The Tears of a Warrior
Chapter 12 - Breaking Point
Kaoru had a faint recollection of where she was, but she wasn't certain. Had she lost again? She deduced that it was so, seeing how whenever she tried to move, all she could feel were her insides contorting in ways she never thought possible. Trying desperately to sit up, she let out a scream. Her incoherent thoughts and inquiries tried to stream past her lips, but nothing came out. "All I remember was…connecting with his sword…then darkness…" she thought to herself as she let out several exasperated breaths. "Where am I?" she questioned to herself with bated breath, careful not to move too quickly. So she just lay on the floor, waiting and waiting. Though her body had ceased to function, her mind had been working on overtime, questions overflowing passed her own comprehension.
She had guessed that she was still in the room where she fought Hikojirou. She gathered that much, seeing as how she felt a sturdy hardwood floor beneath her lithe, trembling form. Nonetheless, something struck her as odd. If she had been lying on the floor, helpless and vulnerable as she was currently, where had Hikojirou gone? And why had everything suddenly become so quiet up to the point where Kaoru could hear a dull ringing in her ears?
"Move…" Kaoru muttered to herself in a low tone. She tried desperately to get the feeling back into her limbs but it was more difficult than one might think. Numbness had constrained much of her movement already and it was becoming increasingly uncomfortable lying there. A few moments past, she was able to move her limbs quite slowly. She knew not if she should rest there for several minutes longer, and yet she was at the same time reluctant. "If I am in his training hall…then where could he be? Did I hit him?" She knew that if she connected with her attack, he wouldn't be down for long and soon she would fall prisoner to him.
Acting quickly, Kaoru forced herself to sit up, wincing a great deal as she did so. "I can't lose again. I can't keep lying to myself and to Kenshin about what is really going on…" And suddenly, the fact that she had been lying to the man whom she gave her entire being to…concerned her. Surely she was worried about his safety, realizing that Hikojirou was a great deal stronger than Kenji and most likely Kenshin, since he had been out of practice regarding swordsmanship. She hadn't wanted Kenshin to get into any danger, just because Kaoru had allowed herself to slip into such an unfortunate predicament.
Her eyes darted around the room, scanning for signs of life. There were no signs of Hikojirou, or his shinai. There were in fact, traces of blood. The assistant master put an index finger to her lips. There was no blood. Indeed she had connected with her attack. But where had he run off to? In all honesty, Kaoru hadn't wanted to find out. Shakily, she rose to her feet, her body crouched as though she were on guard. Kaoru sensed no presence around her and so she clutched onto her bokken and walked at a lively pace outside of his clutches.
"Damn it," Kenji swore, his arms hugging his knees as he stared out into the surrounding landscape. His feet rested against a rock that was partially submerged in a small pond. "Why? …Why did he have to come back?" The arrogant teen grit his teeth and fumbled around for anything to throw. His hand clasped around a small pebble and he felt obligated to throw it into the water. "I just HAD to ask…didn't I," Kenji whispered sourly. The pebble he'd thrown skipped several times, gentle ripples spreading apart gradually as seconds passed. "Though…I wanted to know…so this is what I get for being so nosey…" Kenji closed his eyes for a few moments.
He had begun to think about what he said to Kenshin and if it were really fair to accuse him of not being faithful. Kenji had a hard time admitting things, that much he already knew. Though he wasn't sure if he should look at it from Kenshin's point of view. After all, in his eyes, Kenshin wasn't exactly the greatest role model, nor had he been there for him for all of his fifteen years of existence. So why had he felt guilty about saying what he did?
"That woman… that woman was… only out to kill you at first. I wouldn't even call her feelings for you love. And I don't care if you'd like to argue that they were. I, personally, have no attachment to whoever this was. Mother is the only one who I considered to be truly in love with you."
"I know she is but--"
"Then where does your heart stand? Do you still think of that woman all those years ago? Because if you do, then I have nothing to say to you right now. If you still think of her as your lover, then you are obviously not the man everyone thinks you are. You are a cheater. You cheat mother. And I will not stand for that. Ever."
"I know I said what I did, and back then I was blinded by anger to think things through. But…even so…that woman seemed to irritate me. I don't even know why," Kenji thought aloud, hugging his knees even more so than before. Perhaps he had felt jealous for Kaoru…That Kaoru was not his first, as he was her first. "The fact that she devoted herself to him while he may have been trapped within his own Revolution… I don't see--"
"You ass! That was my foot!" came an exclamation from behind the now startled teen. Kenji slowly turned himself around, resting a few pebbles down back on the ground and noticed a rustling bush which now seemed to have concealed a brawl from his eyes.
"Shut up! It's not like I meant to blow our cover!"
"Damn kid!"
"Err," Kenji stammered, reluctantly walking toward the aforementioned bush. He recognized one of those aggressive voices to belong to Yahiko. The other…well, he wasn't quite sure at all. Though, the other man seemed blatantly drunk for some reason. "…Can I help you with something?"
"Oh, Kenji! Ha ha! I guess you found us," Yahiko exclaimed sheepishly, leaping out of the bush to reveal his awkward gesture of rubbing the back of his head with his hand.
"How could I not when you two obviously destroyed my train of thought. Speaking of which…who are--"
"Whoa, looks like you were right, Yahiko. Kid's a spittin' image of Kenshin." Kenji blinked. "Except for his eyes but whatever, who's really paying attention to all the detail here? So anyway, my name's Sanosuke," the ex-gangster noted, casually revealing himself from the bush as well. "I've met you before, it's just that you probably don't remember me and I left a while back and never got the chance to visit in a damn long time."
"You've been mentioned a lot before, so I remember you," Kenji replied formally as he bowed slightly, eyes averted all the while.
"He's even got his mannerisms down…"
Kenji looked away for a few moments at the pond he sat at prior to his rude interruption. "I'm sorry…you just…caught me at a bad time right now. I was thinking out loud about something."
Sanosuke raised an eyebrow. "Well duh, we heard yo--"
Yahiko took it upon himself to nudge Sanosuke so that he would stop talking. "…Kenji, we did hear about some of what you said…about Kenshin. So you did see him after all?" The boy nodded. "I knew that it would be hard for you to see him after all this time. But I trust you didn't attack him?" Kenji wanted to laugh but remained silent. Some unnerving feeling had got the best of him; it was apparent that Kenji disliked talking about his father. Yahiko knew that to be very true. "Kenji…are you all right?"
"I'll be fine…I'm just a little confused right now."
"We're gonna head on back to the house," Sanosuke said, jerking a thumb in the doujo's general direction, "you coming?"
Kenji hesitated for a few moments before placing a hand on his hilt. "No…no, not right now. Not after my little argument…" He smiled weakly at the two. "I'm sorry. I'll come back to the house in a few minutes. I just need that much…"
Both Yahiko and Sanosuke were hesitant to leave him there but proceeded in going back to the doujo regardless. No one said that it would be easy for Kenji to accept his father, if and when he could actually bring himself to do it. Kenji ruefully watched the two leave until they were out of sight. "This'll be harder than anything I've ever faced before, I just know it…"
Sanosuke sat cross-legged on a tatami mat, already helping himself to large quantities of sake. "I don't know, the kid's just so damn stubborn if he can't put the past behind him, that's my logic right there," he muttered. "I mean, we heard him before, right Yahiko?" The aforementioned boy nodded.
"He was thinking aloud, we couldn't help but eavesdrop," Yahiko added.
"This isn't what I wanted to come home to, ya know? I mean, I haven't seen all of you 'cause I was in Mongolia for who knows how long, and now this. Kenshin, I seriously wish your kid would just realize how good he had it and just forgive you."
Kenshin closed his eyes gradually, hands folding across his lap, "I'd like that more than anything right now. I know that I wasn't there for him in the past because I wandered around and tried to help people. And I know that I shunned him while doing so. I didn't realize that he needed me most and that he was the one I should have helped… I regret leaving him and not being there for the majority of his life, I really do."
"Then there's nothing you can do about it now anyway," Yahiko noted, "See, you and Kenji are so focused on the past. Maybe this is why you're not getting anywhere."
"I gotta agree with the kid on this one. Both of you just can't seem to--"
It was at that moment in which Kenji silently entered the room. The boy said nothing. He merely glanced at them as though he were intruding. "They were probably all catching up on things and making up for lost time," the redhead thought. He wasn't sure if he should have felt jealous or angry. Jealous because of the fact that he'd wanted to join them and learn more about their past as friends. But angry due to the fact that he learned of his father's past as a Hitokiri and how there was so much more to him than Kenji had ever imagined. A dark heart loomed during those lonely years when he had been a manslayer. And Kenshin had been willing to share his past story with Kenji. He spoke of Tomoe and most probably knew that Kenji would reply with a certain outburst. And he had been right.
Kenji winced almost unnoticeably when he looked into the eyes of his father. Those calm violet eyes… He never would have guessed that his own father was a heartless assassin over thirty years ago. And yet, Kenji saw something in those eyes the more he made reluctant eye contact. He saw guilt, he saw loss. But something shone out strongly, something that Kenji saw above everything else. He saw hope. "Why? Why do I sense such optimism coming from him? Does he really think that everything's going to be all right? That everything will run its course?"
Those eyes…
"He…he wants to fix things. Why? He's not supposed to care. He's supposed to just leave again. That's all I've been used to. I remember every instance where he left for months on end…" Kenji balled up his fist. Kenshin could have guessed what he was thinking about. His son hadn't made it too difficult to come up with some sort of guess, seeing as how he looked as though he was at conflict with himself. "I remember it," Kenji thought. "I remember those eyes. I remember that hopeful expression," the boy's train of thought had only continued to grow stronger with every passing second that he kept his eyes transfixed on Kenshin's own.
"You'll come back, I know you will," Kaoru muttered, stifling her tears. She had always known that Kenshin was faithful to her. "Just…be careful. For my sake, and for Kenji's."
"Of course I will. I always take care knowing that your prayers are with me," Kenshin cooed, taking Kaoru's cheek and kissing her tenderly. As they shared their heartfelt affection, he watched in the background, large blue eyes tempted to well up with tears. He hated watching Kenshin leave, because it often meant watching Kaoru suffer. And that was something he could not bear to look at. Not for ten years of his life.
"You know we miss you. Now and always," Kaoru pulled herself away out of Kenshin's reach for a moment.
"W-what's wrong?"
"Kenshin, I wish you wouldn't have to go…as selfish as that sounds. I just miss you too much." She couldn't help it. And at that moment, tears rolled down her cheeks, one by one. They left her smooth skin tainted with moisture, her eyes growing bloodshot each time she clamped her eyelids shut in sorrow. The more she trembled, the more Kenshin felt compelled to hold her close before he departed. And so he did.
And all he did was watch, tears now running down his face. He saw her fall to her knees when Kenshin whispered his goodbyes.
Kenji came back from his reverie in shock, his eyes widening as he looked Kenshin. "That…that was a memory from five years ago." Kenji's thoughts raced through his mind almost as quickly as his heart beat within his chest.
"Kenji…are you all right?" Yahiko inquired, noting that the boy was turning a ghastly shade of pale.
"I'm…I'm fine," the teenager replied. He finally averted his eyes and took a deep breath. The rosy color in his cheeks shortly returned after collecting his thoughts and realizing where he was at the time.
"Want some sake?" Sanosuke grinned while simultaneously pointing at a large jug of alcohol.
Kenshin shot him a look of annoyance and the rooster merely shrugged it off. "I'm…going to go lie down, excuse me," Kenji bowed slightly due to the company that stood before him and dismissed himself rather quickly. He treaded lightly down the hallway and Kenshin merely sighed when he heard Kenji's shoji click shut.
"Go talk to him, man!" Sanosuke nudged Kenshin roughly and the redhead winced, as he was almost knocked over.
"Don't volunteer Kenshin, Sano," Yahiko chided.
"No, he's not…I'll go. But I don't know what kind of effect it'll have. I mean, when I was talking to him before…he just got upset and walked out. For all I know, that'll just happen again. But you know, I can't stand watching him like this. And just now, he grew so pale. Why? I don't know." The rurouni rose to his feet rather firmly. "I'll be right back."
They both waited until Kenshin was completely out of earshot before they turned to each other and grinned. "So, uh…how much are you willing to wager here?"
"Five-hundred," Yahiko stated smugly.
"Fine, five-hundred it is, you're going down, asshole!"
"Ha ha, we'll see, Sano. I happen to know Kenji a bit better than you do."
"True, but I could tell that the kid is really upset about something. I can tell he wants to work things out. I'm so gonna win this."
"Then only time will tell."
Kenji clutched his pillow, forcing himself not to scream. He didn't expect to have those flashbacks. Recently, he'd stopped having them. And he thought it was for the better. But now that Kenshin had returned, something was triggered. Kenji didn't want a part of those old memories. He tried hard to suppress them, burying his face into said pillow. "Just…stop this," he muttered to himself, slowly lifting his face. It was then that he suddenly realized that his sheets had been soaked in tears. The teen put a hand up to his cheek. Indeed, he had been crying.
Just as Kenji tried to wipe his tears away, he heard his door slide open. His eyes widened in shock, as did Kenshin's. "Kenji…you're crying?"
A/N: I'm finally finished with chapter 12, since I had small amounts of free time here and there. Sorry that it took two months... I hope that it won't have to come to that again. Everyone has a breaking point, so Kenji's reached his, poor boy. I hope you liked reading this chapter for those of you who still read this story... I'm going to continue the next time I get a bit of free time Please review so I know who's reading this anymore, thanks!
Son Christine
