The Tears of a Warrior
Chapter 13 - Suspicion
At the moment all he could taste was the sweet salt of the tears that rolled slowly down his cheeks. Kenji hadn't minded that as much as he minded that his privacy had been invaded. By his father of all people. Surely he wouldn't have minded as much if it had been Yahiko. Kenji viewed the older boy as some sort of a role model regarding both his swordsmanship and character. But instead to have his father walk in on him weeping over something that Kenji could no longer control frustrated the teen immensely.
He turned his face, red bangs falling gracefully in tow. "I can't believe he just saw me like this," Kenji thought angrily. Gnawing on his lip while his left hand clutched the sheets of his futon, his mind raced. "Now he's just going to think I'm…some kind of coward! Some frightened child!"
"Kenji… what's--"
"No, stay away from me…I'm all right!" Kenji waved his father off sternly, fingers outstretched in front of him. Kenshin hadn't flinched, or even blinked for that matter. He merely stood there, hands by his sides and at ease. Kenji glared at him, wondering why he was doing nothing but remaining as still as a statue. "What!" Kenji snapped angrily, "you've seen enough of my tears now, so leave…"
"Something's obviously troubling you, that it is…" Kenshin replied in a dangerously calm tone. The way in which Kenshin spoke irritated Kenji a great deal. He grit his teeth irritably for a few moments afterward.
"Granted," replied his son. He tried his level best to avoid any and all contact, eyes fixated on his hardwood floor. True enough, there had been quite a number of things that were wrong lately, and Kenshin had only added fuel to the fire, according to the teen. And he knew that if Kenshin had not come to check up on him, he would still be hunched over his futon in frustration. What his father had done, Kenji believed it to be a violation of personal space rather than a warm welcome. "…so why are you still here," the boy spoke quietly, just barely above a whisper. His arm unconsciously rose to his face where he used his dark blue sleeve to roughly wipe his tears away. For a moment, he sat studying the fabric, which had had dark streaks running along upside it.
"Because I'm concerned… It's not everyday that I see my son… let alone my son crying his eyes out."
"And did you ever stop to think for two seconds that you might be the reason that I'm so frustrated?"
Kenshin nodded slowly. "I've been meaning to talk to you ever since I've returned. But you won't let me. All you're doing is pushing me away and isolating yourself. This…alone time for you…it's tearing you apart." Kenji's eyes narrowed as he inhaled sharply. "You're thinking too much. But that's natural. When anyone is alone, they tend to think. But the problem is… you're only thinking about things that are hurting your emotional state. You're letting your fears and anger feed off of your negative thoughts. Why? Why do you continue to distance yourself?"
"Spare me."
"I'm only asking a simple question."
Kenji balled up a fist and glared at Kenshin for what seemed to be an eternity. "You…you think that you can just walk back here and fix everything just like that? You make it sound so easy! But it's not… it's really not! I hardly even know you!" Kenshin walked forward in small but noticeable strides. His son's blue eyes widened to twice their size as he watched him close the gap between them. That expression of his, without a doubt, mirrored the look of fear. "I've heard stories, sure… about how you were the noblest of men. About how you wielded your sword in the name of peace… Mother has gone on and on about it… but how was I supposed to know if it was true or not? I hadn't seen any of your pacifistic actions with my own eyes…"
Kenshin merely smiled. And he continued to walk forward.
"And then I heard about when you were a teenager. You took hundreds of lives. A hitokiri! So there were two sides to you…that I never even knew about. And what was I supposed to think? How could a man who was once a manslayer be a pacifist?" Kenji's eyes furrowed as he thought more and more. There was no way Kenshin was supposed to be as kind as everyone said he was, right? Why should he ever believe the accounts of his family and friends? It was the way in which Kenji thought things should be. He was supposed to go on hating him. "There's no way! There's no way… that I could ever--"
Kenji froze. It had been completely unexpected and allegedly uncharacteristic. He suddenly felt the arms of his father encircle him in a tight embrace. Words tried to escape through his lips but couldn't. His breath hitched as he felt Kenshin tighten his grip. "I'm sorry," he said, "it seems that there's no way to convince you that I care about you. But I do. I really do."
There was nothing that the teen could say in response to Kenshin's words and actions. He wanted nothing more than to struggle and free himself of Kenshin's hold. But he also felt compelled to sit there. The entire feeling was new to him. The fact that he had been held by his father after so many years had baffled Kenji up to the point where he didn't know what to do. His mind no longer functioned normally and his body refused to budge. "Why are you…doing this?" Kenji whispered slowly.
Kenshin said nothing for a few moments. He felt his son tremble within his hold. "Because I…" Kenshin trailed off for a moment. Indeed, why had he held his son? Obviously because he had missed him. But there seemed to be more to it than that. Kenshin was a bit confused himself. "I just don't want you to live your life…being as angry as you are. I want you to truly…be happy."
Kenji's eyes widened as he heard Kenshin say such a thing. Then, he gradually released him. "I'm sorry about this," Kenshin added as he silently treaded out of Kenji's room. Kenji remained in awe. His eyes followed the apparent movement of his shoji and once it clicked shut, he felt his eyes sting with the bittersweet tears that he had been hiding from his father.
"Why is he making this so difficult for me?" Kenji asked himself. He closed his eyes for a few moments and rested his head on his futon. "Why…"
Kenshin walked out with a relatively grim look on his face, Sanosuke and Yahiko peering at him with mild interest. Neither one of the two wanted to drag things out and instead preferred to cut to the chase regarding Kenji. However Kenshin made it blatantly apparent that he was troubled in his own way. Yahiko looked ruefully at Kenshin, hesitant in actually saying anything. Though instead, Kenshin spoke first.
"It was rather…interesting."
"What was?" Sanosuke inquired, a certain eagerness in his voice.
"I couldn't think of much to say to him…so I did the only thing I popped into my head."
"And that being…?" Yahiko nagged.
"I…took him into my arms and just held him." Both Sanosuke and Yahiko gasped as though it were on cue. "And he didn't even fight me off. Though I'd imagine it's because he was dumbstruck…if anything. I'd probably do the same thing if I were in his place. I wouldn't know what to make of things. And I don't even know why I did what I did… Perhaps it was because my words could no longer reach him. And I still wanted him to know that I never meant to neglect him." Yahiko nodded thoughtfully. "I never wanted him to be so angry. And I don't want it to be too late for him to change."
"He's definitely struggling. You must've gotten through to him somehow," Sanosuke added. "I mean, you saw the kid. He was sorta pale and you could definitely see him shaking… if that isn't a sign that something's bothering him, then I don't know what is."
"Sano's right… I've never seen him look so unstable before," Yahiko added. "Usually…he's just calm. He leaves in the morning to go train all day. Then right before dinner, he comes back home. It's been like that for as long as I can remember. Maybe your arrival has something to do with--"
"I'm home," came a voice suddenly interjecting Yahiko's. The three spun their heads around almost in unison. "Oh, I'm sorry… you all look so serious. Did I interrupt something?" Kenshin smiled brightly as he recognized the voice to belong to Kaoru. He rose from his cross-legged position and walked over to her. "Really, Kenshin…what's the matter?" Kaoru asked quietly, placing a hand upon his shoulder as she looked worriedly into his eyes.
Kenshin merely smiled as he watched Kaoru's eyebrows furrow. He hadn't wanted his wife to worry and so he tenderly brushed his hand so that it rested upon her cheek. "Sorry for worrying you, Kaoru," he whispered soothingly, lightly pressing his lips upon hers. He had momentarily forgotten that Sanosuke and Yahiko were in the same room as they were and so he pulled back slowly, observing that Kaoru's cheeks were lightly flushed. Kaoru looked away shyly for a moment and Kenshin automatically realized that he shouldn't have kissed his wife… in front of their best friends of all people.
"Woo, woo! Go for it, Kenshin!" Sanosuke hollered. Kenshin only smacked himself in the head. Quite a mistake on his part.
"Now, now," Kenshin interrupted, "that's not really necessary…"
"Kenshin's right, Sano… grow up, will ya?" Yahiko nudged as he shot a rueful look at the redhead. "And plus, it's not like YOU haven't done worse…" the boy added with a smug look on his face. Sanosuke hesitantly nodded after a short while. "Sorry about that," Yahiko apologized in a softer tone.
Kaoru waved a hand at her apprentice and smiled. Surely she had known that Yahiko grew up to be a fine young man but sometimes he surprised her. She hadn't expected that he would one day begin to tame Sanosuke just as they had once done. The assistant master sighed contently. It was hard for her to believe but Yahiko was finally a grown man. "It's late," she finally answered in a gentler tone than usual. "Seems that it's been a long day for all of us… what with you guys looking serious and everything…"
"Yeah maybe we should head out, runt," Sanosuke addressed to Yahiko, "we can tell all they wanna do is get it on…"
"Sano!" Kenshin cried, his face turning a brilliant shade of red.
"Has it ever occurred to you that we just might be tired? Jeez, everything running around in your head has something or other to do with foreplay! Get your mind out of the gutter, Sanosuke!" Kaoru chided, bokken (somehow) at the ready. She motioned for Kenshin to follow her and so he did. "We're heading to our room, but you guys can stay for a little while longer if you want. Yes, you too, Sano…"
"All right!" the ex-gangster shrieked in delight. Kaoru arched an eyebrow at him but paid no attention to his annoying mannerisms. A few seconds of silence befell the group and Kenshin eventually put his arm around Kaoru to signify that they were leaving.
Sanosuke put his head down for a moment after hearing their retreating footsteps. The sake jug in which he had drunk out of was not nearly empty yet. And so, being the sensible friend he was, he reached for it. However, there was something else that suddenly caught his eye. The tap that Sanosuke heard a moment later had made it official. "Psst, Yahiko, did you just see that?"
"See what?"
He walked toward the entrance of the hallway and bent down to pick something up. "This."
"…Well, it would be great if you could tell me more than just 'this' you know…"
Sanosuke strode back to where he once sat and held it up for the other boy to see. Yahiko raised an eyebrow. What he had been holding was a fragment of a shinai. "What in the world…?" Yahiko slowly went to reach for the fragment and suddenly realized that it hadn't come from one of Kaoru's swords. "This looks to be a shinai used for display only… either that, or it was really expensive. See this moldin--"
"Would ya stop with all these complicated technicalities?" yelled Sanosuke passionately as he waved his arms around. He cleared his throat and acted as though he hadn't just lost it mere seconds ago. "Anyways… I saw this drop from Jou-chan's obi… what do you think the story is with that one? …Maybe she was training with some students?"
"Can't be…she said she was going out to collect things for dinner… Kenshin told me that before."
"So what the hell is going on?"
Yahiko placed his forefinger against his chin and left it there for a few moments. "Don't know… But I'm getting a really bad feeling about this… Maybe we should follow her next time…"
Sanosuke clapped his hands together. "Sounds good, runt."
A/N: Yahiko and Sanosuke squad to the rescue! Will they be damned to argue with each other for the rest of their lives or actually get on the case? Only time will tell, review thanks guys!
Son Christine
