A/N: In memory of Alan Rickman, I posted my favorite chapter so far. You will be greatly missed and never forgotten. Please review or at least follow.

Chapter 6- Anguish and Understanding

The next two nights went completely different. When Snape would check in with Tonks it would be awkward and short as expected. They barely even made contact with one another. The night of the Order meeting, Snape was on his way to Dumbledore's office. Before the meeting, Snape wanted to give Dumbledore a potion to ease the pain. When he made it to the headmaster's office, he was sitting at his desk writing something.

"Good evening, Severus."

"Evening Headmaster, I can return later if you're busy?"

"Nonsense, I was just editing my Will." Dumbledore replied with a smile.

Snape felt uneasy at his words. He knew that he was the one that would be ending his life in less than eight short months. Snape still had not fully accepted it. Pushing his personal feelings aside, Snape pulled the vial out of his robe. "I brought a potion to help comfort the pain."

"Oh Severus, please stop distressing over me. There is no need; I'm already marked for death." Dumbledore stated casually.

Snape's expression went cold. He tried hard to resist the pain it caused him inside. "Excuse me for trying to aid you to enjoy the time we have left. There's no logic in living with pain when you have options."

Dumbledore had an odd demeanor on his face. "We? Last time I checked, Severus, you aren't the one with the expiration date." Dumbledore asked confused. Dumbledore always had a hard time reading Snape's logic due to not being able to perform Legilimency on him.

"When this goes down Dumbledore you know that I'm as good as dead. The war will begin and I will either die as a casualty or go to Azkaban. You won't be around to prove my innocence this time." Snape detailed. He knew he didn't stand a chance. Not to mention he would lose all the acquaintances he had gained as a teacher.

Dumbledore knew there is no way to convince Snape once he is set in his ways, so he didn't bother challenging him. "You're probably right." Dumbledore agreed.

"Here, just drink this. It will help ease the pain. The Order will be here in a couple of hours and the last thing they need to see is their leader in discomfort. Times like these people look to their leaders for strength." Snape demanded as he handed Dumbledore the goldish liquid vial. Dumbledore drank the potion and Snape could see his body relax.

"You are a great person, Severus. Why can't you make the best of the time you have left?" Dumbledore asked.

"How am I to do that?" Severus replied cynically. He didn't know where to begin. He has nothing and no one. Everyone, a part from Death Eaters hates him and he knew why.

"Well for starters you can talk to someone. Let someone besides me, see the good in you." Dumbledore stated.

"Why so they can expect good from me? Pardon me Headmaster, but I don't want to live up to someone's expectations just to disappoint them." Snape answered darkly.

"It doesn't hurt to give it a try." Dumbledore responded with a grin.

"I'll see you at the meeting." Snape stated. He spun around dramatically and left Dumbledore's office, his robe swaying behind him.

It was nearly midnight and Tonks made her way through the One-Eyed Witch passageway heading to Dumbledore's office for the meeting. She wondered nervously if Remus was going to be there. When she arrived almost everyone was there. Tonks looked around and noticed that Remus was absent. She was in a way relieved, but also downhearted. She actually hoped there was still a chance to win him back.

Tonks was on her way to Molly when Dumbledore spoke, "While we wait for my staff and others, I would like to welcome you all…Ah Severus, Minerva, Hagrid did you have any trouble letting people into the grounds." Tonks looked up and saw Snape, Hagrid, and Professor McGonagall walk through the door.

"No, we just had to use the back gate by Hagrid's." McGonagall replied.

"Aurors are all over the place." Hagrid added.

Tonks immediately felt as though her body was plunged into ice water. Following Snape was Remus Lupin. He looked terrible. He had a grey like complexion. Tonks immediately realized the full moon must be tomorrow night. They locked eyes for a brief second, and then he turned his head. Tonks tried not to stare at him, but found it extremely difficult. What Tonks didn't realize was that Snape couldn't keep his eyes off of her.

Snape could see the pain and lust flow through her body. He knew exactly what that felt like. All those years he spent aching over Lily as she fell in love with his worst enemy, knowing it was his stupidity that pushed her into Potter's arms. Watching someone else go through the same situation was almost as painful as going through it all over again.

"Thank you all for coming tonight. At this point, nowhere, but Hogwarts is safe. At any time we can be followed or discovered. On that note, Alastor wishes to say a few words." Dumbledore stated as he turned to Moody.

"Thanks Albus. Make sure you have the right enchantments over your home. Also never send any messages through post. Your Patronus is for all means of communication to Order members. There are too many death eaters in high ranks in the Ministry. Trust NO ONE, BUT other Order members. Always ask your chosen security questions to ensure they are truly themselves." Moody rambled then sat down without a proper sign off.

Dumbledore gave a nod, "Thank you dear friend. Now, Severus is there any particular news you have from the Death Eaters?"

Snape stood up and informed, "As of now, the Dark Lord is recruiting. He has already acquired Ogres and Dementors on his side. The giants are still torn between sides. He is having Death Eaters follow and capture ministry officials to gain followers from fear or the Imperius curse. Caution to all, never travel alone."

"Thank you Severus. How is the progress with the werewolves, Remus?" Dumbledore asked.

"No luck yet. Fenrir Greyback is promising them a lot of incentives for joining the Death Eaters. There are still maybe some wolves out there that we might be able to persuade."

"What kind of incentives is he promising them?" McGonagall questioned.

"Full range to hunt wherever and whoever they desire." Remus answered with an uncomfortable disgusting look on his face."

"Thank you for your sacrifices Remus." Dumbledore added.

A few others talked before the meeting was at a close. As soon as Dumbledore finished the meeting, Remus headed straight for the door. Snape had to report to patrolling the hall and left right behind him. Snape wanted to say something to him, but refrained. They walked in different directions when Snape heard Tonks' voice.

Tonks noticed that Remus was nowhere in sight. She couldn't believe that he would just leave without a word to her. Tonks couldn't ignore him she had to speak with him. She ran down the hall after him. "Remus… Remus….. REMUS!" He finally turned around with annoyance. "So you're just going to leave without saying a word to me?" Tonks confessed.

Remus turned around admitted, "I thought it would be easier if I just left."

"How would that make anything easier?" Tonks questioned with confusion.

Without eye contact, Remus explained, "I don't want to give you false hope. I thought you would understand."

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand. Now you don't even want to be friends, or even acknowledge my existence for that matter. What else do you want to take from me?" Tonks cried. Tears were filling her eyes.

"I don't want to take anything from you Dora. I just want you to move on and understand that it's better off this way. As long as I am a part of your life you will never move on."

"What if I don't want to move on? Maybe I only want you. Maybe there isn't room for anyone else." Tonks pleaded in between sobs. "I know you are pushing me away because you don't want to lose anyone else, but I can't live without you."

There were many things he wanted to say. It pained Remus to bottle up his feelings for her. It took every ounce of his being to not grab her and comfort her. What crimpled him even more was the fact that he had to crush her already vulnerable state. "You just have to get over it. Don't you see? I don't want to be a part of your life."

Tonks lost all control and shouted, "I am in so much pain. You are in my every waking thoughts and haunting my dreams at night. Why can't you see that you're tearing me a part?"

He lost all patience. How could she be this immature? He confessed harshly, "Open your eyes, Dora. I'm hurting too. You deserve better than me. I can't provide for you. I can't give you a family. I'm too old, too poor, and too dangerous. You deserve everything in life including someone whole, not used up like me. I will not deprive you any longer. I'm choosing this for you and I will not change my mind."

"What gives you the right to make decisions for me?" Tonks ordered.

Remus finally broke. A tear streamed down his cheek and he pretended not to notice. "One day when you move on and you'll realize just how right I am. Until then, stay away from me."

Tonks was speechless. Before she could get ahold of herself, he turned around and walked away. As he disappeared into the distance, she fell to her knees and buried her face into her palms. Snape couldn't help but eavesdrop in the adjacent hallway. He wanted to help her get as far away from here as possible. All the sudden, he heard talking down the hall. The other Order members were leaving Dumbledore's office. He contemplated helping her, knowing full well that the Order members had to walk down this way. Without thinking… he walked up behind her and helped her off the ground.

"C'mon Nymphadora, get up. Let's get you out of here before someone sees you." Snape demanded.

Tonks was so disoriented that she didn't even realize what was going on. Snape held her around the waist and guided her to his new DADA office, knowing it was the closest private location to hide. He sat her down at his desk and pulled out his wand. Accio mead… As fast as the incantation left his lips a bottle of scotch appeared in his spare hand. He opened the bottle and sat it on the table. They locked eyes with understanding and he left the room without another word.

Tonks grabbed the bottle of mead and pressed it to her lips. She couldn't even taste it; the mead went down as smooth as silk. A bottle of mead and an hour later, Tonks was passed out on Professor Snape's desk.

After his guard duty he stopped in to check on her. To be expected, Tonks was exactly how Snape thought she would be. He picked her up in a cradled position and carried her to his private quarters. She kept mumbling repeatedly, "It's not fair." He placed her on his couch; he knew she would find it strange to wake up in his bed. He sat a vial of pepper-up potion on the coffee table next to her that read, "Drink this."

He covered her up with a blanket, but before he left her side, she slowly grabbed his hand and whispered, "Thank you."

Not used to this sort of act of kindness, Snape didn't respond. Her hand went limp again and he walked away to his bedroom. Memories flooded his mind of when he was in this situation and how he wished someone would've been kind enough to help him in his time of anguish.