything they've been through. He wouldn't loose her over something like this. Yes he should have told her but he didn't like who he was back then.

And then there was a horrible truth that he couldn't share, part of him was happy that Carla lost the baby. If she hadn't he would've never had to courage to find his sunshine. It was the last betrayal of his mother that gave him the strength to walk away from her approval and seek his own.

How could he mourn the lost of that child if it brought him to her? Was it wrong to look at it that way? It probably was. But still he wanted only one thing now in life, the opportunity to love and grow old with her.

Opening the door he saw her throwing clothes in her suitcase. "What are you doing?"
She looked at him angrily "I can't stay here.."
"Yes you can!" he said walking over closing the suitcase.
"Stop it John!" she hissed trying to get at her luggage.

John grabbed the heavy suitcase and threw it across the room spewing clothes everywhere.

Evangeline looked at him shocked. "Have you lost your mind?"
"Not yet, but if you leave me I will!"
"I want to leave this place!" she said her lips quivering.
"No you want to leave me, and you don't get to run. You have to fight. Be angry with me. Demand answers from me. Hell punish me if you have too but you won't leave us."

Evangeline stood there with clothes in her arms. Dropping them on the bed she put her hands on her hips. "You don't trust me. You don't believe in what we have but instead you want me to trust and in believe in you?"

John shook his head sadly "I believe in us."
"NO! I asked you John….point blank what was going on. You wouldn't tell me. Why?"
"I told you I didn't love her and its true. I just didn't want you to see me for the asshole that I was then."
"No, you wanted to take the easy way out. You wanted to find a way to avoid the difficulties with us and romanticize our love. For you it's the fairytale, to mar it with the ugliness of the past destroys that fantasy."

"I don't want a fairytale sunshine I just want you"
"You treat me like I'm that fragile Faberge egg. You put me on this pedestal and build this world of lies around me to make me think I'm priceless. Well in actuality I'm not. Your proposal and upcoming wedding is a fourth attempt on your part to find this happiness that evil bitch of a mother denied you all these years."

"God Van you are twisting things."
"NO I see things clearly now. I won't marry you like this. I won't buy into the lie with you and bury my head into the sand to all our problems."

"We don't have problems. Carla has nothing to do with us. Do you really think I want her!"

Evangeline blew out a breath "Of course not, I do think that you blame her, your mother, Caitlyn and those other women for your failure at finding happiness."

John looked at her standing in front of him crying and he didn't know what she was talking about. He didn't know how to stop the madness that had a hold of them both. He just couldn't follow all of this. All he wanted was for her to stay, he'd do anything for her to stay. "I love you..."

"Stop it! Listen to me dammit. Face these ghosts that walk these halls and make you so insecure in our love that you allow them into our lives. You knew what Carla was up to with your mother when she showed up here. You only took action when I started to probe. You know how torturous it is for me to be around you two knowing the past you share. To feel like everyone is in on the secret but me. After the lies and secrets kept us from each other all those years ago? Have you learned nothing John?"

"She doesn't matter to me…"
"Well she should. She almost bared your child. She tried to kill herself"
"That's not my fault! They conspired against me and when it didn't work they still tried to guilt me into doing what they wanted. You want me to reward that?"

"I want you to face it and make some tough decisions."
"Evangeline please….I will do whatever you want. Whatever it is….just don't leave me. Say you will marry me."
"John…"

John went to her and pulled her closer by her folded arms. She resisted so he used force to get a hold of her. "Please…you promised you wouldn't leave me. I know we have problems right now, but I won't loose you. With you I can do it."

"John don't" she said weakly
He held her the touched her head pulling her into his chest. She turned her face saying no and he forced it back up to his. "Please baby" he said kissing her forehead.
"I don't…."
Holding onto her he kissed her. She kissed him back and held tightly to him. She loved him so deeply and his pain was hers. She wanted to run, because she didn't trust herself with him and she didn't trust him, but one touch from him and she lost control. While kissing him she felt his hands on her pulling at her coat then forcing it off her shoulders. "Wait John" she said shaking her head no.

He began to kiss her neck and push her back to the bed. "Don't leave me…"
She felt her own desire growing as he forced her onto the bed. She landed on top of her clothes she'd thrown on it. "John we can't resort to this….stop…it's not going to work"

Feeling his hands sliding up her gartered stocking leg she tried weakly to push him off her. He stopped kissing her and looked down at her body. She saw it in his face and knew he needed her. She never turned away his need for her.

Reaching for her silk blouse he pulled at her shirt and popped her buttons. Immediately running his hands over her chest, she lay under him frozen still in her skirt and suit jacket with her blouse ripped open. She was as scared as he was. If she let his insecurities take over their relationship she will loose him and herself. His hand pulled at the cup of her bra freeing her left breast. Immediately he lowered his face to it and began to suck at her exposed nipple. She gripped the sheets and moaned.

He was doing it again, pushing her over the edge and as mad as she was, as desperate as she was to fight with him and define how they go forward, she just couldn't. Pushing her skirt up her thighs to her hips he pulled at her panties and snapped the string of her thong. Still dressed he immediately worked off his belt and unzipped his pants as she tried to scoot from him. "John…no we shouldn't" she said breathlessly.

He wasn't listening. Pulling her back underneath him he had himself out of his pants and was parting her legs desperate to enter her, to force her to stay with him. She sighed when he penetrated her. He still had on his trench as he slid inside of her and his pants were barely off his hips. She grabbed his neck and forced his face to hers kissing him. The kiss was powerful to them both as his thrusts quickened.

He ravaged her while she pulled him free of his coat and then his suit jacket. Lying beneath him half exposed with her skirt around her hips she gave into him as she always did desperate to be near him as well. She wanted to feel the strength and comfort of his arms.

He was kissing the inside of her neck and she heard him saying things but couldn't make out what they were. She wanted to just make it all go away like he did, and she knew she had to be the stronger one for them both. They had to stay on the right path or they would loose each other. Her body was drenching with sweat as he drove himself in and out of her and eventually she relaxed and gave him control.

Soon she realized as his face came into view he was crying like she was. His tears ripped at her heart and as she touched his face, she saw fear in his sky blue eyes. "I love you don't you know that?" he said softly

She closed her eyes unable to speak and he lowered his face to her neck again administering the love bites she yearned whenever he took her this way. Wrapping her arms and legs around him she held on for dear life.

Her mind said she shouldn't be doing this, it was his way of pulling her back in, but her heart said right here is where belonged and pumped with ecstasy to be in her mans arms.

Trying to settle the ongoing war inside of her she turned her face further to the left and bit down on her lip afraid of what would come out. John kissed her tear stained cheek as he rotated his hips forcing her to cling to him still. "You promised me you wouldn't leave me…you promised"

Hearing him evoke the promise she made to him only days ago, she understood why he asked it. Yes it was fucked up and yes he had major problems but he was her man dammit and she wasn't letting him go. Opening her eyes she turned her face and looked into his sadly "You promised you would stop keeping….keeping…"

He kissed her again and she ran her fingers through his hair savoring the sweetness of his kiss. Each time he kissed her she fell more in love with her complicated, tortured man. Climaxing under him she felt him finally letting go of his orgasm he held onto so tightly. They both had drained each other every ounce of fight or resistance that lied between them.

It was the most painful and loving sex they'd ever had. Lying on her chest exhausted she rubbed his hair and looked at the ceiling not knowing what to do next. She had to find a way to reach this part of him he kept locked so tightly away from her. She had to help his way to forgiving himself for the lost of his babies. Guilt and feelings of self loathing is what kept her in a loveless marriage. If she married him like this those destructive emotions he carried could reappear at any moment and destroy their happiness. The sad thing was he didn't even know it.

What she knew to be true is that it all stemmed from his mother. This hold she's had on him for years is killing him. She wanted to help him past it. That's what love was right? Helping each other, it can't all be a fairytale. Though no matter what dark cloud loomed above them their love was as close to a fairytale as you could get. She would find a way to reach him, to make him whole. She would fight everyone that threatened her happiness.

John raised his face "I'm sorry sunshine, I really am"
She smiled at him. "I know baby"
He stared into her face and saw she wasn't leaving him. A wave of relief washed over him. Pulling out of her he moved to her side still wet with her love and she pulled down her skirt from her hips. "I'll do whatever it takes to make our love complete. I swear it."

Evangeline turned her face to his "We start with your mother"
John frowned "Mum?"
"Your mother is the cause of this John and I need you to start by redefining her role in your life." She said turning on to her side so they were facing each other.

"Mum, is not going to change."
"That's not true. She changed for Michael"
"She had no choice" he said quickly
"Do you think she has one now?" Evangeline asked tenderly.

John thought about what she was saying. Facing Eve was a hard thing for him. He always felt like a seven year old that didn't get the lead in the school play only to have her screaming at him that he was a McBain and much greater things were expected of him.

"What do you want me to do?" he said softly

"Its not about what I want John, you have to tell me what you want. What you've wanted all these years…and I know now it wasn't just me. It was something much greater."

John shook his head "It's always been you sunshine"

Evangeline lifted up on her elbow, her blouse falling over to cover some of her nakedness. "I remember when I met you, how cold you were. How you smirked at my innocence only to later soften toward me. I don't know why you chose that night to reveal a part of yourself to me, but I felt it was the first time you really shared with another person."

John thought about her sitting by the fireplace scared and wanting to prove herself to him. He remembered how her hands shook as they touched his face when he kissed her. How tense she was when he made love to her and how slow he had to go to make sure she was okay.

It was the purity of her need to please him, without any ulterior motive. She didn't know who he was or what he was born into. She just fell for him in that night because of who he was inside. She was the only woman to do so. It was why he never loved Caitlyn, Carla or the rest. They were an extension of his mother. Evangeline was the polar opposite. He never knew that about their love until now.

"I've used your love for me as a protective cover these past months." John said sincerely.

"And I let you John because all I want to do is protect and love you" she said smiling into his face

He smiled back at her "You're right I have wanted something all these years, and I've been too afraid to seek it."

She kissed his nose and moved the hair from his face "What is it baby?"

"I wanted to be free of Earl John Thomas McBain. I wanted to be John Thomas."

Evangeline stared at him and finally understood the lie from the beginning, part of her had believed that he was somewhat pretentious and afraid of their difference, which is why he lied so many years ago. But the truth was much more profound. He wanted to be her John Thomas and free from his world, he just never had the courage to do so. She leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. "Then let's find John Thomas and introduce him to your mother."

John pulled her over to his chest and sighed. He was blessed to have her and even more grateful that she would have him.

Evangeline felt a huge burden lift from her shoulders. She felt as if they were finally in it together and that's all she ever wanted with him, to stand at his side and make a life with him.

Facing his mother would be hard for John because on some level he felt the need for her approval. This time he would have her love and support to guide him through it. They lay on the bed in each other arms with their clothes ripped and hanging off them happy to belong to each other. Closing her eyes she wrapped her arms around his strong chest and sighed, no one would take him from her again.