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Chapter 11
John held Natalie gently in front of the fireplace, he wasn't going to ask about what happened tonight, he wouldn't pressure her to tell him, he knew she was in so much pain and she would talk when she needed to, when she was ready. He continued to hold her as he felt her fall asleep, he trailed his hand gently down her arm to pull the blanket that had fallen off of it back on. He couldn't help but notice them, the bruises, the marks, he tried real hard to keep his anger under control, but he was having such a hard time of it. He was angry with everyone, with the whole situation, with the fact that she put her life on the line to try and stop a bad man from doing horrific things and she became one of his victims, and that the men, the trained individuals who were suppose to be helping her, watching her, protecting her, had failed her.
John heard her whimper out in her sleep and he shook his head clear of his anger for those men, for now, because he knew now, right here in this place and at this time things were about Natalie, helping her how ever she wanted and needed.
Natalie continued to sleep and he held her, he had dreamt about holding her so often over the past week but now he was, but as good as if felt to have his arms around her, as right as it felt, the circumstances were all wrong and he knew it. He looked at the top of her head and then he placed a small kiss on it, he would hold her like this for as long as it took for her to be right, and then he would hold her forever, he would never let anything else bad every happen to her again.
Sometime about an hour later John lifted her up while she was still asleep and placed her on the bed in the next room, she didn't wake and for that he was thankful. He covered her up and looked at the large purple bruise that was on her cheek, he skimmed it gently with his finger, when he got his hands on Izzy Foley, he was going to strangle him with his bare hands. He bit his tongue and tried to calm himself down. He wanted so bad to lie next to her in the bed and continue to hold her as she slept but thought it best for him to sleep in the chair next to the bed, John slept in the chair next to the bed when he was woke up by her screaming.
" Nooooooooooooo! Get off of me, get off of me!" John heard her scream out in her sleep as she jumped up to a sitting position
"Natalie, it's okay, it's okay babe, no ones gonna hurt you, no one I'm here, I'm here" John told her as he sat on the bed and pulled her body close to his and he held her. After a few minutes he leaned them both back on the pillows and he held her on his chest before he asked her, before he spoke.
"Do you want to talk about it? Maybe it'll help" John told her softly as he addressed the subject to see if she was ready to talk.
"I don' t know if I'm ready yet, I don't... I don't think I can, not yet anyways," Natalie told him as she draped her arm across his chest and pulled herself as close to him as possible.
"There's no rush, when you're ready then, whenever you're ready I'll be here to listen, I'll be here for you" John reassured her and she closed her eye's and tried to again get some sleep.
"Thank you," she mumbled to him faintly as she fell back to sleep.
Morning came quick and John woke first, he pulled himself out of her grip carefully not to wake her and he went inside to she if there was anything to make her for breakfast.
Natalie woke with an awful headache and pains over most of her body, she sat up and looked around the room and didn't see John. She closed her eye's remembering some of what happened to her last night, what she was so anxiously trying to forget. She climbed out of bed slowly not to cause herself anymore pain and she searched the draws of the dresser in the room for clothes, anything, she needed to get these shredded things off of her, she needed desperately to shower and rid herself of his touch, of his actions, of Izzy Foley the slime who made her weak last night, who made her like this, this morning. She found clothes and headed towards the bathroom.
"Hey, you're awake, I made you breakfast" John told her as he entered the room and saw her entering the bathroom. Natalie turned and looked towards him, but never met his eyes.
"No thank you, I'm not hungry," she told him still avoiding his eye's. John saw her eyes couldn't meet his and he knew she was embarrassed by everything, embarrassed by the fact that the operation went bad. Did she think this was her fault? He asked himself and then he saw she had clothes in her hands.
"Natalie what are you doing?" John asked as he slowly approached her
"I need to shower, I need it all gone, off of me" Natalie told him
"You can't, you know you can't "
"Oh, yes I can, I need him gone, I need to be clean again"
"Natalie you know if you shower you'll wash away evidence, the evidence to put him away for this, away for doing what he did to you "
"And what do you think he did to me? Huh? What do you think he did to me that me showering would wash away?" Natalie asked him boldly
"Natalie" John replied to her questions softly
"No, John tell me since you seem to be an expert on what happened to me last night, tell me what you think he did to me!" Natalie demanded as she walked a little closer to John. She looked him in the eyes this time, straight in the eyes. Her eyes were glassy and he knew his were starting to glass up himself when he said it softly and quietly.
"I think he raped you" John said as he saw her eye's close and a few tears escape them as she kept them closed. He came closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders.
"Natalie, did he rape you? Did Izzy Foley rape you?" John asked her and he saw her open her eye's still shedding her tears. She looked right at him.
"I don't know, I just don't know" Natalie told him softly as he pulled her head close to his chest. John brushed her hair with his fingers as he spoke to her.
"We need to find out Natalie, you know the tests have to be done within twenty four hours for the results to be accurate, you're a cop Natalie and you know that. Let me take you back to the hospital." John told her as he continued to hold her up against his chest
"No!" she said firmly as she pushed herself off of his chest and ran into the bathroom. John went over by the bathroom door but didn't hear the water running, he heard her crying and he could sense she was up against the back of the door. He put his hand to the door as if touching hers before he spoke.
"Why don't you talk to me, tell me about it, maybe you won't need to get that test after all, maybe it'll help you to figure out if you were or weren't." John told her thru the door
"Maybe " he heard her say quietly
"Then come out of there, Natalie, come out and tell me and let me help you," John told her as he tried to open the door and it was still locked.
"No, I'll tell you but... I...I can't face you, I'll tell you it all but thru the door, I can't watch your face, I...I can't see your disappointment in me when I tell you what I did wrong, how it went so bad, so ugly and it was all my fault"
"How ever you want to tell me Natalie, what ever you want to do, but just know I could never be disappointed in you and this is not your fault" John told her as he heard her begin to tell him what happened.
"I went into the bar, he was flirting with me as usual, I was late so he made a remark about helping me out financially so I didn't have to work my other job and be late for his place, I... thought it was going well, I mean, it really seemed like it was going to be the night, he was going to proposition me about sleeping with clients and I would say no, and he would be caught, caught before he tried to kill me like the others, but then... then I went inside to change...and.. and well... he followed me... and he wanted to watch, so, I... I undressed in front of him, that to me wasn't a big deal, it's just clothes right? I knew I had back up, the finest back up right, I trusted they were listening, and then when I had my clothes off, it went ugly... horribly ugly and fast, and no one came, no Harry, no Danny, no one." Natalie told him all of that and then she stopped to take a breath.
"Natalie tell me what he did to you? You have to say it babe, not just to build a case against him but so you can move on from this eventually." John told her thru the door.
"That's it John, I don't think I can ever move on from this, not eventually, not ever"
"You can, you'll see, you will, I'll help you to do it, to move on, what did Izzy do to you next?"
" He...he... he..." Natalie said and then she paused
