A/N: I'm keeping Sonic a dude. Need someone to be Saitama's 'rival'. Plus, the nut shot is way too funny to pass up. As for the start of this chapter, it's gonna get weird and/or possibly kinky. Flame me if you want, but I just couldn't help myself. Brace yourselves for more bullshit monster physics!
Everyone had gathered in Vaccine Girl and Sub Queen's shared apartment to address Vaccine Girl's...dietary decision. Genos silently observed, Saitama hummed in thought, and Vaccine Girl groaned in annoyance from atop her swollen stomach. A stomach that a semi-decently dressed Beast and Sub Queen kept poking for kicks.
"Will you two knock it off?" she growled at them.
"You're kidding, right?" Beast Queen snickered as she poked her finger deep into the bloated loli's stomach, making it ripple and sway from the action.
"You should've asked Saitama for some food to go." Sub Queen giggled before jumping when her stomach surged towards her, making her flinch back in surprise. "I guess they're still alive?"
"Yeah. Stubborn bastard." she sighed before flinching as her belly bulged a few more times.
"And...you're positive it's not a human in there?" Saitama asked.
"For the last time! It's not a human!" she said in aggrivation. "It was some monster called Tar!"
"Okay." Saitama nodded before turning to Genos. "And you found her walking this way on your way home?"
"Correct, though she looked to be having a difficult time dragging her stomach along the ground." the cyborg answered.
"PFFT!" Beast Queen let out through her tightly clamped maw. The Subterranean Queen wasn't faring any better, seeing as one set of arms were hugging her ribs, one hand was clamped over her own mouth, and her final hand was being used to prevent her from falling over.
"It's not funny!" Vaccine Girl snarled. "And when I asked for your help getting back here, I didn't mean to freaking roll me all the way here!"
And that was the last straw.
"AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" Beast Queen and Sub Queen couldn't help themselves as they laughed themselves silly, the images they were getting from her story too funny not to laugh at.
"My ribs! MY RIBS!" Beast Queen chortled. "I HAVE GOT TO TELL MOSQUITO GIRL AND THE OTHERS!"
"S-STOP! NO MORE! PLEASE!" The Subterranean Queen begged, tears of laughter escaping all three of her eyes.
"FUCK YOU CUNTS!" Vaccine Girl roared before punching her own gut when it lurched again. "AND WOULD YOU HURRY UP AND DIGEST IN THERE?!"
"Why did you eat him in the first place?" Saitama asked. Vaccine Girl took a few deep breaths to calm down, but waited until the other two stopped laughing before she began.
"He tried to suffocate me with his tar. He left after I stopped kicking, but I got up afterwards when I couldn't hear his footsteps. Turns out, polluted air works wonderfully for me. Plus, I got a bit in my mouth when I screamed and swallowed without thinking." she began, a smile back on her face. "Not only did I feel stronger from it, but it actually tasted pretty good."
"You like tar?" Saitama blinked.
"It may be because of what type of monster she is, Master." Genos surmized.
"Whatever the reason, the more I ate, the stronger I felt. Not a lot, but more than what I had earlier." Vaccine Girl said with a shrug before continuing. "Anyway, after eating what he covered my face with, I followed his footprints to where he was scaring some humans. We got into an arguement and he tried to kill me again. Guess where that got you?" She directed the question to her swollen gut, which groaned and swayed in response.
"So...how exactly are you fitting him in there?" Beast Queen asked, her finger poking the bloated monster's stomach.
"Remember when we first met?" she asked Saitama. "How I grew bigger before you punched me?"
"Something like that." he said as he vaguely remembered the fight. Boring fights ended with one punch didn't really stick out in his mind.
"Well, with all the tar he was flinging, I managed to swallow enough to enable a half-assed transformation. Nothing like how I used to be, but enough to finally grab the guy and shove him down my throat!" she finished as her belly lurched forward, causing her to flail her arms as she tipped over before landing on her face. Genos pushed her back up while the other two monsters laughed anew. "Thanks." she muttered before sighing. "Unfortunately, I didn't think it through at that moment. I began losing energy and reverted back to this tiny form. Sadly, Tar didn't shrink with me."
"And then you starting dragging yourself home before Genos found you and rolled you the rest of the way here." Saitama finished with a nod. "So what now?"
"Well, I may be skipping breakfast tomorrow." she said as she looked down at her stomach. "...and lunch...and maybe dinner."
"Does that mean you don't want that plate we saved for you?" Beast Queen asked curiously.
"Does this look like a stomach that has any room for food?!" Vaccine Girl snapped as she slapped her hands on her stomach. She had expected her fellow monsters to laugh at her misery.
Grrrrrooooaoar!
Instead, everyone present merely backed away from her suddenly expanding form.
"No!" Sub Queen answered fearfully as Vaccine Girl continued to swell. "It looks like a stomach that's getting ready to blow!"
"RUN!" Beast Queen yelled as she and the others ran for the door.
"HELP! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?!" Vaccine Girl shrieked in panic as the door slammed shut.
"I suggest covering your ears!" Genos yelled as he did just that, with everyone else following his lead.
"...any second now." Beast Queen mumbled, her hands clamped over her ears. "...aaaany second..." She finally cracked one eye open, then both and blinked. "Nothing happened? No boom? No splat? No overly loud pop?"
"I don't know if that's a relief or not." the Subterranean Queen said as they all looked at the door.
"Hey! You okay in there?" Saitama asked after knocking on the door.
"I'm fine...sort of." came a response. They all looked at the door before Genos grabbed the handle.
"I can't look." Beast Queen said as she closed her eyes. She could hear the door open and...
"Oooooh...wooow." Sub Queen said intelligently. Beast Queen finally opened her eyes...then her jaw hit the floor.
"I...that...but...how?" she stuttered out, her mind failing to process the sight before her. The sight being Vaccine Girl's stomach having bloated over thrice it's previous size. When she did finally realize it wasn't her mind playing tricks...
"HOLY FUCKSHIT!" she roared.
"Vaccine Woman?" Saitama asked in a non-forced calm tone. Considering all the monsters he's ever fought before, this wasn't really anything special. "You okay?"
"I feel a little b-bloated." they heard her grunt from up top.
"What exactly just happened?" Genos asked, his eyes scanning her inflated form.
"I think *URP* that he just tried filling me with tar until I exploded." she said as she stared down at her belly. "Don't know how I'm alive. Don't care."
"Like you said before, you were able to transform into a larger version of yourself." Genos began, gaining their attention. "Perhaps your body instinctively grew to counter this attempt on your life?"
"Like I said. Don't know, don't care." Vaccine Girl repeated.
"Well, as long as you're alright, then that's fine." Saitama said before lightly tapping her stomach. "Although, it doesn't look like you'll be leaving your apartment for awhile."
"Forgive me for arguing with you, but this may not be the end." the Subterranean Queen protested. "What if he tries and fills her with even more tar later on?!"
"He won't." Genos suddenly stated, his eyes scanning the contents of her stomach. "I can sense no lifesigns from within her. It may be that the tar held within his body was released upon his death. Or perhaps he mistakenly killed himself in a final desperate attempt to escape."
"Either way, he's finally dead." Vaccine Girl sighed in relief. "About time. I was tired of him kicking around in there."
"I think that now would be a good time to call it a night." Beast Queen suggested.
"What?! Don't leave me like this!" Vaccine Girl snapped, her stomach rippling and gurgling from her frantic movement. "What am I supposed to do with all this?!"
"Shut up and digest." Sub Queen ordered while the others left for their respective homes, leaving the two roommates alone in their now-too-small room.
"Think I can join you up-"
"No! I am not letting you use me as your bed!" Vaccine Girl growled before resting her head on her own belly.
"Darn."
-Morning-
Vaccine Girl groaned as her eyes fluttered open. She immediately shut them to keep the sun from her eyes.
"Stupid sun." she groaned as she tried to remember what happened yesterday. "I left to walk around in a disguise. Met a tar monster. Nearly died from him. Ate the tar he placed on my head. Confronted him. Ate him..." Her eyes flew open at that last thought. "I ate him!"
"Every bite."
She jumped and turned to see Sub Queen lying on her own futon, which she got when she asked Genos for one since Saitama gave Vaccine Girl the spare. The sword wielding monster was smiling as she stood up and looked down at her roommate, and hand held out to her. "Come on. We should let the others know you're alright."
"I am?" she asked as she accepted the hand before looking down at her unbloated self. "I am! I must've digested the tar! YES!" she shouted as she hugged her flat self. She blinked as she felt something rub against her arms mid-hug. She looked down to see, to her delight, two small lumps appearing under her nightshirt. "My body's grown!"
"I thought you looked a little taller." Sub Queen chuckled as she patted Vaccine Girl's head. "Think you can survive out there on your own now?"
"Hmm." Vaccine Girl hummed, her expression shifting to one of deep contemplation before looking back up at her. "Nah. I'm gonna wait until I'm fully back to normal."
"Very well." Sub Queen nodded before giving off a pout that Vaccine Girl knew to be fake. "Shame though. I thought I could have this room to myself." She chuckled as Vaccine Girl jumped at her, knocking her down as she began to hit her with playful punches.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
Both of them jumped and defensive at the sound of someone screaming-
"I WILL NOT PLAY ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS WITH YOU! YOU'VE GOT A BOOGER ON YOUR FINGERRRR!"
Before sagging with a groan after that sentence.
"I don't think there's anything out there that's scarier than whatever he dreams of." Vaccine Girl groaned.
-Beast Queen-
Beast Queen groaned as she laid back down for a little extra shut-eye after Saitama's little outburst startled her awake.
"It's too early for this crap." she groaned as she rolled over. "How does that rocky bimbo and bloated midget handle this?" She started drifting back to sleep before her eyes shot open, her mind screeching to a halt before backtracing to last night. "Vaccine Girl!" she yelped as she rushed out the door and down the stairs. She practically tore the door off it's hinges with how hard she swung it open. "Hey! Are you..." she started before seeing Vaccine Girl posing in front of a mirror and examining her shrunken figure. "Wait? You're back to normal already?"
"Even better!" she said with a grin as she faced her, missing Sub Queen roll her three eyes good naturedly. "I grew a few inches!" Beast Queen croched down to closely examine her before rising back to her full height, a smile on her maw.
"I can tell." she said before her eyes widened in shock. "Oh crap!"
"What?" Vaccine Girl asked before looking down at herself. "Is there something on me?!"
"No!" she wailed, her hands grasping her head as she roared in misery. "I didn't get a chance to show Mosquito Girl or Armored Gorilla!"
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" the purple monster snapped furiously as she lunged at her, only for her flailing form to be held at bay by one of Beast Queen's hands. "YOU BETTER HOPE I NEVER GET BACK TO FULL STRENGTH! BECAUSE WHEN I DO, I'M GONNA SKIN YOU ALIVE AND USE YOUR HIDE A RUG!"
"And besides, it's been taken care of." Sub Queen said with a grin. "Genos is capable of storing anything he sees to a video, which he so generously agreed to copy for me later."
"I WILL BEAT YOU BACK INTO THE EARTH'S CRUST IF YOU DON'T ERASE IT!" Vaccine Girl roared as she changed target's, leaving Beast Queen the chance to laugh as the Subterranean Queen began running and dodging the little midget, the noise blocking the sound of Saitama's footsteps as he left his apartment.
-Meanwhile, In City-F-
"WAIT! HOLD ON! I JUST-I JUST WANTED TO GET OFF FROM WORKING! THAT'S ALL!" pleaded a bald, muscular, and naked man with a throwing star in the back of his head named Hammerhead. The other, our favorited bald hero, merely stared at him before lowering his arm, causing Hammerhead to flinch in fear.
"Don't be bad anymore." Saitama ordered casually, stunning the other man.
"What?! Wait, you're not gonna kill me?" Hammerhead asked in confusion.
"Get lost." Saitama responded, prompting the man to turn tail and run. Saitama sighed in relief as he accomplished what he set out to do. He didn't know where the Paradiser terrorists were, but that didn't matter with their leader defeated. Now he didn't have to worry about others calling him a terrorist.
"Guess I'll head home." he said before turning to leave.
"Where did Hammerhead run off to?"
Saitama stopped and turned to see a thin man in a ninja outfit glaring directly at him.
"There's no one else here but you." the man continued.
Saitama didn't respond at first before he pointed his finger in the direction Hammerhead ran off in.
"He was yelling and screaming while running off in that direction. Butt naked." he answered before his hand caught something a few inches from his face. "What's this thing?" he asked as he stared down at the throwing star, only to bring his other hand up and stop a blade mere millimeters from cutting his eye. "Hey. You got it wrong." he said before breaking the ninja's sword.
"What have I got wrong?" they asked after backing away.
"I know how this looks, but I'm not one of the Paradisers." Saitama explained.
"Liar." the ninja scoffed.
"No no! Don't be stupid! Look at me!" Saitama yelled, his voice actually sounding offended.
"Don't have to. With a bald head like that, there's no mistaking it." the ninja retorted.
"Come on! Really! Take a good look at me!" Saitama nearly begged. "I'm the guy who's out being a hero for fun! I'm not a-"
"Never heard of you."
Saitama almost felt himself withering away at the man's words, his face one of dejected sorrow.
"Oh...I see." he responded.
"Either way, it doesn't matter to me in the least." the ninja stated, a murderous aura practically shrouding his face. "You were able to read my attacks twice in a row! This is unacceptable!"
Saitama merely stared and listened to the man rant about a ninja village, training, and something or other.
'What's he talking about?' Saitama thought as the man neared the end of his monologue.
"My pride won't allow it. I don't care who you are!" the ninja said before speeding off behind Saitama. "I simply can't let you just walk away!"
"Oh come on." Saitama said, a smile on his face. "You just want to try out those honed and perfected moves on me. I can tell by that innocent smile on your face."
"HEHEHEHEHE!"
With a burst of speed, the ninja vanished from sight before zipping all around Saitama at speeds men were not meant to travel.
"What do you think of this speed that breaks the sound barrier? Of these shockwaves?!" he boasted from practically everywhere. "Can you even see me? HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY KEEP UP WITH ME?!"
Saitama said nothing as he stood in the clearing, the wind whipping his cape back and forth from the stranger's speed.
"Uh..." he spoke, prompting the ninja to finally lunge for him. "Can I go home?" he asked, his head turning to look right at him, startling the ninja.
"BASTARD! WIND BLADE KICK!" he roared as he spun in the air, using the moment to bring a devastating axe kick down on Saitama's head. What he didn't see coming was Saitama effortlessly dodging it while bringing his fist up.
"Checkmate." Saitama stated as the ninja came down. Everything seemed to go in slow-motion as Saitam's fists entered between the man's legs, leaving the ninja's nether regions to collide at the speed of sound. "Oops! Sorry! That was an accident!" Saitama apologized as the ninja jumped back into a crouch. "I didn't do that on purpose! I meant to stop, but your momentum carried my fist into your, um-"
"AAACCKKK! GACRK!
-ONE MOMENT WHILE THE AUTHOR LAUGHS HIMSELF SILLY-
"Listen." the ninja began, his gaze focused on the bald hero. "I've taken every job from assassin to bodyguard. I'm the deadly ninja: Speed-o-Sound Sonic! But for the time being, my work will be on hold. Now that I've found such a formidable opponent, I'm dedicating myself to training! Guh! Let me know your name!"
"It's Saitama." the baldy deadpanned.
"SAITAMA!" Sonic yelled from where he stood trembling, legs crossed, blue in the face, and sweating bullets. "Next time we meet, it'll be your demise!"
"...sure." Saitama agreed slowly.
"I, Speed-o-Sound Sonic, the ultimate ninja, will not rest until I have BROUGHT YOU DOWN!"
"Go train hard!" Saitama ordered with a clenched fist, his serious smile being less dramatic with the sweatdrop in the side of his head.
-Later, at Saitama's apartment-
Saitama had finally returned and was a moment away from entering his home, but was stopped when he heard someone approaching him. He turned to see Vaccine Girl standing there, I smile on her face as she walked towards him.
"HI!" she greeted.
"Hey. You're back to normal." he said.
"What gave it away? My lack of a stomach dragging on the ground?' she joked before spinning around, the sleeves of her shirt fluttering before she stopped and faced him. "Notice anything new?"
"Well, you're not naked." he said, earning a pout just as Saitama opened the door, revealing Genos, Beast Queen, and Sub Queen waiting inside.
"Welcome home, Master!" SQ and Genos greeted simultaneously while Beast Queen merely waved. Saitama merely groaned as he entered his home, kicked off his boots, and sat at his table.
"Something wrong?" Beast Queen asked. "You ran off before checking up on Vaccine Girl today."
"Sorry. Something came up on the news before I had a chance to." he groaned. He then explained to them about the Paradisers, them stealing his looks, defeating and releasing the leader, meeting Sonic, punching Sonic (he had to wait a moment for the monsters to stop laughing), and then him coming home.
"Speed-o-Sound Sonic? What kind of person would posess such a redundant name?" Genos asked.
"Don't know. He just said we were rivals and then took off." said Saitama.
"If he is bothering you Master, then I will get rid of him!" Genos offered.
"He's not a monster. Wouldn't that be murder?" SQ pondered aloud.
"I think Genos' answer to everything is to burn shit." Beast Queen joked.
"No. No one burn anyone or anything." Saitama ordered before glaring at them all. "As a matter of fact, I want everyone to please leave. And that means you too, Genos."
"Master, I must become strong to-"
"SHUT UP!" Saitama yelled, his fist slamming into, and leaving perfectly intact, the table. His face was shadowed as he stared wide eyed at the table, his voice low as he continued. "The events of today have pointed out a serious problem for me and I'm reeling from shock. So please, all of you go home."
"A serious problem? For somebody as great as you?! Please, tell me!" Genos begged, voicing the words of everyone else in the room. The tension was so thick, it would take one of Saitama's punches to breatk through it. Finally, Saitama revealed the problem he now faced.
"No one knows who I am."
Everyone's eyes widened at that as Saitama glanced up at them all.
"It's been right around three years since I decided to become a hero. I've beaten more monsters and evil organizations than anyone else out there. I've never even heard of anyone else doing half the stuff I've done! I mean, isn't it a little strange that I don't have any fans?!" His voice lowered as he kept speaking. "You know what he said to me? 'Never heard of you. Never'. On top of that, everyone else thought I was a terrorist! They forgot about how I beat those guys and all the other stuff I've done!"
"Are you serious?!" SQ asked incredulously. "You mean they don't know about you stopping my invasion?!"
"Or destroying the House of Evolution?!" Beast Queen added.
"Or stopping my rampage?!" Vaccine Girl finished.
"Nothing." Saitama groaned.
"Hold on." Genos whispered, catching their attention. "Master! Are you listed with the Hero Registry?"
A moment later had everyone looking over Saitama's shouders at the laptop Genos brought. It showed the Hero Association Home Page before Saitama clicked the icon regarding joining their ranks. He read that citizens could take a test and join if they scored high enough, and that all the heroes in the registry were certified pros. He sounded disheartened when he read the end that stated that self-proclaimed heroes were viewed as weirdos spouting nonsense and viewed with great suspicion.
"I had no idea." Saitama groaned.
"And here I thought humans couldn't get any more pathetic and stupid." Vaccine Girl sighed.
"If they're so great, then why not just recruit you after seeing your first act of heroism?" the Subterranean Queen wondered. Beast Queen merely growled while rubbing her face in aggravation.
"So Genos, are you listed?" Saitama sighed out.
"No. I found no need to join." Genos answered. Saitama looked up at him, his expression blank before cracking a smile.
"Hey, let's sign up! Go register with me and I'll make you my official desciple!" Saitama declared.
"Sounds like a plan!" Genos agreed.
A/N: The Hero Test is upon us! Also, if you want to see a monster or hero join, send in your suggestions through PMs or reviews.
