Chapter 30 - Amends
Lex could still feel his mother's fingers on his ear. It hadn't hurt in the slightest, but the knowledge that he had driven her to that point was more painful than the slowly healing bullet wound in his chest.
With rising humiliation, he completed the assignments she given him at his desk. He didn't think he would be able to sleep until he did. Hey slipped the apology note under Clark's door—he didn't think he was supposed to be talking to his brother right now—and he left the lines on the kitchen counter before going out to find his dad in the barn.
His dad had been working on the tractor, but he put away his tools when Lex approached him. The tension between them was thick in the air.
Lex was the first to speak. He felt that that was fair. "I'm sorry I swore at you," he said. "And I'm sorry for snapping."
"I forgive you," his dad said.
It was so simple. So easy. No games, no lingering resentment, no wondering whether the other shoe would drop. If the Kents said they forgave him, they did. End of story. "Thank you," he said.
His dad nodded. "I don't enjoy punishing you boys."
"I don't understand why you did with Clark."
"You don't have to understand. It's not any of your business."
Lex could feel some of his anger from before rising again, but he kept it in check. He wasn't going to get anywhere by shouting. He knew that that was the case in most situations, at work and everywhere else, but for some reason emotions were so much higher here. He supposed that was to be expected. "I want to."
"Son, if I treat you in a way that you think is unfair, I want you to tell me. But Clark doesn't think I'm being unfair. Can you trust me?"
"Dad..." Lex took a deep breath. There were a lot of reasons he wanted to know. He was worried about Clark, for one thing. There was also a part of him that was worried about himself. If he didn't understand the rules in their household and how they worked, how could he hope to meet his parents expectations? But there was a part of him that truly just wanted to know on principle. He didn't know if it was because he thought he might have kids himself someday, or if he just wanted to grow up to be more like his adoptive father, whether or not he had them. "It would help me."
His dad took a deep breath. "He made a bad decision. He took a huge risk without consulting us, and he broke rules I had set for him."
"He was trying the best he could. He was acting in defense. I hurt him, Dad."
"I know he was trying. But there were other routes he could've taken that would've risked less."
"So teach him. You don't have to punish him. He feels bad enough."
"That's part of why I'm doing it, son."
Lex was even more confused than he had been. "He doesn't deserve the house arrest."
"I agree."
Lex shook his head. "So why did you ground him? Because you were angry?"
"I'm not angry. Punishment has nothing to do with anger."
"And it doesn't have to do with what we deserve?"
"No, son, it doesn't."
Now Lex was completely lost. "What does it have to do with?"
"What you need."
"Do you think he needs to be grounded?"
"Yes. He needs the time to process, and it will help teach him to think before he acts rashly. That's a lesson that could be life and death for him. If I don't teach him to think and plan better, he might someday lose somebody, and that pain could change them forever. And it would be my fault for not raising him right."
The pieces were coming together. "Whereas grounding is temporary."
"Exactly."
Lex still didn't like it. But it made more sense. And it was easier for him to trust his father this way. "What about me?"
"What, why am I not grounding you?"
"You don't think I need it?"
"Would it help you fight the darkness in the future?"
Lex shook his head. "What about justice? What I did was so much worse. I hurt Clark. I took his marrow."
"He gave it to you. And you both had good reasons, don't deny that, even if the darkness had other plans."
"I still shouldn't have done it."
"I agree with that, too. But we talked about that when it happened, we set rules, we came to an understanding. That was what you needed."
Lex didn't want to confess that it made sense. Some part of him was still wanting to hold onto his anger, and another part of him still felt the sting of injustice on Clark's behalf, even if Clark felt fine.
"I've had fifteen years with Clark. I'm pretty good at knowing what he needs." His dad took a step closer. "It's been harder with you. I've made mistakes."
Lex felt a slight twinge at that. His parents had done pretty well with him, and they'd never come close to abusing him or treating him the way Lionel used to, but they definitely had messed up. There had been lots of painful incidents before he had been considered a part of the family, and even since then, there had been the whole fake drug scandal at Christmas time. Still, he knew that his dad had always been trying to do what he needed.
His dad still looked concerned. "Do you want to give me a hand this time?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you make a good point. You did hurt Clark, even if it wasn't you calling the shots. What do you think you need?"
Lex frowned. He hadn't expected his dad to ask that.
"I don't think punishing you is going to help you learn to do better. I don't think it's going to make you feel better, either."
"No. You're probably right."
"So what do you need?"
Lex paced a couple of steps. It was a fair question. "I need to find my other side," he said.
His dad nodded. "What do you need to do that?"
"I'm going to put a few private investigators on it." He knew that if his other side didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be, but he would also have to avoid certain projects in order to stay under the radar.
"That's a good idea."
"I also need to make amends for some things I did when the other side was in control."
"What do you need to do to make that happen?"
"I need to talk to Lana. Some of my employees. I need to check in with some people in the lab." That would be a good place to start. There might be evidence of where his other side had gone. There might not be, but it was still a starting point."
"Good. You know what else I think?"
Lex turned to look at his dad.
"You need plenty of rest. You need time with your family. And I think you should get Clark's help with your search."
A few months ago, Lex would have resisted. But after everything he'd seen Clark do, things felt different. He knew he could count on his brother; sometimes, that was the most important thing. "I'll talk to him," he said.
"Good."
Again, it was all so simple. "I appreciate your support, Dad."
His dad gave a smile. "Now, I know this is more something your mother usually does, but I'm going to give you a writing assignment."
"What's that?"
"I want you to write up a plan. What do you need to do to make amends with everything that's happened? And to heal?"
"And get you to approve it?"
"I'd like to see it. But this is really up to you, son. "
Lex nodded. "Yes, sir."
"You need to get some sleep before you do that, though." He gave him a stern look. "That's an order."
"That won't be a problem," Lex said, and he went into the house. Having made peace with the worst of his mistakes against his family, his eyelids felt terribly heavy, and he felt like he could sleep for days.
