Chapter 9: Abortion and Nightmares

The next morning, right after breakfast, Loki took Alex to see Doctor Banner for the cream. The previous day, Alex had fun coloring in his book and he got the new bed. Loki, because all the work was well done and he had behaved, had earned two gold stars and Alex had one because he had helped.

"Great Alex, you have healed well," said Banner. "Now you can go play if you want. I will talk with your dad okay."

Alex left the room and Loki was left alone with the doctor who apply the cream on the necessary areas of Loki's.

"So Alex's bruise is all healed. And you are healing up fast too. Alex doesn't need to come here daily anymore. But Steve and I wanted to talk with you about another subject."

Steve knocked on the door and Bruce made him enter.

"Loki, I know you didn't have a choice with having Alex," started Steve. "And you didn't have a choice when you got pregnant the second time. But now, you have a choice, and I want you to understand that whatever your decision is, we will all respect it."

Loki was just staring confuse. A slave doesn't have a choice.

"Loki, here on Earth, people usually decide if they want children. It didn't always use to be this way. Things changed since my time," said the captain.

"What he is trying to say is that you don't have to get that baby," said Banner. "We have a procedure, for those who choose it, to make a pregnant woman not pregnant anymore. It's called abortion."

"Yes, we have that in Asgard too," said Loki.

"So I will offer it up to you, IF you want," said Banner. "It is quick and painless. If you don't want the baby, you can choose not to have him."

"I will choose whatever you want me to," said Loki. Obviously, that was the right answer, right?

"No, Loki," said Steve. "This is your choice. Do you want to have the baby? He won't be a slave like you, but given that you didn't choose to get pregnant, it is an option we are offering to you. But your decision is your own. I won't pressure you in any way."

"And I can do the abortion," said Bruce. "But if you want someone else, I will find another doctor."

"You don't need a doctor. I can do it myself. In Asgard, it is not an intervention, just a simple spell. If you want to save yourself the trouble, Steve can give me the order to use my magic specifically for that," said Loki.

Oh, he had asked for the possibility to use his magic for that when he found out he was pregnant the first time. He had begged so much for it. He stopped short of pleading and bargaining. Nothing would have worked anyway. He did not have his magic and he would not be allowed to use it during his training. And the trainers were not about to cast such a spell.

"Loki, why don't you think about it for a few days," suggest Steve. "It is a big decision."

"And maybe you should ask other Avengers what they would do in your place," suggest Bruce. "Their insight might help."

"But you need to understand that we will respect your decision, whatever it is you decide."

"But, if you are suggesting it, is it because you want me to accept it?"

"No, Loki. Here, rape is a crime. But abortion is a right, a choice. It is your body, your life and your child. So it is your choice," said Bruce.

Bruce had suggested he asks for insight, so...

"What would you do, in my place?"

"We are not in your place," said Bruce. "But I know I don't want kids. I am a monster and I know I cannot have a family."

"I come from a different time period where abortion was not a thing. I think I would keep the child, but the circumstances have a huge weight in such a decision," said Steve. "Just think about it. If you want to abort, just tell Bruce or me. If you want to just forget about this conversation, you can also."

Loki nodded somberly. This was going to be a big decision.

"In the meantime, Tony required your help to fix something. Since you cannot go in his lab, just wait for him in the living room," said Steve.

oOo

Loki entered the living room and saw one of his worst nightmares playing with his child. Or, in other words, Alex drawing in his book at the table, being watched over by no other than the Black Widow. How should he proceed? Loki was debating with himself, after all, he only had to wait for Stark, but Alex saw him.

"Daddy, come look at my drawing," said Alex in a louder voice than his usual whisper.

Loki approached carefully.

"Hi Loki," said the Black Widow.

"Hello miss Romanoff," said Loki in a scared voice. He kneeled on the ground beside Alex.

"Clint told me everything. And just so we are clear, as long as you behave, I won't do anything to you," treated Natasha. On which Loki just nodded.

"Daddy, look, I coloured a giraffe."

"This is really great, Alex."

"My new friend helped me choose the colours."

Loki looked up at Natasha.

"We talked a bit. Alex is a nice kid."

Tony entered the living room.

"Loki, there you are. Ah, Natasha, you made it. How are you?"

oOo

The next few hours were passed sorting screws, nuts, tools and everything. It was boring, but not too bad either, Loki thought. Alex spends his time alternating between helping Loki and coloring. At that rate, he might finish the whole coloring book before the end lf the week. Stark had told them to stay in a specific area of the lab and Loki was glad Alex knew better than to explore the whole room. In his place, Loki would have searched the whole place — without letting a trace, though. Just at the moment Loki was done, Stark reentered the room.

"Good job. It's time for dinner, come. And stay close to me. Technically, you don't have the authorisation to be in this area and Friday will set off your bracelet if you get too far from me," said Tony. "Hey Alex, are you hungry?"

"A bit," answered Alex unsure, looking at his father.

"Here, our masters will give us more food. It's okay to say you are hungry if you are," said Loki.

"Great, follow the leader then," said Stark while leaving his lab.

The lab was connected to the living quarter by a small hallway full of windows. In the hallway, Sam was watering the plants decorating inside and out. Alex was looking through the window and saw a squirrel in the distance on the grass.

"Look Daddy, a real squirrel!"

No need to say it was his first time seeing a live squirrel and he wanted to pet it. So he ran after the squirrel. Sam had just opened the door to water some of the plants outside when Alex took it as an opportunity to get closer to the squirrel.

"No! Stay here. Alex, come back," screamed Loki.

He didn't think, really, he just ran after his child. The bracelet painfully reminded him he shouldn't get outside and Loki crumbled to the ground.

"Alex," said Loki with pain.

"Friday, stop the tasing," ordered Stark. "Sam, can you...?"

Sam was already running after Alex, who was running after the squirrel which was also running.

"Alex, hey buddy, come back," said Sam.

At the door, Loki was rolled up in a ball. The tasing had stopped, but it was still painful. Tony was watching over him, guiltily.

"Friday, call Steve and Bruce."

Alex stopped running once he realised he would never catch up with the squirrel. Sam did catch up to him, though.

"Hey Alex. Sorry the squirrel got away. That's what they do. How about we go back inside?"

"Daddy?"

"Yes, daddy is inside. Come."

Alex turned to Sam and they walked back toward the building.

At the door, Loki's breathing was more even.

"Hey, are you okay, Loki," asked Tony.

Loki realised he was in big trouble because of what just happen and change his behaviour. He got on his knees and prepared to get back inside.

"Yes, master, I am okay. I am truly sorry I went outside."

Steve and Bruce arrived at the same time.

"What happen?"

"Alex saw a squirrel and ran," explained Tony. "Loki tried to stop him, but the bracelet stopped him. He was electrocuted."

"Okay Loki, can you walk? Put weight on the ankle," asked Bruce.

Loki slowly stood.

"Yes, I can walk," answered Loki.

Sam and Alex came back.

"Daddy, I couldn't catch the squirrel," said Alex sadly.

Loki crunched down to Alex's level.

"Alex, you should not have run. I understand you wanted to pet the squirrel, but you have to stay close to me. And if mister Stark told us to stay close to him, we have to listen. So promise me you won't run like that again, okay?"

"I promise Daddy," whispered Alex. "Will I be sent to the cage like you?"

Alex had said that last sentence so softly that no one else had heard it. Loki hugged his son and murmured to his ear.

"I will take care of it."

Behind Loki, Steve decided to get things moving.

"We should go get dinner before it gets cold."

"Come on Loki," said Bruce. "We can put ice on your ankle and I want to examine it real quick."

So all of them made their way to the kitchen. Loki was holding Alex's hand, but everyone could tell something was not entirely right. Once in the kitchen, Bruce made Loki sit on a chair at the table.

"Now show me the ankle."

There were burned bruises all around the bracelet, but nothing too bad. Sam handed Bruce some ice that he put on Loki's ankle.

"Keep it there while we eat," ordered Bruce.

Loki realised there were enough plates for every Avenger plus two.

"Loki, Alex, for now on, except during Thor's visit, you will eat meal with us, at the table. You will get the same food too," said Steve.

Tony had momentarily left the room, but he came back with a booster that he installed on the chair beside Loki.

"Alex, do you want to try this seat," asked Tony.

Alex just nodded. He was still insecure after the incident. In the meantime, Natasha and Clint were serving everybody. Before they start eating, Loki decided it was time to take care of things.

"Master, I wish to apologise for getting outside without permission. I forgot myself. Please forgive Alex too. He did not mean to. I demand to take his punishment, and mine."

Surprisingly, it was Clint who answered.

"Loki, what happens was an accident. Alex ran, just like a lot of kids had done before. Mine even did it a few times, each! You told him he should not and he promised he would not run like that again. You running after him would be considered a normal reaction from any good father. Neither of you deserves harsh punishment."

"Loki, you won't be punished," said Steve. "But Alex, between your tantrum and the squirrel chase, you won't have gold stars today."

"I'll behave, mister Steve," said Alex quietly without putting.

"Okay, let's have dinner," exclaimed Tony.

oOo

After dinner, Loki cleaned up the kitchen with Alex's help. Then, they went to brush their teeth and Alex went to bed for his nap.

"Alex, daddy has work to do, so if I'm not here when you woke up, you can go see if I'm in the living room or asked the ceiling where I am, okay?"

"Okay."

"Sleep well."

Loki left the room and went to the living room. There were books there and he just wishes he had the courage to ask permission to read. With the addition of the reward system, maybe he could bargain to make having the right to read a book a privilege he could earn. When he entered the living room, he saw that Natasha was reading there, but she saw him and immediately closed the book.

"Loki, come sit down."

"Miss, I did not want to disturb you."

But Loki did obey and sat down.

"Like I told you this morning, Clint told me the whole story. And, as you know, I am a spy. I know things I'm not supposed to know. So, I know Bruce probably offer you to have an abortion, or he is going to and I'm spoiling that."

"He did offer."

"Have you thought about it?"

"About having an abortion? I pondered the question."

"Right now, they are two women living in the Avengers exclusive area. If I were you, I would ask for their opinion."

"And what you do if you were to be pregnant? I don't mean to be impolite, but Clint told me his secrets and some of yours," said Loki the more calmly possible.

"It is true I would like the possibility to have children. I'm not saying I want children, just the possibility to have. Given that I am an assassin, I would really think about that. I am not role model and no kids are going to look up to me. But when I babysit Clint's children, they looked up to me as their aunt. With my job, I would not even adopt, but I would really think about keeping the child if I were to be pregnant."

"I have tried to get rid of Alex when I was pregnant. I stopped eating, but the trainers forced fed me. Now, I love Alex and I would do anything for him. I have also been thinking about Thor and me. When we were young, we were inseparable. I could not imagine my life without a big brother. I know it was a lie, but it felt real. Alex is excited about having a little brother or sister. When I find out I was pregnant for the second time, I tried to accept the situation by telling myself at least, Alex would have fun with his sibling that he would not be alone in this life."

"I know this life, here, is new for you and you didn't have time yet to adjust. If you have that baby, we will all supported you, help you. If you want to have an abortion, we won't judge you or think or you as a monster."

"Why? I am your enemy. I am the bad guy and you would just help me? I have done nothing to deserve help. I deserve to serve on my knees, to be humiliated, to struggle to raise my child, to starve. Instead, I have a decent work schedule, a good room, with two beds and a bathroom. I have three decent meals a day and so does Alex. And there is also that reward system. I have more than I deserve. I should be locked up in the basement when I'm not working. I should sleep on the floor with no comfort. That is what I was expecting. If I were treating exactly like I had expected, I would choose abortion just for the sake of not bringing another child into this mess. I already considered given Alex up for adoption so he would not be a slave. But Steve said Alex is not a slave."

"The decision you have to take is a big one. It's life changing. Take your time. And talk to the others. Their opinion might surprise you."

"Thank you for the talk, Miss Romanoff."

oOo

In the evening, Natasha finally got a moment alone with Steve.

"I know you ask Clint to call me. He said he wanted me to be informed, but you suggest I came here to observe Loki," said Natasha.

"Okay, guilty as charge. I just want you to figure out if something is not right. But absolutely nothing is right with that guy. He expected me to treat him like less than a dog. I'm righteous, I will treat him like a decent human being. Even Asgard doesn't expect me to be fair."

"Steve, right now, Loki needs time to adjust. Did he step out of line? Did you have to punish him in any way?"

"Yes, three times. He spoke out of turn, asked about his dead mother in the first hour he was here and Thor said I had to beat him. I try to be as gentle as I could. The second time, he accidentally poured water on me, was following too closely and trips. He spends five hours in the cage. And the last time was today when he triggered his house arrest bracelet to tase him. Wasn't his fault."

"The second time was a test to see how you would punish him. You need to be direct with him, set clear boundaries. If he does something, you punish him, and you don't hesitate. He needs to know you are honest and firm with him. The water incident was a test to see if you were really to punish him. Today was an accident and he was not running away, you handle the situation exactly as you should. But I believe that it is only a matter of days, weeks top, before he explodes and you need to punish him hard. He needs to know where you stand and what is his place here. He was taught something in Asgard and it is not the same here, so there would be contradiction. Just be direct with him, give him clear instruction and be transparent. If he stepped out of line, he needs to be punished to know exactly where is the line. I am not telling you to be hard on him, just to be consistent. His emotions are all over the place between the new place, Alex's adaptation, the baby to come and all the new rules and novelties in his life, Loki needs time to adapt and he will slip up. You just have to be firm with him."

"Thanks Nat. You have no idea how afraid to mess up I am."