Title: Black Colour
Disclaimer: Joss owns it all.
Author's Note: Maybe a bit too depressing? I'm not sure, just figured I'd give it a shot. Special thanks to my great friendy Rach, for helping me with ideas and giving me feedback and support.
Summary: Let's take a look in Lindsey's mind. His life isn't as colourful as it sometimes seems!
Rating: T, cause it may be a bit dark?
Genre: Drama, no doubt about that.
Pairings: None
Spoilers: Ehm, I think up to 'Blind Date' because that's where I got the information about Lindsey's childhood from.
Feedback: Yes please, I'm always eager to improve stuff and with your help that would be great!


Black Colour

According to the outsiders, Lindsey McDonald had it all; money, a great job, an occasional date with a pretty young woman, and musical talent. His life seemed all colourful.

Seemed.

Because those who really knew Lindsey, 'really' knew him, would be able to tell those outsiders that there's more than meets the eye about Lindsey. Of course, he had enough money to buy a second house in France and then still have enough left to donate a 5- zero number to a charity fund, but the thing was; Lindsey didn't care. At a young age he had learnt already that money could either make someone, or break someone. Or at least the lack of it could. He and his family had experienced that.

They'd never been rich. Lindsey had never had his own room. He always had to share with at least 3 brothers and sisters, but he had known love. His mother had always done as much as she could to make her family happy. She gave her 6 children 'her' dinner, 'her' blankets, when they were hungry or cold. She always put her children first and herself last. That's probably what killed her in the end, because she chose to buy food for her family instead of medication she needed because of her lung infection.

Lindsey's father had loved his family too, but he just stopped believing after they took the house away from them. He wasn't as selfless as his wife. He bought his own medication.

Alcohol.

His addiction made the children be forced to go to school sans coat, and therefore be more vulnerable for the flu which was luring on every corner that particular winter. And it caught them too. 3 of the McDonald children had looked death in the eye.

1 of those survived.

Lindsey.

There had been a lot of moments in his life during which Lindsey wished he hadn't survived. He'd wanted the cold, black death to take him too, so he wouldn't have to live in the illusion of colour anymore, but the Angel of Death always had his way, and when he didn't want someone to die, he wouldn't let him die.

Not that Lindsey was suicidal, not at all. He had peace with the way things were now. He sent his siblings enough money each month, sometimes a bit extra. He was content. But I guess you could say that everybody has a death wish. Even lawyers with a 5- zero salary and a personal limo-driver. But the dark, black undertones of his life so far often, unexpectedly took over. But Lindsey didn't want anyone to know. He preferred to let everyone think he was colourful, and bright.

Because he would never forget how money could break someone. He had to be careful with it, careful with his past and the memories that kept haunting him. You never knew who would get their hands on those, after all.

And so, Lindsey just kept living his colourful life, secretly hoping that in one of their fights, Angel would cross a line and take his life instead of just his hand.

But until then, his life was just the way it was.

Not like others thought it was.

Not just colour.

Black colour.