Sadness filled Tonks' eyes as she looked at Remus, "I'm sorry, this is all so new for me. I don't know what to expect."
"You didn't do anything wrong Tonks, don't think that," he said soothingly and he brought her back into his arms. "There are just things I haven't told you, things I need to tell you. It isn't fair for you not to know," he explained. Without letting her respond he took her hand and led her upstairs to a room he had saved just for them. He led her inside and had her sit on the bed beside him. He didn't know exactly where to start, but when she lifted her eyes to his, he couldn't resist kissing her.
Tonks caressed his face gently, her silver eyes looking into his brown ones with trust in them. She responded to his kisses, then pulled away gently. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it gently, "Much as I want to continue what we are doing, maybe you should teach me what I need to know first." She took his hand and laid it alongside her cheek, then kissed it.
"You and I are not alone, once bitten you are never alone," Remus explained slowly, trying to come up with the best way to say this. "We aren't full human anymore, we are part animal as well. There is a beast that resides inside of us, it can be called up in many ways. It flourishes during the full moon, for that is when it gets to be free from our human body. Does this make any sense love?"
Tonks nodded, "Yes, it does. I guess I just was a bit surprised, that's all." She laughed self consciously, "I'm guessing you are an old hand at this, having done it for so long. I'm just a pup," She said, laughing at herself. "Or I guess the correct term would be a cub, wouldn't it? Okay, so I know that certain activities can bring it to the surface. I'm guessing emotions can as well? Such as anger? I know that we don't transform unless it's a full moon but the signs are still there, aren't they?"
"There are many ways in which the beast is brought out, anger, strong emotions," he grew silent as he thought of a way to explain the most exciting and frightening way they were brought up.
"Lust is the most frightening of them all. When we kiss or touch, our beast is aroused just as we are. It's not easy to control, but the best makes us more passionate, want more from our romantic interactions. It makes it very hard to go slow, to be sweet and romantic, to go easy. It isn't a concept most werewolves can understand."
Tonks smiled at Remus, "There's a big difference between lust and love, sweetheart. I believe both play a role in our situation, but we have loved one another deeply and passionately despite the fact that we have not been able to express it in a physical or an intimate fashion. Now that we can, I believe that will help us in the long run. Not that I mind a little rough housing now and then. I am, or was, after all, an Auror." She said, smiling in a seductive way at him and giving him a wink.
Remus expelled the breath he was holding and wrapped his arms tight around Tonks. "It will take us some time, but I will teach you how to control your beast, although," here he stopped and pulled away just enough that she could see his roguish grin, "sometimes we won't want to have it controlled. I have heard from other wolves that when you are with someone like yourself, it is an experience you don't forget in a hurry. Your beasts will respond to one another, and you'll feed off the other's sexual feelings." He blushed a bit, unsure of how she would take his comments.
Tonks blushed a bit as well, but what he said made sense to her. "Is every werewolf different? I mean, does the fact that you are the one who bit me make it different than say, if someone else had bit me and made me one? Say if Fenrir was the one who bit me, would you have rejected me because he left his mark on me? I am not even sure if that makes sense, what I am saying." Her mind felt a bit cloudy. Perhaps it was the excitement of his kiss.
"You're right Tonks, if Fenrir had marked you then we wouldn't have quite the connection that we have," he smoothed her hair down and kissed her softly, "but you really don't understand the depth of my feelings for you if you think I would have rejected you because of it."
Tonks sighed, "That's not what I meant, Remus. I meant that because of the way things work in the animal kingdom, especially with wolves. You know, because they mate for life. I didn't know if it would have meant that we couldn't be together. Does that make sense?"
Remus pressed a kiss to the top of her head and held her close. "Being attacked is different than being chosen as a mate. If he had..." Remus swallowed the bile that was rising up his throat, "if he had touched you, raped you, then you would be his." He hated admitting even that much to her, she was still so innocent in the ways of the wolf. "When a male Werewolf, or Ulfric, the leader, takes a lupa, his female counterpart, there is more than just an attack involved. It is more a ceremony like a wedding."
Tonks involuntarily shuddered, glad that it didn't happen that way. "That's rather frightening," She said, shaking slightly. "So there's a lot more to that than just being raped. He would have owned me... I had no idea. I'm really glad that it was you that did the attack, then, because had it been him who knows what else he would have done?"
Remus decided to be completely honest with her, she deserved that much. "Fenrir is the only known werewolf who is still in control of his mind when he transforms. He enjoys the slaughter, the pain of others. If he would have taken you... there is no force on this earth that could have stopped me from destroying him in any way I could." He shuddered to think of what her life would have been like if Fenrir had taken her to mate. Remus would no longer have anything to live for, except revenge.
A horrifying thought occurred to Tonks then. "Remus, Fenrir is still alive. What would happen if he found out that we...were mates? Would he challenge you? And if he did, and he defeated you...would he be able to take me as his lupa? Please...tell me the truth." Her eyes filled with pain and fear of what his answer might be.
"No love," Remus was able to say truthfully, "once the ceremony is preformed, either wedding or the mating, even if I died, you wouldn't have the same connection. He wouldn't be able to use your beast or even control it." He bent down and kissed her softly. "Once you are my Lupa, you are mine forever."
Tonks breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank goodness. That had me worried there for a moment. I wish someone had been able to kill him, I really do. I know that Voldemort is gone but with that beast still out there, who knows what is still in store for our world? He's what gives werewolves a bad name."
Remus pulled her tighter to him and rested his cheek on top of her head. "Someday he will get what he deserves, no one is able to slaughter young children and the innocent without paying for it in the end," he assured her. They sat like that for several minutes, and finally Remus knew that he couldn't be silent forever, there were still things that needed to be said, questions that needed to be answered. The quickest way to determine them would be to ask her what she needed to know. "Dora? Is there anything else troubling you? Any other questions or fears you have?"
Tonks thought for a moment, "I don't think so, not right now. Everything is just so new. I mean, I smell things I don't normally smell. I think we have a mouse in here," She said, laughing. "Your touch...it's like heaven to me. I feel like every fiber of my being is primed now. Do we have a heightened sense of danger even when we are in human form? I know that animals have a fight or flight reflex."
"Every sense feels more in tune, it doesn't matter which one it is. Our taste becomes more pronounced, we hear better, our sense of smell is heightened, we can see clearer..." he broke off as he ran his fingers down the side of her face, touching her tenderly, "our sense of touch and pleasure are more intense." He felt his blood boiling just holding her in his arms. He couldn't imagine what anything more would be like... probably as if he were on fire. Merlin, he couldn't stop thinking about being near her. He knew that she was still nervous about her new feelings, and yet she couldn't let go of him either. It would be that way for them for the rest of their lives. Touch, and smell were the most important feelings for pack, and pack was family. Tonks was his family. He bent down to capture her lips in another kiss, this one not intending to be soft or gentle.
Tonks responded to his kiss, running her tongue around his lips, nipping them gently, tasting him. She knew then that she wanted him to take her. She wanted him to take her spiritually, carnally, physically; in every possible way he could take her. She felt the night coming on; she heard the sounds of creatures scurrying around in outside. She heard the dry leaves scratching across the pavement. She heard...something else. Her ears perked up as she heard another sound.
Although not as menacing as if she'd been in her wolf form, a growl rumbled in her throat that warned Remus that there was something out there that she didn't like and she could feel the hair standing up on the back of her neck.
He broke the kiss and held her to his chest, instinctively moving to protect her. His arms wrapped like a vice around her as he listened for the noise she had heard. "What is it love, where is it coming from?" he whispered. Her heart was thumping frantically against her ribcage, he could feel it as though it were his own. She was frightened of something.
Just then a window broke in the other room as something crashed through it. Tonks could hear four paws landing on the ground and they had very little time to act. Grabbing her wand, she used everything she had to guard the door and keep the creature out. The creature clawed at the door but was unable to get in, she had lined it with silver along with the charms placed upon it. Finally, they heard the monster retreating, "Merlin, Remus, what was that?"
Remus had his wand clenched tightly in his outstretched hand and he was panting slightly. If it was what he thought it was... but it couldn't be, no one knew where they were, or did they? He turned to Tonks, trying to hide his fear. "I think it was the man we fear the most, though how he got into Grimmauld Place is beyond me. I've placed wards around this house myself," he seemed genuinely confused, his fear fleeing as heard the beast leaving the house. "We have to go and secure the house before we sleep... if we sleep," he corrected. "I want you to stay here while I secure the place."
"Remus, be careful," She said, fearful of what could happen if that was Fenrir out there, "Please...you promised not to leave me. That means you can't leave me in death either," She said, shivering violently. She moved so that he could get up, "Please...come back to me safely. I can't live without you."
He squeezed her hand, "Listen," he whispered and the two of them fell silent as they listened for any disturbances in the house, "there isn't anyone here but us, I should be back in a while. The windows have to be charmed with unbreakable spells, and I have to place charms on the doors," he explained and caressed her face gently, "climb into bed and keep your senses focused on me, you'll be fine." He pressed a lingering kiss to her lips.
Tonks climbed back into bed and curled up in a ball, keeping her thoughts on Remus. She tried to relax but knew that she wouldn't be able to until she knew that he was back safe with her. The house, thankfully, remained silent except for his footsteps and the only aroma she detected other than her own was his.
He walked about the house, carefully checking every room to make sure it was empty and then placing an unbreakable charm upon each window. He had to make the place secure enough for them to stay in, he had to protect his lupa... his lupa, how he had loved to call her his. Never in his life had he been as fiercely protective of anyone as he was of Tonks. She was his other half, his mate, and he loved her more than he could say in words. He spent nearly an hour searching the rooms and securing the house so that they would be able to relax enough to sleep that night. Tonks had just recovered, he didn't need for her to relapse.
He reached the front door and place an unbreakable charm on it, and a charmed lock. No one would be entering or exiting the house without his knowledge. Slowly he walked back up the stairs, his ears keening for the sound of anything unnatural, but all he heard was his own beating heart. Finally he reached the door of his and Tonk's bedroom and he pulled open the door to see that she wasn't sleeping.
Tonks rolled on her back as she heard Remus return. She smiled at him, glad to know that he was safe, and reached out her hand to him, wanting him to come and join her on the bed. She needed to feel his closeness and his warmth next to her. She had never been much of an affectionate person, although she had her moments, but she found lately that she could not get enough of being with him. "Was that who I think it was? He smelled...evil...angry..." She said, narrowing her eyes as she looked at her mate.
Remus sighed as he walked over to the bed and sat on the side of it. "It was Fenrir, I would know his scent anywhere. I don't know if he was actually trying to get at us, or if he was trying to scare us. The good news is that he won't be able to get in this house again. I secured it myself, every window and door in the house is now unbreakable. I think we are safe for tonight," he said wearily. He felt so tired, and he ached to hold Tonks in his arms, knowing she was aching for the closeness herself. Silently he removed his robes and crawled into the bed next to her.
Tonks snuggled up next to Remus, laying her head upon his strong chest. Her fingers traced the scars left from his fights of the past, with both himself and with Padfoot. His scent invaded her nostrils, and she felt warm and safe being in his arms. "I've been longing for this for so long, Remus," She whispered, reaching up to kiss him gently on the lips then moving down and biting him gently on the side of his neck.
Remus pressed a hungry and insistent kiss to her lips. "Tonight is ours Dora," he whispered against her lips and with those words, he let his beast consume him.
Tonks stretched, yawned and sleepily opened her eyes. She found that she was not alone in bed, nor was she in a bed that she was accustomed to. Then the events of the previous evening came back to her. She and Remus had made love...a wild passionate love; the likes of which she had never known. She was content to just lay there in his arms, resting and being near him. She found that she was very tired but also very happy. She had never felt this way before. She felt complete.
Leaning over, she gave Remus a kiss to wake him up.
He stirred awake as he felt soft lips pressed to his. He didn't even have to open his eyes, he just wrapped his arms around her and rolled her underneath him. "Morning love," he said in a husky, sleep filled voice. He couldn't get enough of the feeling of her skin against his, it was as comforting as it was intoxicating. He suddenly wondered if he had been too rough on her last night, he hadn't been in control of himself, and therefore he hadn't been a gentle lover. Not that a werewolf could be one. "Dora, I didn't hurt you last night did I?"
Smiling at him, she shook her head, "Not at all, I rather enjoyed it. In fact, I was just laying here thinking about how much I enjoyed it and how happy I was, albeit tired. It was exciting and exhilarating, and unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. I can't explain it, but I feel complete now. "
Remus brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her lightly, needing to touch her, but not wanting to lose control again. "I feel complete as well, I think that is part of becoming lifelong mates. You find the person that completes you in every sense of the word, they are part of you. That is the reason that you could never be someone else's Lupa, because you are mine," he said, trying to explain her feelings as well as his. "We can't complete the mating ceremony until after your first transformation, but every time we... erm... make love," he blushed brightly as he remembered the night before, "we are bound closer and closer together."
She ran her fingers over his cheekbones and up to his hairline, also wanting to touch him. The warmth of his breath on her face was like a summer breeze, warm and refreshing all at the same time. The horror of the night before had vanished with their lovemaking, and she felt renewed and rejuvenated. Nothing felt so right as being in his arms, listening to him breath, to the sound of his heart beating. She never realized how much she didn't hear until she was hearing it now. She moaned softly with pleasure, almost like a purr, because of being next to him. He wasn't even touching her in a way that should arouse her sexual feelings, but she found that just being with him was a pleasure she had never before experienced. "The wolfsbane potion, when we take it we still transform but we are not dangerous, correct?"
He turned a kiss to the tips of her fingers which had moved to his cheek. "We still transform, but we can't harm anyone, right. I don't spend a lot of transformations with other werewolves, but a pack will usually transform together. Because you are my lupa, we will make our transformations together. Does that make sense love?" he asked her, trailing his fingers down to caress her side lightly. He just couldn't keep his hands to himself now, before he had had to keep a tight reign on his wants and desires, but now he could feel everything he wanted to. He didn't have to hold back with strength or with his passion, he could finally have everything he wanted. If only it hadn't come at such a terrible price.
"Yes, it makes perfect sense. I can't imagine you having to go through this all by yourself for so many years." She said, sorrowfully. "I mean, I know that James and the other marauders became animagi so that you wouldn't stay here alone, but all those years, Remus. It must have been so lonely for you." She said, covering his face with kisses while running her hand over his chest, "I am guessing that there aren't a lot of us around, are there? I mean we know that there's us, and Fenrir. But are there any others?"
Remus thought about her question while intertwining his fingers with hers, touching her had become so natural that he didn't even think about it anymore. "There aren't many, I spent a few months with them last year, a group of about ten wolves. They all follow Fenrir, very loyal to him. They all like the hunt and the chase, they like the blood and pain. You and I aren't like that, we were just unfortunate victims," he smiled at her. "Did you know, you are only the second female werewolf in England? The other female isn't as nice, I just hope you never come up against her." He hugged her tightly, pressing their bodies together.
Tonks shook her head sadly as their legs entwined, feet touching, "I don't see how they can want that over the passion and the thrill of just having a mate who is suited to you. I guess that is what separates us. But quite honestly, now that I know what it is like to be your Lupa, I don't remember what it was like before. I feel like I was never alive until ten days ago when I was born again to this lifestyle, this body, this love," She said, resting her head in the crook of his arm with a sigh of contentment.
