Cindy
This morning didn't go so well and like always it was all Jimmy's fault! He said he didn't want to talk about last night and then started talking about it and he asked the wrong question. He asked why I thought he was gonna hit me last night and for some reason it pissed me off. As you probably know by now, the littlest things piss me off. I can't help it, my dad made me like this. All those years of constant yelling and screaming over stupid shit tend to rub off on you if you're around it long enough. But anyways, what was I supposed to say 'My dad beats the shit out of me Everynight so I can't trust anyone anymore'? I don't think so! And the fact that he called me a "fucking cunt", the exact same thing my dad reminds me that I am every single day, made me hate him just as much as I hate my dad. As soon as he said that it was like I was hearing my father's voice and it scared me. I couldn't help but cry. Now what was I going to do? I was looking forward to helping him and going into space with him and now I blew it. He wouldn't care if the Yolkians chopped off my head and served it as their main coarse. I'm such an idiot. But he's an asshole! But I'm so stupid. But he's a jerk! Ugh, I feel like my mind's being torn in two! What am I going to do?
It was 10 minutes until lunch. Great, now I have to see Neutron which will either make me extremely mad or extremely depressed or a combination of the two. Either way I was not looking forward to it.
It was now lunch and I couldn't be more excited! Not. The last thing I wanted to do right now was see or hear that idiot. Ugh, I can't believe I made out with him. He's such an asshole! If I never talk to him again it'll be too soon.
"Cindy, can I talk to you?" I heard a voice behind me ask. It was Jimmy. I guess I spoke too soon. I just crossed my arms and gave him the angriest look I could manage to form at that moment.
"Why would you want to talk to a cunt like me huh?" I replied viciously. He just looked down at his shoes and I could see his face reek of guilt. This made me smile. He should feel guilty! He had no right to call me that.
"Cindy…" he started as he looked up into my eyes, "I didn't mean what I said… I mean come on my mom just fucking abandoned us it's not like I'm gonna be the nicest person you'll ever meet. I'm going through a lot right now and I know that doesn't mean I should've said what I said and I'm really sorry so can you please forgive me?" He asked as he stared at me with his puppy dog eyes. I wanted so badly just to scream at him and tell him to suck it up and that he doesn't know what real pain is! But I couldn't do that without exposing my secret so I had to use every ounce of restraint that I had to keep my mouth shut. Even though I hated him at the moment I could at least pretend like I forgave him so he'll still let me help him, but things were not going to be the same.
"You really hurt my feelings Jimmy!" I started.
"Cindy I'm-"
"But…" I interrupted him, "I can understand why you would be so angry and I forgive you." This may sound like a bitch move that the only reason I'm forgiving him is because I want to escape my father but it's not like I don't feel bad about it. There's still a small part of me I guess that really does forgive him and does want to remain friends with him but that is a very small part.
"Thank you so much Cindy," He said smiling as he wrapped his arms around me and kept kissing me on the cheek every 2 seconds, "I promise I won't act like that again." Great now he's making me feel like an asshole!
I lay my head on his shoulder and rubbed his back as he continued to hold onto me. I wanted to cry, he was being so sweet to me and I felt like I was using him. But then again he never, ever should have said that to me. He made me lose any trust I had in him and it only took one word to do it. But unlike my dad he felt bad about it and apologized and I know my dad would never do that. Just knowing that made me feel 10x better and I felt like crying just because I haven't felt like anyone cared about me in so long.
"Jimmy…" I said softly trying not to cry, "You have no idea how happy you've just made me." He slowly pulled away from me but held gently onto my hands and stared into my eyes. He smiled, then I smiled and we both just kind of stood there staring at each other for no reason at all. Our relationship was so strange! No less than 5 minutes ago I hated his guts and now I felt like he was the greatest guy in the world. My emotions are so mixed up right now and I don't know how to control them.
"How would you like to leave tomorrow night?" he asked, smiling his heart-melting smile.
"Tomorrow night?" I questioned. He nodded his head. I had to pack my stuff and everything if we were going to be in space for the weekend. How would I be able to do that with my dad home? I didn't even think about that, there's no way I'll be able to get away with it. If he see's me packing bags he'll automatically assume that I'm trying to runaway, which I basically am for the weekend, and I'll get beat twice as bad. Maybe if I do it really really early in the morning like at 2:00am or something I can sneak my stuff over to Jimmy's house and then go to school and come back to Jimmy's house until we leave. That can work.
"Are you gonna answer?" Jimmy asked and I snapped out of my thoughts.
"Uh…yeah, yeah let's leave tomorrow night," I replied and Jimmy smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist, "Just one thing though." He pulled back a little but still held onto me.
"What?" He asked. I paused for a moment hoping he wouldn't think what I was about to ask him was weird.
"Can I…drop my stuff off in your lab at around maybe 3 or 4 o'clock?" He smiled and was about to say 'of course' until I finished, "in the morning?" He gave me this funny look like I was insane or something but I can understand that. It was a stupid question I shouldn't have asked. I'm gonna end up exposing myself if I don't stop saying things like that. "Nevermind I'll just bring it over before we leave," I said and started walking off but Jimmy grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.
"Cindy…can we talk?" He asked with this look of concern on his face. I knew he suspected something. I couldn't tell him though, no matter how much I wanted to I just couldn't.
"Well, can we talk at another time I'm kind of hungry," I replied shakily. I studied his eyes to see if he believed me. He didn't, I knew he didn't. But hey playing dumb never failed, I'll just act like I think he believes me and leave the situation alone for right now.
"Sure…Well I'll see you later," He said in a disappointed tone, "You are coming over after school right?" I was confused.
"But both the machines are finished," I pointed out. He just smiled at me.
"I know, I just wanna…hang out," He choked up as if those words were of some other language to him. As weird as this whole thing was, I actually felt happy by his suggestion. "Sure," I replied, "I'll be there."
Jimmy
It was 2:45pm and I was so happy to be home. Ironic I know! But I was so excited about seeing Cindy. I don't know what it is that's making me feel this way but it's like every day I start to care less and less about the fact that we're not supposed to like each other and more about the fact that I want to be with her. I've never felt this way about anyone, not even my ex-girlfriends. At the same time though, whenever I start thinking that maybe we should be together this little voice in my head says "STOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT! YOU HATE HER! SHE'S A BITCH!" and even though it's not true, somehow it convinces me that she is. I don't know how I feel anymore. When I'm at home I feel angry. When I'm at school I feel sad. When I'm around my friends I feel happy and when I'm around Cindy I feel… in love. No Jimmy! You don't! You don't love her! That voice reminded me. It's right though. I can't possibly love her! Could I?
"Jimmy!" My dad's raspy voice snapped me back to reality. "Come down for a minute I need to talk to you." I wonder what he could possibly want. We hardly ever talk anymore and when we do it's usually about how much we can't stand mom. Now that she's not here anymore, what can we talk about?
I walked down the stairs to find my dad sitting on the couch in his white T-shirt and plaid pajama pants with a remote and a bowl of popcorn sitting in his lap. He looked, and smelled, like he hadn't showered in days. It was disgusting. "What'd you want?" I asked uninterestedly. He looked up at me with bloodshot eyes and that's when I noticed an empty gallon of Vodka next to him. He's been drinking. He never drinks. This was weird.
"Your mother…left you… a message." He said pausing in between his words. He was definitely drunk.
"What? Where?" I asked. He pointed to the answering machine on the table next to the door. I didn't move. I was too afraid to hear what was on it. I really didn't want to listen to it because I knew that if I did something bad was gonna happen.
I slowly moved towards it and stared at the blinking red light displaying 1 new message. I just stood there for a minute staring at it. Then I slowly lifted my hand and pressed the play button.
"You have one unheard message," The robotic voice started, "First unheard message: … Jimmy, it's me," Just hearing her voice made me want to throw it across the room and watch it burst into a hundred tiny pieces. I could feel my muscles start to tighten and my blood turning hot, "I'm really sorry this happened baby. I love you so much you know that. But for once I need to do something to make me happy. I can't be there for you forever. Everything's going to be fine. I'll write you everyday. I love you so…" I hit delete before the message could finish. I didn't want to hear another word come out of that bitch's mouth. I can't be there for you forever. Her words kept repeating themselves in my head. She's my mom she's supposed to be there for me until the day she dies. God, how can she be so dumb? Apparently she doesn't know how to be a good mom! Well that's just fine I don't need her anyways.
"She wanted you…to…uh…call her back, yeah that's it," My dad mumbled. I just stared at him like he was crazy. What the hell is going on with this family? First mom leaves, now dad's drinking and talking like he has no brain. I'm afraid of what's gonna happen next. What am I gonna end up like? I couldn't even think straight, too many things were running through my mind and I still had to wait for Cindy in the lab.
"If mom calls again tell her she can go to hell and that I don't want anything to do with her," I barked at my dad and I opened the door.
"Ok Jamie…Jenny…Johnny," He said trying to remember my name.
"Jimmy." I reminded him and rolled my eyes.
"Oh yeah that's it." He replied and I headed out the door and towards the lab.
Once I got inside the first thing I did was fall over onto the couch and close my eyes. I just wanted to clear my mind of everything. Of my mom, my dad, school, the Yolkians. Everything but Cindy, she's the only thing I wanted to think about right now. She's the only person making me happy right now. That reminds me where is she? She should've been here 40 minutes ago. I got up to go over to her house but as soon as I did, Cindy started knocking on my door. Finally! I opened the door to let her in and when she walked inside I got scared. She was limping really badly and she looked like someone had just punched her in the stomach.
"What happened to you? Are you ok?" I asked as I picked her up and carried her to the couch. She sat down and I kneeled down on my knees in front of her, staring up at her and rubbing her knees.
"Yeah I'm fine," she sounded like she was about to pass out, "I had to stop by home to put my stuff away and I accidentally hit my knee on the corner of my dresser is all." Her story sounded like a lie. She can fool everybody when she lies, everybody except for me. I'm really the only person who can tell when she's lying. I think it might have something to do with that time when we were ten and dumped our minds together. My theory is that somehow our memories got mixed up or some were deleted and that caused us to have a sort of connection with each other. She can always tell when I'm lying just like I can always tell when she is and nobody else can. I didn't want to say I didn't believe her though. That would only start an argument and she didn't look like she had the strength to even speak hardly. I just stared at her. In her eyes I could see sadness. Something was really wrong with her. It was at that moment that I decided that I wasn't going to wait another day. We were going to leave tonight.
"Are you sure you're ok?" I asked her again hoping she might open up a little bit more. Unfortunately she only nodded. I gave her a fake smile and continued to rub her legs. She just looked at me like she was going to cry. I frowned and I became filled with sadness. I couldn't stand seeing her like this. I slowly rose up off my knees and sat next to her putting my left arm around her waist and she lay her head on my shoulder and grabbed my other shoulder with her right hand. I just held her like this for what seemed like hours and I kissed her on the head. She didn't seem to mind so I didn't stop. Then I took my other hand and lifted up her chin so that she was looking into my eyes. I smiled as I tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Cindy…" I started, "Let's leave tonight." She sat straight up and looked at me like I was crazy.
"Jimmy we have school tomorrow we can't just leave, besides I haven't even packed yet." She looked like she was about ready to have a panic attack.
"You skipped an entire day of school the other day so why would this be any different? And you can go home and pack right now, I'll go with you if you want-"
"No, no it's ok I can go by myself," She interrupted. "I'll be back in a little bit." She looked scared.
"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" I asked again, worriedly.
"Yeah don't worry about it, I-I'll be back in a little bit." She said again and took off out the door. I couldn't help but be curious so I turned the outside monitor so it was facing Cindy's house and watched her. First she looked into a window at the bottom of the house, I guess her dad's room, and sighed like she was relieved. Then she went inside and shut the door slowly. From then on I couldn't see anything that was going on. Then about 20 minutes later I saw her tossing her bags out of her window from the second floor and then I saw her climb out of her window and jump down onto the ground. I freaked out when I saw her land because she fell on her back. But she just got right back up, brushed the dirt off, grabbed her bags and headed back over to my lab. Then I heard her knocking loudly on the door and when she came in she looked like she was out of breath.
"Your dad does know you're leaving right?" I asked knowing the answer. I just wanted to see if she'd tell me the truth or not. She just paused for a second and then answered "yes" quickly and walked right past me. I knew she was lying but I wasn't going to give her any crap about it. The last thing we need to do right now is fight because we're going to be stuck with each other for the next 3 days at least.
I shut the door and I turned around to see her flipping back her hair to fix it. She looked amazingly beautiful and I felt like I was 10 feet off the ground. I could tell this was going to be a very interesting weekend.
