Disclaimer: I own no part of Teen Titans or DC comics in any fashion. I will make no money from this piece of fiction.
AN: This fic kinda falls into both the Teen Titans cartoon and touches on things that happen in the DC comic books. THIS DOES NOT MAKE THIS FICTION CANON IN ANY SETTTING.
It probably best fits in the Teen Titans cartoon universe. The characters are Dick Grayson (Robin) and Roy Harper (Speedy).I hope everyone enjoys it. Be sure to leave me reviews. Most of the fic focuses on Roy but there are points when the perspective changes to Dick's POV. The changes are labelled by the character's name.
This fic is based on a the song "Hate Me" by Blue October. Since does not allow songfics the full version with the song lyrics can be found at my live journal which is linked through my author profile.
Roy
His hand brushed the edge of the picture frame and Roy forced himself to stop throwing his things into his duffel bag only to stare around his nearly empty room. He had never thought that it would end like this. He never thought he would be leaving the closest thing that he had to a family because he had overstepped his bounds and done something stupid. He should have known that what he had with the Titans was too good to last, that it was too good for someone who had screwed up as many times as he had. They were bound to get tired of his antics and leave him on his own just like everyone else had. His parents had left him, Ollie had neglected him in favor of Dinah, and he had just alienated the only friend who had stood by him through everything.
Tears burned at the corners of his eyes but he stubbornly refused to let them fall. /Not till I'm away from the tower. I can't cry here./ Despite his desperate attempts to hold them in he couldn't stop them for long and he soon found himself on the floor with his back to the stripped bed and his knees pulled tightly to his chin.
God what had he done? In that moment he had never been more glad that the residential wing of Titans Tower had sound proofed walls and that his door was shut and locked to effectively block out the sound of his sobs.
He had thought that Dick would have understood and accepted him. He had hoped that his best friend would be able to offer him a sense of safety, and acceptance when his world had suddenly turned upside down. He had been grappling with the emotions that Dick had aroused in him when Dick had helped him in him kick his drug addiction. He had been grateful to have his best friend beside him as he slowly recovered. He had kept the feelings that Dick stirred in him hidden for months until they got slightly trashed after a mission and he lost it. He had mistaken his best friend's platonic love for something more and the second he had kissed Dick he had ruined the last thing that meant anything to him.
His sobs grew harder and he could feel himself withdrawing into the same little shell that he had erected to protect him when he had first started taking the heroine to numb the pain of having Ollie abandon him. The shell that Dick had helped him break down after he had recovered and begun to trust people not to abandon him again. Why did all the good things in his life come crashing down around his head the second he trusted them to be stable?
They fell because he destroyed them. He wasn't deserving of any love or affection and all his life would be was a constant stream of betrayals and heartbreak. He understood that now. His best friend hated him, Ollie still wondered where he had gone wrong, and Roy had just lost the one home he had because Dick didn't want him there any longer.
Even when he tried to do everything right he still managed to screw everything up. He had wanted to make himself a better person so he could repay Dick for sitting by his bedside when he was out of his mind due to drug withdraw. He knew Dick had been there through the worst. In his dreams he could still remember the welcome coolness of a washcloth as Dick wiped sweat from his brow during the worst of his fevers. He had tried so hard to make himself a better person and Dick had become his role model for doing so. The other boy had always seemed so perfect in his mind's eye. They were the only two Titans without powers and yet Dick had always seemed so infallible, like Superman in some ways and like Batman in others.
Roy on the other hand saw himself as fundamentally flawed. He was just a boy with a few trick arrows and an aim that never missed. He had aimed to make his life better but in doing so he had miscalculated and the one time he missed the target he did so by a mile. It was an odd metaphor for his life. He had worked so hard to impress Ollie, in hopes that Ollie would notice his skill but Ollie had always been distracted. Roy now knew that the source of that distraction had been Dinah but as a younger boy he had not understood why the man who had been his best friend and guardian had suddenly lost interest in him. He had acted out in the worst way possible. He had missed his goals and now he had made the same mistake with Dick.
How could he have been so stupid as to think that Dick's friendship had morphed into something more? He had never gotten the slightest hint that Dick felt any affection for him and Roy had given Dick no hint that he felt affection for him either. Roy had hid his feelings by chasing anyone in a skirt and he had led Dick to believe that he was nothing more to him than a hopeless flirt who couldn't commit to anything serious because he was afraid that whoever he committed to would leave him when they found out about his past.
Roy had deluded himself into believing that Dick was the only person who wouldn't abandon him no matter what he did. He had taken their friendship for granted and it had broken his heart when, after he had kissed Dick, Dick had told him to get out. To leave and not return.
Dick's words had been so final and Roy had known that there was absolutely no room for debate. He hadn't even tried to stop Dick as the boy stormed away from him towards his own room. He had simply done as his leader had ordered him to do and returned in silence to his room to begin packing.
Roy glanced back around his room once again and felt a sense of finality descend upon him. He still couldn't believe that his role as a Titan was over. The bareness of his room from where his belongings had been packed proved that it was over. He didn't even know where he was going to go yet. Not back to Ollie, that was for sure. His mentor still couldn't look at him without guilt brimming in his eyes and Roy did not want pity from the older man.
He guessed he would figure those things out as he had to. He would have to since he was no longer welcome in the place he considered home. With a sigh he wiped the remainder of his tears from his face with the back of his palm and forced himself to his feet. The last thing he wanted to do was to be caught lingering here after Dick had told him to get out.
Dick
Dick lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He could not believe what Roy had done. He had sensed that something had been off about the archer since Roy had begun his drug recovery. He had assumed that his best friend's behavior and awkwardness was a side effect of the fact that Roy knew that Dick had sat with him through the worst of that recovery. Dick had seen his best friend at his lowest and it had always humiliated Roy when people saw him as weak.
Dick had tried time after time to express to Roy that he didn't care about the drugs. He had tried to make Roy believe that he was happy to have his best friend alive and well and on the road to recovery. Dick didn't know what line he had crossed to make Roy believe that things could go beyond friendship. The kiss had been completely unexpected and he had reacted harshly, even though the kiss hadn't been entirely unwelcome.
The look on Roy's face when he had shoved the archer away now haunted him. Roy had been devastated and Dick's words had crushed the archer's spirits even more. "Leave and don't come back." He had seen the walls around Roy's soul crash into place in the brief second that their eyes had met and Dick knew that he had done more damage by pushing his best friend away then he might be able to undo.
He glanced at his clock and sighed. How long had it been since he had left Roy standing alone and emotionally devastated in the hall? He wasn't sure but he couldn't get the memories of Roy to leave him alone. Had he overreacted? It didn't take a master detective to know that he had and he knew that he had to apologize to Roy and try to get him to stay. He owed his friend that much.
Suddenly a thought occurred to him. Something that had been nagging at the back of his mind since he had rejected Roy. God what had he done? He had completely abandoned his best friend just like everybody else had abandoned him. He had been so confused by Roy's actions that he had failed to see the effect that his rejection had had on Roy. He had done exactly what he promised Roy he would never do.
Feeling a sudden rush of panic Dick surged to his feet and took off at a run towards Roy's room. He hoped he wouldn't be too late to repair what he had done. He hadn't meant to go as far as he had.
Roy
Roy looked back at the Tower which had been his home for a little over a year now. This still didn't seem real but he knew it was. The feeling of Dick's lips against his own still haunted him like a phantom. If he closed his eyes he could almost feel and taste them again. Dick had tasted and smelled exactly like Roy had thought he would. Roy imagined that Dick tasted like what perfection would taste like if it had a taste. It would be crisp and clean with a hint of mint. The thought of how Dick had smelled and felt as Roy pressed himself against him caused him to ache with lose. He wanted to break down in tears again but he knew that he could not due so outside the Tower. He had to get away before he could do that again.
The memory of his first and only kiss with his best friend was quickly replaced with memories of Dick's reaction to that kiss. Being shoved away from Dick had felt like being punched in the stomach and it had left Roy reeling. It had hurt more than any of the pain he had experienced during his drug recovery. He had to leave or he would become lost in the memory. With a sigh he shifted his duffel bag to his opposite shoulder and glanced once again at the place which had been his home. Well it was home no more and he had to leave it behind him. He had needlessly sacrificed the best thing in his life and he knew that he would never be able to repair his relationship with Dick.
Dick
Dick reached Roy's room and pounded desperately on the door. When no response came within about a minute he furiously typed in the emergency override code for the security system. He waited a series of rapid heartbeats as the system identified the code and waited a few precious more as the door slid open.
His eyes were met with darkness and he snaked his hand along the wall until he found the light switch which he flipped with shaking fingers. His rapidly beating heart suddenly seemed to stop when he found the room empty. He stumbled into the room in shock and the door slid shut behind him. Roy couldn't be gone, it was impossible to conceive that his best friend was gone because of a few stupid words on his part. He and Roy had been together since they were kids. It seemed surreal to arrive in Roy's room only to find it devoid of any life.
In desperation he glanced around the room for any hint of his best friend. His keen eyes fell on the down turned form of a picture frame on the bedside table. It took all of Dick's strength to make it over to the bed and grasp the frame. The picture brought tears to his eyes for the first time. It was a picture of them the two of them that he had overlooked a million times when he had been in Roy's room. A picture of them relaxing on main sofa in the game room. It was just the two of them with Dick scowling at Starfire who had taken the picture while Roy had an impish grin plastered on his face.
The sight was too much for his already overloaded emotions and he found himself breaking down completely at his own stupidity and short sightedness. He had pushed his best friend away and he didn't know if he would ever get the chance to set things right.
That's all for now. Let me know if you want to see a sequel in which the meet back up and try to patch up their differences.
