Remus waited outside the door of her room with a large box of chocolate frogs. He was nervous about going in, what if she didn't want to see him? He wouldn't hold it against her if she didn't, after all, he was the one who had caused her this life of pain she was facing, but he was also someone who knew how to handle it. He could help her through this if she let him. He took a deep breath and entered the room.
She looked pale and withdrawn lying in her bed, facing the window. His heart clenched as he once again told himself that he had done this to her, it was his fault. "Hello," he whispered and she turned to look at him.
Her face was a mask of confusion, sadness, and hurt. "Hello Remus," She said, offering him a small smile. It had hurt her that he hadn't tried to contact her or anything while she was in here. Strange things were happening to her and she didn't know how to deal with them. They had people in there who were trying to help her to adjust, but none of them had gone through it themselves. (done)
He felt pain sear through him as he saw the hurt on her face, he wanted to protect her feelings, not destroy them. "I brought you some chocolate," he said nervously, placing the box on her bedside table. He stood uncomfortably for a moment, but finally grabbed a chair and placed it beside her bed so he could hold her hand. "I'm so sorry Tonks, I never meant to hurt you..." he began to babble, letting out all the thoughts he had closed up inside of him, "Don't you know that I would never hurt you? You mean so much to me..." He bit his lip and kept his gaze away from hers. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, I hurt you too badly."
"Thanks for the chocolate. You know that's my weakness," She said, smiling a bit brighter than she had been. "And Remus, stop beating yourself up for not owling me. I just...thought it would be easier to go through this with someone who knew what I was going through. They said I was bit by a werewolf...things are happening to me that I don't know anything about and I really could have used the advice of someone who understood..." She said, sighing.
Remus was taken aback and he let her hand go. "What has any of this got to do with owling you? I thought that after I had attacked you, you wouldn't want me around you," he said in a confused tone. He hadn't owled her because he was afraid to get them returned to him unopened, it would have broken his heart to have it happen. Somehow she thought he was apologizing for not sending word. It didn't make any sense to him... unless she hadn't thought that he was the one who had attacked her. He looked at her face in horror, he had just admitted to attacking her when she hadn't known about it. What would she do?
Tonks looked at him in amazement, then said quietly, "I knew that it was either you or Fenrir, and I have the feeling that had it been Fenrir I wouldn't be alive today." She took his hand back and held it in both of hers, "Remus, I don't blame you for what happened. We were all in the heat of battle and you couldn't very well say wait I need to go take my wolfsbane potion. If you'd had even the slightest frame of mind more lives would have been lost."
Shifting on her bed, she turned and looked deeply into his eyes, "Remus Lupin, I love you and nothing will change that. Honestly, if I was going to be bit by a werewolf I am glad that it was you. I have heard that it creates a special bond between the two people. We will weather this together."
Remus took her hand again and brought it to his lips, kissing it tenderly. "I love you too Nymphadora Tonks, I'm not complete without you," he said softly, gazing into her eyes. "I was so afraid when I thought you would turn against me. I wish this hadn't happened, but I will help you make the best of it. It's easier to transform in groups, I'll help you through this love, I promise."
Tonks smiled broadly, "I am sure I have a lot to learn about my new 'lifestyle' I guess I should call it," She said, laughing a bit nervously. "They really need a good counselor here at the hospital, you know? Someone to help people like you and me understand what is happening to them." She shook her head, "All they have told me all week is how to 'adjust." With this, she rolled her eyes. "They need to actually hire someone who understands because not all of the new werewolves have someone to turn to, you know?" Tonks knew she was babbling, but for some reason she couldn't stop.
"I'm assuming a ravenous appetite is normal?"
Remus picked up on her teasing and playful mood and decided that since she was trying to have a positive outlook he could tease her a bit as well. "Well, it's either that or you are pregnant," he said casually.
"No, definitely not," She said, laughing herself, "But that does beg the question, what happens if that should happen in the future? If we had children, I mean? Are they born infected, or are they born normal? Perhaps it's like the wizard thing, where children to two magical parents can either be magical or a squib? So many questions, Remus..."
Remus sighed and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. "I wish I knew all the answers love, perhaps you'll have to ask someone who deals with issues like that. I'd like to have children someday," he admitted with a smile. From the moment Tonks had first told him of her love he had dreamed of a family with her, even though he refused to let her into his heart. That was long over with now, but he wondered what would happen now. Would she still want to get married and raise a family? Would she consider it to dangerous? Only time would tell he supposed, but for now he was just happy that they were both alive and still together.
Tonks reached up with her free hand and stroked his cheek. He looked so old, so tired, so careworn but she knew that she looked no better. The war had been difficult on both of them, but now it was over and it was time for them to live, to enjoy life as it came. "Remus, we had talked about marriage before but the fact of your condition was always an issue, which made it rather worrisome. Now that it's no longer a consideration and now that the war is over, I'd really like to revisit that discussion if you are willing."
Remus felt tears well up in his eyes and he didn't make a move to brush them away when they fell. "How in the world was I lucky enough to find you?" he asked softly. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss to her lips. "We will talk about everything when you get home, for now I want you to make the best recovery you can. I know some children who are worried sick about you."
Tonks smiled wistfully, "I'm the one who is lucky, Remus," She said, wiping the tears from his eyes while crying tears of her own. "Do they know? Or do they think I was just injured in the battle?" She asked, not knowing which she was wishing it was. In a way, she wished that they already knew because she knew that breaking the news to them would be rather difficult. But she also knew that even if they didn't know, they would accept her just like they accepted Remus. "It doesn't matter to me one way or another, I just want to be prepared."
He began to absently stroke her hand again while he thought of what to tell her. "You see, Harry saw it happen, you were trying to protect him it seems. He also knows it was me, and so he told everyone before I had the chance to explain. You know how impulsive Harry is," Remus said with a small smile. He had been put out when he found out what Harry had told the others, so he called them all together to explain what had happened with the Wolfsbane potion and Tonks. They seemed more relieved after hearing it from him, though Hermione and Ginny were in pieces about Tonks.
"Does that mean she will be a werewolf too?" Ginny had asked. He had nodded gravely and both girls had cried softly. It had been emotional for everyone.
"Tonks, everyone misses you, I'm supposed to give you a big Get Well hug from everyone, but right now I think your body is too fragile for that much pressure," he kissed her forehead lightly, lingering on her skin. He loved this woman with all his heart, and he would do anything to see her recover as much as she could.
The enormity of what had happened overwhelmed Tonks, and she stifled a sob. She had been told by the healers that she would go through a period of emotional adjustment and it had hit her really hard before today. Knowing that Remus was with her did help make things a lot better. "They said that I can go home in a few days," She said, wondering where exactly home should be. Would Remus ask her to move in with him? She didn't want to be too presumptuous but she was rather nervous about being alone.
He saw the frightened look in her eyes and immediately squeezed her hand. "What's wrong love? Are you remembering something? Are you worried about how the children will act around you? I can assure you that they will love you just as much as they always have," Remus explained tenderly, brushing some of her hair out of her face. Perhaps she had heard the news that he had, that it would take some time for her body to function normally again, and she wouldn't be able to transform like she used to until her body was healed.
"Is it your transformations?" he asked.
Tonks shook her head, "No, it's not the transformations. I think I have been in denial this past week. I mean, I knew that it happened, and I knew that my life has changed forever, but I guess until now it hasn't really hit me. I know that they will be wonderful towards me, that they will accept me without question. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not afraid, Remus."
She took a deep breath and sighed, "Pretty silly huh? An Auror being afraid. I mean, does changing hurt? How long does it take for us to change?"
Remus sighed as he contemplated her question. "The transformation isn't easy, it's never a pleasant feeling to have your skin ripped off and a beast tear through you," he cringed at his own description of his transformation, but he knew that she would rather hear the truth from him than a watered down version from someone else. "As for how long it takes, it depends on the person. I've known werewolves whose transformations have taken two hours before, and then I've known a few people who transform in five minutes. My transformation is painful, but I am relatively lucky. I only have to endure the pain for a short period of time. Perhaps ten or fifteen minutes."
Tonks shuddered without meaning to, and drew Remus to her. He was so brave and strong, having done this for so many years. "Thank you for being honest with me about it, Remus. I'd rather know the truth and know what is to come than have someone tell me that it's no big deal." She smiled a half smile, "Well, I've been transforming in one way or another most of my life. I guess this is just way of doing it." Her attempt at a joke was lame, she knew, but hopefully it would lighten the mood a bit.
Remus smiled half-heartedly and squeezed her gently. "I would never lie to you about something like this. The people who have no idea of what is coming are the ones that turn out to be bitter and vengeful. At least Fenrir wasn't the one to attack you, he rarely leaves the adults alive. I don't know what I would have done if you had been killed by Fenrir," he admitted weakly. He hated admitting his weaknesses to her, but he knew that right now she needed to hear the truth.
Tonks smiled at him, "I promise to always be honest with you, Remus, as I have in the past. You are someone who has my body, heart, and spirit. I'm going to admit something to you too, if you don't think me too forward for what I am about to say," She said, pausing. "I don't much relish the thought of going home and living by myself now. If it's okay with you, maybe we could get a place together? I mean, if we are seriously planning on getting married at one time or another, we'd at least have that out of the way. I have to warn you though, I'm a terrible slob," She said, laughing darkly.
He laughed merrily and pressed another kiss to her forehead. "It's one of the things I love about you, you are so disorganized and yet you still know where everything is. You have an organized mess," he teased her. Then his thoughts turned to her other comment, getting a house for them. "I agree that we should get a home for the two of us, we will need it if we are going to fill the house with children," he paused for a moment, trying to think of the right way to say this. "You know that I am unemployable and now, so are you, I'm not sure what we are going to do."
Before Tonks could answer, the door to her hospital room opened and Ginny and Harry entered. "Tonks! We're so glad to see you and Remus!" Ginny said, giving them each a hug, "How are you feeling?"
"I'm doing okay. I'm glad to see you too," Tonks said, giving Ginny a hug back.
"We came to tell you two the great news. Dad was elected the new Minister of Magic. Scrimgeour was overthrown after the war because, well let's face it, he was a prat. Dad plans to contact both of you soon with regards to some plans he wants to discuss with you."
Remus's eyes were wide with disbelief. "Your father... that's wonderful news Ginny, I'm sure your family is thrilled," he said with a wide smile on his face. If Mr. Weasley was the new Minister, the family didn't have to worry about their financial problems anymore. He was extremely happy for them.
"Yes, Mum cries when it was announced," Ginny said with a giggle. Harry reached for her hand and smiled at her. Remus saw the interaction between the two and he grinned as well.
"When does he want to see us? He'll have to wait until after Tonks gets out of the hospital," he said to Ginny, who nodded.
"I'm not sure, he just said that he wanted to talk to you both as soon as he could arrange," she said with a knowing grin.
"Maybe he wants to offer us jobs," Tonks said half jokingly.
"By the way, Tonks," Harry said, looking at her, "I want to thank you for what you did that night. I don't know how I can ever repay you."
"Harry, you have repaid me already by making our world free. No thanks are needed," She said, reaching out and squeezing his hand gently.
"When are they going to let you out of here, Tonks?" Ginny asked quietly.
"A few more days. I can't wait...they never feed us enough around here." She laughed as Harry and Ginny looked at her strangely, since she had never had much of an appetite before. "What? I am a werewolf now, you know."
"It's just too bad that the staff never serves rare steaks," Remus teased her and Harry and Ginny laughed.
"It's all right Tonks, when you get out Mum has instructed us to invite you to the Burrow for dinner, you'll have more food in front of you than you can eat," Ginny said grinning.
"It's true Tonks," Remus said, feeling happier than he had in days, "I can always eat my fill at Molly's and still leave food on the table for everyone else." He winked at Harry and Ginny who laughed again.
Tonks felt more at ease, seeing that Harry and Ginny were treating her as they always had. She had known in her heart that things would be fine, but her mind needed to see it and know it, "So tell me, what are the plans for you two?" Tonks said, looking at them, "I'm sorry I missed your graduation, Harry. I really would have liked to be there for it."
"Actually, they delayed it because of so many people having injuries. It will happen in a week, and I would love it if the two of you would be there. As for what the future holds for us, only time will tell," He said, winking at Ginny, "I have thought about becoming an Auror but I think for now I'd like to live a normal life for a change. Maybe travel."
"I think that you should do whatever makes you happy Harry, you have had very little happiness in your life," Remus said in a fatherly tone. Harry grinned up at his father and Godfather's best friend, with what seemed to be genuine gratitude.
"Thank you Lupin, I think you must have been talking to Mum," Harry said, obviously referring to Mrs. Weasley. Remus was happy that the boy finally had a family he could call his own, he had always wanted it.
"Well, perhaps I have been," Remus said with a wink, "and as for your graduation, Tonks and I will be there, you can count on it."
Ginny smiled, "I will be graduating as well. Apparently it was decided that with everything I have done that I deserve to graduate with Harry, Hermione and Ron."
"Well, you certainly deserve it Ginny. You fought hard and well, and you are one smart witch." Tonks started feeling tired and unsuccessfully attempted to stifle a yawn.
"I think we should go now and let you get some rest," Harry said, bending down to give her a hug. "Make sure you let us know when they let you out, alright?"
Tonks nodded, "Thank you so much for coming to visit."
Remus watched as the young couple left the room, their hands held tightly together. He was glad that they had found each other, but he was even more awed by the woman lying in the bed next to him. He turned and placed a hand to the side of her face. "You need to get some sleep Nymphadora," he whispered tenderly. "You need to get as much rest as you can."
"Please don't leave me, Remus." She whispered back and took his hand so that she knew that he was near as her eyes started to close, "I love you so much."
He moved his chair closer to her bed and squeezed her hand gently. "I'm here, and I promise I won't leave your side. For the rest of my life, I'll be right here," he said and kissed her cheek. He knew that he was telling the truth, he wouldn't leave her for anything, not before this had happened, and certainly not now that she depended on him. They were together for the long run.
