Chapter 15: Promise, Apologies and Forgiveness

The next morning was not as good as the last evening. Steve unlocked the door at eight for both Loki and Alex.

"Good morning you two. Hello Alex. Loki, it's time," said Steve.

"No!"

Both adults turned toward the child. Then Loki looked back at Steve.

"Could you give me two minutes, please?"

"Sure," said Steve nodding. "But quickly."

"Thanks."

Loki went to kneel in front of Alex.

"Alex, I told you already, I have to go back, it was just for the night. But I will be back tonight."

"Will you be back for good?"

"No Alex. Tomorrow, I am still in time out again, but not all day," said Loki. "And then I'll be back, but not today."

"I want to go with you."

"You can't, Alex. Now, you have to go get breakfast, come on."

Loki stood and extended his hand for Alex to take it. They made their way out of their room and to the kitchen with Steve following behind them.

"Now, will you be a good boy for the Avengers?"

"Yes daddy... But don't go!"

"Alex, I promise you, right now, that I will do everything to never be punished again. But if you don't let me go now, I won't come back to sleep with you tonight. You have to let me go. I will miss you Alex."

Loki kissed Alex and then stood up.

"Bye Alex. Have a good day."

"Bye daddy."

Tony distracted Alex with breakfast while Loki was following Steve away.

"It's hard. Letting him behind," said Steve while they walked.

"Yes. Very hard. It breaks my heart. I hope he can forget about training and never go to that place. That he could forget about all the punishments I got. I want him to be happy and well-adjusted. What I told him, my promise to never be punished again, it is real. I may be the god of mischief and lies, and tricks, but the few times I make promises, I keep them. I will do my best to always follow the rules so I don't have to be in this cell."

"I will help you. We had talks about converting the reward system so you both could lose stars for misdeeds, but it won't apply to everything. But I will help you behave and stay out of the cell."

"I understand that you don't want to use corporal punishment, but I won't be angry at you if you do."

"No Loki, we don't beat people. I won't do anything that could be bad for your health, so no starving nor beating."

They got to the cell and Steve opened the door for Loki.

"Tonight, I will escort you to your room. Tomorrow, after nap time, you'll be free. Have a good day."

"Thank you. Have a good day too."

And Steve locked the door. Loki was once again alone. Breakfast was in the food trap so he took it and ate slowly.

oOo

"Natasha, Sam, I have a mission for you in San Francisco. Should take you a few days," announced Steve while giving the file to Natasha.

"And what is in San Francisco," asked Sam.

"Good tic tacs," answered Steve.

"You can't be serious," said Sam.

"Let's go," said Natasha nudging Sam as she left.

oOo

Weirdly for the Avengers, everything went well for the rest of the day. On Loki's side, it was uneventful, but the guy was in solitary confinement and to pass the time, he was counting the minutes before he could see Alex again. It went as well as it could without a way of telling the time. So Loki thought about the baby to come. Alex, even though he was not planned, had changed Loki's life so much. And so was that next one. Loki was no more a prince on Asgard, but a prisoner on Midgard, and a father. For Alex, he had sworn he would try to be a good slave in training so they could leave that place. And now, again for Alex, he had sworn he would not get punish again. It would be a hard path, but so worth it. His family, his children deserved better. Better than him as a father, better than being children of a prisoner, mass murderer. Well, Loki was who he was. He could change his appearance with magic — when he had it — but he could not change the past, he could only accept it, accept what he had done and what had been done to him. It was so unfair that his children would have a criminal as a father, but he would be a loving father and never favor one of them. He would be better than Odin. And giving that the progenitors of his children were rapists, he would also be a better father than their real one. Because Loki was technically the mother of his children and he did not know if they have the same father.

And his thoughts drifted off to Frigga. She had always been a good mother for them both. For Loki, the thing that hurt the most with being cast outside of his family was losing his mother. And now she was dead. Loki didn't even know why, when or how. He just wished he could have said goodbye. No, he hadn't had time to grief yet, not completely.

He thought back to his relation with Thor while growing up. Loki had always been so mischievous, it had kept things interesting. But Loki could not imagine having been raised an only child. And so Alex would have a little brother or sister, or both, giving the chances the child would also be hermaphrodite as all frost giants.

Instead of pondering how he would one day have to tell them both, they were Jotnar and about all the conflicts and prejudices around said frost giants, Loki decided to pounder names.

oOo

Nothing worth telling happen before the night. Steve came to get Loki from his cell and brought him to his room.

"It is very generous of you to allow Alex to have me for the night," said Loki.

"It's the right thing to do."

Once in the room, Loki hugged Alex.

"Now, remember, when I opened this door tomorrow morning, your father has to come with me," said Steve.

"But, tomorrow, after your nap, I will come back," ensured Loki.

The separation in the morning was not as hard, but still not fun.

"Alex, when you wake up from your nap, I'll be back. You just have to listen to the Avengers until then," said Loki to convince Alex to let him go.

Loki was then escorted back to his cell by Steve.

"I get why this is a punishment. It's harder that corporal punishment."

"You know Alex is safe with us," said Steve.

"Yes, I know. But I'm letting him down. I should be a good example for him, I want to. Mister Rogers, I will spend a good part of my life in this realm giving my sentence, and so will Alex and my next child. They will hear all sorts of things about me and I don't want them to fear me or get the wrong part of the story. I just don't know how to explain to a kid those sorts of things. When the time is right, I will need help."

"If you want, we can discuss that again in a few days," said Steve before closing the door to the cell. "Have a good day. I'll come back later."

oOo

Alex was in the living room playing with some educative toy and Vision.

"Vision, why is my father being punished?"

"Well, your father did something bad. And when people do bad things, they got punished."

"But what did daddy do?"

"You see, he hurt someone and that's why he is in the cell right now."

"Whom did he hurt?"

"That's not important. People should not hurt other people."

"If you hurt someone, it makes you a bad guy?"

"That's depend. If a person hurts someone who was hurting people, then it's okay because the person is defending the people. But your father hurt someone who did not do anything to deserve the attack."

"Is daddy a bad guy?"

"Alex, people can change, going from good to bad and back to good. Your father was a bad guy, but he wants to be a good guy and we will all help him."

"How can I help?"

"By being there for him, by loving him. Your father loves you very much and he wants to be a better person for you."

"I will help him!"

oOo

Loki waiter until the door opened again, this time on Bruce.

"Hey, your time's up, finally," announced the good doctor. "Now, I would like to see you in the infirmary for a quick physical and psychological exam."

So Loki stood up and followed the doctor to the infirmary.

"Mister Banner, may I ask what time it is," said Loki.

"Alex started his nap not long ago. We will be finished before he wakes up. If it's okay with you, I want to do a quick follow up on the pregnancy, then Steve will join us for the next part."

Loki nodded. It's not like he had a choice.

"Okay, I want to take your weight and then we'll do a echography. It's the thing with the gel to see the baby inside."

Loki stood still on the scale.

"Well, you gain a bit of weight, but not much. Have you been eating in isolation?"

"Yes, Mister. I eat all the food."

"Good. You know, when a person is stressed, sometimes it's not good for the weight nor for the baby. I know this is a new situation and you need time to adjust. Now, lay back on the gurney, I'll put the gel."

The gel was not too cold, but colder than before. Banner started moving an object on Loki's stomach while looking at the screen. He then looked at Loki who was just staring at the ceiling.

"You know, you can look at the screen."

So Loki turned his head.

"It is okay if I look?"

"Sure. See here, this is your baby. And it gain weight since last time. This is good. The baby looks good, Loki. Do you have any question concerning the pregnancy?"

"Last time, we talked about me changing form. Is it still allowed?"

"Yes. We will talk to Steve about that. Do you have any other question?"

Loki shook his head.

"Then dress up and meet me in the next room."

Banner left the room, closing the door behind him. Steve, being punctual, was already waiting for them.

"He'll be there in a moment," said Bruce.

Indeed, Loki reappeared and bowed respectfully when he saw Steve.

"Thank you, mister Rogers, for the punishment. I will remember the lesson," said Loki more as an automatism.

"Come sit, both of you," invited Bruce.

Steve took a chair and sat, Loki was more hesitant.

"Loki, first, I want you to know that once the punishment is over, it is over," said Steve. "You are a prisoner, but we trust you like before."

"Even though I punched general Rhodes?"

"You apologise to him and did your time. And you also promise you won't disobey again. Now, you will have to catch up on your work, so you will have less free time in the days to come. And I want you to talk to people. Is there a particular subject you want to talk about? Any questions concerning how things work around here that don't make sense for you?"

"Well, to be fair, you letting me ask question does not make sense. A good slave..."

"You are not a slave," said Bruce. "We all told you multiple time that here, you are a prisoner. With a job. But not a slave."

"It's true Loki. And look at the logic, if you are my slave, my propriety, I can do with you whatever I want, right?"

Loki nodded, then Steve continues.

"Therefore, I can decide you are not my slave and change your status to prisoner," said Steve.

"But according to Asgard, I will always be a slave. Once a person is sentenced to slavery, there is no turning back," said Loki. "You might want to consider me as something else than a slave, but I will always be."

"Thor told us the king can free a slave," said Bruce.

"It is true, but extremely rare. I know Odin would never free me and I would not be surprised if there's a note in the verdict saying I can never be freed. Alex might have a chance someday."

"If we are getting you free, would that not automatically free your blood line?"

"No. It would be a bit easier for my descendant to be freed, but it's not automatic," answered Loki.

"When Thor is king, he might change the rules," said Steve.

"And until that moment, I am a slave."

"A slave with rights. You can talk, you can ask questions when you want."

"It just doesn't make sense. I have been beating for every question I asked. Every time I would tell them I was not a slave, they would also beat me."

"For you, there is a contradiction between what is going on here, what we are allowing you to do and how we are treating you AND what you have learned through beating, what you have come to expect from your betters," said Bruce. "Loki, different realm, different rules, okay? Does that make sense?"

"A little, yes. Thanks."

"It will take you time to adjust to this world, Loki. It's normal. But you need to know we are there to help too. Help the world, yes, but also you," said Bruce.

"Right now, how I see it, is that you are our prisoner under house arrest here," said Steve.

"Steve, maybe he should talk to someone who's been in jail or even house arrest," suggested Bruce.

"I'm already on it. I know a guy."

"You know a guy who's been to prison," said Bruce without believing it.

"I know a guy who knows a guy. Does that answer your question, Loki? Do you have others?"

"Yes. I think I just need time to get used to everything. Hum... Doctor Banner said my pregnancy is going well and I would like to discuss childbirth."

Steve, who was not there for the previous discussion, asked.

"How did it go last time?"

"The guards had the control of my magic and they let me transform only at the last minute possible. After, they ordered me to transform for breastfeeding. I think they did it to humiliate me and to save on food for the baby."

"I don't understand, what is humiliating in transforming? You need it to give birth."

"Well, you see, this is not my real form. I am a Jotun, meaning I have a totally different physical form. And that form is more adapted for child birth. Basically, this one is not. I would require a C-section to give birth. And I can also only breastfeed in my Jotun form."

"I still don't see how it's humiliating," said Steve. "You need it and I won't deny it."

"You see, I was raised learning that Frost giants, or Jotnar, were the enemies of the Asgardian. When I learn I was one of them, it changed my whole world. I am the monster I was taught to hate."

"I get it," said Bruce. "You felt like a monster. Believe me, I know how it feels. But if the Avengers, all of them, had come to appreciate my presence and the other guy, they won't fear your other form."

"It's not the same. You are not in control. I am."

"I miss the part where being in control is bad," said Steve.

"Mister Banner is not himself when he transforms. My evilness comes from inside of me, it's always been there. Mister Banner has an excuse for the damage he causes. I don't. It's all me."

"Wait, you were taught to hate the frost giants and then you learn you were one of them," said Steve. "During my time, there was a war because some people, the Nazi, though other peoples, the Jews, were less than nothing."

"Did the Nazi win?"

"No Loki. They were the bad guys. On Earth, no matter your religion, your beliefs, your origin, you have the right to live."

"But Frost giants are monsters."

"Some people thought the Jews were monsters. They are not. Just by looking at people, you cannot say who's Jewish and who's not. They are all humans," explained Steve.

"But the frost giants are blue, and big, with red eyes," said Loki.

"And I turn green and very muscular," said Bruce. "And they say I'm a hero."

"It is the choices and actions that tell who a person is, not the country of origin or the colour of the skin. We can help you behave like a good guy if you need help," said Steve.

"Well, nap time is nearly over," announced Bruce. "You should go back."

Steve escorted Loki back to the living quarters.

"May I ask... May I ask to give some public apologises for my behaviour at supper tonight?"

"Yes, you can if you want. But you already apologised to Rhodes and you have been punished."

They finally arrived in front of Loki's room.

"I forgive you for your misdeeds, Loki."

"And I won't do it again, mister Rogers. Thank you for giving me another chance."

Loki opened the door to his room and saw the small figure in his bed. Alex got up and ran to his father.

"Are you back for good?"

"Yes, Alex, I am. Oh, I missed you."

oOo

That evening, Loki had finished cleaning the windows of the living room like he should have a few days ago. At supper, Loki stood up at the beginning.

"I wish to formally apologise to all of you for what I have done to General Rhodes threes days ago. I should not have acted like I did and it pained me. I have taken my punishment and now I am asking for forgiveness," said Loki.

Rhodey stood up too.

"Loki, I forgive you. You know it was wrong and now I forgive you."

Rhodey sat down, expecting Loki to do the same, but the prisoner just bowed his head.

"I would also wish to apologise for my former actions against Midgard. I know at this time, I cannot yet ask for forgiveness and my punishment will be long, but I want you to know that I am starting to see the errors of my way and I sincerely regret my actions. I am repenting and I will try my best to be a good person from this day forward."

Loki sat back down.

"Hey, we all have done bad things," said Tony. "We may not forgive you for all that yet, but it will come."

To Loki, that was just the beginning of a long road. Around the table, only Tony, Steve, Bruce, Rhodey, Wanda, Vision and Alex were present tonight, so they were still some excuses to be made.