CHAPTER 2
Due to demand... And because I got bored, lol!
Everyone is sitting in the Gryffindor common room. (Not everyone, obviously, because they wouldn't fit, and that would be silly. Use your common sense. No? Okay, THE GRYFFINDORS WERE SITTING IN THE COMMON ROOM! Happy now?) Everyone is very quiet, surprisingly, and looking at their feet.
Ginny: So... Erm... Anybody read the Daily Prophet recently?
(Everyone gives her a strange look, and she goes back to looking at her feet. Ron, who is sitting next to Harry, yawns and tries to put his arm around Harry. Bad move. Harry's not a slut, Ron! Not yet, anyway...)
Harry: Excuse me? What they hell are you playing at, you tard?
Hermione: Tard? Why are you talking like that? Its american! This is the UK!
Harry: Talking like a trashy american teenager. It's in my guide book. (Picks up and waves book entitled "Hogwarts in the Time of Fangirls: A Complete Guide" and a picture of a happy, smiling, but evil eyed fangirl on the cover) There's one on everybody's bed. It's, erm, AWESOME. (He shudders)
(Everyone dashes to their bed and returns with their own personalised guide)
Ron: Look at this! It says that I'm "A gay emo who spends every night cutting and listening to Evanescence. Wears lip glos and glittery eye shadow around the castle and is generally moody."
Dean: (Cracks up laughing) Aren't the professors going to care that you're walking around the castle like some glam rock goth poser?
Hermione: I doubt it, because he isn't going to be on his own...
Harry: What? What's up with that dude? It's totally whack! Tell us what's going on, girlfriend! (Am I the only one who thinks Harry is enjoying this a bit too much)
Hermione: We're getting 'new arrivals' to the castle. In fact, ours should turn up any minute now...
(Door bell rings. Everyone looks around at each other, puzzled.)
Ginny: Doorbell? Since WHEN have we had a door bell? (Skims through guide book) "Please note, random, unpredictable uncanon changes will occur throughout the school at any time. Please just accept these and carry on so you don't shatter our perfect little fantasy" Oh lord.
(Enter: Goth girl with enough studs and piercings to mend the Titanic, dressed from head to toe in black, glaring at everyone and shaking her hair which has red, blue, green, pink, orange, and black in it. Which, of course is perfectly acceptable at a high class wizarding boarding school. Anyway... She is followed closesly by a tall, busty, perfect looking blonde model who has vamped up her robes to be incredibly short and see through.)
Blonde: (Giggling) Hi! I'm Vanilla Auburn Serenity Moonshine! I'm Theodore Nott's half sister and also Harry's cousin!
Harry: Damn, cos she is well fit man! And you is Dudley's sister? (Looks puzzled)
Vanilla: (Narrows eyes) Shut up, you!
Goth girl: I'm Kara Kingley. Mess with me and I'll kill you. I just sit in my room all day, skipping lessons, writing endless diary entries about how much my life sucks, and making potions to kill you all because did I mention? I'm also the most powerful witch in the whole world, I just haven't thought to bring it up to anyone before.
Ron: Right... Is that Malfoy out there?
(Everyone looks outside the window to see Draco being dragged back to the castle, kicking and screaming and clawing at the grass)
Hermione: Oh yeah, I forgot... How does it feel to be pregnant Harry?
Harry: Well, my ankles keep swelling up! My back aches something chronic and i can't remember the last time I saw my feet.
Ron: You're not even showing yet!
Harry: Aren't I? (Looks down) Oh. (Checks guide) "I'm absolutely thrilled to be having this baby, and I have a strange craving for caviar." That better?
Ron: Great. And Harry, just so you know... I will care for that child like its my own.
(Everyone gives Ron a weird look. Unsurprisingly)
