A/N: YAY! I'm so excited to post this chapter! I hope you all enjoy it. I truly hope it was worth the wait. This story means a lot to me to finish and I FREAKIN' will! Please read and review. The NEXT Chapter is the one I've been so urgent to write since the very beginning. I will try and post it soon. Also I wanted to direct you all to my other story, "The Light When All is Dark" It goes along with this story, but it was taken place during Snape's time at Hogwarts. Check it out if you would like. Happy reading and favor, follow, or review. Especially follow because I update randomly and I would hate for you all to miss out when I finally post a new chappy!

Chapter 18- An Very Order XMAS

It was a beautiful snow covered morning. Snape was glad that most of the students were gone for the holidays. He was thankful that Argus Filch took over patrol duty until the start of the next term. Snape didn't mind corridor patrol, but he was glad he didn't have to run into Nymphadora. The last time he saw her made him extremely uncomfortable, and he didn't know what to say to fix things. The night of the staff Christmas party he had wanted her just as desperately as she wanted him, but felt uneasy about the circumstances. He wanted more than anything to make her forget all about Lupin and for her to be happy; however, he knew that path all too well and it was better for them to avoid it.

Tonight was the Order Christmas party and Snape didn't know what he was going to say to her, but he wanted her to know that her friendship meant more to him than she knew. The only way he knew how to break the awkward tension between them was for him to attend the Order Christmas Party, and just rip the band-aid off. As much as it pained him to do so, Snape picked out his formal dress robe and got dressed.

Tonks couldn't have been more excited to attend the Order Christmas Party. She was grateful that Dumbledore picked Grimmauld Place as the venue. In a way, Tonks knew that having the party at Grimmauld was a way to remember Sirius this Christmas, and his presence would be undoubtedly missed. Tonks felt embarrassed about the other night at Slughorn's party even though she was the one putting Severus in an awkward situation. Having time to process what had happened, she realized that it wasn't because he was rejecting her, he was uncomfortable with the conditions she was proposing.

Tonks made her way over to her closet and found the perfect dress. It was a beautiful one shoulder, Christmas green, and velvet dress. The dress was floor length with a high slit on one side, and it fit her snug in all the right places. While Tonks put on her makeup, she couldn't decide on what color her hair should be. She would usually go with red because it looked like Christmas colors, but she remembered Snape saying that it was the perfect shade as Lily's. The last thing she wanted to do was trigger his sadness, or make him think she was doing it on purpose. Tonks decided that she would go with platinum blonde, for it paired well with the green. Hoping she wouldn't fall, she chose to wear her tan heels.

When Tonks apparated to 12 Grimmauld Place, she couldn't help but feel the piece in her heart that was missing. The thought of not being greeted by Sirius, with his charming demeanor, made her blood turn to ice. If Sirius' death hadn't happened recently, seeing this house would feel bittersweet, but heartache consumed her.

Walking in she was immediately greeted by Kingsley. They both were excited to see one another due to the fact that being at Hogwarts changed their everyday work routine.

"Tonks!" Kingsley excitedly greeted her, as he leaned in for a hug and a friendly kiss on the cheek. "May I take your cloak?" he asked.

Tonks nodded as Kingsley took her cloak. "It's great to see you Kings. I sure miss seeing you. How is everything? I sure hope Scrimgeour isn't riding you too hard."

"Well things have been hard. Not having you there to assist has been rough, but the school term is halfway over so you'll be back before you know it." Kingsley confessed. He couldn't help but notice that Tonks looked much better since the last time he saw her at the previous Order meeting. "Enough about work, how are you doing? You look great by the way."

"Thanks. I am doing much better. I finally got to go to a Slughorn rager you all have spoken so fondly of."

"And…?" Kingsley questioned.

"It was insane." Tonks giggled.

Kingsley laughed, "Oh they sure are. Horace sure knows how to throw a legendary party."

"Who's all here?" Tonks asked. She was mainly trying to see if Remus was here.

Kingsley answered. "So far the Weasley's minus Percy, Charlie and the two youngest kids, some Hogwarts staff, Mad-Eye, you know… the usuals." Obviously Kingsley noticed that his answer did not actually answer what Tonks was seeking, so he added quietly, "He's not here."

"Who isn't here?" Tonks tried to play dumb and obviously failed.

Kingsley thought he would play along. "Oh ok. We are playing that game now… No one, nevermind, not important."

Tonks noticed that Moody was motioning for Kingsley across the hall, it looked urgent. "Hey Tonks, I'll catch you later. Moody looks like he is about to ruin my party buzz."

"Yeah… Better you than me." she remarked.

Kingsley retorted, "It's just a matter of time before he finds you." He walked away and headed down the hall to where Mad-Eye was.

Tonks walked down the hall and thought she would head to the kitchen to see Molly. Of course Molly looked swamped with dinner duties as usual. "Do you need any help, Molly?" Tonks asked already knowing what Molly was going to say.

"Oh, Tonks dear!" She ran up to Tonks and gave her a comforting embrace. When Molly pulled back from the hug, she admired Tonks' dress. "You look absolutely stunning."

"Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. Things haven't been easy, but it's getting better everyday. What about you all? How are things?"

Molly's attitude changed drastically, and she seemed defeated. "Well the Ministry has been rough on Arthur. He feels we are being followed and that makes me worry about the kids. Percy won't talk to us. Charlie has not responded to any of my letters, and the twins, well… They are working on the front lines. I mean poor Olivander was taken right out of his shop in broad daylight. I'm not doing the best at the moment, but we are strong and we will have to take it one day at a time."

Grabbing Molly's hand, Tonks reassured her, "That's all we can do" Tonks said as she placed a hand over Molly's. "What can I help you with?" Tonks wanted to change the subject because the last thing she intended was to ruin the party spirit.

Molly could tell that Tonks seemed to be in a better place and figured to not bring up Remus. "Oh, you are too kind. Will you set the table and fill the glasses, dear?"

"Of course." Tonks walked over to the dinning hall and with a flick of her wand, plates, silverware, goblets, and napkins flew from the cabinets and made their way to the table. Tonks completed two more spells to fill the goblets with water and the other with ice. Tonks was finished setting the table when out of nowhere she heard a loud slam followed by laughter. Knowing exactly who just arrived and boy... was she happy they did.

About that time, the Weasley twins bombarded the kitchen with their excited presence. She loved when the twins were around. They reminded her of her youthful days. If they would've been at Hogwarts during her time, they would have been expelled before they were even sorted.

"Hey mum, sorry we're late." Fred apologized.

George added, "The Christmas shopping at Diagon Alley was intense. We are nearly sold out of everything."

Tonks laughed, "How great is it that parents are buying their children jokes and mischievous gifts instead of other things. It's just fantastic! Oh the trouble I would get into with you guys' products."

"Oh Tonks you don't need our products to get you into trouble." George flirted as Molly smacked him with her oven mit.

Fred confessed, "We were worried you guys would have attempted to start the party and ate without the guests of honor. "

"Well we weren't going to sit down until you two got here if that is what you mean." Molly stated as she hugged and kissed her twin boys. "I'm glad you both made it here safe and sound. Go freshen up and it will be time to start dinner."

Both of them turned around to leave but not without taking a gander at Tonks' attire. The twins looked her up and down. Tonks felt awkward and blushed. Fred leaned in a whispered, "Merlin's beard Tonks, you look as amazing as always."

George obviously overheard Fred and added loudly, "I know! She nearly gave me a heart attack in that dress!"

"Thank you, boys." Tonks said awkwardly.

"No, thank you." George replied flirtatiously while obviously checking her out.

"Go boys, leave her alone." Mrs. Weasley demanded sternly.

"Geez, we can't help it mum. She won't leave our eyes alone." Fred joked. Molly kept shooing them off with her oven mitt. After they left, Molly turned to Tonks and complimented her, "You do look beautiful. Remus will regret his decision not to attend tonight."

"So he isn't coming?"

"I'm sorry, dear. He is off doing Order business." Molly reassured her.

"Don't be sorry, I am actually relieved."

"Well if he was here, he would be unable to keep his eyes off of you. Along with my hormonal children as well." Molly joked as Tonks laughed. "Remember you can pick any of them to marry and become my daughter-in-law!"

"Very tempting, but the twins are a little young, Charlie is of course M.I.A. and Bill is too distracted by French Fries."

Molly and Tonks both laughed out loud. They both needed the laughter and company of each other. "Tonks, I wanted to invite you over to our house on Christmas. I figured you are probably doing something with your parents, but I wanted to make sure you know you are always invited."

"That is so sweet Molly. I am going to see them that afternoon, but I think I'm going to relax at home this year."

"If you change your mind, our home is always open." Molly flicked her wand and food appeared on the plates. Molly shouted. Dinner is served. Seconds later, everyone was crowding around the dining hall to grab a plate of Molly's delicious holiday feast.

While everyone found a seat, Snape and Tonks made brief eye contact. She was going to tell him that she was glad he had come when George stole her attention.

"Tonks, why do you play so hard to get?"

"Excuse me?" She asked as she directed her attention from Snape to George.

"Darling, you have got to stop ignoring your feelings for me." George pleaded.

Tonks giggled knowing there was no hope for the poor boy. The last thing she needed was to go through a third Weasley brother. "Oh I do? How are you so certain that I have feelings for you?"

George confessed arrogantly, "Oh don't tease me. I knew all along you liked younger guys, too."

"George, quit bothering her. She obviously thinks you're me." Fred laughed.

Snape couldn't help but eavesdrop on Tonks' conversation. He was embarrassed for the twins because it was obvious that Tonks was in no way interested in them.

"Boys, you are too much for me to handle."

"Somehow I doubt that." George stepped closer to her and whispered, "But seriously, I own a shop and I'm of legal age, so if you ever want to take a ride on the young side for once, I will wait forever for you."

"You flatter me. As tempting as your offer is, I have to pass."

Dramatically George accused, "Ah… You break my heart."

Tonks informed him. "You're young, you have plenty of time to heal."

George responded to his rejection by laughing and he went about his business.

The food looked delicious as always. Dumbledore sat at the head of the table. Snape to his right and McGonnagall next to him. To the left of Dumbledore sat Mad-Eye and Kingsley next to him. Tonks sat between Kingsley and Bill. Dumbledore stood and tapped his fork to his goblet to make his usual toast. "Thank you all for taking the time out of your busy schedules to be here tonight, for tonight is special for many reasons. One being that even in these dark troubling times, being together to enjoy the small things helps to keep us strong. Second, tonight is the last night we will be at Grimmauld Place. We have shared many of memories here, some irreplaceable and bittersweet, and some not so great. But as I stand before you now as your leader, friend, and partner, that what we have here is what matters most. The memories, relationships, and love we have for eachother is what will make the difference. It is the key to winning this war love, friendship, respect, loyalty, and above all else, hope. That is the greatest weapon against evil. Now I won't keep you any longer from Molly's delicious spread." Dumbledore held up his goblet up high and cheered, "To love!"

"To love!" Everyone chimed in unison.

Tonks glanced diagonal to her to Snape. They both made uncomfortable eye contact. Things had been weird between them since Slughorn's party, but they have developed their own unique friendship and the weirdness would surely pass.

The dinner was delicious and after everyone was finished, a few spells helped clean the mess up in a matter of minutes. Some people gathered in the dining room while others stood around the study. Tonks decided to sit by Bill and Fleur near the fireplace.

"So Tonks, how's being back at Hogwarts?" Bill asked.

"Honestly, I enjoy it much more than the Ministry. Don't get me wrong, I love being a Auror, but it is nice to not have to witness all the murder and disappearances everyday. It was starting to take its toll on me. I just needed a break, I guess."

"Oh! That's what has been bothering you." Fleur added.

"What she means is... we could tell you haven't been your cheery self lately. That's all." Bill explained, clearly trying to cover up his girlfriend's bluntness.

"Yeah…I guess." Tonks always found it easy talking to Bill. They had always been close as friends; however, they did have a brief fling right after Charlie moved away and ended things.

"Are you alone at Hogwarts?" Bill asked, concerned.

Tonks looked over at Snape talking to Kingsley and Moody. She thought to herself, "I would be, had it not been for Snape," But she couldn't tell Bill that so She lied, "Pretty much. There are other aurors stationed there with me, but they are not what I would call "Good Company"."

"That sounds terrible. I bet you get lonely." Fleur said as she snuggled up to Bill and held him tight.

Seeing their relationship opened up an old wound.

Molly came in and announced, "It's time for our annual Christmas Karaoke. Arthur and I will start." As they started to sing To Love is Christmas By Celestina Warbeck, people began dancing and singing along with them. Tears began to form in her eyes as Tonks remembered Sirius getting up there knackered last Christmas and singing Magic Works by the Weird Sisters. She turned her head to try and distract her from her thoughts, but Bill and Fleur were laughing and were so in love with each other. Seeing their passion brought back more painful memories. Because at the last Christmas party once Sirius passed out, Tonks and Remus made love for the first time.

A tear escaped her eyes and Fleur noticed and asked with concern, "Tonks are you alright? Is it because of Lupin?"

Shocked by the question, Tonks was surprised that she knew anything about their relationship. They kept it as hidden as possible. "Excuse me?"

Fleur obviously realized that she said the wrong thing. Being from a different country, she always struggled with conversations. In France they are much more blunt. Bill sometimes had to help her because he knew she never meant harm by it. "I noticed that he wasn't here tonight and I figured you missed him. You both seemed so close. Bill and I could've sworn you two were dating in secret. I guess we were wrong."

Tonks wanted to be angry with Fleur for bringing this up, but honestly she just didn't know what to say. "Well actually, we aren't on good terms at the moment."

"Why is that?" Bill asked, confused.

"Apparently he makes selfless decisions for me" she confessed.

"Huh?" Fleur and Bill both were lost. "What is that supposed to mean?" Bill asked daringly.

"It means he broke up with me for my own good. Apparently he feels I'm too good for him."

Bill responded in agreement, "Clearly you are if he is going to do something that daft. We knew you guys were dating in secret. Are you alright? And you know you can't lie to me."

Tonks confessed, "I'm getting better with time. I miss him, but what hurts the most was that we were so close and he just ended it. It's not that he doesn't feel the same way I do, it's that he believes he is doing what is best for me. I wish he would let me make decisions for myself. It's just so aggravating."

"Sounds like he is a dumb ass." Bill stated.

"Obviously he just doesn't want me or he would be with me."

"La Douleur Exquise." Fleur said in French.

Both Bill and Tonks stared at her. "What?" Bill questioned. "Sweetheart you know I don't speak French."

Fleur explained, "It's a French phrase meaning, the pain of loving someone that doesn't want you. It is the worst pain."

Tonks dropped the conversation immediately.

Bill could see the pain behind her tough exterior. "Look Tonks, you are a brilliant witch, and I know you already know what I'm about to say, but I have to get it off my chest. You are smart, beautiful, and strong. Do not lose anymore sleep over a coward who was too weak to care for your heart." She didn't have the energy to continue ruining her night thinking about Remus. She sat and watched everyone around her have fun, and here she was, again, thinking about Remus. She decided to leave the room. "I'm going to get some air." Instead of going outside, she decided to go upstairs. She passed Snape in the hallway. "Good evening, Severus."

"You as well, Nymphadora." she kept walking trying to keep their encounter short when she felt his hand softly grab her wrist keeping her from running off. He whispered in her ear alluringly, "You look beautiful tonight."

She turned her head to meet his gaze and replied, "Thank you! You look nice yourself." He let her go, and grinned as she walked away. They didn't realize that their flirtatious encounter was noticed down the hall by Alastor Moody. He immediately found it concerning, for he was like another father to Tonks.

She walked up the stairs reminiscing, for she knew that this would probably be the last time she would ever be in here again. She made it to Sirius' room and opened to the door. She began to tear up. She missed him greatly. His room was exactly as he left it. His favorite plum, velvet blazer was laying over his desk chair covered in dust. His bed was crumpled in places as if he just sat on it. The aroma was the same, old and musty with a hint of his cologne. She sat down as if he were next to her on his bed and mourned. So much has changed since last year. The three of them used to be inseparable. They would stay up all hours of the night playing games, drinking, and reflecting on the good ole days. And to their surprise, there were so many more memories made while doing so. Honestly, she didn't know how she could begin to let it go. She wished more than anything that she could talk to Sirius one last time. He always knew how to cheer her up and say the right thing. Not only that, but Tonks couldn't help but think how different everything would be if he were still alive. Sirius would definitely try to reason with Remus, and they would probably still be together; however, he would also tell her to toughen up and enjoy life for him. Sirius told Tonks many times that his best years were taken from him, and that life was too short to be miserable.

Once Tonks finally pulled herself together, she was determined to be brave and remember Sirius' advice. She thought to herself, "Just because he is gone, he is not forgotten and his advice is just as important." She walked over to his mirror to check herself before going back downstairs and noticed that her hair turned back to its original mousy brown, and her eyes were puffy. Before she turned it back to blonde, she noticed a picture stuck into the frame of the mirror. It had to be a picture of the Potters because James looked just like Harry, who was riding on his broomstick, except for the eyes. The woman next to James she assumed was Lily. Her eyes were identical to Harry's and she had that perfect shade of red hair that Snape described. A chill shivered throughout Tonks confirming all speculations that Snape's Lily was without a doubt, Lily Potter. Her heart jumped to her throat at her discovery. She was right. Tonks thought back to the first time Snape mentioned Lily during their late night question fun. As she remembered their conversation, Snape had said that he told the Dark Lord about things that possibly helped with the murder of the Potter's. Tonks had seen how torn up he was and how he had even stayed miserable because of it. He obviously blamed himself for the murder even though the person truly resposible was Peter Pettigrew. Sirius told her every detail of that night multiple times, and Snape was in no way to blame. Her heart ached for the burden Snape was carrying around. No wonder why he looked and acted as miserable as he felt, he was ultimately broken.

Looking back at the photo, Tonks couldn't help but be intimidated by Lily. She was absolutely stunning. Her smile was the perfect representation of happiness and beauty. Lily was just as beautiful and full of life as Snape described. Telling by the size of Harry, this picture must have been taken not long before they were killed. As Tonks admired her beauty, she couldn't help but try to make her appearance match her identically. Tonks always enjoyed trying to replicate different people, she had an unique gift that others dreamed of having. She kept playing around in the mirror and finally got that perfect shade of green for her eyes, when she was startled by the sound of someone coming up the stairs.