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Chapter 5- Silence is Violent
Tonks was finishing up her dinner at the Three Broomsticks when Rosmerta came up to her table. "This letter came for you." She stated while handing her the note.
"Thanks." Tonks open the letter and read:
Nymphadora,
Night patrol starts precisely at 10p.m and ends at 2a.m. You have been assigned to patrol the sixth and seventh floor corridor. If a student is out of bed you're to deduct 10 points from their house. Send a Patronus if you need assistance getting into the castle or throughout the night. I will check-in with you when your duty has concluded.
Sincerely,
Severus Snape
Tonks glanced at her watch and noticed that it was half passed nine. She finished up eating and made her way to Honeydukes.
On her way to patrol the castle, Tonks was filled with dread. Her goal for the night is to ignore Snape. He crossed the line by the entrance gates earlier. Even though he was right, it was still wrong of him to insult her like that, especially in front of Harry.
The silent halls of Hogwarts did nothing but make things harder for Tonks. There were no students out of bed and that made the night awfully dull. The upside of the night was that Snape was nowhere in sight.
Tonks was glad to be assigned the seventh floor corridor. One of her favorite places in Hogwarts was the Astronomy Tower. The breathtaking view of the grounds sent tingles up her spine. Patrolling the castle at night reminded Tonks of her guard duty in the Department of Mysteries. Of course the joyful memories she had from last year were now taken over by darkness. Anytime Tonks reminisced in her happiest memories, she felt like she was immediately slammed into a brick wall. Not only did her memories last year include Remus, but Sirius as well.
She decided to take a break. She stood up by the railing admiring the stars. While looking at the view, Tonks lost herself in a painful yet blissful memory.
*****Flashback*****
Tonks was trying hard not to fall asleep on her first assignment for the Order. She was about to doze off when a quiet noise startled her. Tonks stood up quickly and had her wand at the ready. She stealthy walked through the hall of prophecies. She was getting closer to the area where the sound came from and said, "I know your there, reveal yourself."
About that time Remus pulled his invisibility cloak off and assured, "It's just me, Remus Lupin."
"How do I know for sure?" Tonks asked. She was in paranoid Auror mode, Mad Eye would be impressed.
"You trip on the troll leg umbrella stand at headquarters every time you're there." Remus answered correctly.
Tonks blushed while she lowered her wand and asked, "Why are you here, Remus?"
"I was sent here to check on you." He replied.
"I don't need anyone checking up on me. I am a trained Auror for merlin's sake." Tonks ranted. Remus could see her frustration. "Does the Order not trust me or something?"
Lupin's face softened and confessed, "It's nothing like that Nymphadora. We always send an Order member to check on another on their first guard duty. I hope you're not offended. Alastor told me that if he came you would throw a fit, so he sent me."
"Well the only thing that offends me is the use of my first name." Tonks assured.
Remus felt terrible, he immediately apologized, "Forgive me, Tonks." He smiled and wondered why she didn't want to be called Nymphadora. "If you don't mind me asking, why don't you like to be called Nymphadora?"
"Are you seriously asking me that?" Tonks blurted. She didn't mean to sound rude; she just thought it was obvious why she would rather be called Tonks.
"I'm serious, Nymphadora is a beautiful name. It is actually the prettiest name I have heard in a while." Remus confessed.
Tonks reddened. No one had ever called her name beautiful before. "Well I think it is a horrid name. I used to get picked on at school, mainly the boys. I think it's something to do with the Nymph part."
Remus chuckled. "I could see how the warped minded would think that way. It actually means a spirit of nature, like a fairy. Your pink hair reminds me of one you know." He was so taken with her. She is a unique person and it fascinated him.
"Thank you, but I still prefer Tonks." She admitted. Remus nodded with acknowledgment.
"Well I better go, I see that you are doing just fine on your own. Sorry to disturb you." Remus stated. He turned around to leave when he felt Tonks' hand on his shoulder.
"Actually I was trying hard not to fall asleep. It gets awfully boring in here, would you like to stay and keep me company? I would like to get to know you better, Remus." Tonks suggested.
"I guess I could, after all I would like to know you better as well, Dora." Remus was worried that she would get angry at him for not calling her Tonks.
"Dora….umm...it sounds good when you say it. I guess I can live with that." Tonks smiled. She couldn't help but to grin. There was something about him that stirred the butterflies in her tummy. For the rest of the night, Remus and Tonks sat down and got to know each other. The last thing they would expect was in a few short weeks they would become more than friends.
"Nymphadora." A deep voice chimed in, but it wasn't Remus calling her name. It was Snape. Immediately Tonks' jumped with alarm. She turned her head away to wipe her tear stained eyes. "Did I interrupt something?" Snape sneered.
"Not at all, just doing some thinking. What brings you up here?" Tonks asked. She didn't want to act like anything was wrong.
Snape walked closer to her and stated, "I was coming to check in. Were there any students out of bed?"
Even though she was angry at him for earlier, she decided to be polite. He did after all help her last night. "Nope, not a single one."
Tonks saw a look of dissatisfaction on Snape's face. "How disappointing."
"You find so much joy out of punishing students." Tonks said jokingly. Snape was surprised that she was actually being civil, particularly after the way he treated her outside the gates. In his past experiences, Tonks usually was on the defensive side when it came to conversations with him.
Snape decided to return the civility and retort, "It amuses me. Doing this for fourteen years gets melancholy after a while." He knew it was completely out of character for him to be considerate like this, but he knew she was in a feeble state.
"I don't see how you do this night after night. It was hard enough being on guard duty for Dumbledore last year and that was once a week. There were times when Remus would-" She stopped herself mid-sentence. Her voice cracked after the mention of his name. She was on the verge of tears.
Snape noticed the internal struggle Tonks was facing; he wanted to avoid the awkwardness. He decided to confess, "I essentially enjoy the silence. Being around hundreds of students gets raucous, I tend to struggle getting my thoughts in order."
"I could see how that would drive you mental. Right now, I need a distraction from my thoughts." Tonks gave him a smirk. It made her respect Snape more because he didn't antagonize her feelings like he did earlier. Deep down she wondered why he was being like this.
"Sometimes silence is violent, but yet bliss." Snape admitted. There was an awkward pause. Snape did the only thing he knew to do, try to leave and avoid her. "Your duty is over; I will see you the same time tomorrow." He turned around, but before he made it to the stairs, Tonks stopped him.
She knew that she needed to thank him for last night, but was to prideful to do so. Instead she decided to ask him about when they were at the gates earlier. "What did you mean when you said my Patronus was weak? In front of Harry… earlier by the gates.
Snape turned around and answered, "All of our Patronus's are weak. They are conjured from our greatest weakness. Now if you'll excuse me, I have-"
"What do you mean by our greatest weakness? If you've bothered to listen you'd know they're our greatest strength." Tonks was confused by Snape's logic.
"They are born from love, from what lies deep within our hearts. Essentially, what makes of weak. You, no doubt, would understand that by now." Snape couldn't help but go back to his old arrogant ways. One of his provocations is oblivious people.
Tonks somewhat agreed, but that logic was against everything Dumbledore had taught her. "Haven't you been listening to Dumbledore? Love is Voldemort's greatest weakness; it's all we have."
"What happens when lose it?" Snape saw the loss of faith in Tonks' expression.
She was finally catching on. Love is the greatest weakness, for the reason that when something happens to those one holds most dear, they fall apart completely. Tonks understood everything he was saying and it made perfect sense. She understands him because she is lonely and hurt, but she would have never considered this logic six months ago. She thought, he thinks this way because he has never known anything else. She said, "It's better to experience love at least once than not at all."
"I have known such feelings, and rarely do I find that it works out for the better." Snape mocked.
"You talk like a Death Eater." Tonks was half joking and half serious by her statement.
Snape raised his eyebrows slowly, and his face became much bitterer. He turned and left without another word.
Tonks thought about what he said. She tried to put her thoughts in order. She didn't want to give Snape the satisfaction, but he was completely right. Why had she not seen it before? She is in love with Remus and as soon as he broke her heart she began to fall apart. All her memories of him are drenched in pain because he doesn't want her.
And then everything fell into place. He is pushing her away.
Remus is acting this way because he is grieving. He doesn't want to get close to anyone because he doesn't want to feel the pain of losing them. He had already lost his parents, James, Lily, and now, Sirius. She felt that familiar tingle in her scalp. She couldn't help but wonder if her powers were back.
When she made it back to her room she walked over to the mirror. She closed her eyes and imagined her hair being purple, but no tingle. She tried for about five minutes, but still nothing. Her hair remained the normal mousey brown she loathed.
Crawling into bed that night, Tonks couldn't help but wonder. Maybe Remus does still love her and is just pushing her away because of pain. She might still have a chance. She also couldn't help but wonder, is there more to Snape than what meets the eye. Is it possible that Snape had been in love? Tonks had to find out. What she didn't realize was that her hair was tingling because she was confident in her logic and she had one person to thank for that, Severus Snape.
