I know I'm basically a week late, but things are happening in my life and this took on a life of its own.
This is very much a filler chapter as the focus is mostly on Benjen. It's one of those chapters that just needed to be written. I wasn't going to post it but... it's Benjen and I'd already written it.
YOU CAN SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU WANT! IT ADDS NO PROGRESSION TO THE PLOT ONLY DEEPENS CHARACTER EXPLORATION!
Also, a reader on Ao3 said they were uncomfortable with some of the themes in this fic. As such for any who have felt such a way I formally apologize for the lack of warning. I'm not apologizing for the contents/theme in my fic. Just that I didn't give you any warnings.
#WARNING: THIS FIC MAY CONTAIN THEMES/CONTENT THAT MAY UPSET READERS! READ AT OWN RISK.
I also get a few people saying the ages of Lyanna, Anya and Benjen don't fit with their maturity and that I should up their ages. This will not be happening. Why? Because I'm working within a specific timeline. These children are noble born. This is fiction. I know my creative rights. Also Lyanna Mormont was only 10 and she was running her house on her own.
I also want to remind you that when I write Ned&Robert's Povs its after everything that's happened in winterfell. Yes, it's confusing but I will fix it after I complete this fic and give it proper editing attention.
REMINDER OF AGES:
Brandon & Robert: 16 (soon) 17 years
Ned: 15 (soon) 16 years
Lyanna: 9 (soon) 10 years.
Anya: 9 years
Benjen: 5 (soon) 6 years.
Thank you for all the support.
Enjoy the filler.
Chapter 15: Benjen's task.
The young pup began his search in silence. He did not search the entire castle in a frenzy as the Help did. He did not wail and cry Anya's name with desperation as Lyanna did. He did not rage and demand everyone search harder as Brandon did. Benjen, the youngest of the Stark children, searched in silence. He prowled the corridors with light steps and intent eyes. He thought hard and strategically chose where he would spend his energy to find his sister.
Father had told him once that a good Lord knows how to work smarter.
So, Benjen tried to be smarter.
He spent a long while thinking on everything he knew about Anya. She liked the cold- it always made her happy to feel the chilling kiss of the wind. But Brandon said Lyanna and Anya fought in the Godswood, so she would not be there. Anya loved to dwell in the crypts for quiet moments. He recalled her telling him it was because the dead can grow lonely too if they had no one to speak with. It was where she would go so no one would bother her. Benjen checked the crypts but found no one. His quiet whispers of Anya's name heralded no response. A cold shiver overcame him suddenly and Benjen felt uneasy among his dead ancestors.
The young pup did not believe in ghosts, but the crypts scared him.
He took a step back, uncomfortable and terrified to go any further.
Despite his fear, Anya had told him the dead had earned their right to be respected. She'd said that being dead is an unfortunate fate. For that reason, the young pup mustered as much courage as he could to speak.
"I-I'm sorry f-for disturbing you….." he stuttered out before quickly fleeing.
Benjen didn't feel safe in the crypts without his father or Anya at his side.
But children don't like to think deeply on things that make them uncomfortable. And soon enough, Benjen forgot about the unease he felt towards the crypts.
Next, Benjen considered the library, but found it full of the Help checking every corner and behind every bookshelf. He left soon after, thinking himself stupid for assuming Anya would hide there. It was too obvious and Anya was smarter than that. Slowly, the young pup started to lose hope that he would find his sister, and panic stirred in his chest. He worried that Lyanna had hurt Anya so incredibly that Anya had decided to run away.
Anya would never do such a thing, but Benjen had a child's mind.
And a child's mind was capable of rather wild imaginations.
It is perhaps due to Benjen's wild imagination, he began to cry.
Benjen, when he truly cries, is silent. He was never a loud crier. He had a talent for disappearing and becoming invisible when he wanted to. It's the only reason Lyanna took a few seconds longer to notice him when she turned the corner. Lyanna, with her hair wild, her face wet and blotchy; had mud, wrinkles and a few rips in her dress. She looked every bit like the wild she-wolf beast her reputation described.
"Benjen! Have you- Oh! You're crying! What happened!? Why are you-"
Benjen trembled and felt something hot bubble and burst in his tiny chest. When Lyanna reached for him, he whacked her hand away. When she tried again, he repeated his rejection. Frustrated, Lyanna scolded him with her red rimmed eyes in a narrow glare.
"Stop it Benjen! I'm only trying to-"
"NO! I don't want you to comfort me!" He hissed.
Lyanna winced as if she'd been struck but Benjen, in his anger, didn't care. He glared up at Lyanna through his tear filled eyes and continued to hiss at her with blame.
"All of this is your fault! You knew and you- Father said- Y-you…."
Benjen struggled to speak without stuttering. He was too emotional, too worried and panicked about Anya to think properly. Lyanna faltered under his accusing words, having not expected to face another younger sibling's hurt and tears.
"I made a mistake and I'm sorry but I-"
Benjen didn't care that Lyanna was apologizing. He didn't care that she looked so miserable and exhausted. He was scared that Anya might have run away. Lyanna had never seen Benjen rage before- she'd always likened him to be another Quiet wolf in the making like Ned or sweet like Anya. When Benjen curls his fists tightly at his sides; when his face turns red with emotional anger, Lyanna falls silent.
"I HATE YOU!" Benjen roars.
His words echo off the walls and the two children are frozen in place with shock. Their eyes are wide because they have never said such words to each other in their lives. Lyanna pushes through her shock to speak with stuttered words of plea.
"Y-you didn't mean that. Benjen. Y-you didn't mean that." She denies.
Benjen feels calmer, he feels better. He stares up at Lyanna's begging expression and feels only the slightest bit of guilt. Regardless, he does not take the words back.
"You hurt Anya… How could you….."
Lyanna feels as if her world is spinning because Benjen is not- He isn't taking his words back. He can't have meant them because- because- Mama said- she said- 'I forgive you. I will always forgive you because I love you.'
It's not that Benjen no longer loves Lyanna…. He does.
She will always be his sister.
But Anya…
Anya is the closest thing he had ever had to a mother.
Benjen straightens his back with determination. He copies his father best as he could, and smooths out his expression as closely to Anya's mask as he can. He does it exactly as he'd practiced in his lord lessons. When he speaks, it is with a tone of maturity far beyond his simple 5 years. A tone that strikes Lyanna dumb and silent.
"If Anya ran away I'll never forgive you and I'll hate you forever."
Benjen runs, he does not linger any longer and he stops crying. He runs to continue his search and leaves Lyanna behind with no further thought. He's said what he's said and has nothing else to give her. He leaves Lyanna alone and doesn't look back.
Lyanna falls to the ground and hugs herself tightly. She sits alone on the floor, surrounded by nothing but cold stone walls who give her no comfort. She hurts deeply and wishes to cry but has run out of tears to shed. She can't stop hearing Benjen's words- can't ignore the promise they'd held. She trembles and shakes with the realization of how great a mess she has created.
It is only now, Lyanna truly realizes all that she'd lost due to her foolishness.
"Mama… what have I done?" she croaks.
She tries to comfort herself with her mother's last words as she usually would. But the words are tainted by Benjen's declaration.
'I forgive you. I will always forgive you because-If Anya ran away I'll never forgive you and I'll hate you forever.'
~*~*~Winter Storm Queen~*~*~
Benjen runs with no destination in mind. The tears in his eyes blur his way until eventually he finds himself in Anya's room. He desperately sobs out her name and feels his heart fall when he receives no response. Anya is not in her room and to Benjen, it can only mean one thing.
Anya is gone.
Benjen can't stop the sobs that escape him. They blubber out beyond his control. He does not want to be seen- He doesn't want anyone to find him and try and comfort him with lies. He can't find his Anya and to him it only means one thing. The young pup turns and runs again, he stumbles his way through the blur of his tears, sobbing all the way.
He runs to his bed chambers seeking solitude.
Maybe, if he goes to sleep the gods will be kind and wake him from this nightmarish dream.
He intended to burst into his bed chamber and curl among his furs.
But, when he gets to his room, he hears the sound of hiccups and harsh sniffles.
Benjen stops crying abruptly and wipes at his face with caution.
The crying sounds grow louder and harsher, with desperate heaving and muffled whines.
Someone is crying in his room, and it most definitely isn't Benjen.
"W-who's…Hello?" he croaks out.
There's another choking sound but the crying continues. Benjen musters all the bravery he can find within him and tiptoes his way around his bed. He peeks over the side and feels his heart lift and drop simultaneously.
There, with her hair a mess and her face a red wet disaster, is Anya.
"Anya?" Benjen whispers.
She looks up at him but the tears don't stop. She can't get them to stop falling. There's a painful ache in her chest that she doesn't understand- has never felt before. Not even when Mama had died. She sobs and tries to sort through the turmoil of emotions she's overwhelmed with.
"B-Ben *hic* I c-can't *hic* why c-can't *hic* I-I *hic* STOP!" Anya sobs with angry frustration.
She presses her palms against her eyes with a force that causes her to see stars. She feels disgusting- her nose is stuffy with snot and her eyes just won't stop. Anya hurts and is ashamed of herself for looking like such a mess in front of her baby brother.
Benjen doesn't know what to do.
Never, in all five of his years, has he ever seen Anya in such a way. To Benjen, Anya is the strongest bravest person he's ever known. He's seen her anger, heard her yell, and watched as she would multitask with calm ease.
But never has he ever seen her cry.
Anya was like father.
Everyone said she was.
But Father would never cry- not like this.
Benjen can't stand the sound of Anya's sobs and the harsh breaths she takes. Once again, his eyes burn and his chest aches. He doesn't know how to get Anya to stop crying, so he cries with her. He lets out a cry and wraps his arms tightly around her.
Together, the two children cry out the hurt in their hearts.
They cry until they can cry no more and sleep overwhelms them.
It is in such positions, Rickard would discover the two. He would notify the Help to cease with the search and spend the rest of the night guarding over his younger children. Alone, with no witnesses, only then will Rickard allow the ache in his heart to stream from his eyes.
"Forgive me….Forgive this craven old fool….." he croaks into the quiet night.
But the children are too deeply asleep to hear his words.
And only the walls of Benjen's chambers hear his begging pleas.
~*~*~Winter Storm Queen~*~*~
Brandon finds Lyanna alone, looking empty and numb. Night has fallen and the cold chill of the North has made itself home in Winterfell's castle. The torches were late to be lit because of the chaotic search for Anya. Despite still being angry, Brandon had already raged at Lyanna. The anger he holds now is directed towards himself and their cold father for the entire days mess.
No matter her mistakes and the anger she causes in him, Brandon is still a big brother.
"What are you doing sitting on the ground like that?" he scoffs before settling down beside her.
Lyanna doesn't answer, and she had long stopped crying. The older Stark children sit in silence, surrounded by cold walls. Brandon has never seen his wild sister so still and silent before. It unnerves him.
"Lyanna? The least you can do after all this mess is answer me," he stresses with impatience.
"Benjen hates me."
Brandon stills with momentary confusion on whether he'd imagined her speaking. Lyanna's words were much too quiet and incredibly odd that it sounds crazy to his ears.
"What? Nonsense."
"It's true, he screamed it at me and told me so. He hates me, Bran."
The wild wolf doesn't immediately contradict the she-wolf's words. The truth is, he is not sure what to say. Brandon has been far from home for a long while. Benjen has grown up without Brandon. To assume everything is the same as when he left is a foolish thought. He'd been stupid enough to have forgotten Father's spies about the castle. It is why all this madness had happened. Brandon is also very aware of how important Benjen considers Anya to be in his life.
He knows he should assure and comfort Lyanna with gentle words.
But being emotionally comforting and gentle has never been Brandon's best skill.
That brotherly ability had always been Ned's special skill.
Instead, Brandon scoffs and berates Lyanna with blunt honesty.
"You fucked up Lyanna. We both did. We should have known better than to think we could get away with everything so easily. Shit happens but that doesn't always mean it'll be easy to fix."
Lyanna looked at him with anger in her eyes and sneered at him.
"Benjen hates me and you-"
"Dear gods, Lya, just shut up and listen for once," he groans with a glare.
She quietens down and the fire she'd felt building in her chest cools briefly.
"I'm not making fun of you. You fucked up, that's just the honest truth. Yes- Benjen hates you, but he's only five and Anya's the closest thing he has to a mother. Of course he's going to be pissed and say shit like that to you. You said it constantly whenever Ned or I refused to teach you the sword when you were a pup. Do you still hate us?"
Lyanna shook her head with frantic disagreement before voicing her rebuttal.
"That was different! You know it was different. This time I-I really hurt Anya, Bran. He's never going to forgive me and I-"
Brandon tensed his jaw, not wanting to be reminded by Lyanna of the day's drama.
"You fucked up."
Lyanna tangled her fingers in her dress tightly and kept her head low. Brandon sighs and places his hand on her head before roughly continuing to speak.
"You hurt Anya, but Benjen doesn't speak for her. I've….. I've been away for too long, so I can't tell you how she'd react after all this. But believe me….. There is nothing Anya wouldn't do for pack, and you're part of the pack Lya."
Lyanna sniffs and looks a little comforted by his words. Brandon decides to take it as a good sign and hardens his expression into something sterner. He ensures Lyanna is looking at him when he speaks. He wants her to remember this moment and never forget all that she feels. He wants her to learn from everything that happened and be better.
"Someone once told me that words are nothing but spoken wind if our actions do not prove them true. You fucked up, Lya, but once is forgivable. Fuck up again and your forgiveness is in the hands of the gods. There will be no third time. Are we clear?"
He's practically daring her, but she doesn't look away. Instead, she nods at his words and he knows the importance of what he's said has registered with her. He pulls her into a tight comforting hug, but to her credit, there are no more tears.
"Have they found her?" Lyanna whispers, afraid of what the answer may be.
Brandon nods.
"Benjen found her."
They don't say anymore and Lyanna feels the emotional exhaustion from the day finally wear her down. The first born Stark son and daughter remain in the cold corridors. The cold stones, silence and darkening light are their only company.
"Bran…. Tell me a story….please" Lyanna mumbled.
Brandon scoffed as he continued to comb through her tangled hair.
"You think you deserve one?"
Lyanna says nothing, but after a more beats of silence Brandon tells her a tale. He isn't the best at telling stories, but this tale is one he deeply treasures. He speaks softly and his words are soothing to the ears and slowly- much like a lullaby- Lyanna falls under sleeps spell. A single tear falls as Brandon speaks the ending of his tale.
"….and he could do nothing but watch as the world he'd fought to protect crumbled. The world moved on but he did not. He watched his loved ones live with a frozen heart and ghostly eyes. But he was happy- so happy, even in death."
The wild wolf's eyes were distant as his mind drowned in the memory of his mother's parting words. Brandon remembered his mother best for her habit of speaking tongues. She never told him what the man had seen to make him so happy. Never specified the challenges and choices the man had to make. All she ever said was that he'd watched the world crumble and was happy.
"You will grow up to be a fine and brave warrior wolf. Women will love you, Men will respect you but you're nature was never to be kind. You are a wild wolf who comes and goes as he pleases. You will be a king in your own right, an Alpha of presence and power. But there will be a time, where just like the man in my story, you will face a choice. But whatever you decide, I promise you will be happy my son. My fierce wild wolf."
Brandon often wondered about his mother- puzzled with suspicions about her strange habit for speaking tongues.
'The gods have plans' she'd told him once.
Brandon scoffs and glares at the cold stone before him, his hold around Lyanna tightening protectively.
'Fuck the gods' he viciously spat in his mind.
Brandon was the Wild Wolf and he would protect his pack till his dying breath.
It's the only thing that would ever make him as happy as the man in his mother's tale.
~*~*~Winter Storm Queen~*~*~
An air of awkward tension had fallen upon Winterfell castle. Everyone who frequented the castle could not ignore its heavy presence. They all knew the cause of such tension but none dared to whisper a word about it. Every member of the help kept their heads low and focussed their attentions on their duties.
Winterfell was quiet, much too quiet for anyone's liking, but there was no changing it.
Not when the Stark children were so divided.
Brandon was frustrated.
He was soon to return to his fostering in two days, but there were no signs of this incident resolving. It had been four days- almost a full week- since Lyanna and Anya's fall out, and the sisters were no closer to returning to their close bonded ways. Brandon understood that Anya had been incredibly hurt. He understood that on some level she was incredibly mad.
But four days should have been enough for her temper to cool.
"Anya, you are being unreasonable," He pointed out with a tight glare.
Anya continued to comb through her loose hair with her cold marble mask firmly in place. It only served in agitating the wild wolf further. As Anya began to braid her hair, she blandly responded.
"I don't want to see her yet, Bran."
"You haven't said a word to her in four days! Ignoring her completely is just petty and cruel."
Anya stared at him through the looking glass and he gritted his teeth. She didn't need to speak the words, Brandon was well aware of how greatly hypocritical he just sounded.
"You turn when she approaches. You play deaf when she calls to you. You stare pass her as if she is a ghost. A day is fine, two days will press your point but FOUR days is just cruel and mean. And you are my sweet sister, nothing like me." He lectured.
Anya finished her braid and turned to him with an icy stare. Brandon didn't buckle or fear, no matter how accurately she channelled their father. She could be a woman grown, but Brandon would always see her as his baby sister. As far as he was concerned, Anya was simply experiencing her first tantrum.
A tantrum that was slowly irritating the wild wolf.
"I don't want to see her yet, Bran." Anya repeated
Brandon let out an irate huff and folded his arms as he glared down at her. He'd never thought Anya could be so stubborn. Lyanna was a depressing mess, and Brandon really pitied her. He thought Anya's treatment to be fair for the first two days but now it was just sad.
"She made a mistake and surely by now you agree she's learned her lesson. How much longer are you going to drag this out?" He scolded.
~*~*~Winter Storm Queen~*~*~
Brandon didn't get it.
Nobody but Benjen and Father understood.
It wasn't that Anya was still mad and hurt by her sister.
Anya was scared to see Lyanna, because she was unsure of what will happen. After being such a crying mess in front of Benjen, Anya had felt deeply ashamed of herself. Horrified and embarrassed that she'd been found by her brother in such a state. Father had been awake at Benjen's bedside and the both of them had a long talk about everything. She knew he had left to have a similar conversation with Lyanna, but despite his assurance that crying as such was a normal thing for children, Anya still felt shame.
She had never felt so out of control over herself before.
And it scared her deeply.
"Anya." Brandon called tightly with warning.
She could see it in his eyes that he was growing impatient and frustrated with her. She tried not to wince with timid shame at the tone he used. Anya truly wished she could answer his question, but her mind couldn't formulate one. So instead, she stayed silent, with her mask hard in play.
Brandon had enough and he stepped forward with a sternly pointed finger.
"Fine. Don't answer my questions and continue your tantrum. But heed my words Anya. I will be writing to Ned and telling him exactly what you're doing."
Anya reacted immediately and gripped at Brandon's hand.
"Don't tell Ned!" she snapped with panic in her eyes.
"Why? He deserves to know you've been lying in your letters. I bet you most likely worded your letters carefully so he wouldn't suspect you and Lyanna are fighting." Brandon accused.
Anya's eyes must have expressed something as Brandon watched her suspiciously before he carefully asked his next question.
"You have been writing to, Ned?"
Anya's silence was an answer enough.
The look of pure shock on Brandon's face increased her shame, and Anya ducked her head to stare at her boots. The silence between the two siblings stretched until Brandon could finally work his tongue to speak.
"Have you written to Ned since that morning you visited my tent?" the suspicion in his tone caused her to curl her fingers in her dress sleeves.
"Anya." Brandon sternly prompted.
This time, she couldn't hide the guilty wince she gave at his tone.
Brandon inhaled sharply as his mind raced to count the days Ned's spent without a letter from Anya. He found himself stressing because he'd foolishly assumed the two had been conversing through ravens all this time. Now, not only were his sisters at odds thanks to their cold father, but Ned's most likely up to who knows what with that fucking stag.
The wild wolf angrily raked a hand through his hair and began to pace. He needed to stay calm, but the anxiety, the raging worry and jealousy stirring in his heart made it hard. Brandon's mind had conjured all the possible ways Ned might have reacted to having no word from Anya. He suddenly imagined Ned's mopey appearance being comforted and cheered up by the fucking Baratheon he's fostering with, and found himself fuming. He could see it in his mind, the fucking stag would cheer his brother with an offer of drinking and women. It would be the fucking stag who would protect his little brother.
Not Brandon.
Because Ned was all the way in the South and Brandon was not.
'The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.'
Brandon is well aware that he was a possessive and jealous fool.
He was a wild wolf that did as he pleased with little care for kindness.
But his heart was always weak for his pack.
For his family.
His blood.
"I'm telling Ned." He bluntly said before turning to write to his brother.
"WAIT!" Anya cried as she gripped at his arm.
"I cannot believe you. How long have you been silent with him? DO you have any idea…."
Anya kept her head lowered as Brandon thoroughly scolded her for leaving Ned so uninformed for so long. She didn't try defending herself, or interrupting his ranting admonishment. Though it was never explicitly said, the Stark family had come to expect Anya to keep the quiet wolf informed on everything. It was routine for Anya's letters to Brandon to ask after his health and praise whatever accomplishments Father had shared he'd achieved. Then, Anya would write to Ned and tell him on behalf of all of them.
2 whole weeks are soon to pass, and Anya had yet to reply to Ned's birthday letter.
"Are you going to explain yourself or will you continue to silently admire your boots?" Brandon snapped.
"I don't want to worry Ned." She timidly whispered after a short period of silence.
"Elaborate." Brandon ordered.
There was no gentle lenience in his tone, only expectation. He expected her reasons to be good, better than a simple 'I didn't want to' and 'I was so busy I forgot'. Brandon would try his best, but being understanding had never been one of his better skills.
Anya took a deep breath and tried to formulate an answer that best described what she felt.
"I miss Ned."
The siblings froze after Anya had blurted the first words that came to mind. The truth of her words struck both of them deeply in their aching hearts. Suddenly, Anya's words easily spilled pass her lips with an earnest and passionate tone of honesty.
"I want him to come home. I want him to be here- with us! I don't want him in the South but it's important for our House relations! I miss him so much and I- I know if I ask he will come."
If Ned were here, he would tell her what was wrong with her. He would tell her how to face Lyanna without feeling shame or the need to shatter and sob. If Ned were here- If Ned were here he'd- If Ned were here he would-
"If Ned were here he would have the words to assure you that there is nothing wrong with crying."
Anya had been so caught up in her pining want to see Ned, she'd not noticed the tears falling from her eyes. Nor did she realise that she had begun to speak her words out loud. Brandon easily picked her up and carried her as he used too when she was younger. Anya found herself sniffling into his neck and her heart ached while her face burned hot. She clung to him and he rubbed soothing circles on her back.
"I-I don't w-want him to g-get in a-anymore trouble, Bran" she whispered through her tears.
"It's Ned Anya, he's no trouble maker." Brandon hushed with a forced tone of tease.
Anya frantically shook her head before she next spoke.
"He got into a fight when he'd heard I'd gotten sick. He would never do something so reckless if he wasn't upset. Father said he can't come home till his fostering is done- the travelling road is too dangerous for visits. If he knows Lya and I are fighting he will ride home, you know he will."
Brandon had nothing else to say as all Anya had said was true.
He tightened his hold on Anya's crying form and sighed.
"Ned is out there alone Anya. He's far from home where none of us can easily reach. How greatly do you think he is missing us? Here, in the North we have each other but he is alone."
Anya stopped her crying to pull back and meet Brandon's eyes.
"I won't write Ned about your fighting with Lyanna; BUT if another week shall pass and you do not write him. I will ride to the South to tell him myself and guide him home so he may scold you both in the flesh. Do you understand?"
Anya nodded her head but Brandon wanted her to verbally answer.
"I said, do you understand?" he repeated with a soft tone that expected a response.
Anya took several deep breaths before she answered.
"Yes, Bran. I understand."
The siblings shared no more words and simply held each other. Following their conversation, Brandon had no more need to lecture Anya about reconciling with Lyanna. All it would take was a pointed look of warning to remind Anya of their conversation. It was enough to have Anya avoid his stares and stiffly sit through dinner while Lyanna desperately attempted to converse with her. Anya secretly prayed and thanked the gods for blessing her life with Benjen. If not for Benjen's timely interruptions, Anya is sure she would have shattered once again at hearing Lyanna speak to her.
She needed time.
Until then, Anya couldn't find it in her to give her older sister anything.
Not until she could ensure she would never shatter so shamefully again.
~*~*~Winter Storm Queen~*~*~
Despite the brash and piercing insults Brandon loved to spit in his direction, Rickard LOVED his children. He loved each and every one of them. He did not love one over the other- despite what his actions may show- he loved all his children equally in different ways.
He understood them in different ways.
Because each child, his love, had gifted him differed in many ways.
What worked with one child would not work with another.
He'd learnt such lesson a long time ago.
But Brandon had been right in one aspect.
The division among his children had been Rickard's fault.
Rickard's spies had come and whispered to him all that happened with his children. They told him of how Benjen clings to Anya like a leech would to skin. They told him of how Lyanna dims in both voice and liveliness each day Anya refuses to interact with her. They tell him of how the wild wolf grows tired of fighting each day and prowls the castle with a brooding stare.
They tell him of how Anya trembles in her sleep and silently cries out her sister's name.
Rickard knows he must teach his children.
He must prepare them.
But he loves them too much to see them suffer for so long.
On the sixth day of Anya and Lyanna's fight, Rickard orders for several of the help to distract Lyanna and Brandon. Before the first ray of sun can brighten the sky, Rickard quietly enters his youngest pup's bed chambers. He strokes his youngest son's head with a loving touch- as if the child is a snow flake freshly fallen from the skies.
Benjen crinkles his nose and Rickard smiles at how identical the act is to Lyarra. He sees her in all his children. Benjen has her cunning, Brandon has her thirst for blood, Lyanna has her stubborn will, Ned has her wit and mind; But Anya….. Anya has much of her mother's heart.
They are her gifts to him and he will love them always.
"Father?" Benjen groans with drowsy awareness.
"mmh" he hums in response, never ceasing his soft touch.
Benjen blinks himself awake and stares up at his father with a questioning stare. Rickard smiles as his heart beats with something other than ache in so long.
"It's time….you're sisters are in need of your help my pup."
Benjen jerks up with nervous surprise as Rickard pulls from his pockets two letters that had arrived a few days back. Though Benjen had been too young, he recognizes the writing with ease; having spied the same written hand for letters Anya received.
Rickard holds in his hand two letters from Ned.
One for Lyanna.
And one for Anya.
It is perhaps, in this moment, Benjen is first aware of how far his father's mind stretches in planning. Benjen is much too young to truly understand the complex manipulation and strategic plays his father acted with.
In the future, there will be a time where Benjen will think back to this moment and marvel at how deeply his father embodied the role 'Lord' throughout his life.
But that is in the future.
~*~*~Winter Storm Queen~*~*~
Anya woke to grey skies and cold sheets.
She'd slept in once again.
She knew what she needed to get done, already mentally listing all her responsibilities for the day. However, recently she felt a heavy pit of dread in her belly each time she woke and thought of her list. She gently touched the lids of her eyes and sighed with frustration at their slight swell. Once again she had been crying in her sleep.
"This is Lyanna's fault" she muttered to herself.
The bitter taste of her words caused guilt to well in her throat and self anger to burn and itch in her eyes.
Anya still had yet to understand what it is she was experiencing.
She still had yet to regain control over herself and it frustrated her immensely.
She was sick of waking with swollen eyes and a stuffy nose.
Tired of having to drink warm tea to soothe her croaky throat.
Above all else, she was tired of feeling heavy each time Brandon would cast her a pointed look or Lyanna would ambush her with insistent smiles and words that begged.
Anya was tired.
Today….
Anya did not want to leave her room.
Just then, a series of knocks on her door had her sighing.
"Lady Anya? Is everything okay? You have yet to be seen leaving your chambers? Are you feeling unwell?" Arrei called from the other side of the door.
Anya swallowed and hoped her voice would sound steady and sure when she spoke.
"Fine, Arrei. I only wanted a bit of time to do some early readings."
There was the distinct sound of shuffling feet but before Anya could wonder about it, Arrei spoke again.
"If you're certain my lady. Lord Rickard sent me to inform you that you are excused from studies and lessons today. My Lord is…. Worried as of late about your state of health."
Anya sat up at that, her throat swelling with guilt as she spoke again.
"Father is worried?" I am worrying father!?
"Lord Stark always worries for his children….. you know this well my lady. I shall leave you to your readings then."
As Arrei's footsteps faded from ear, Anya curled deeper into her furs.
It could not have been more than a few minutes later when another soft knock happened upon her door.
"Anya?" Benjen whispered as he carefully pushed his way into her room.
Only then did a true smile grow on Anya's lips. She sat up and gave a quiet huff of laughter at seeing how Benjen ran to jump onto her bed with a grin.
"Oh good you're awake!" He cheered.
"I'm always awake before you, Ben" she teased.
The eye roll he responded with made her laugh and she missed how his eyes twinkled with pride. After a bit of fun teasing and short chatter, Benjen double checked what Anya planned to do with her break day.
"Well…. The usual I suppose? I have yet to see the help about the arrangements for tonight's meal. And the Maester requested my opinion on a few of the scrolls he gave me the other-"
"NO! You're supposed to be resting!" Benjen interrupted with a glare.
"And I will after-"
Benjen pouted and widened his eyes. Anya was no fool, she was well aware of Benjen's little act. It never stopped her heart from softening either way.
"Benjen…." She sighed.
"I know you've got a lot to do so Father can have an easier time. But Anya I-….. can't you spend the day with me? It's just….. with everything happening with Lyanna I…"
Benjen didn't finish his sentence.
He didn't need to.
Anya placed her hand on his head and gave his wavy hair a short ruffle.
"You won't always be able to get your way with me, Ben" she sighed.
Benjen grinned with mischief before giving a crowing cheer at her agreement. While he waited outside for her to ready herself for a day with him, Benjen spotted Arrei waiting at the corner corridor. She gave a thumbs up with a questioning stare which Benjen eagerly mirrored with a smug grin.
Phase 1 of his task from father was super easy to accomplish.
Phase 1: Get Anya to spend the day with him= Complete.
~*~*~Winter Storm Queen~*~*~
Anya's earlier grievances felt miles away as she and Benjen engaged in many games. First, they rode horses pretending to be knights in a joust. Next they ran about the fields rolling among winter flowers and dirtying their clothes with mud. Following that, Benjen decided they should be like ducklings and follow after the help. Several servants found themselves hiding their laughter at the muddied children who trailed after the butcher and the cooks, stomping in their footprints. One of the farmers allowed them to choose a piglet to play with for the day. Benjen picked one with black spots and a brown coat.
They named him the mythical night king from Old Nan's stories and laughed as Benjen ran away in acted fright.
"Ah! Save me Anya! It's the Night King he's here to get me!" Benjen squealed as the piglet snorted after his heels.
"No he won't!" Anya cried as she pounced to scoop the piglet up into her hold.
They laughed until their sides hurt, and were then fed fresh baked berry cakes by Jaida.
What had seemed to be a grey filled day, was suddenly filled with bright sun rays and joyful laughter. Anya forgot about her woes over Lyanna and her guilt towards Ned. In this moment, she forgot all about her responsibilities and stress.
Anya let go of all her earlier gloom and simply lived in the moment.
Benjen peeked over to see how flushed and relaxed Anya was. He smiled at how, despite the mud on her much older and worn dress, as well as her loose hair; she still looked like a Lady in his eyes.
Phase 2: Make Anya forget she's sad= Complete.
~*~*~Winter Storm Queen~*~*~
It was only by noon, Anya started to grow suspicious.
She'd not heard Lyanna call her name, and had yet to even encounter Brandon all day. She knew her wild siblings well enough to know silence never lasted long with them home. Hence why, her suspicions shifted to hidden side glances at her young pup brother by her side. Anya did not wish to seem arrogant, but she was certain there was no one in Winterfell who knew Benjen better than her.
True, Benjen was mischievous and often much too cunning and sly. But Brandon and Lyanna were stubborn forces that dug their heels deep and refused to move much like a rooted tree. There is no way Benjen could have planned a scheme well enough to keep her wild siblings out of the way for so long.
"I've not seen Bran or Lya all day. It's strange…." She idly mused with a distracted stare towards the high clouds.
A glance from the corner of her eye saw the wide eyed expression on Benjen's face, and she hid a snickering smile at the way he seemed worried. She did not say anything else, only waited with patience to see what would happen. Seconds later she heard Benjen give a huffy groan and looked to him with a grin as he pouted.
"FINE! I heard that Father sent Bran out for a hunt this early morning and Lya was sche-sched-sche-du-eld for a visit to Wintertown with the septa. So I asked Father if you could have a day free from study and he sent Arrei to tell you."
Anya laughed before she proceeded to cuddle Benjen close and hold him tight.
Truly, she knew her puppy brother well for she knows with her heart that he'd planned their games all for her. So she laughed and cuddled him close and felt something other than heavy guilt and shame swell within her chest.
She felt utter love and pure bliss for the first time since her fight with Lyanna.
Anya prayed to the gods and thanked the heavens for blessing her with Benjen.
"Thank you….." she breathed before kissing him softly on his head.
Despite the dark blush that overcame him, Benjen clung tight and refused to move. After a few more minutes of peaceful rest, Benjen pulled away with a gleam of excitement in his eyes.
"Well…. Actually Anya…. I also got a bit of a surprise for you. I wanted to give it to you today."
Anya could only follow along as Benjen pulled her after him. She furrowed her brows in confusion when Benjen unlocked the glass house and continued further in. The Glass house was used to grow crops during the most terrible winters and was often out of bounds. It was no Hightower with blossoming flowers and rich sweet fruits like House Tyrell often boasted about. Regardless, it was supposed to be out of bounds to them unless they were with Father.
"Benjen. You know we're not-"
"Father said it was okay! I promise!" Benjen cut in with earnest eyes.
Anya hesitated but soon continued to follow.
Benjen brought her to a strangely made tent. It was small, looking just big enough to fit a few children but most likely only three adults. Benjen had already entered, and so Anya followed him only to gasp with amazement at the inside. The tent was lit with candles, with warm furs and soft feathered pillows. There was a pile of scrolls and books in one corner, a tray with snacks and a pitcher of juice.
When Anya looked back to Benjen, she found him holding out a small platter. He peered up at her with sweet innocent and earnest eyes with a nervous but warm smile.
"Phase 3" Benjen says with determination.
Anya looks to him with confusion but he just pushes the platter closer for her to look. It takes one glance for her heart to freeze and for fear to overwhelm her. There on the platter next to the single slice of lemon cake is a letter from Ned.
Suddenly, Anya knows with certainty that Benjen was not alone with his plans for the day.
"But I-I didn't-"
"Father and Bran wrote to Ned after I heard you and Lya fight the first day of the ladies gathering. Father hid the letters after he saw you both made up, but after everything now….." Benjen explained while fidgeting.
Anya reached for the letter with shaky hands and carefully settled to read it. Benjen scooted a bit away in some show of privacy but it was useless as Anya read Ned's letter out loud for the both of them.
"Dearest Anya, It will be a lie to say I am not upset…."
Benjen listened intently to Ned's letter as Anya read. Despite the tremble in her voice and the tearing blur in her eyes, she pronounced each word with clarity. Benjen barely remembered his brother Ned, he knew plenty from Anya's stories. There was a painted portrait of them all as a family but his real mother was faded and the painted Ned looked strange in the picture. Benjen didn't think the painter was skilled enough to draw his family.
Anya had shared with Benjen Ned's letters before, but this letter felt and sounded different.
Benjen couldn't explain.
Not properly, at least.
Ned always appeared in his mind as a tall knight with a wolf helm and a long sword in his grip. Anya's tales of Ned caused Benjen to imagine a brave warrior hero who moved with quiet grace and warm eyes. Brandon's stories caused him to think of a sharp tongued trickster not too different from himself. Lyanna's descriptions had Benjen staring into his looking glass for hours, trying to piece together what his brother looked like from the features she claimed they shared.
In this letter…. Ned sounded tired and worn.
Benjen thought his quiet wolf brother sounded lonely and could tell that Anya thought the same. Anya took a moment to stop reading out loud and her eyes had sharpened with an ache of guilt and yearning. A look of longing appeared in her eyes and Benjen- while he had known, he'd never understood how deeply the emotion ran within his sister.
"…..But I do know my own truth to be this. I need you Anya. More so now than ever before….."
Anya read these in a barely heard whisper that Benjen strained to catch. He felt as if his heart was pounding in time to each word Anya read. Ned's words were filled with so much that Benjen stared at the parchment with awe.
How could one letter- a simple parchment stained with inked words, bring so much comfort and encourage so much trust and confidence? How can Ned- who is so far away in the South, lace his words with so much feeling that even Benjen feels moved?
"When the snows fall, and the white wind blows. The lone wolf dies but the pack survives."
Benjen would have thought Anya would cry due to how emotionally charged the letter feels. He thought Anya would miss Ned so strongly in the moment she would cry for him.
But Anya's eyes are clear and instead they are bright with a determined drive.
A determined drive Lyanna's mistake had smothered.
Benjen is stunned into silence as Anya reads the last of Ned's letter in a steady voice filled with strength.
"Wait for me to come home. Love always your brother, Ned."
The silence between them is tense with Benjen's anticipation. He doesn't know why Father had stressed that the lemon cake is the most important part of his task. Regardless, Benjen was prepared for both outcomes. If Anya didn't eat the lemon cake, he had several other schemes to see she would. If she did…..then Benjen's task would be a success.
Anya contemplated the lemon cake a few seconds more before a small smile tugged at her lips. Gently, with more care than probably needed, she bit into the slice.
Phase 3: Should the lady take one bite, I shall know she is well= Complete.
He let out a laugh of pride and jumped to his feet. Anya smiled at him with a knowing glint in her eyes he didn't seem to catch.
Benjen was proud of himself because he'd done it.
Completed the task father had given him with complete success!
Benjen had planned to tell Anya all about his task from father should he succeed. He planned to gift to Anya his hand made trinket like the one she'd given him from the market. But he was too ecstatic and his mind was filled with so much curiosity that he prompted Anya for something else.
"Anya… tell me more about Ned."
And so they spent the rest of their day huddled away in the Glass house within a tent. Anya shared with Benjen every memory she had of Ned and she re-read to him Ned's recount of the day she was born.
Eventually, exhaustion stole Benjen away into sleeps embrace.
It took careful effort and movement for Anya to carry him back to his bed chambers. Only after she'd seen him settled she rushed to Rickard's solar.
~*~*~Winter Storm Queen~*~*~
Rickard is expecting the knock and when Anya enters he studies her carefully. She looks to him with bright eyes so fierce yet filled with the beginnings of tears. She presses Ned's letter to her chest firmly, as if she is afraid it will be stolen by the winds or something other. She looks to her father and pleads with her eyes.
"Is this true? Did he truly write this?" or did you?
Rickard hears her unspoken words with ease and he moves away from his desk so he can properly address her. He bends before her on one knee and settles his hands on either cheek. He gently wipes away the stray tears that fall and nods his head.
"It's true."
Anya gives a hiccup and begins to cry in earnest but she does not pull away from her father's hold. Rickard smiles at her with soft love in his eyes. It has been too long since he's seen his cold wolf daughter so full of life and emotion. He is pleased to see that his sweet child… his precious unexpected gift is still so sweet and loving with heart beneath her layers of ice.
Anya sobs and wraps her arms around his neck. For the second time this day, Rickard finds his arms full with a sobbing daughter. Unlike Lyanna, who silently wept into his shoulder after reading Ned's letter, Anya heaves and whines, pressing her wet heated face into his neck as if she is trying to hide from the world.
And when she calms, when she no longer feels the need to sob out her heart.
She confesses to him her greatest most secret fear.
Rickard feels a sharp pierce of something cold spike through his heart at her confession.
But a glance over his daughter's head has him seeing the ghost of his love. Lyarra smiles at him with sad eyes that grieve and he knows the very same emotions reflect in his own.
"It is only the lone wolf that dies, Anya….. and you will never be alone."
Lyarra's ghost gives to him a solemn nod, but as her head bows the golden crown on her brow falls to the ground and she disappears. Rickard swallows as his eyes fill but he refuses to let them fall.
~*~*~Winter Storm Queen~*~*~
Lyanna hears a soft knock and she debates if she has the strength to move or not. She hears the soft knock once again and stuffs Ned's letter under her pillow. She wipes at her face, hoping its clean of any tears and her eyes no longer swell. When she opens the door, she does not expect the face that greets her to smile.
Anya peers up at Lyanna with a red wet face and a letter pressed tightly to her chest. She looks small and meek, shy in a way she hasn't appeared in years. Lyanna hears Anya give a sniffling hiccup before she manages to speak.
"C-can I….. sleep with you tonight?" Anya croaks.
Lyanna feels her bottom lip tremble but she does not cry. She steps aside and together, the sisters ready themselves for bed. They lay together side by side, both unusually quiet and with slow hesitance, Lyanna feels the ghostly touch of Anya's hand on hers.
She glances down and finds Anya's delicate fingers lacing their hands together. Despite the darkness, Lyanna can see her little sister's tears with ease.
"I missed you….. Nya…." Lyanna whispers.
Anya cuddles close and though she says nothing….. the sisters feel a frail string connecting them once more.
Something between them had changed and was lost.
But…..
The lone wolf dies…
And neither would leave the other behind.
*Ned does not know about Lyanna's "prank". He wrote those letters for when Brandon and Rickard told him they 'needed his words' . Specifically: Ned writes these letters after he and Robert spar against Jon Arryn's men. He sent them on the fourth day of the Ladies gathering and they arrived at Winterfell on the sixth day. Rickard hid the letters and didn't give them to Bran or Anya because the sisters weren't fighting. (Just in case you were still confused :)*
