"Birdy!" Skylar cried out, pointing towards the beach as Brayden set her down.
"That's a seagull," Aspen exclaimed simultaneously as she hopped out of the car. "And there's the beach!"
Aspen made a beeline for the shores before anyone of us could say anything. As soon as Aspen took off, Skylar was right on her heels.
"Girls!" Mom called after them.
"I got them." Braydon ran after them when they ignored mom and kept running.
We had just finished unloading the car when Braydon returned with the girls at hand. Aspen frowned and hung her head when our parents gave her a disapproving look. After a reminder of the safety rules from our parents, we all headed down to the beach together.
Aspen and Skylar raced off again after we found a spot on the beach. Everyone else was raring to go too. I turned, ready to go after the girls but froze when I saw the ocean. Time seemed to slow momentarily as my vision blurred. My brother-in-law, Joel, set the towels and chair in his arm down.
"I'll watch them." Joel offered, going after the girls. "Girls, wait up!"
The girls turned for a brief moment before running off again. I stood for a moment before helping Brayden with the umbrellas and chairs.
"Troy, something on your mind," Mom asked, watching me help set up.
I shook my head with a shrug, "I'm fine, mom. Why wouldn't I be?"
She raised an eyebrow at me and folded her arms across her chest. "Because you're deciding we need the towels underneath the chairs?"
I looked around, realizing my mistake. "Sorry, I guess I was a little distracted."
She got me to take a seat next to her. "If something is bothering you, you know you can always talk to us. Nothing's ever going to change that."
I slumped down, debating if I should say something. Mom and I used to have a secret-free relationship. But in recent years, my relationship with her has been one of those things in my life that have changed.
I hate how I now struggle to talk to my mom, and I missed when I could talk to her about everything. Our talks were my favorite part of our relationship and why we understand each other so well. Now it feels like we've lost that part of our relationship, and she doesn't understand me at all.
I tried and, as usual, failed many times to fix my relationship with her. Failure seems to be a recurring theme in my life now, and the more important the thing is to me, the worse my failure is.
"I know, mom," I assured her. "You and dad remind us that all the time."
Madyson jogged up to us. "Hey, Brady, dad and I are throwing the frisbee. Want to join?"
"Sure." Mom perked up. "I'm up for some family frisbee. Come on, Troy."
I felt a tightness in my chest I couldn't ignore. "Nah, I'm not feeling much like frisbee. You guys go on ahead."
"Everything OK little bro?" Madyson asked, giving me a concerned look.
I let out a frustrated groan. "yes, why does everyone think there's something wrong? I just feel like stretching my legs, that's all."
Before my sister or mom could say anything else, I took off down the beach. If I thought I felt bad before, I felt ten times worse now.
When I finally slowed to a walk, I had knots in my stomach. The tightness I felt in my chest from before was now coupled with dullness. Every breath of the salty sea air I took made it harder to keep the tears threatening to fall at bad. That made my throat sore and made me feel even worse.
I stopped when I saw a young couple coming up the beach. They were whispering in each other's ear between their gigglings. The boy whispered something to the girl that made her shove him as she laughed. The boy smiled as if he'd just won the lottery and pulled the girl into his arms for a passionate kiss.
My head dropped as my spirits hit an all-time low with flashbacks of my last date with Gabriella at the beach. We were just like the young couple on the beach. I would never have figured that it was our last official date. A month later, we broke up, and that was the last I heard of her.
At that moment, I wanted to forget every memory I had of Gabriella. I wanted to stop missing her and feeling that constant heartache. Even if it's for a brief moment, I want to stop feeling like I'd fail to juggle everything, and, in turn, I let Gabriella down.
I turned towards the ocean and picked my head up. Closing my eyes and I started to take deep, shallow breaths. Turning inward, I did my best to block everything out. Every so slowly, I could repress all the emotions I was feeling along with the memories. Once I was sure I had suppressed everything I needed to, at least for the time being, I started heading back.
I was feeling pretty good as I made my way back. I couldn't wait to spend time with my family and make some good memories. My entire world stopped when I saw my family in the distance. I held my breath for a moment feeling like I must be seeing things.
Sharon?
That can't be right. What was she doing here in a bathing suit talking to my family?
Millions of questions were running through my mind as I jogged up to them. Sharon noticed me right away and pulled me into a hug. Before I knew what was happening, she took me by surprise and kissed me.
It took a moment for me to realize what was happening. "Sharon, how did you know we're here?" I asked when I pulled away from her.
"Your parents invited me." She replied.
I turned to my mom, and she smiled at me. "Surprise! The beach is such a romantic place. It's the perfect place to spark some romance between you guys and for us to get to know Sharon a bit."
My heart sank in disappointment at how distant my mom and I had become. In the old days, she wouldn't have done anything like this. She would have known there was nothing between Sharon and me. How she even knew about Sharon now, I would never figure out. Before I could say anything, my dad came up.
"Sharon, hey, glad you made it." Dad greeted her as he tossed the beach volleyball in his hands back and forth. "You any good at beach volleyball?"
Sharon scrunched her nose. "Sorry, Mr. Bolton, I rarely play sports, and beach volleyball is one I definitely never actually played beforehand."
Dad shrugged and spun the ball on his fingertip like a basketball. "Jack, please, and don't worry about it. You figure out what you'd like to do and let us know. Son, how about you? You feeling well enough to play a game with your old man?"
I didn't get a chance to answer him before Joel called over to us. "Guys, heads up."
The girls were headed back our way faster than he was running. How did they get the kind of energy they had?
"We're water monsters," Skylar growled, showing her teeth and claws.
"How about I help you dry the water monsters?" Sharon grabbed a towel, not bothering to wait for a reply.
I gave up any protest attempts I planned to make and pulled on my dad's arm. "Come on, dad. Beach volleyball has our names all over it. Brady, you too."
I used my other free hand to pull my brother away. Enough people were giving Sharon the wrong message. I didn't need them giving Sharon any more bright ideas.
'We don't have enough to play," Braydon spoke up.
"Joel, " I waved him over and showed him the beach volleyball. "Beach volleyball."
He nodded and signaled to us that he needed a second. He finished drying himself and pulled my sister into his arms. Whispering something in Madyson's ear, he made her blush before giving her a passionate kiss.
"OK, who's playing with who?" Joel asked, jogging up to us.
I stopped tossing the ball and forth. "You and me against my dad and brother." I threw him the ball and attempted to hide the concern in my voice. "You serve."
I used to love sports growing up. I would play all kinds of sports with my dad, which was fun. You could say that sports were my thing-especially basketball. That was no longer true, and it was revealed through how badly dad and Braydon were schooling us.
"Troy, yours." Joel cautioned me.
I dove in the direction of the ball. "Sorry, I apologized, landing on my stomach with a hard thud as I missed another ball by a mile.
Joel, Dad, and Braydon ran up to me. "You OK?" Joel asked, helping me up.
I nodded, taking his hand. I didn't need a mirror to know my face was red from embarrassment. It was so humiliating to be the weakest link. I know my family didn't care about winning or losing so much as the time together, but it was still embarrassing.
"Boys, lunch!" Mom called us over.
Saved by mom.
I let out a relieved breath. The humiliation could end. At least for now, I don't have to keep making a fool of myself.
Aspen was happily talking to Sharon when we returned.
"Aspen, you are the sweetest girl I know," Sharon cooed, "it would be a dream come true to have you as a sister."
"I think you're pretty cool, too," Aspen replied, biting into her sandwich. She scootched toward mom, leaving a large hole between Sharon and her. "Troy, can you sit next to Sharon and me?"
Aspen had me wrapped around her fingers the moment I first held her in my arms at the hospital seven years ago. We've had a special bond since, and she knows it. I could never say no to her, and this time was no different.
"Try and stop me," I replied in a cheery voice.
She took a seat on my lap when I sat down.
"Troy, are you and Sharon dating?" Aspen asked me.
"Wait, what? How do you know about dating A? You're only seven."
She shrugged, taking a sip of juice. "Boyfriends and girlfriends come to the beach all the time. They play in the water, hold hands while they walk, and kiss. You and Sharon kissed earlier, and you were surprised to see her."
I nearly choked on my sandwich. This couldn't be the same kid who believes cooties are real. When did she learn so much about dating? Next, she will be asking how she could impress her boyfriend.
"Don't be so surprised." Sharon handed me a bottle of juice. "Girls mature faster than boys."
Aspen nodded, agreeing with Sharon. "I even have a boyfriend. Sydney, the most popular girl at school, said so."
My jaw hung open for a moment, not expecting that. I was glad my parents didn't hear her. "A, what makes Sydney think you have a boyfriend?"
"Because Andrew, the Captain of the basketball team, gave me a special Valentine's, and he has a special nickname for me-Snookie. Which he gave me after we snuck cookies when he came over for a playdate. Plus, we're always playing together; he holds my hand all the time and even kissed me."
"He what?!" I nearly shouted, grabbing everyone's attention. "Does mom and dad know?"
"Does mom and dad know what?" Mom asked, giving us her best mom look.
Aspen giggled, "That I have a boyfriend."
Neither of my parents looked surprised. It was like they already knew and were OK with their seven-year-old daughter having a boyfriend.
"Well, if Andy likes you, do you like him?" Sharon asked, helping wipe off some jam from Aspen's face.
"Yeah," Aspen nodded, "He's fun and cute."
Mom got Aspen to stand and brush the crumbs off her. "Maybe Andy can be your date at Sharon and Troy's wedding."
"Yeah, that's a fun idea." Sharon agreed with extra excitement in her voice. "It'll be adorable."
There was a chill in my spine as images of being married to Sharon flashed in my mind. Shaking my head, I did my best not to think about it.
"Mommy, can we get ice cream?" Aspen asked.
"I'll get it." I offered, jumping to my feet.
I needed the space after my images of life with Sharon. This was the perfect excuse.
"Sharon, why don't you go with Troy?" Dad suggested, "you can give him a hand and have some time to yourselves."
"No, I can get it." I insisted. "I don't need the help."
Mom looked at me, giving me a silent, get real look. "I don't care how good you are, Troy. You're not an octopus; you'll need help carrying nine ice creams."
Madyson and Sharon stood up at the same time. "I'll help." They stated simultaneously.
Madyson turned to Sharon and gave her a devil's look as she sized her up. I could see the sweat on Sharon's face as she backed away. "You really want to mess with me? Troy's my little brother."
Sharon shook her head slightly and gulped. "My little brother," Madyson repeated, emphasizing every word. "You've had at least a few minutes with him, and I've had nothing. It's my turn. So deal with it, or you can leave now."
Sharon shrunk down, and the corners of my mouth curved into a grin. Spending time with my sister would be better than with Sharon. I could always count on Madyson to save my hide.
"Brady, you too," Madyson ordered, pulling him up. "Let's go."
The three of us quickly left after getting everyone's flavors. Sharon gave me a look I knew I'd be dealing with later, but I decided to put that on the back burner. We were silent as we walked up the beach.
"Thanks," I broke the silence.
"That's what siblings are for," Braydon replied. "Troy, I know you said everything's fine, but you seem awfully quiet today."
"I just don't feel much like talking." I lied.
Madyson cleared her throat, "and you and Sharon? You two are fine."
"Actually, we broke up." I shoved my hand in my pockets. "If you could call going on, like, three dates being together."
Madyson and Braydon stopped where they were. They exchanged confused looks before either of them said anything. Braydon was the first to find his voice.
"Didn't you start running earlier when you saw her?" He asked, still confused.
I stopped where I was. "Yeah, I only wanted to see what was going on asap."
"Didn't you two kiss earlier?" Madyson pointed out, just as confused as Braydon.
"She kissed me and took me by surprise." I explained, "I pulled away as soon as I was over the shock."
We started walking again. "Then why is she telling our parents you are sole mates?"
I cleared my throat. "Because she has a dense head."
We all chuckled. "OK, so why did you two break up? From what we saw today, she seems pretty nice, she fits in with us, and our parents approve."
"And that's just what we saw today." Madyson pointed out.
"I'm sure that Sharon's great and that she has a lot of wonderful qualities." We stopped in front of the ice cream shop. "But I just wasn't feeling it. No one seems to understand that, and Sharon clearly ignores it if she knows."
Braydon and Madyson pulled me into a group hug before heading inside. Surprisingly, there wasn't much of a wait. After we ordered, I decided to wait outside on the beach.
Braydon left Madyson to wait on her own and followed after me. He found me just outside, sitting on the beach, staring at the ocean. He sat beside me and stared out to sea with me. Neither of us spoke, and with no one else around, the sounds of the crashing waves were the only sound between us.
"You still thinking about Gabby?" Braydon finally broke the silence.
Feelings of emptiness crept into me as my chest tightened. Flashbacks of how much Gabriella loved the beach play in my mind, making me feel worse. As the memories played, I attempted to mask my pain with a fake smile.
"I miss her, and I wish I had juggled my life better and that Gabby was the one thing I didn't drop." I wiped a single tear from my cheek. I continued lowering my voice more with each word. "I'm not ready for another serious relationship, and I know I may never be." I barely whisper the last part.
Braydon placed a comforting arm around me. "I get it. When Quinn and I broke up, I felt the same way. I spent so much time picking up the shattered piece of my life. I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready for another serious relationship, and I wished I had juggled my life better too. I'm still juggling and dropping stuff I wish I hadn't."
The corners of my mouth went up slightly, knowing I wasn't the only one feeling broken. "Everything's OK for you now," I whispered.
"I wouldn't say everything's OK. They're better." He went pointing out how I'd changed in the last two years. "And they're better for you too. Two years ago, you wouldn't even come out of your room. Now you're here at the beach with our family. You may need time alone, but you're here. You go on dates. It may not be anything serious, but you aren't locked in your room. Take it from someone who's been there; you'll come out on the other side. And what you find, you may even like better than what was left behind."
I chuckled at my brother's rhyme. Braydon always knew how to get me to smile. "Thanks."
"Any time, and don't worry so much about Sharon. I remember you had a sparkly pink classmate who couldn't take a hint, either. Eventually, she took a hint, and now you are friends. So, just start by being friends. It will all work out if you two are meant to be."
Madyson called us back for help with the ice cream. I wanted time alone again. I need to figure some things out and clear my head. Braydon and Madyson agreed after I assured them I wouldn't do anything stupid or dangerous.
My family was at it again when I returned. Everyone had finished their ice cream and was throwing out suggestions for activities. The boys wanted sports, and the girls wanted anything but sports. Since everyone was suggesting something at once, their talking overlapped with each other. I felt like I was watching a repeat of this morning, minus the scene change and extra person.
I blew a loud whistle silencing everyone. "I saw a sandcastle building contest flier just down the beach when I was walking alone earlier. There's something for everyone, and the winners get their pictures taken. It should be starting in like 30 minutes."
Everyone loved the idea and started bouncing ideas off each other as we went to sign up. Sharon walked closer to me and slipped her hand into mine. We began to lag behind everyone else, but Sharon didn't seem to care.
"You're family's really great, Troy. I really like them; they're super friendly. Well, most of them are friendly." Sharon leaned in closer. It made me uncomfortable, but she didn't seem to notice. "Any idea how I can win your sister over thought?"
I whipped my head in her direction. "A seems to like you just fine. Just don't call her A. That's kind of her thing with me."
Sharon let out a small chuckle. "If it were Aspen, I wouldn't be so confused or scared. But isn't Madyson too old for the jealousy thing?"
I wiggled a little, trying to free myself. Sharon clung on tighter, and I gave in. "Sonny isn't jealous; she's just worried about me. Come to think of it, my entire family tends to worry about me."
Sharon walked straighter. "Don't tell me it's because your life is here and they're not."
I chuckled. "No," I shook my head. "Good guess, though."
"So, why does your family worry so much?"
I hesitated, debating if I should tell her. "Clips notes version, I gave my family a really good scare as a newborn."
"Oh," She started getting the picture. "And your family's been worrying about you since."
"Pretty much. Madyson is a sweetheart with a sunny personality. That's how she got her name. She's not going to do anything to you."
"I'll hold you to that." She smiled, leaning in again.
My senses heightened, causing me to jump. For a second, I wanted to run and create as much distance between us as possible. Placing my free hand on hers, I was about to push her away, but something stopped me. I thought back to Braydon's advice earlier. Maybe we could be friends, even if we aren't together.
Mom handed us each a bucket. "Great, you two made it. We're all signed up, and you two are in charge of the shell collecting."
Sharon nodded as she took a bucket from my mom. I opened my mouth, ready to object, but Madyson stepped in.
"Thanks," Madyson took a bucket from her. "I would love to go shell hunting with my little brother."
Sharon blinked with a blank look on her face. It was impossible to know what Sharon was thinking or feeling. I held my breath, waiting to see what would happen.
Everyone else was looking just as confused. Invisible questions hung over our heads.
Time seemed to stand still as we all watched and waited for either of the girls to make a move. After what seemed like forever, Sharon finally eased up.
Relief washed over me as I let out the breath I was holding. Madyson took the other bucket from our mom before me off up the beach.
"Come on." I heard Joel talking to Sharon, "I need a partner to help me collect some rocks."
I watched as Joel and Sharon headed in the other direction. Madyson's voice snapped me out of my thoughts and landed me back in reality. We started walking again.
"Thanks for that back there." I started saying. "I don't think you're Sharon's favorite person, though."
Madyson had a smirk look on her face. "Well, I'll keep that in mind next time mom and dad want to give you two time alone."
"You wouldn't," I replied, smiling at her. "You love me too much."
"You're way too smart for your own good." She ruffled my hair like when we were kids. "But it's great to see you smiling again today. It's been a long time since we've seen your smile."
I dropped a shell into my bucket. "Spending a family day at the beach has been fun." I paused for a second. "I haven't had that much fun in a long time."
Madyson dropped the shell she had in her hand into the bucket. She stopped and turned towards me. "Are you not enjoying being in the NBA?"
I blew out a breath staring out at the ocean. Madyson's question repeated in my mind. How do I explain to my family? I've been trying to figure it out since our parents first asked me a similar question.
I headed for a nearby rock and took a seat. Madyson took a seat next to me and set her pail down. She encouraged me to talk after we stared out at the ocean for a while.
"I love being in the NBA. It's just not what I envisioned."
Madyson raised a brow. "What did you envision."
I blew out a raspberry. "Well, for one, not as hard as it's been…..or weird. I've always been captain. Now that I'm not….."
"You feel weird," Madyson concluded.
I frowned, nodding slightly. "I feel like I'm trying to play catch up with my team and failing miserably. If that makes sense."
"Hey, chin up, little bro. So, you're not captain; being in the NBA is already a huge accomplishment." Madyson encouraged in her usual bright, happy tone. "Not being the best doesn't mean for a second that you failed. Sometimes it's good to enjoy what life beings."
"Like how we enjoy today and spending time with our family." I pointed out.
"Exactly. Just enjoy playing in the NBA, and don't worry so much about being captain." She suggested, "that'll happen if and when it does. Not a second more."
I hugged her. "I'll try."
She gave me an evil grin like she was planning something. "Good, now race you back."
I gasped, pretending to be shocked. Both of us took off with our buckets at hand. We were roaring with laughter when we stopped in front of our parents.
Mom took the buckets from us and set us up with another task. Not surprisingly, she wanted me to help Sharon with the buckets of water. This time I wasn't so against spending time with Sharon, and Madyson picked up on the sign I gave her.
"Hey, need some help?" I asked, taking the pails full of water.
She beamed from ear to ear with a twinkle in her eyes. "Hey, stranger. Love some help. You sure it's OK with your sister."
I chuckled. "I promise, if she weren't, you would've already heard from her."
She pretended to be upset. "That doesn't surprise me."
I dumped the water into the sand and packed the wet sand into the bucket. I noticed that my family was having fun and enjoying each other's company as we worked together. Everyone was laughing and smiling, not at all caring what the other sandcastles looked like or if we won. We both laughed, and I realized I felt pretty comfortable around Sharon for the first time.
"Five minutes." The judge warned. "Please put on the final touches now."
Looking around, I noticed the other castles around us for the first time. There were larger ones and ones with excellent details. They were outstanding too. Everyone was going all out to win. I started worrying that we might not win.
Five minutes later, the judges called time and came around to check out all the castles. Disappointment hit me hard when the judges announced the winning castle.
A sizeable three-story castle with a moat and bridge, of all things. That family came to win, and their spectacular detailed castle proved it.
Comparing our two castles, I felt like we really fell short. There was so much more we could've done or added. I had failed and let my family down again. Failure seems to be the only thing I am good at now.
It was pretty late in the afternoon after the competition. Some of the other beachgoers were starting to leave. Feeling the burnout of a full day at the beach, we all agreed it was time to call it a day and head home.
"Troy, what's with the sour face?" Madyson wondered as she helped gather our stuff.
"We lost," I grumbled. "Our castle doesn't even hold a candle to the winning one. Once again, I fail, and I let everyone down."
Madyson looked at me like I'd lost my marbles. "Troy, take a look around." She gestured towards everyone. "Does anyone even seem remotely upset to you? Because everyone seems OK to me."
Madyson was right. Everyone was still smiling and laughing. No one cared that we didn't win. I was the only one that felt like we failed.
"Not in the slightest," I stated.
"That's because we're all here to have fun." She reminded me, "remember, enjoy the time, and don't worry about being the best."
I sighed. "I guess it's not going to be as easy as I thought to no longer be the best."
"You'll get there." She encouraged me and handed me some of the building materials. "In the meantime, you can help with all this."
Mom stopped us and gathered us around. "Let's get a photo."
We all gathered around the castle with broad smiles on our faces. We took another one with everyone making goofy faces before heading back.
Watching my family head back, I felt grateful for them. I was glad to have them to lean on, and even though it didn't feel like everything was going to be OK, I knew somehow I would be as long as I had them.
