She looked over at her sleeping mate. He was so peaceful when he was sleeping, his gentle rhythmic breathing echoing in the house. She could see his eyeballs moving back and forth behind his eyelids so she knew that he must be dreaming.
Just then an owl flew into the window and she saw the Hogwarts crest upon it. Figuring it was from Dumbledore, she decided to wait until Remus woke up to open it so that they could read it together.
Standing up, she went over to the window and opened it, drinking in the fresh air and sunshine as if it was a fine wine to be savored.
Just then she heard Remus cry out in his sleep. She turned around to see that he was thrashing around on the bed. Going over to him, she drew him close to her.
"Shh, my love, it's alright."
He couldn't find his way out. The branches of the forest seemed to be working against him, they were all cutting off his path, slapping him in the face, grabbing at his clothing. He tried in vain to hit them away, but they just kept getting in his way. He was getting desperate now, his parents were sure to be worried about him. He should have been home hours ago, but he had been having too much fun with the neighbor kids.
A howl echoed close by and he shivered. It was a full moon out, and his parents had often told him that there was a werewolf in these woods. Panic flooded him as he took a different path to try and get home and found it once again blocked by branches.
Another howl echoed through the woods, it was closer now. He could hear his heart beating frantically against his chest and he willed it to quiet down. Footsteps were approaching, he heard them and ran as fast as he could in the other direction. He was crying now, tears streaming down his face as he ran from the unknown predator.
He felt himself being knocked off his feet and he screamed in terror and pain. "NOOO!"
Remus awoke in a cold sweat.
Tonks sat there, holding Remus in her arms and stroking his head, trying to calm him down. When he screamed out, it wrenched her heart until it felt as though it would come right out of her chest.
Summoning a washcloth from the bathroom, she used a spell to wet it and gently laid him back on his back. She whispered soothing words to him, to calm him down while she ran the washcloth over his body and soothed him with it. The soapy scent seemed to relax him a bit and his body was less tense. When he had stopped shaking, she dried him off gently with a towel and lay down beside him.
"Do you want to talk about it, love?"
Remus closed his eyes, trying to get rid of the horrible dream, but it wouldn't go away. Instead, his feelings of fear increased the more he thought about it. He opened his eyes and looked into Tonks'. "I was dreaming about my attack, when I was six and Fenrir attacked me. He and my father had fought earlier that month, my father had made him angry and Fenrir had decided to take me from him. In the end it worked." He felt tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.
Tonks sighed, not knowing what to say. She just sat there, stroking Remus' head and trying to do her best to sooth him.
"I'm so sorry, love. You know if I could I would make it all go away for you. But I am here for you, you know that right?"
She gently trailed her hands over his chest and kissed him on his lips. Fenrir had ruined Remus' life and he was still doing his best to ruin what they had together.
He clasped her hand in his and brought it to his lips. "I just hope that when I attacked you, it wasn't as bad as when he attacked me. My parents thought I was going to die, and in a way I did I suppose. You can't live when part of you is dead forever," he said in a haunted tone. He could remember the way his parents had stayed up with him night after night. Fever had plagued him, his wounds couldn't be healed. They had discussed in hushed tones what they should do. He remembered his parents asking each other if it would be better to kill their son so he didn't have to face a life like this. "You were lucky to have such a normal life."
Tonks didn't say anything at first, just sat there holding him and doing her best to comfort him. Her heart was breaking, seeing him like this. But she knew that she could offer some comfort in what she was about to say.
"You attacking me, I didn't even hardly see it coming. I was fighting some of the Death Eaters, and then I saw you out of the corner of my eye headed for Harry. I had no time to be afraid, I did what had to be done. When I woke up, all I felt was the pain in my wrist and then I remembered what had happened."
Leaning down, she gave him a hug.
"Each of us has demons in our past that we live with each day. But you don't have to go through it alone anymore, Remus. We are together now and I want you to feel free to talk to me about it anytime you feel the need. We have a bright and glorious future ahead of us."
Remus looked up into her eyes and the barest flicker of a smile came to his lips. "I wouldn't know what to do without you. You make me whole, you give me someone to lean on. I don't think I will ever be able to express what that means to me." He put his hand up to cup her cheek. His fingers caressed her face gently, looking into her eyes in wonder. "What have I done to deserve you?"
Tonks just smiled back at him. She knew that there was a time when she might need to talk to him about something as well. She had her own secrets from her past which haunted her and one day she would tell him. But today wasn't the day.
His touch felt so good on her face, so warm and alive. "The same thing that I must have done to deserve you, whatever that may be," she answered softly.
Remembering the post, Tonks smiled. "By the way, we got a letter from Hogwarts today. I'm sure it's Dumbledore replying to your letter last night," She said, handing it to him.
He took it and tapped it with his wand. The envelope unsealed itself and a letter fell out onto Tonk's lap, he picked it up slowly, brushing his fingers against her leg as he did. He saw her shiver and grinned with a masculine pride. He pulled the letter close and began to read it aloud.
Dear Remus and Nymphadora,
I am pleased to hear that you two have decided to finally get married, and at Hogwarts no less! Minerva and I would be overjoyed to host the wedding party here at our beautiful school. As you know school resumes on the first of September, a month from now. I would request that the wedding be before the students return for the new year, and I'm sure you understand why. Please send all of the information regarding your wedding to me as soon as you possibly can manage it.
Albus Dumbledore
P.S. Congratulations on your new job with the Ministry.
Tonks beamed as she listened to Dumbledore's letter. "It sounds as though he has been waiting for us to get married for a long time, doesn't he?" She said with a laugh.
"We should check our calendar and see when the most opportune time would be to get married. But for now, what do you say we go get something to eat because I am starving and then go to St. Mungo's?"
They arrived at St. Mungo's after a big breakfast and an enjoyable trip to the bedroom. They were holding hands and grinning like fools by the time they arrived. When they walked up to the desk Remus had no idea what to ask the reception witch. He looked to Tonks for help with a nervous smile on his face.
Tonks laughed nervously as well. When she got up the courage, she smiled at the witch and said, "We'd like to see a healer regarding fertility."
"Human, lycanthrope or vampire?" The reception witch said, looking bored and snapping her gum.
Tonks looked at the witch like she had grown two heads, "Uh, lycanthrope."
"Third door on your left down that hall," She said, nodding in the direction.
"Thank you," Tonks said, then turning to Remus once they were out of earshot, "What, no veela?"
He grinned down at her and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, he didn't want to risk any more than that in the hospital. They reached the door and looked at each other nervously before Remus held it open for her to walk in. He walked in after her and saw that she was staring uncomfortably around. He could see why after he looked around. They were standing in a small waiting room that was completely empty. "Are we in the right room?" he asked softly.
Tonks felt a sort of shiver go up her back as they stared at the empty room. She suddenly knew why Fenrir wanted her so badly, "Remus...are the other werewolf and I the only female werewolves?"
Before he could answer her, the healer came out of the back room, "Greetings. The receptionist told me that I had a young couple coming in to see me. Welcome. I am Healer Curtis."
Tonks gave him a small smile, "I'm Tonks and this is Remus. We have a couple of questions about having a family."
Remus squeezed her hand and looked directly at the Healer. "This is very important to us, we want to have children and a family, but I don't want her taking any unnecessary challenges," he said softly. He knew that he looked like a lovesick sap, but that was what he was. If the Healer told them that having children might endanger her life, they wouldn't do it. He wanted her with him more than he wanted children.
"Well, let me get some information from the two of you and we'll go from there. Why don't we go into my office?" Curtis said, leading the way into his inner office, "Please have a seat. Now, tell me. I'm guessing that the two of you are both werewolves?"
"Yes we are. I have been one for over a month, Remus has been one for a great deal longer," Tonks said, squeezing his hand.
Remus smiled nervously at the Healer as he took out a form and began to fill it out. "I will admit that werewolves aren't the most fertile creatures, which makes a full werewolf couple have even more troubles than only one of them being a wolf. It isn't impossible though," he admitted after seeing the look of hurt cross Tonks' face.
"It is possible to actually have children then?" Remus asked seriously.
"Yes, it is possible," Curtis said, folding his hands in front of him. "Obviously, if you do conceive then we will have to make arrangements to take the baby so that we make sure that it isn't born at the wrong time of the month."
Tonks nodded. "We have talked about this before, Remus and I, and we figured that would need to be the case. Healer Curtis, what are the chances that our child would carry the werewolf gene?"
"About the same as any other recessive gene. You could have a perfectly normal human child, or the child could be a werewolf. If you like, during the pregnancy we can do tests which will tell us if the child will be a werewolf or not."
Remus thought about what the Healer had said and he nodded. "Is there anything erm..." he blushed and cleared his throat, "is there anything special we need to do in order to get pregnant?" He couldn't believe he had asked it, but if they wanted to have children, and it was a bit harder, he wanted to do anything possible so they could have their family.
Healer Curtis chuckled. "Well other than the obvious, I do have a potion that I can give both of you to encourage the creation of another human life. I do have to warn you, though. As it encourages egg production in the female, you may have more than one."
"Well, i don't know about Remus, but I wouldn't mind having twins. " Tonks said, squeezing his hand.
"There is one other thing I must tell you. If you conceive while in wolf form, the chances are greater that the conception will produce a werewolf child."
Remus looked down at his lap, willing for his blush to go away. When he finally looked back at the Healer he saw a twinkle in his eyes. "I wouldn't mind having more than one child, especially if it was the only time we could ever get pregnant," he said softly.
"I would suggest trying to refrain from sexual activity during your transformations though, unless you use a contraceptive charm before hand," Healer Curtis said matter-of-factly. It was if he said this sort of things to couples all the time.
Tonks laughed heartily, a blush creeping up to her face as well. "That's not easy to do, Healer Curtis," she said, with a laugh. "I know how difficult it is for someone who doesn't have to deal with it to understand but the pull of the moon, it's too hard to bear sometimes."
Healer Curtis looked at the young couple, recognition finally dawning on his face. "I am fully aware of that, Tonks and Remus. For I am, too, a werewolf. Remus, you witnessed my mating ceremony with Emily so many years ago. That's why I went into this line of work, to help others like yourselves deal with the same kind of thing that Emily and I had to deal with."
A look of dawning comprehension passed over Remus's face. "That's right, Emily was a friend of mine from school. She asked me to witness for you both," he said grinning brightly. "How is she now? It's been ages since I have seen her." He was finally able to relax with the Healer, realizing that he had known him for years.
"She and I have a little girl, she just turned five last week. Emily would be happy to know that you have finally found someone," Curtis said with a wide smile. Remus was glad to know that Emily was happy.
Tonks shot a glance at Remus, knowing that it would be good to have allies. "We'd love to have you guys over for dinner sometime. I'll actually be working in the hospital from time to time as well, Curtis. Remus and I were hired by Minister Weasley as heads of the werewolf liaison office in the Ministry of Magic."
Taking a deep breath, she sighed. "It's good to meet some others of us who are on the good side"
Healer Curtis looked at her then at Remus. "Fenrir's been causing you trouble, hasn't he?"
Remus nodded, "Yes, he won't leave us alone. He wants Tonks for some reason, and we can't get away from him," he had the feeling that he could talk to Curtis about their problems, all of them. "He was outside of our house during our mating ceremony."
"That's very odd." Curtis said, thoughtfully stroking his chin. "Surely he knows that you are mated and that can't be broken. Very strange indeed."
Tonks gave an involuntary shudder as she remembered the terror that he had put them through. "He's so unstable. Merlin only knows what he will try next. "
Deciding to turn the conversation to a more happy topic, she smiled at Curtis. "We are planning to get married within the month at Hogwarts. We would be honored if you and Emily and your little girl would join us."
"I'm sure that Emily and Candice would enjoy that," Curtis said with a smile and then he changed his manner back to brisk. "If you two are serious about having a family, we need to set up regular consultations, either monthly or bi-monthly."
Remus turned to look at Tonks, "I think we should meet again in a few weeks, and then go from there," he said softly, squeezing her hand. "I want to try a few things first."
"Okay, that sounds great. We'll meet, let's say, on the 24th, does that sound okay?" Curtis said, looking at his calendar. "It's about a week before the next full moon."
"I think that will work for us." Tonks smiled at the healer, then thought of a nagging question that she'd had since he told them about his daughter. "Healer Curtis? Your daughter, is she...?"
He smiled at them, his finger templed at his chin. "Candice is a normal little girl, she doesn't transform at the full moon, we end up sending her to my mother's house that night. She knows that her parents aren't like other parents, even at five years old. We are incredibly grateful that she hasn't gone through five years of transformations. We made sure to take every precaution during the full moons."
Remus nodded, "I understand, we will try to be cautious for the sake of our children."
Tonks smiled at Curtis, "Thank you so much for your help. We'll have the three of you over for dinner one night and we can talk more, if that would be okay?" She had some questions she really wanted to ask Emily that were more of a female nature.
"That sounds perfect. I am looking forward to it. It's been wonderful seeing you again, Remus, and I'm very happy for the two of you. Please let me know if you have any other questions."
They thanked Curtis and walked out of his office. When they were alone again, Tonks smiled and turned to Remus, taking his hand. "Imagine seeing him after all these years."
"It's just funny that I didn't recognize him, if I had seen a picture of Emily on his desk I would have known it was him. He has changed a lot since the last time I saw him," Remus said thoughtfully. They flooed back to the house and went into the kitchen to eat lunch and discuss what Curtis had told them.
Tonks made them each huge roast beef sandwiches and poured them each some butterbeer. "Curtis was really nice. I think it's great that he has started this for werewolf couples. "
"Was Emily bit when she was young too?"
Remus looked at her for a moment and then sighed sadly. "Emily was bit during the Christmas Holidays of our seventh year. She went skiing with a few of her friends and her boyfriend at the time, Robert Craig. It was her turn to go and get firewood, and apparently Fenrir had been watching her for some time. He attacked her in the woods; she was found by Robert an hour later after she didn't return. She was diagnosed with lycanthropy soon afterwards and Robert broke up with her. It was terrible, no one should have to go through what she did. Most of her friends deserted her, but I didn't," he said slowly.
Tears of sadness filled Tonks' eyes as she listened to Emily's story. "That is horrible. I'm not excusing what her boyfriend and other friends did, but I guess it's understandable even if it's wrong. Unfortunately, everyone judges us by those like Fenrir. They think that we're all monsters. I'm glad that she had a friend like you, Remus."
"We're lucky that we have friends who are humans and accept us for who and what we are. I think that was one thing I was really afraid of when I first was bit. Of course, I've always been an oddball. I just get a little 'hairier' once a month," She said, winking at him.
"Tonks, do you understand what I said about Emily?" he asked looking into her eyes. "Do you know why Curtis seemed to know why Fenrir was after us?" He didn't exactly want to explain it, but he knew that it was very important. He knew the problems that Emily and Curtis had had trying to find witnesses and a place to hold their mating ceremony. He knew that Curtis would understand, but he needed Tonks to understand more.
Tonks blushed slightly, grinning sheepishly. "I guess I don't understand, Remus."
He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "You aren't the first female that Fenrir has been after; he actually chose Emily to be his Lupa. When she found Curtis, they fell in love instantly and decided to preform the mating ceremony as soon as they could. They were mated four months after they met. Fenrir found out and he hunted them for over a year afterward. He wants a Lupa, and he doesn't want to go to the trouble of hand choosing another one. There aren't very many in Britain to my knowledge," he finished.
Tonks shuddered uncomfortably. "That means he's not going to give up, doesn't it? I'm glad that we're mated, that he can't have me. But that isn't going to stop him from trying, is it?"
She thought about what he had told her and sighed. "He's crazy if he thinks that any self respecting female werewolf is going to willingly give herself to him. I mean, the mating ceremony that we did was with love and with passion. Can it be done with force? If he bit another woman and then hunted her down and raped her in wolf form would they still be bound together?"
Her question took him by surprise and he thought about it. "I think that is a question for Curtis, I wouldn't think that you could bond with someone if there was anger, hurt, and hatred involved. There wouldn't be a deep bond between them," he said thoughtfully. Fenrir would never get a lupa if those were the rules. "Love, you are a genius," he said excitedly.
Tonks smiled self consciously and squeezed Remus' hand. "Thanks for saying so, but only stands to reason. Of course there might be someone demented enough to want to be with him, but let's hope not."
Deciding to change the subject matter because the topic was getting her a bit upset, Tonks took a swig of butterbeer then looked at Remus. "So, I have something I need to ask you. For over a month now I have sported the same look since I haven't tried changing myself since I became a werewolf. Do you like my original look, or should I try changing it again and see if it works?"
He grinned and tugged on one of her auburn locks of hair. "I really like this color for you, but I will admit that I miss your radical looks. I was partial to your bubblegum pink hair," he teased. "I liked making you blush, your cheeks would match the color of your hair." He wanted to see if she could change her appearance, not because he was tired of how she looked, but he loved the way she would change her looks to match her mood. "Go ahead and try it love."
Tonks thought about having the bubble gum pink hair, holding her longer hair out to see if it worked. To her dismay, it didn't. Her hair remained auburn. She tried doing the tomato nose trick. No dice.
She took a deep breath, trying to keep from crying. Putting on a brave facade, she said, "I guess I don't need it anymore."
She remembered the first time she had changed her appearance and the reason why. Maybe the time had come to tell Remus.
"Give it time Dora, I think your body is just still trying to get used to the changes. I'm sure it will come back to you in time," he said and stroked her hand gently. He loved her, and he hated to see her hurting in any way. Especially since this was something that she loved so much.
Tonks smiled at him and gazed into his eyes. "I think that it has gone, Remus, and I will tell you why. I have never told anyone else this before..." She paused and took a drink of butterbeer.
"I didn't know that I was a metamorphmagus until I was in my fourth year at Hogwarts. You remember I had that boyfriend named John? Well, looking back on it I realize now he wasn't much of a boyfriend."
She sighed at the memory. "He used to abuse me...physically, sexually, verbally...everything. He told me that I wasn't attractive. So one day, I found myself changing physically to try and please him without even trying.
Remus didn't say a word, but he pulled her into his arms, holding her tight to her chest. He didn't know what to say, all he wanted to do was hold her, kiss her and tell her how much he loved her. He just didn't know how to say it. He rocked her gently in his arms, kissing the top of her head and letting her cry on his shoulder. He wanted to make the man who had hurt her regret what he had done, he wanted her pain to go away. "He obviously wasn't a Gryffindor," he finally managed.
Tonks shook her head. "No, he wasn't...he was a Slytherin. I don't know why I believed his lies, why I didn't tell anyone. I guess I thought I had done something to deserve it."
Tonks sighed, "He was one of Fenrir's friends. He sometimes let the other Slytherins watch while he was torturing me, knowing that they wouldn't turn him in. He swore that he would make me pay if I ever told anyone about it and would send Fenrir after me."
Remus's eyes shot open and he looked down at her. The woman in his arms had suffered horribly at the hands of others, and now it was even worse. "What kind of things did he say to you?" he asked. He didn't really want to know, but he felt that he needed to know. He stroked her back softly and kissed her cheek and hair. "What did he do to you?"
Tonks choked back sobs but took a deep breath. "He told me I was ugly, and that I was stupid. I mean, I wasn't the top of my class but I wasn't stupid."
Telling Remus about the physical part was worse, "He wanted me to have sex with him, but I wouldn't...so he...beat me until I couldn't move and then forced himself on me. I wanted to wait until I had met the man I wanted to be with forever and give him my virginity as a gift."
She was silent for a few minutes, and then began speaking again. "That's why I acted like I did when Fenrir touched me. It brought back so many memories."
He kissed her hair softly and pulled her tighter to him. "I'm so sorry Dora, If I could take your pain away I would do it. No one should have to go through a relationship like that one. You didn't deserve that, no one does." He tilted her face up so that he could look into her eyes. "I love you, and I want to help you forget what he did to you, please."
Tonks wrapped her arms around Remus and snuggled into his chest. "I love you too, Remus. Just hold me and your love will help me forget."
She closed her eyes and began to relax. She felt so safe and secure in his arms. She knew that they were protected in their house and nothing could get in. She was glad that she had confided in him, talking about it really had helped.
